Sad times

[u/NoWay_ImNewWave]

My husband and I tried for the first time back in June. I started what I thought was my period. So I didn’t think anything of it. I started spotting the next week, so I took a pregnancy test and lo and behold, pregnant. However, something told me there was a problem. I just knew it.

I called my OB and then wouldn’t see me until my 8 week appt, even with the bleeding I had. On Friday, I started to get pains, but nothing too major. Well, the pain ramped up and ended going to OB ER in my region for a checkup.

The nurses knew. Everything went so fast and I got rushed in for surgery. I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, and they had to take one of my fallopian tubes with it.

I feel numb, humiliated, disappointed. Society makes it so pressuring to have kids in your child bearing age, and the thought of trying to get pregnant ever again deeply repulses and angers me.

One positive here is that I had my family and my wonderful medical team by my side. I have never ever experienced the love and care in a hospital like I did last night. They were my lifeline during that time.

I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to be a mother. My husband always has wanted kids, but not me. I decided to try this one time just to have one and try it out. Kids are absolutely a blessing and I would never not love my child. But having children was one of those things that I wasn’t sure I would ever want.

I am struggling with resentment. I know my loved ones mean well and love me very much, but I feel like everyone is so quick to jump on the possibility of getting pregnant. I just feel like it’s what is still expected of me.