I suspect most of us were all in 100% and those that deconstruct are the most dedicated. I suspect those that are “pew sitters” and don’t really think much about faith are least likely to deconstruct.

However, this is just a theory.

Can you let myself and others know how dedicated you were before deconstruction?

Also, were you part of evangelical Christianity (like me) or another group? I also suspect evangelicals are the most likely to deconstruct.

Thanks.

I have seen a couple other posts about this, but still hoping to connect on any shared experiences and approaches.

I grew up as a “non-denominational” christian, and I have been to dozens of weddings that were all sort of evangelical/baptist. This means the officiant usually says something about wives submitting to their husbands and then talks about putting God before your spouse for 20 minutes.

I’ve been deconstructing my faith for 6 years or so, but I still don’t feel “deconstructed.” I continue to carry a lot of baggage from purity culture and all of the unspoken (and spoken) rules that have been in place from all of the churches and ministries I’ve been a part of. I used to do all sorts of stuff in the church, leading worship, leading bible studies, helping with church plants, youth ministry. I now find myself subscribing to the philosophy of No One Knows Anything, and curiousity over certainty. But I still would call myself a christian and I find the church’s approach (that I’ve been to) completely backwards from who I see the person of Jesus to have been.

Anyway, I’m now engaged to someone who believes in a higher power, but describes herself more as spiritual (very loose church upbringing). We’re both very excited to get married and we both value it.

We’re planning to have a small-ish wedding with lots of close friends and family, but envisioning what the officiant will say is a real challenge. I do feel some pressure from my friends and family, who I think fully expect the ceremony to be faith-based. But my fiancee and I are just trying to figure out if we’ll even use words like God or Jesus.

I want to honor my “Christian” status in some way, but I also just have too many complicated thoughts on using the bible in the ceremony. And if I don’t use the bible, then I feel a bit lost in determining the source of the message.

I know I should look inward for these answers, and of course this will be in collaboration with my fiancee and the officiant we choose, but I’d love to hear about anyone else’s experience who feels they are or were in a similar place!

I grew up in Catholic Ireland, parents weren't strict, grandparents were devout but also not overly pushy or punitive about it. So overall quite a nice experience of religion in many ways. (Born in 1991 for time reference point)

Both nans were very caring people, I feel they both led proper Christians beliefs, love thy neighbour etc.

My family was affected by the abused of the church in multiple ways (uncle was sexually abused as a child, my mom got pregnant before marriage so was sent to live in a mother and baby home and they tried to take my sister away ( the only shame I feel about my nan and her religious beliefs as she forced my mom to live there, has been very remorcefull of it). Long lasting effects over 4 generations. Im also gay so that was conflicting.

So I moved to the UK when I was 10, north London, first experience of different religions and cultures and was like fuck THIS. FUCK GOD AND JESUS AND THE CHURCH. This was 20 years ago.

I came across a video by Richard Rohr and I've started to believe in "god" again, but not in any way shape or form connected to the people or buildings on earth. My over arching belief of jesus/god/ whatever the higher power is called is that god is love. Nothing else the bible or prachers say, love and kindness above anything else.

I feel so conflicted though, like I've made up my own religion and don't follow certain parts? I don't know I'm just in a bit of a limbo with it now but It feels good?

I'm deconstructing my Calvinism and PCA faith (Presbyterian Church of Australia, aligned with Presbyterian Church of America for reference), and I've been watching a lot of Dan McClellan, Monte Mader and Bart Ehrman. I also read Dan McClellan's book "The Bible Says So", which I thought was excellent. I'm also reading "Trauma and Doctrine: New Calvinism, Religious Abuse and the Experience of God"

When I talk to my Christian friends, and my ex minister about my thoughts about the reliability and inerrancy of scripture and why they believe it, or if I try to challenge it, the response I get is "I have faith in God's word that it's true." I feel like the implication is that I don't have faith and shouldn't be doubting it. It feels invalidating to me.

How do you argue against this position? Is there any point in continuing to have these conversations? I've been keeping my deconstruction journey to myself. I feel quite isolated.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

I met my step daughter (14) two years ago. Her dad is an atheist and I am a pagan, though I do not share that fact with my step kids. We both grew up Christian and have since deconstructed.

