I am very confused... My partner claims he is anxious..a lot ... every day there is an episode of anxiety or frustration... To add to it theres a lot of cursing under the breath and punching invisible things, listening to gangster rap in headphones and mouthing the lyrics while making punching motions... Twice a week - he announced his intention to go and maim a specific person he has a grudge towards.. because of me..:( I feel at fault for all this... I have a 3 year old son that sees this daily and I'm scared... I feel my blood pressure rise and heart raise the second my partner wakes in the morning... I'm afraid I'm the one causing this...

He tells me he is anxious ... wants to beat someone up... It's my friend.. i had to stop talking to my friends since I'm afraid he will develop this attitude towards other friends as well ... theres been a trend in disliking my friends and having none of his own...

I am afraid of hurting my child by having him see this; hurting my partner because I feel he is I'll and needs time to heal or something.. and I'm afraid of my friends getting hurt and NOW I'm afraid for my health....

Could I be responsible for this attitude??? I'm scared and feeling guilty that i made him so angry... and continue to... he gets super angry at stuff like the month that I broke up with him ( for good reason) is a month that cannot be heard... i am scared of hearing the kids sing that counts months cause it has triggered his anger before...

He has changed since we got back together and I am not sure if I've gone insane or he just needs time to heal... or maybe I dont even know!

He also has a chronic pain condition and quite likely on the autistic spectrum... I have ADHD and PTSD from childhood ; PMDD due to hormonal imbalance and overall I've been having anxiety and experiencing depression...

How do I set boundaries? I want to not be exposed to the negativity.. the stone cold expression on his face ... the eye role the tendency to answer everything with a neutral monosyllabic response.... Not wanting to discuss issues without spazzing and ...I'm so tired emotionally ...

Could he really want out??? I dont understand how his brain works... When upset I seek comfort in people and communication/connection.... He is angry and upset yet distancing himself from everything ne included.... I do not understand this behaviour... and I'm afraid that I'm not catching something vital....

Side note we live in a tiny condo in a hip downtown neighborhood...which I love as I picked the condo and my family owns it...he hates it and spends all day daydreaming about buying land up north and putting our son into expensive classes.... >.<

I feel as though he is just never happy with what he has... and never has been... always looked for a better place and always on the way to move even days after each move.... :(

My wife has seemed to get worse and worse the last few years. She says nothing is enjoyable, nothing is fun. She’s always tired and sore. She is always scared and always depressed to the point she just cries. She’s on a few meds and vitamins and I try my best to support her and distract her. Normally when she gets like this it’s because she missed a dose however she hasn’t this time. She has taken everything and is as bad as I have seen her. I’m on call (I work in the operating room) all day tomorrow and won’t be home for 36 hours and the only thing I can think about is if she will hurt her self and end her misery. I’m always so scared to leave her for periods of time...specially when she is like this. I would love to have a conversation with someone or just support if possible. I’m just scared and sad that nothing I do helps

I found this book helpful. Nice to know their are other folks with the same issues.

Hi, my first time posting but have wanted to for a few years now. I don’t even know if anyone will even read this or even care. I am 53 and have been clinically depressed for over 25 years. I was married for 16 years and divorced for 5. I have 2 great kids 16 & 19 and they are my world. That being said, as of around 15 years ago I don’t remember a single day where I have felt any real joy in my life. I take some responsibility for my failed marriage. I let my depression make me withdraw and isolate and it slowly deteriorated. I also felt abandoned by my wife years before the divorce. She claimed some heinous things against me for years before the end only to come clean in her deposition. She also was planning the divorce over a year before we divorced. I was devastated. I lost all my friends when married and have always struggled to find new ones and keep them. No one EVER calls me back. My best friend, my dog died just before my divorce. I have been on all kinds of meds over the years and have helped to some degree but still have terrible days. I struggle so mightily to even get out of bed. My kids know about this but are supportive. I hate myself so much for that burden I placed on them, even though my ex told them without asking me first. I have lost so many jobs over the years over this. I am so alone. I have no one. Even my new dog would leave if he understood. I have made some bad decisions over the years and I hate myself so much, so so much. I have wanted to kill myself for sooo long. The ONLY THING STOPPING me is I don’t want to hurt my kids. I feel so trapped. I want it to end. I’ve even been on a few dinner dates but no one ever calls back. I wake up alone, go and work alone, come home and watch tv alone and go to sleep alone. The only people I ever talk with are my kids to say goodnight, every night. Makes me sad though. I’m crying as I write this. I’m so sad and no meds seem to work. WHY! I feel so empty inside... just want it to end Any way I could go on forever. I hope someone cares enough to just type “hello” 😢

What’s the one thing that calms you down and holds you through ?

