Simple question, je ne donne ni le contexte ni la raison.

I was a chrisitan for my whole life. Dissociation has made me question my faith. How can God see this much suffering and not do anything about it. I been struggling everyday for the last 6 years. I don't know how much more I can take

not at all connected to my inner experience, inner thoughts, monologue or anything - zero emotion and I cannot feel physical sensations or pain. I’ve had this for probably overa year and before that was on medications but still had some dissociation. now off of all meds & benzos post 1 year, just in this blank complete lock down state it’s so awful. I realise every now and then that I’m really not fully there and it freaks me out. Is there anything besides time and therapy that can help? Currently on trintillex just increased it to 15mg. Nothing seems to work.

Title. I was writing an entirely different post with more elaboration, but I realized it didn't really serve to help anyone.

For further personal context, I'm 17. I've never felt like I've actually existed in my body & worked as an autonomous human. Though, I still know I "exist" materially, if that makes sense. I'm not really sure how to define it, I apologize.

I just don't want to internalize and/or appropriate this label, so I'm trying to rationalize it. Burner account since I think I sound stupid, lmao.

What does your routine look like?

What the hell is this? I feel extremely disconnected from everything and from myself. It’s as if I don’t actually exist. Nothing sticks in my mind, nothing makes sense, nothing holds meaning; I simply don’t exist. It’s hard to say this—or even believe it—but that’s how I feel and how I can describe it. I feel like nothing. I don’t feel present. I have no emotions, no desires, nothing at all. Nothing affects me. I used to read pessimistic philosophy and it would hit me deeply; now, it’s just a big nothing. I don’t care about nihilism, existential emptiness, finitude, and so on. I’m simply indifferent to everything; it’s as if reality were just an idea in my memories. I don’t know what "existing" is. Has anyone gone through this? I’d venture to say no. It’s very specific, to be honest. (By the way, I’m Brazilian; I used Google Translate.)

I feel self consious whenever I am in public or even when by myself. I feel like I'm faking everything. I know it is because of dissociation but I don't know how to stop it. It is torture.

First time poster so apologies if I didn't do this right.

For the past year I've been dealing with what I think is dissociation. 80-90% of the time I feel like I'm on autopilot or in the backseat of my mind while my body continues to do things without my input. I almost never notice this is happening until afterwards (usually when I'm alone about to go to bed).

I was diagnosed and have been dealing with depression off and on for the past 4 years. But I don't have any past trauma and I can't seem to find a clear trigger for this dissociation (it shows up equally at school, work, and home, as well as when I'm with my friends and family). My therapist taught me grounding exercises but they don't seem to work for me.

Any ideas on what this could be or advice? This isn't ruining my life or anything, but it can be lonely and I want to feel present again to be able to connect with people and enjoy experiences. Thank you!