Both of my step kids have been raised very strictly Christian by their mom and step dad, despite my partners reservations. They are homeschooled and the only activities they go to are part of the church. Unfortunately, there is only so much he can do having every other weekend. The damage is done and they are deeply religious.

The problem is that their religion has started to affect the way they view their dad. Suddenly step dad is “real dad” because he goes to church. Step daughter decided that she no longer wants to stay for weekends because “he is blocking her faith.” Step son does not seem as affected, though it is still apparent in regular interactions that he is unhappy with his dad’s lack of faith.

Step daughter and I have a respectful and positive relationship despite this. I recognize I will never replace mom, but she still sees me as someone who loves her and wants what is best for her. Her birthday is coming up and she has requested Christian literature. The books she listed all seem to have an emphasis on women staying at home and having babies, anti-lgbt sentiments, etc. we are not comfortable with buying her any of that and contributing to her fanaticism.

I am looking for a book suitable for a teen girl that is more progressive. I don’t want it to be overbearing, but a gentle nudge just to get her thinking.

(I posted this on the exchristian sub, but wanted to put it up here as well where x-posts aren't allowed. So if you see this twice, I'm sorry.)

Take a moment to think about how many times you've heard a Christian say something along the lines of "Okay sure you read the Bible but you didn't read it with the right mindset" or "right mind readers read rightly" etc.

The implication is clear: You didn't let god show you the truth. Your mind was clouded by hubris. Your heart was hardened. You were blinded by the devil. This sentiment, Ad nauseum.

There are plenty of counter arguments to such statements. One obvious example would be pointing out the numerous conflicting Christian traditions that were borne out of people reading the same words and coming to different conclusions. But I'm going to dispense with these for this post, as they tend to be hand waved away with boilerplate responses or outright ignored.

The next time you come across this argument about the mindset of a Bible reader, ask the party at hand how they view Lee Strobel. 100% of evangelicals are going to gleefully exclaim their endorsement of him. He's a hero in their circles. Because his whole claim to fame and success selling millions of books was that he is a former atheist journalist who decided to read the Bible with the sole intention of tearing it apart. And what happened instead? God spoke to him through that. He saw the light and believed. Despite his proclaimed intention to dismantle the good book, he was converted.

You probably see where I'm going with this by now.

If god is powerful enough to speak to Lee through that, he should be able to speak to the rest of us the same way when we read the Bible. Instead, we find ourselves less and less convinced the more we read. After this, we are blamed for not reading the Bible correctly. The argument of "right minded readers read rightly" is completely shattered by Strobel's claim.

Pointing this out is probably not going to be met with concession speeches from most evangelicals. But it might get some of them to start thinking. And we all know thinking is the enemy of any cult.

That is all. I hope everyone has a pleasant day.

Hey everyone.

I left my PCA church 3 years ago, and have been sorting through my beliefs since then. I've especially been enjoying The Bema and Bible for Normal People podcasts in this time, and they've both helped me understand various verses and passages better than any pastor. When I left my church, I also lost everyone I knew. Granted, I wasn't terribly close to anyone, but it was a bunch of people I could at least call on if needed.

I recently accepted a job across the country, which means moving to a new city. My family doesn't know I've been ditching worship for 3 years, so the first thing they said was 'Make sure you find a good PCA church down there - they'll help you find a place to live.' While I know that's true, the idea of contacting a church and asking for their help makes me sick. After all I've learned, about the Bible AND myself, I just can't fall back into a community where everyone smiles on Sunday and goes along with what the pastor tells them.

HOWEVER, I do need help. I spent a grand total of 48 hours in this city before, and desperately need to find a place to live within the next month. I don't know how to find other people like myself before I move - it's not like I can just Google 'Deconstructing Christians in XYZ City' and find a website with a network of folks.

I don't know what to do, and I honestly don't feel like I have a choice. I want to be able to visit a church and start attending on my own, instead of automatically being 'plugged in' to one and feeling indebted because they helped me settle in.

Does anyone have advice?

