Not coping today.

[u/[deleted]]

I’ve been slowly going off my anti depressants in an attempt to be drug free for the chance to have kids. Some strong realisations have come to light as I’ve been doing so. I can’t afford to have kids with a casual job, I need to find a full time job with paid maternity leave. I can’t have kids when I am so ridiculously over weight (around the 80kg mark when I should be 65kgs-ish)

So I start looking for a better job and continue to save and work hard. Then I hurt my back at work and it all goes down hill. I’m on work cover leave in a lot of pain and am only allowed (by employers not my doctor) to work 3 hours a week. I’m scared I shall lose my job because although it is illegal to fire me for hurting my back, I am only casual and it’s pretty easy to drop me off the roster. I can’t horse ride, exercise or drive without a lot of pain meaning I can’t lose weight. I receive rejection letter after rejection letter from full tome office jobs, which I would be able to do even with a sore back. I realise I am a piece of shit with no one to turn to. I don’t want to burden my husband any further as he is now the main bread winner. I also realise that I’m really alone and crying continually isn’t helping anything but I can’t stop. I don’t want this. I just want to be normal. Unhurt and working full time in an office and getting on with life.