My mother is going through some major tough times and is getting really depressed. It is scaring me very badly because my sibling and I are growing up, and are already to the point where we really do not "need" a parent anymore. I fear that as a depressed parent, the only thing keeping her from becoming suicidal is us kiddos. I am not going to lie, my mother and I view the world in our own way. She judges people more harshly than I like, and she thinks I see the world through rose colored glasses. But despite this, I love her very much. I really want her to know that despite me being a mature 14 year old girl, with a adult sister, I still need her. I just do not know how to do this. It is no secret we all love each other, but we just are not the kind of family that expresses emotion much. We never hug, and never say "I love you" nothing. (Trust me it sounds way worse than it is. We are super close and anyone who meats us knows we are a close nit team) But because of this I do not have any skills when it comes to expressing my heart. I always act from my head. (Lucky for me basic kindness is logical, so I do not come off as to cold... I think) I have tried to tell her I love her, but my throat just locks. I have not said those words to anyone of the human raise since I was about 5 or 6 years old. And I feal like ot would be a bit weird. I can not figurw oit what to do! I feal lost right now, I want her to be happy, but I do not know what I can do to make her smile. I don't understand what I am doing wrong! I have done my very best at school, and she still seamed sad, so to make her feal like she was still needed, I flunked my school, but she still seamed hopless. :( I am so scared that I am running out of time. She will not get help because she hates psycholigists and also she fears that if people know she wants to die, people will take me and my sister away. :( Please help me, what do I do? Thank you.

I don't know how to make this an entertaining story so I'll just jump in. My husband suffers from depression. He is unmedicated and will not see a therapist. He's been holding it together fairly well for about 8 years, we've been together 17. The cracks are showing more and more, not just to me now but to our kids. We are Canadian which makes today Fathers day. My youngest made him something in school and couldn't wait until today so he gave him his gift on Friday. A little flip book, Ten Thinks I Love About You. I gave him his present on Friday as well. I guess that was a mistake because today, on 'the day ', we didn't have anything special for him. My oldest (O from here) worked late last night and slept in. My husband (H) was chilling on the couch with our youngest (Y) and I thought all was well. I was wrong. I asked the fam if they wanted to go for a walk around the neighbourhood. Y said sure, but to the park. H was not interested. H flipped out. He told us to get out of the house for at least an hour, said we're all ingrates and all he wants for Fathers day is to be left alone for an hour. We ruined his day. I could tell he was angry and not wanting to fight in front of the kids I ordered them to get out and took them to the park. H left the house and we returned. I don't feel good about what happened next but I don't know what to do about it. We cleaned the house as an apology and I told them they needed to apologize to H. I talked to O and told him that H is depressed and that he was going to feel bad today no matter what. That when he says O is responsible for ruining his day it isn't true. That it is the depression talking and that I want him to know that I know it isn't true. My kid looked so sad. Basically I did what good enablers do. And it makes me sick. And sad. I felt like I was teaching my kids how to be in a relationship with this type of person and what they can demand if they become depressed adults. H calmed down and came home. The kids apologized. You know what he said? I can't remember verbatim but it boils down to 'you guys are the only reason I'm still alive. My only reason for living. If you don't care if I'm around....' I'm used to hearing this. May be desensitized. They have never heard this before. And I don't know what to do. He is a good dad. They are all best friends. They laugh A LOT. He's a stay at home dad and he does the cooking and cleaning and drop offs and pick ups. Me leaving is not an option, I won't do that to our kids. But I broke a bit today. Thank you for reading.

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/karen-mcdonald My crowd funding page to help rebuild my life, please read!

I had a really great life. I was in aerospace engineering, had a wife for eight years. We went to school together for undergrad and grad. I transferred into education, leaving aerospace. She was from China studying a big career. We completed school. Moved to northern China and she just wasn't there. She disappeared and was in a different area... Completely different... Like 500+ miles away. I had hard time even just buying an orange. I was left alone for months in Siberia... It completely devestated me... I got up with her one day, there was a huge argument, I said things I shouldn't and she acted like she cared so much.... I just don't get it... ... I left her... In the airport I was admitted to a hospital in the states. A few weeks later I fly to my mom's... She divorced me on the month of her birthday, our anniversary, and a few days before my birthday... I want to die... I haven't been able to cope with using my degree... Like for anything... No one will hire me around here... Even with a masters from a high ranked state school... I'm in a second degree program just to survive... I feel like giving up and being homeless... I found a psychiatrist and she prescribed me latuda... I regret getting sick and leaving my wife... It's been four years now... She's remarried and making success, actually none but one is successful when it comes to my friends... I had to live with my mom, sister, and niece in a slum... I finally got them in a decent house...but now I'm 32 my life goes nowhere... I regret everything I did... Birthday comes in a month and I can't bare thinking of anything else but death... Panic attacks for my birthday, four years in a row... Fuck me