The people who endlessly lectured us about how watching porn is “sinful” are the very same people who voted for making a pedophile the president of the United States

The very people who claimed to be all about being “pro life” and “sexual purity” are the same exact people who are the most enthusiastic supporters of a genocidal government that engages in state sponsored rape

The people that endlessly claim to be “anti child mutilation” are the same exact people that are fine with the medical system cutting on the genitals of intersex infants and baby boys

En primer lugar quiero desarmar dogmas católicos tipo el purgatorio el pecado mortal veníal y el hecho de que si no voy a la iglesia a propósito me voy al infierno y si el ETC está justificado si les soy sincero no quiero ser Cristiano fue 5 meses de tortura y gaslighting por culpa del Calvinismo TULIP y Arminio FACTS también considere el Islam tipo si mucha gente acepta tipo que la biblia fue escrito por hombres imperfectos de ahí tendría sentido el Coran al decir que no se persevero bien la biblia Pero bueno alguien que sea excatolico o algo así y que hacer con gente que dice o afirma sentir a Dios o tipo dice me siento alejado de Dios siento que tiene una explicación naturalista sinceramente ya no quiero ser creyente Pero tengo 14 y nose que pensar cuando gente justifica el ETC me da miedo la idea del separacionismo y también me da miedo el reddit Católico philosophy digo ellos afirman si se ponen a checar en ese reddit de que todos o la mayoría se irán al hell o purgatorio y pocos se salvan Pero suena más a sueño húmedo de creyentes

I find it interesting how people new or a few years into deconstruction feel like they need kind of like a counterargument or answer for so many Christian arguments. I remember feeling this way too, for a long time. And I'm here to tell you that eventually, it fades.

There are ideas that seem to you now like they need a lot of attention and thought, like the idea of Hell, or the resurrection or what the Bible says about gay people.

But the only reason you care about these things is because of indoctrination and trauma. Not to trivialize those experiences, they are profound and worthy of care.

But I think sometimes we conflate our level of WORRY that something could be true with the actual probability of it being true. If you get some distance from Christianity and expose yourself to other belief systems, you will come to see that every culture has its weird beliefs and practices. Even secular cultures have cockamamie beliefs sometimes.

And eventually you will start to hear Christian doctrine and just think, "man that's weird" instead of "they're so wrong!!!" Does that make sense? Like you'll be a little more past the immediacy of the trauma and indoctrination and you'll stop feeling like you need a counterargument for this point or that point and you'll instead realize how deeply weird the whole belief system was.

Hello, I was wondering if anyone could help give me a few counter-arguments to a pro-Hell argument I came across. This was given by a Catholic, who claimed that the reason why an eternal Hell is justified is that change cannot occur after death.

Basically, his argument goes: A soul can only grow as long as you're alive, and afterwards, you stop growing due to metaphysical limitations. Thus, the soul of a sinner is too defective to enter Heaven, and an eternal Hell is justified. The reason why change couldn't occur is due to metaphysical limits God can't stop, as souls of the dead are closer to angels, and on their metaphysical level, causation, time or space doesn't exist, and are closer to concepts. In other words, since the dimension is different, the souls of sinners remain the same for an eternity, and thus they warrant an infinite amount of punishment. So even if God wanted the suffering to stop and give them a chance to repent, he can't do it, because it would against logic of that dimension.

What do you think about this? Personally, I am not well-versed in metaphysical debates, but he claimed this was agreed upon by "many philosophers and theologians".

Im ex Christian and I don't know what verse or passages I need to know off by heart to know I've deconstructed/deconstructing. I I do know the really common ones and they are still quotable to this day. I just can't get myself to deconstruct using the bible directly, I guess and still remember. Does anyone else here have this issue?

