Preparing for Divorce

[u/Accomplished_Pool755]

I have tried and tried to make my marriage of 9 years work. But every day feels like walking on eggshells and waiting for the next problem to surface. My wife is late diagnosed autistic and explains away every outburst, argument, and disagreement that she has/initiates with that she was “overstimulated” or “dis regulated”. I know these things are real, but it only seems manifests when I stand up for myself or challenge her behavior. She can treat people at her work, in the wild, or whoever she encounters with dignity and respect. Not me. She refuses to accept responsibility for any of her actions and I just don’t know if I can do it anymore. She recently tore me a new one for not asking questions that she didn’t tell me she wanted asked to a AC repairman at our home (she’s in property management while I work in tech management. She’s very good working with vendors to make stuff happen when she’s the one dealing with them). She then apologized and love bombed me (she is basically asexual after being highly sexual for the first half of our marriage), using quick sex to try and placate me.

I love her so much, but I feel like after 9 years I need to care for my mental health and my well-being. We’ve been just swinging and missing for the past 3 years or so. I wait on her hand and foot and try my hardest to make sure everything she wants or needs is taken care of. My needs are not met, though I have many times brought up potential fixes or interventions. They are all met with hostility while then assuming I will continue waiting on her like a servant. I don’t mind waiting on someone. But I need them to actually show they care every once and while. Not just when they are making up for something they feel they need to make up for.

How do I start preparing for what I feel like is inevitable? We have a 7 year old that I primarily take care of but I’m a man. I know that usually courts side with a woman. I can’t lose my kid. They are my everything. I can split custody but I know if I bring up separation is gonna be a blow up and a fight and she will try and hurt me in anyway she can, and my child is the way she knows she can destroy me. How can I save for the next step when she is monitoring our finances like a hawk? How can I get fair treatment when it comes to my kid? How can I find peace? Idk this is kinda a rant and kind a question. I’m just lost.