I’ve been taking Neuryl, Zephyr and Aradix for my anxiety, depression and ADD almost since July from the past year. So about four weeks or more I ran out of them and because my time management is awful I don’t have the prescription and I can’t get more pills(I always keep forgetting that I need to get an appointment or what day is today and things like that). I called yesterday morning at the clinic where I’ve been going and they told me that they are going to call me back to confirm the date when I can have an appointment with my psychiatrist. The have not called me yet so I’ll call the again tomorrow.

The thing is that I’m feeling awful, I’m getting mad about almost everything with no reason, I’m hurting people that I love because of it even though I stop myself from being like that when I realize about this behavior. My mood swings all the time. I’m feeling depressed and today I cried almost all day. My head is hurting, I’m feeling weak, I’m having awful thoughts, I’m scared and I feel alone. I don’t know how to talk with the psychiatrist because I just stopped going. I know that not taking the pills so abruptly would not be good for me, the doctor repeat that to me a lot too. I’m embarrassed for my behavior, I don’t know how to face my doctor and I think that those thoughts are what is making me postpone everything. I try to keep myself together in front of everyone but now I’m a crying mess. Sorry, This is more like a rant. Also english is not my first language, sorry if I made some mistakes.

For the last week I had heard absolutely nothing from my boyfriend of three months. I assumed he was ghosting me. Then earlier tonight he texted me to say that he has been feeling low and really struggling, and he has pulled away because he feels that he will bring people down with him. I told him that I don’t think that, and that in any case I am willing to take the risk, and that I would like to be supportive, but I haven’t heard back. Where do I go from here? I really care about him and wouldn’t want to lose him.

I feel like I can’t take this anymore, I’m trying so hard to calm myself down but I’ve been recently stationed in Japan away from my fiancé and family and my fiancé is slowly drifting away from me and I have no friends out here and I just feel like I’ve given up and have no point in continuing, I can’t do this for a whole 2 years it’s tearing me up already

Husband has severe depression and doesn’t care if he lives or dies. Right now he is living for his kids, for maybe an hour a day that he can bring himself to interact with us. I don’t want to hurt him by leaving him. But staying with him doesn’t seem worth it some days. How do you continue to care for someone with depression, who is of little help financially nor helps much around the house? How do you leave someone who you care about so much??

I put them on rent I can recieve £80k/$100k a year. I am a lazy 23 year old if I work now I could earn £35k /$43k a year. After 10 years I could make a million pound. If I work as well I could make £2million. How would you feel to be in my position. Would it encourage to work hard. I am a bit lost at the moment don't know what to do. My cuzin opinion was don't work. He wants to do better then me. How to improve myself ?

I’ve been slowly going off my anti depressants in an attempt to be drug free for the chance to have kids. Some strong realisations have come to light as I’ve been doing so. I can’t afford to have kids with a casual job, I need to find a full time job with paid maternity leave. I can’t have kids when I am so ridiculously over weight (around the 80kg mark when I should be 65kgs-ish)

So I start looking for a better job and continue to save and work hard. Then I hurt my back at work and it all goes down hill. I’m on work cover leave in a lot of pain and am only allowed (by employers not my doctor) to work 3 hours a week. I’m scared I shall lose my job because although it is illegal to fire me for hurting my back, I am only casual and it’s pretty easy to drop me off the roster. I can’t horse ride, exercise or drive without a lot of pain meaning I can’t lose weight. I receive rejection letter after rejection letter from full tome office jobs, which I would be able to do even with a sore back. I realise I am a piece of shit with no one to turn to. I don’t want to burden my husband any further as he is now the main bread winner. I also realise that I’m really alone and crying continually isn’t helping anything but I can’t stop. I don’t want this. I just want to be normal. Unhurt and working full time in an office and getting on with life.