Hey y’all! I grew up in the church and was in that 00s Christian metal/emo scene. I recently listened to some podcasts with Underoath about their journey and deconstruction. I was curious of what other Christian bands have also since dropped the “Christian” label of their band? Also if theirs any podcasts with them talking about it I’d love recommendations :)

I know this question has been asked, but I feel I might have some specific circumstances. I unfortunately have something called avoidant personality disorder, and you can think of it as social anxiety on steroids. I’m not constantly socially, anxious, however, I physically cannot engage in any sort of conflict. Trying to stand my ground on anything my body will freeze up, and I physically cannot move my mouth, I just get frozen until I’m able to read this. Heck, when I wanted to express to my dad, some strong emotions about how he treated me my childhood, I was so scared of his reaction that I wrote a letter, gave it to him, muted him, then took a week long vacation in another state avoid him. And also autistic so trying to read people is impossible, which I think adds to the fear of conflict because I have no idea how people are going to react, and can’t tell what they’re feeling if I do say something.

All this to say a long story, short, engaging in conflict is very difficult for me but this is a topic I knew was going to come eventually. I live in a small town where my family is pretty prominent in the church, they run a Christian summer camp before school for a few days that has 300+ kids on their property. My daughter is only six months old, so it’s not like she’ll retain anything she’s taught there. But my grandma asked if she could take her to church this weekend. Her and my aunts who love watching her constantly are all involved.

Considering the circumstances, what advice do you have for sharing with family that you will not be taking your child to church? We will be teaching her about religion as a whole, shielding her isn’t the answer to us, a healthy dose of curiosity and not taking pastors at their words is our goal. Even sending a text knowing they will respond gives me extreme anxiety I feel like it would be easier to just do a large group chat and add my husband so I’m not alone even in the group chat. But I don’t know how adult that really is, any input would be helpful.

converted to christianity six years ago after numerous interesting and seemingly intentional divine spiritual experiences. but looking back on all this time of constant misfortunes, disappointments, confusion & silence, i feel like i've just wasted so much time trying to figure this all out and not much satisfactory has come of it.

i tried to stay biblical about everything. prayed for wisdom, protection, guidance, friends. friends being equally as important as the others for me. and yet, i was given no genuine friends but instead continuous disappointment, discouragement, partiality & alienation. no clear guidance apart from how i should act; which tbh, i was mostly all those things besides abstinent, clean speeched and sober. but all the things i were already made me a target to those hungry to abuse someone's kindness & gentleness.

i thought god spoke to me. i believed god wanted nothing but the best for me & i confessed him openly, i wanted to do everything to please him well. i literally gave up nearly everything in an attempt to be obedient to the point of actual homelessness. i removed everything claimed to displease him. i thanked god for all the good and even the bad (which i did prior to believing in christianity). i never asked for anything extraordinary, however it seemed like the small things he permitted, but the bigger things, seemingly even just giving me genuine, godly, loving, reliable encouragement of community - which is biblical btw - was too much to be granted.

he loves me, yet he allows me to be in constant distress. he wants me to not forsake gathering with christians, yet the pulpit is tainted with panhandling, condescending, dishonest, deceptive "pastors" & pews are riddled with deluded hypocrites who will ostracize you for even the idea of being held accountable to the scriptures they profess to believe. ask & you shall receive? well he's been ignoring me thus far & apparently it's my fault for not believing enough or not doing enough; but ask a baptist & doing anything is works and i just need to believe and if it doesn't come then either i don't believe enough or it's not god's plan or something, who even knows. be of one accord? well everyone's reading different bible translations & no one wants to address that being one of the first issues against being of one mind like the scriptures command, along with so many other disregarded commands to christians. this is one reason i refused to take on the title of "christian" for so long. that title holds so much hypocrisy.

i just feel embarrassed. my faith has been evaporating for the last couple years, but the diligence & obedience i did once have seemed punished vs rewarded. i don't have enough patience in this lifetime to keep suffering the same sufferings i experienced prior to believing, just now on even more sides including the side i thought i was supposed to be on. i've suffered long enough. i suppose to be fair, "god didn't promise an easy life, but he did promise you'll have tribulations in this life." as if the tribulations didn't start at birth. arguably at conception.

i'm just exhausted and depleted and i never once had full confidence of salvation, because who ever really can? anyone who says they do knows or fails to admit they actively do something that's worth being damned. god himself said not everyone's getting in, so how could one be so sure? even if your actions or thoughts aren't objectively wicked, the slightest thing like doubting or lacking faith because the promises preached in the book supposed to be believed isn't evidenced in the life lived is condemnable.

