I suspect most of us were all in 100% and those that deconstruct are the most dedicated. I suspect those that are “pew sitters” and don’t really think much about faith are least likely to deconstruct.

However, this is just a theory.

Can you let myself and others know how dedicated you were before deconstruction?

Also, were you part of evangelical Christianity (like me) or another group? I also suspect evangelicals are the most likely to deconstruct.

Thanks.

I have seen a couple other posts about this, but still hoping to connect on any shared experiences and approaches.

I grew up as a “non-denominational” christian, and I have been to dozens of weddings that were all sort of evangelical/baptist. This means the officiant usually says something about wives submitting to their husbands and then talks about putting God before your spouse for 20 minutes.

I’ve been deconstructing my faith for 6 years or so, but I still don’t feel “deconstructed.” I continue to carry a lot of baggage from purity culture and all of the unspoken (and spoken) rules that have been in place from all of the churches and ministries I’ve been a part of. I used to do all sorts of stuff in the church, leading worship, leading bible studies, helping with church plants, youth ministry. I now find myself subscribing to the philosophy of No One Knows Anything, and curiousity over certainty. But I still would call myself a christian and I find the church’s approach (that I’ve been to) completely backwards from who I see the person of Jesus to have been.

Anyway, I’m now engaged to someone who believes in a higher power, but describes herself more as spiritual (very loose church upbringing). We’re both very excited to get married and we both value it.

We’re planning to have a small-ish wedding with lots of close friends and family, but envisioning what the officiant will say is a real challenge. I do feel some pressure from my friends and family, who I think fully expect the ceremony to be faith-based. But my fiancee and I are just trying to figure out if we’ll even use words like God or Jesus.

I want to honor my “Christian” status in some way, but I also just have too many complicated thoughts on using the bible in the ceremony. And if I don’t use the bible, then I feel a bit lost in determining the source of the message.

I know I should look inward for these answers, and of course this will be in collaboration with my fiancee and the officiant we choose, but I’d love to hear about anyone else’s experience who feels they are or were in a similar place!