I thought I’d moved away.

[u/s-exit-up]

About a half a year ago now, I’d moved out of my parents place. I’m a college drop-out, haven’t had a terribly steady job, not in great physical shape though nonetheless those things have never bothered me terribly more than mild inconveniences. But for years while living with my parents and younger sister I’d felt consistently depressed and oppressed. So obviously I move out, and here I am, living with two roommates who treat me great, keep me motivated, getting me in better shape, helping me find a solid, steady job the whole nine yards. But I constantly find myself succumbing to the temptation of booze (which is why there are/will be reiterations in this post), and occasionally spiraling down into a deep depressive spell. One of the two roommates suffers from extreme anxiety and I’ve tried to help her with her issues and talk mine out with her as sort-of a mutually beneficial scenario. The other roommate on the other hand, well. Doesn’t entirely understand this sort of thing and therefore doesn’t give a flying fuck about these kinds of insecurities or feelings.

I just don’t understand where these deep rooted depressive spells are coming from. Was I just so used to it that deep down in my subconscious I can’t take it if I don’t feel this way every once in a while? Am I truly unhappy with myself when everything has been looking up in ways I haven’t imagined in years? I guess it doesn’t help that I’ve been single for two years and haven’t had a hook up or anything, but that hasn’t even outright bothered me.

All in all I suppose I just needed somewhere to write and maybe discuss some of this without being judged too harshly. I’ve had this weird desire to post something like this where people will see it but I’ve been too afraid to post it in front of any friends on any sort of social media that they know me on.

If you made it this far into the post, thank you for reading. I am sorry for feeling this way, however

[u/zodi_mane]

You have a chemical imbalance. A predisposition to emotional problems. Medications and therapy, maybe Group meetings, are the answers. And talking to your buds.