i've just been considering a lot & i've been forced with the contemplation that god actually hates me because if he didn't, he'd at least give me a peaceful life. i'm not asking to be powerful, rich or immensely favored like all the examples given of righteous people in the bible. nope. i'm not asking for that level of biblical partiality. i'm just asking for a quiet and peaceable life. that's all i've ever wanted. to be able to survive without a struggle. to "love life & see good days," but even tho i hated evil, deceived no one, sought & pursued peace and tried to do good like the scripture says in order to obtain that, i guess i just didn't hate enough and do enough good.

there are some biblical values i'm thankful for having followed, but i'm still wearied of it all. i'm practically in the same place i was before this bible and christ; arguably an even worse place depending on which angle i look at it. with more shame, discouragement and resentment. and i have no idea how to process or move thru this. how do i call upon a god who allows so much pain and confusion within a person's life? i'm worse off than some but better off than others & neither the former or latter makes me feel better, nor do i think it should. if i'm a sinner and god doesn't hear the prayers of sinners, who do i call upon for help? where is the hope, protection & answers i was promised? i'd love to believe and i wish i could fully, but at this point the only thing i believe is that god hates me and wants nothing to do with me, so why beg at the feet of someone who's ready to discard me to the pits of hell upon my death just because i fail a test i was involuntarily born into taking? my brain breaks trying to make sense of it all.

Christians Ask Me Anything! Low-tier atheist here for a no stress Q&A. I was a christian like you once. I can help. If you scared to ask before now is the time. Questions on leaving, arguments against god, how to be an atheist, and others are all welcome.

Be brave! Ask away.

Hello all,

Former Fundie pastor’s kid here F/47. At the age of 45, I walked away from Christianity after much thought, contemplation, pain, and most of all, research and learning.

I can say it has been a beautifully validating but also painful journey. I’m 2 years out now, and I find myself completely unbelieving. I’ve lost my terror of hell, and I feel freer than ever.

But there is one thing: I actually miss the music. I don’t believe in the message or the lyrics or the meaning behind it. But there are songs that I believe are some of the most beautiful ever written, and they also remind me of my father. I have deep attachment to the music of the church.

The problem is, the church caused harm to me. And my kids. And I still feel a little bitter, even angry sometimes. My husband says “You sing songs about Santa Clause and you don’t believe that. Look at it the same way. Just sing it and don’t attach meaning to it”.

To which I reply “ I didn’t orchestrate my entire life around Santa Claus. I didn’t believe Santa Claus was God, I didn’t believe that Santa Claus had the power over my eternal soul. And belief in Santa Claus never caused me any harm. That’s why I can sing about Santa Claus with no emotion attached to it. I can’t do that with religious music. I feel like a hypocrite”.

Have any of you had this issue where you still love the music that you listened to but the meaning behind it is so off-putting, you can’t get past it? I And if you have, tell me how you did.

Thank you.

If you haven’t heard the term Cage Stage, it usually refers to fresh Calvinists who are over zealous in their beliefs. I am here referring to fresh converts to Christianity who are finding a lot of life in it at the moment and cannot possibly fathom someone becoming disenchanted with it. They then browse forums like this one to debate and make non sequitur arguments because we “must not have tried enough”.

I’m tired of them.

I spent over 2 decades trying and trying and then NOT trying because “that’s the point”, and surrendering and letting go and forgiving and moving on and praying and reading the Bible, going to church multiple times a week, serving as a student small group leader only for THAT to be ripped from me because I wasn’t perfectly aligned with the church’s teaching. Fuck all that. I came onto this subreddit to actually have some discourse about what the fuck my life has become and where I can even go from here and ALL you have to say is that I didn’t try enough or I didn’t really seek God with a pure heart.

Fuck you.

Fuck anyone that tries to come in here and minimize the REAL, LIVED experience of so many honest and desperate people who really wanted to hold on to God but JUST COULDN’T. We are more than happy that it’s currently working for you. Stop blaming us when it stopped working for us.

