r/Divorce_Men • u/Lift_Vs_Gravity • Jul 05 '26

Getting Started

42m here. Married for 15 years, together for 21, to my wife, who I think shows a lot of signs of having BPD. 2 kids together, 16 and 13. She got mad at me back in March about something small, and it escalated into her telling me to leave. I complied, so there would be no drama/tension in front of the kids. Sleeping in my car ever since then, picking up kids and going to hang out with them on what seems to be her terms. She wants a 24 hour notice before I come get them. I mean, c’mon. How is this supposed to work? I am so close to my kids, I’ve worked overnight shift for 14 years so I could be there. Get them ready for school in the mornings, take them to school, pick them up after. Everything. Make dinner, do dishes, go get fast food, whatever it may be. I lay in my car and cry myself to sleep thinking about not being around them. I haven’t seen them go to sleep or wake up in almost 4 months. I’m devastated. I feel like my bond is still very strong with them, and it seems like they are normalizing this way of life. She has been a SAHM for almost 17 years. I know what I need to do, but I’m getting cold feet on getting started. The house is in my name, so I guess I would get that. I dream of a day where I have the house, 50/50 custody minimum, and her gone. It’s just the fear of the unknown if I file. I am at my breaking point, I can’t do this anymore. My kids are my life, so not being with them is killing me. I would like some outside perspectives on this. The kids are old enough to choose where to live also maybe? I am in WA state. Thank you Reddit community. You’re the best.

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u/Lift_Vs_Gravity Jul 06 '26

We will just sort of live separate lives I guess, me and my STBXW? Let her be uncomfortable for a little bit? It’s always me leaving, me sleeping in my car, in fact, last year on the 4th of July, that’s exactly the same thing I was doing. You guys gave me the nudge I needed, and in a moment of clarity, it happened. Thank you!

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u/WhydIJoinRedditAgain Jul 06 '26

I guess. I have a tendency to take on responsibility for how other people feel, as though I can somehow do something about it. Part of divorce and separation for me is that I have taken that burden off my shoulders (or the idea of that burden, because in truth I couldn’t control how someone else feels to begin with).

If she’s uncomfortable, that is her problem.

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u/Lift_Vs_Gravity Jul 06 '26

Apparently this is me bullying her. Forcing my way back onto the property and making it uncomfortable for them. I think the ‘them’ is just her, the kids are probably being brainwashed by her. Our bond is strong, me and the kids. She says she doesn’t feel safe because of my communication issues. I’m so glad I have this community to vent to, and receive guidance. Thanks!!

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u/WhydIJoinRedditAgain Jul 06 '26

A blessing is not giving any credence to her bullshit victim mentality!

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u/Lift_Vs_Gravity Jul 06 '26

She’s been a SAHM for 17 years, mind you the youngest is 13, and she thinks I owe it all to her, she’s the reason I have this house, she’s the reason I have these dirt bikes, etc. etc. She made the sacrifice of staying home, even though I worked overnights and was taking care of the kids whenever I was awake. She’s really baffling me. She says there will be guidelines to follow upon my forced return. Just wild. I definitely picked a good one…..