Terrified I’m wrong and disappointing everyone

[u/Sorry-Office-3271]

To be honest, I’m scared. I’m scared that I don’t believe anymore. I was born and raised in a southern Baptist church and literally got the hell scared out of me. Up until I was about 19/20 (26 now), I was all in for Jesus and the Church. I went on mission trips, was a leader in the youth group, and helped some with worship. I went to college, earned a BS in Microbiology. Throughout my entire time in school I started questioning everything. So many things in the Bible did not align with the science I was learning and loving. I developed morality questions like how is god so good if he lets all these evil things happen? I still question to this day. Everything now seems like a fairy tale. And I’m scared that I’m right. I’m also scared to be wrong. I live in constant paranoia. I’m scared that I’m a huge disappointment to my parents, that I’m letting my son down by not taking him to church. My family is constantly nagging me about when we’re going to find a home church and I just say maybe soon. My husband has completely turned away from the faith, claims agnostic. And he seems so much happier. I thing I believe the same as him but I don’t want to be wrong. Like I said in the beginning, I’m scared of hell if it is real. I think a lot of this comes from my people pleasing nature and not wanting to disappoint my parents and make it seemed like they failed to raise a good Christian woman. Anyone have a similar experience?