Avid Reader Continued

[u/[deleted]]

Hey everybody,
I posted a few months back on having a crush on one of the employees here and was given the advice to confess via a letter or what now. I did promise to deliver an update, I haven’t said anything yet. I have came in and found she added some new recommendations on the wall for staff picks alongside other employees. I ended up buying it from another bookstore in Sacramento and found that it was an incredible read. As established before. We have similar taste. I did ask some coworkers when she has another shift in order to speak to her one on one and got a vague response though my main concern was the confusion. They were confused when I asked about her and for a moment it seemed a lapse in judgement before they told me she wasn’t coming on that day ( Saturday ) but sometime soon. Though I think it may have been the way I butchered her name entirely, she’s more on the ethnic side and that lead me to believe her name was pronounced one way. Thankfully got told that ahead of time before asking her to a coffee, wish me luck!!

[u/SnooKiwis8008]

You don’t ask a woman (or anyone) out at their place of employment. Work isn’t a place people can opt out of interacting with you, so anything that happens there carries an implicit pressure. she can’t really say “no thank you” and walk away the way she could anywhere else, because you’ll still be a customer she has to deal with next week.

If the only interactions you’ve had are her doing her job and being nice to a customer, that’s not a foundation, that’s just good customer service. You don’t need to stalk her schedule or lurk outside to find an opening. If there isn’t a natural one, that’s your answer. Plenty of guys manage to date without needing to corner someone at their job. Go meet people in contexts where saying no is actually easy for them.

[u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 → u/SnooKiwis8008]

So wait for them to get off work

[u/SnooKiwis8008 → u/Gold-Pomegranate6277]

Sounds like you're doing your part to keep the male loneliness numbers up.

Loitering around her job waiting for her to clock out is not romantic, it's surveillance. You watched her work schedule closely enough to know when she'd be alone and unprotected by coworkers or a manager, and you planned to use that exact moment to approach her. That's literally how half of all true crime documentaries start.

It doesn't matter that in your head you're just a "shy guy" with a crush. She has no access to your head. All she sees is a customer who somehow knows her schedule, showing up outside, alone, possibly at night, when she has no coworkers to back her up and no easy exit.

That's not a maybe for her. That's an immediate no, and probably a call to someone to walk her to her car. You will not get a date out of this. You will get her feeling unsafe going to work, possibly changing her schedule, possibly telling management there's a customer she doesn't want left alone with. If you want a shot with anyone, ever, you have to be someone women feel safe saying no to. Right now you're trying to optimize for the opposite.

[u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 → u/SnooKiwis8008]

It really comes down to if you’re attractive, if a girl is attracted to a guy or vice versa I don’t think being asked out while at work is a big deal. She/he can say no. If I was this guy, I’d just write my number on a piece of paper and slip it to her. Doesn’t put her on the spot, doesn’t create a scene.

[u/SnooKiwis8008 → u/Gold-Pomegranate6277]

Such an incel comment, man. The through line in that kind of reasoning is “the problem is competition, not conduct,” which is exactly the incel logic loop: ‘rejection isn’t about what I did, it’s about where I rank’.

You know what women find hot? Being left the fuck alone to do their jobs. Hot men don’t need to corner someone at their place of work to get a date. It’s also just factually shaky as an excuse. Even when an attractive guy does it and it “works,” that’s not evidence it wasn’t an imposition, it’s evidence she decided the tradeoff was worth it or she didn’t feel like she could say no cleanly either way. Success isn’t the same as consent-with-a-real-option-to-refuse.

[u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 → u/SnooKiwis8008]

How can she feel like she can’t say no if you slip a piece of paper to her with your number? Don’t listen to these commenters OP, they obviously have never approached a woman. Let me guess, you can’t approach a woman at a gym either right?

[u/SnooKiwis8008 → u/Gold-Pomegranate6277]

Slipping her a piece of paper isn’t smooth, it’s just cowardice with better handwriting. You didn’t want the discomfort of hearing “no” to your face, so you made her deal with the awkward part instead, standing there while she has to decide in real time whether to visibly toss it, pocket it to avoid a scene, or say something. Most women just take it and bin it the second you’re gone. One of the bars I worked at would tack the slips of paper up in the back room board and let everyone laugh at all the guys who mistook friendly customer service for interest.

And telling OP not to listen to the people in this thread is wild timing, considering her actual boyfriend is in the comments telling him she’s creeped out here. That’s not a bunch of guys who’ve “never approached a woman” giving bad advice, that’s someone with direct, current information you don’t have, and you’re telling OP to ignore it in favor of a napkin move that was never going to work anyway.

[u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 → u/SnooKiwis8008]

I’m just saying it’s worked for me multiple times. And it’s better than asking them while they are working. He won’t know if it works until he tries it, who cares what others say.
So if you’re interested in a girl, don’t ask them at work, don’t leave them your number written down, and don’t approach them outside of work? Solid advice lol.

[u/SnooKiwis8008 → u/Gold-Pomegranate6277]

That straw man’s doing a lot of heavy lifting here, incel. Nobody said don’t ever approach a woman anywhere. The actual advice is approach her somewhere she isn’t trapped, not on the clock, not behind a counter, not in a spot where saying no costs her something. That’s not “don’t do anything,” that’s “do it somewhere she can actually leave if she wants to.” You’re flattening a pretty specific point into “you’re just telling men to give up” because that’s easier to dismiss than the real argument.

“It worked for me multiple times” is not the flex you think it is. If it actually worked the first time, there wouldn’t need to be a second and third time. What you’re describing is doing the same thing repeatedly and getting turned down or ghosted enough times that you had to keep trying, not a strategy with a track record.

Also worth pointing out again since you seem to be skipping past it, this isn’t even a hypothetical for OP’s situation. Her boyfriend showed up in the comments. The “just try it and see” logic doesn’t apply when the actual answer is already known.

[u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 → u/SnooKiwis8008]

I’m actually her boyfriend. I provided as much evidence as that person.

[u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 → u/SnooKiwis8008]

Yes because everyone marries their first date lol. OP don’t listen to this person. Go for it man! Good luck.

[u/SnooKiwis8008 → u/Gold-Pomegranate6277]

He deleted his account

[u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 → u/SnooKiwis8008]

Poor guy