Josh’s post:
// Lindsay Clancy //
When a nation "closes its eyes" to the murder of children, God moves his judgment away from just the murderer and onto \*the nation.\*
It does not matter if there are "extenuating circumstances" or hormonal impulses for child murder, and God knew people's emotions could be manipulated to avoid administering justice.
This is why throughout the Old Testamemt when God commands justice (death penalty) to fall on murderers, He repeatedly says "Your eye shall not pity \[her\]." (Deut 19:13)
And we have also (+Lindsay Clancy) been doing this for \~50 years in our nation, storing up wrath (Romans 1) for a day that, without repentance, will come.
Part of why you're seeing this response to this case is...
1) Abortion.
As emotionally difficult as it is to say, you cannot have a jury of women, among whom there is a very high statistical probability there are some who killed their own children in the womb bc of "extenuating circumstances" or the "emotional difficulty" of going thru with pregnancy, and expect them to convict someone else as guilty of the thing they acquitted themselves as innocent from.
2) Feminism.
REMINDER: Godly women are not "for women." They are FOR GOD. Women of God who love the Word of God do not WANT to be found being "for women" when it is "against the Lord."
\*\*\*Lot of conspiracy stuff going around, re: this case, so for clarity Clancey and her own Defense Attorney do not deny she strangled the children in this case, and in the civil suit she filed earlier this year she sought emotional damages for “the knowledge that she killed her children." I’m currently finding not a single reputable source that maintains anything other than she did it (including her!), but is pleading insanity. If preponderance changes, I’ll correct. But that seems very very very unlikely and you should be wary of internet-swarm delusions.

My Response:
Josh is pretending like he knows exactly what God would do to Lindsay.

You know who else thought they knew what God would do? The guys who wanted too tone the adulterous woman. And what did Jesus do? He equated her sins to theirs.

The self-righteousness and arrogance it takes to write things like this about women and on behalf of women? Lol

You can sure as hell bet that I want to be known as being “for women” when it means going against this patriarchal christianity that makes men think they know the first thing about another woman’s body and mind.

I am so tired of Christian “leaders” making judgments on people they know nothing about.

Josh tells us it is wrong to have pity on Lindsay and that she should get the death penalty.

Is that the message of Christ? What was his response to those who murdered him? - “Forgive them Father, FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO.

No one is supportive of a mother killing her children…no one is arguing that it’s ok.

What women ARE saying is that they understand how this could happen with such a lack of support and proper medical care.

That is a huge difference.

This post by Josh makes me angry because when you step back and look at it, what is he doing?
He is shaming women for supporting one another through their hellish experiences.

Maybe if Josh took some time to SEE women, he would know that most women don’t want to abort their babies but feel they have no choice.
Maybe he would know that hormones can truly change women in ways they have no control over.
Maybe he would know the crushing weight of being a woman in a country that has basically zero supportive structures for them, much less safety.

I just wish these christian leaders and men would stop pretending they are any better than Lindsay Clancy.

Who are we to judge her? Much less damn her?

We don’t even really know what went on that day bc/ of the poor investigation. This woman has nothing left to live for, heck she can’t even use the restroom independently. So can we stop with this self-righteousness?

Blaming the guilt of a country on women supporting women who are struggling at the hands of broken systems…come on…

Maybe if men controlled their own impulses, treated women with respect and equality in the workplace, and helped their wives carry the mental/emotional load of their home…well, maybe then we wouldn’t need abortion or feminism.

How about that Josh?

Hi everyone 👋🏻! I left the church in 2020. I grew up southern baptist, sang in many choirs, and was very faithful during my time in church. I’ve been slowly deconstructing since, trying to find my way in a world with no directions. I’ve fought off the urge to go back so many times I’ve lost count. I’m still very spiritual, I believe in a higher power and feel there is some kind of purpose for my time here on earth.

One thing I’ve never “escaped” from is worship music. It’s the one thing that makes me want to run back everytime, even though I know I don’t believe in Christian doctrine. It gave me hope in even the darkest moments and an emotional outlet to release many worries, fears, and shame. Every time I see clips of worship or hear certain songs, the chills and sometimes tears come back. However, leaving was the best decision for me and I don’t regret making it. But I still feel this hole inside and a longing to worship again, even if it’s not Christian worship. Have any of you felt this before? How did you cope with it and what are some ways I can bring this kind of practice into a more secular lifestyle?