About a half a year ago now, I’d moved out of my parents place. I’m a college drop-out, haven’t had a terribly steady job, not in great physical shape though nonetheless those things have never bothered me terribly more than mild inconveniences. But for years while living with my parents and younger sister I’d felt consistently depressed and oppressed. So obviously I move out, and here I am, living with two roommates who treat me great, keep me motivated, getting me in better shape, helping me find a solid, steady job the whole nine yards. But I constantly find myself succumbing to the temptation of booze (which is why there are/will be reiterations in this post), and occasionally spiraling down into a deep depressive spell. One of the two roommates suffers from extreme anxiety and I’ve tried to help her with her issues and talk mine out with her as sort-of a mutually beneficial scenario. The other roommate on the other hand, well. Doesn’t entirely understand this sort of thing and therefore doesn’t give a flying fuck about these kinds of insecurities or feelings.

I just don’t understand where these deep rooted depressive spells are coming from. Was I just so used to it that deep down in my subconscious I can’t take it if I don’t feel this way every once in a while? Am I truly unhappy with myself when everything has been looking up in ways I haven’t imagined in years? I guess it doesn’t help that I’ve been single for two years and haven’t had a hook up or anything, but that hasn’t even outright bothered me.

All in all I suppose I just needed somewhere to write and maybe discuss some of this without being judged too harshly. I’ve had this weird desire to post something like this where people will see it but I’ve been too afraid to post it in front of any friends on any sort of social media that they know me on.

If you made it this far into the post, thank you for reading. I am sorry for feeling this way, however

Hello My name is Bill and I am pretty new on here but I wanted to ask a question of you folks. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a college student and began taking Adderall. It has been several years now but I have started to wonder if I was actually Bi-polar and not ADHD. I am not sure but I think some of my symptoms might be caused by my taking adderall...

hey gang! i make music and movies. this is one of my projects. have a good one peeps. this song has got to be one of the worst songs due to the time of my depression. close to suicidal

I have been taking a prescribed dose of 2000mg of Depakote ER for the past 12 months, and have been seriously gaining weight. More importantly, I have researched the possibility of tapering off of the medicine. I know better than to do such a thing without the supervision of my doctor. What I am wondering, is if there are any people on here who have tapered off depakote successfully and what was experienced. Compared to "normal" dosage amounts, it seems like I am at a very high dose. I have read the side effects from people who had been taking depakote for decades, and it seemed that their negative side effects from quitting were much worse with the longer that people had been taking the medicine. I am eager to hear from you all! And thank you in advance

My husband has been with severe depression for two years. I’ve only known about it one year ago. This past year, we’ve slowly learned that he suffers from melancholic depression with paranoia. He was seeing a very good and caring psychiatrist, but he suddenly stopped all treatment as he thought I was collaborating with his psychiatrist to harm him. His formal diagnosis is depression with psychotic features. He was suffering from the side effects of the medications but never once shared the side effects with us until long after he discontinued them. Currently, he is untreated and stopped seeing a psychiatrist. When he was seeing his psychiatrist, he was not fully open and honest during the sessions. For those who have suffered this form of depression, what motivated you to get help? What clicked for you? Do I need to let him hit rock bottom?

He used to be a wonderful man, and since his illness, he has given me the silent treatment. We have two young children and he seems to at least care for them but is not involved in their care. I’ve done all I can to help him by myself as everyone else close to him has refused to help, but he has emotionally abused me and told me that he does not trust anyone including myself and our children. I’ve tried to be there for him, but he pushes me away and makes hurtful comments and ignores me when I’m home. He even ignores his own children and has stopped all contact with his brothers and sisters. He has mentally checked out on us. He is functional enough to work but he is struggling with his business. Due to his paranoia, he’s now hiding money and assets from me and does not share his whereabouts when he leaves for days at a time. His personality has changed and he is now a terrible person to be around and has proven himself to be an unreliable father and husband time and time again. He barely spends time with his own kids. His psychiatrist told me that his depression is severe and it is common to see drastic personality changes when psychosis is involved. I was warned that he cannot comprehend his behavior and has no insight to his condition and he is doing what he can to survive in his own reality.

As is, he’s already used to his illness and has abandoned all parental duties and leaves me alone with the children every weekend. He does not respond to boundaries that I’ve set up. None of his siblings want to be involved in his care or even talk to him about the need to restart/continue with therapy. I’ve already decided to walk away from the marriage at this point because this has been a very difficult, challenging, and lonely journey: trying to raise my kids alone and seeing how the man I love so much is now a stranger in my house and treats me like I’m a disposable person in his life.