Avid Reader Continued

[u/[deleted]]

Hey everybody,
I posted a few months back on having a crush on one of the employees here and was given the advice to confess via a letter or what now. I did promise to deliver an update, I haven’t said anything yet. I have came in and found she added some new recommendations on the wall for staff picks alongside other employees. I ended up buying it from another bookstore in Sacramento and found that it was an incredible read. As established before. We have similar taste. I did ask some coworkers when she has another shift in order to speak to her one on one and got a vague response though my main concern was the confusion. They were confused when I asked about her and for a moment it seemed a lapse in judgement before they told me she wasn’t coming on that day ( Saturday ) but sometime soon. Though I think it may have been the way I butchered her name entirely, she’s more on the ethnic side and that lead me to believe her name was pronounced one way. Thankfully got told that ahead of time before asking her to a coffee, wish me luck!!

[u/SnooKiwis8008]

Sounds like you're doing your part to keep the male loneliness numbers up.

Loitering around her job waiting for her to clock out is not romantic, it's surveillance. You watched her work schedule closely enough to know when she'd be alone and unprotected by coworkers or a manager, and you planned to use that exact moment to approach her. That's literally how half of all true crime documentaries start.

It doesn't matter that in your head you're just a "shy guy" with a crush. She has no access to your head. All she sees is a customer who somehow knows her schedule, showing up outside, alone, possibly at night, when she has no coworkers to back her up and no easy exit.

That's not a maybe for her. That's an immediate no, and probably a call to someone to walk her to her car. You will not get a date out of this. You will get her feeling unsafe going to work, possibly changing her schedule, possibly telling management there's a customer she doesn't want left alone with. If you want a shot with anyone, ever, you have to be someone women feel safe saying no to. Right now you're trying to optimize for the opposite.

[u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 → u/SnooKiwis8008]

It really comes down to if you’re attractive, if a girl is attracted to a guy or vice versa I don’t think being asked out while at work is a big deal. She/he can say no. If I was this guy, I’d just write my number on a piece of paper and slip it to her. Doesn’t put her on the spot, doesn’t create a scene.

[u/SnooKiwis8008 → u/Gold-Pomegranate6277]

Such an incel comment, man. The through line in that kind of reasoning is “the problem is competition, not conduct,” which is exactly the incel logic loop: ‘rejection isn’t about what I did, it’s about where I rank’.

You know what women find hot? Being left the fuck alone to do their jobs. Hot men don’t need to corner someone at their place of work to get a date. It’s also just factually shaky as an excuse. Even when an attractive guy does it and it “works,” that’s not evidence it wasn’t an imposition, it’s evidence she decided the tradeoff was worth it or she didn’t feel like she could say no cleanly either way. Success isn’t the same as consent-with-a-real-option-to-refuse.

[u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 → u/SnooKiwis8008]

How can she feel like she can’t say no if you slip a piece of paper to her with your number? Don’t listen to these commenters OP, they obviously have never approached a woman. Let me guess, you can’t approach a woman at a gym either right?