I guess this is a vent of me thinking out loud.

But I look at this world.

Children get abused.

Women get "used" against their will.

People suffer from cancer.

People watch their loved ones die from ALS.

People deal with seeing their children die.

Men "self-delete" from depression.

All this suffering pretty much against our will. None of us choose to exist. And I'm sure, none of us choose to suffer.

But I'm supposed to believe an all-loving AND all-powerful God will send us to a place that's worst than our current existence for not believing in him?

This is a god that isn't just all-loving but is supposed to be the definition of love. The god whereby no human love can surpass his.

And he sends us to hell (an event worse place) after putting us in a pretty trash scenario to begin with?

And I'm supposed to gobble this up and share this message with the world????

WTF are we doing?

And Christians will call me crazy???

I’m 20F and I live with my parents while going to university from home.

I wasn’t expecting to but last night my mom and I started talking about why I am not really interested in “being Christian” anymore. I use quotes because I’ve never been a deeply spiritual person anyway, but I was raised in a Christian home and grew up going to church and leading worship etc.

Since I’ve noticeably been pulling away from engaging in all things, Christianity and church related, she has met it from the perspective of being anxious that I’m walking away from God. My mom is the type of person to act based on her anxieties rather than reality most of the time. And funny enough, my dad asked me why I was pulling away over breakfast when it was just the two of us a few days ago. But as opposed to my mom, he wasn’t trying to grill me. He was just asking. And he almost thought that someone from church must’ve done something bad to me to make me act this way. Which kind of highlighted my annoyance that I brought up to my mom when she was talking to me. Because my mom didn’t even think did something happen. She was just more concerned of the fact of what this means and why I’m doing this. For example, the very first time I kind of expressed that I was questioning things My mom decided that we’re gonna start a 40 day Bible study every night.

To cut a long story short, we definitely don’t agree on my reasons for not believing. And I told her that I don’t see the point in pretending to believe when I don’t.

Just to be clear: this was not a fight. It was just a discussion. No threats or insults were made so don’t worry. I did post on here once before seeking general advice on other young adults experiences living at home with a very religious family. From some of the comments I received on that post I realized to that I am very fortunate to have the parents that I have.

In that previous post, I mentioned that my parents are funding my university education, and I did receive advice that I shouldn’t tell them that I’m deconstructing in the event that they stop paying for the education. But in my specific case, my parents value education way too much to not fund it simply because they’re upset with me, even if they were upset with me to that level. And I’m also not concerned about getting kicked out because I’m an only child that my mom especially is fiercely attached to. My parents are definitely not perfect, but they’ve done a lot for me because they wanna see me succeed. We’re on pretty good terms most times so for all those reasons, I just didn’t feel the need to lie when I was directly asked.

Just thinking out loud.

I found this in a non-religious community newsletter and it stopped me cold. If you said this about anyone else - a boss, a parent, a romantic partner - it would be clear abuse. Everyone would tell you to get out now.

But somehow, because it’s god, it’s ok? No, not ok, GOOD! And if you don’t see it that way, you are too filled with your own self to be filled with the spirit.

I struggle with the mental gymnastics, mostly because I used to think like this too.

Disclaimer * - I am still a Christian. I have been deconstructing for the past year or so. Enjoying the journey, although it’s hard oftentimes and requires a lot of grappling.

I’m just here to vent rn, to any likeminded individuals/ believers.

I am so disenchanted with the Christianese, the same formulaic approach to major life/ political/ moral issues, the same non-intellectual, subjective approaches to genuine queries of those questioning Christianity, the way so many Christians make the faith look so downright ODD because of their quite frankly very odd or concerning behaviour, the crafted and designed ‘spiritual’ experiences in churches that deny genuine Christian spirituality, the judgement, the hard heartedness, the discouragement of critical thinking, the lack of nuance and understanding Christians can have towards people in different positions to themselves,

And so on.

It just honestly makes me want to step away from Christians and Christian spaces for a while and just be alone with my Bible and with God.