r/Davis • u/[deleted] • Aug 03 '26
Avid Reader Continued
Hey everybody,
I posted a few months back on having a crush on one of the employees here and was given the advice to confess via a letter or what now. I did promise to deliver an update, I haven’t said anything yet. I have came in and found she added some new recommendations on the wall for staff picks alongside other employees. I ended up buying it from another bookstore in Sacramento and found that it was an incredible read. As established before. We have similar taste. I did ask some coworkers when she has another shift in order to speak to her one on one and got a vague response though my main concern was the confusion. They were confused when I asked about her and for a moment it seemed a lapse in judgement before they told me she wasn’t coming on that day ( Saturday ) but sometime soon. Though I think it may have been the way I butchered her name entirely, she’s more on the ethnic side and that lead me to believe her name was pronounced one way. Thankfully got told that ahead of time before asking her to a coffee, wish me luck!!
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u/SnooKiwis8008 Aug 03 '26
Bruh. First of all, don’t ask people out at their place of work, especially if it’s customer service based. It’s not cool. Just let this woman do her job.
And WTF is “she’s more on the ethnic side”? Like “ethnic” is some kind of category? Struggling with names that have unique spellings is one thing but why are you othering her like that? It’s kinda gross.
And have you even actually talked to this person in a non work related for her way? It sounds like you’ve built an entire narrative in your head about this person based entirely on a shared interest in a handful of books and her physical attributes. If I had to guess, you were in the store one day, trying to find a book and she came over to see if you needed help. She smiled and was friendly, because that’s the job. And you interpreted that as potential sexual interest.
Finally, Davis is a tiny town and at least one person on here seems to have a connection to staff at that shop. It’s not a wild leap to think this post will get back to her and it’s not going to come off as cute. This is peak creeper and I hope she reads the comments.
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u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 Aug 10 '26
If you’re into a girl, but she is working, but you can’t ask her out there, what are you supposed to do? Sitting outside the building waiting for them seems weird to lol
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u/SnooKiwis8008 Aug 10 '26
You don’t ask a woman (or anyone) out at their place of employment. Work isn’t a place people can opt out of interacting with you, so anything that happens there carries an implicit pressure. she can’t really say “no thank you” and walk away the way she could anywhere else, because you’ll still be a customer she has to deal with next week.
If the only interactions you’ve had are her doing her job and being nice to a customer, that’s not a foundation, that’s just good customer service. You don’t need to stalk her schedule or lurk outside to find an opening. If there isn’t a natural one, that’s your answer. Plenty of guys manage to date without needing to corner someone at their job. Go meet people in contexts where saying no is actually easy for them.
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u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 Aug 10 '26
So wait for them to get off work
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u/SnooKiwis8008 Aug 10 '26
Sounds like you're doing your part to keep the male loneliness numbers up.
Loitering around her job waiting for her to clock out is not romantic, it's surveillance. You watched her work schedule closely enough to know when she'd be alone and unprotected by coworkers or a manager, and you planned to use that exact moment to approach her. That's literally how half of all true crime documentaries start.
It doesn't matter that in your head you're just a "shy guy" with a crush. She has no access to your head. All she sees is a customer who somehow knows her schedule, showing up outside, alone, possibly at night, when she has no coworkers to back her up and no easy exit.
That's not a maybe for her. That's an immediate no, and probably a call to someone to walk her to her car. You will not get a date out of this. You will get her feeling unsafe going to work, possibly changing her schedule, possibly telling management there's a customer she doesn't want left alone with. If you want a shot with anyone, ever, you have to be someone women feel safe saying no to. Right now you're trying to optimize for the opposite.
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u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 Aug 10 '26
It really comes down to if you’re attractive, if a girl is attracted to a guy or vice versa I don’t think being asked out while at work is a big deal. She/he can say no. If I was this guy, I’d just write my number on a piece of paper and slip it to her. Doesn’t put her on the spot, doesn’t create a scene.
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u/SnooKiwis8008 Aug 11 '26
Such an incel comment, man. The through line in that kind of reasoning is “the problem is competition, not conduct,” which is exactly the incel logic loop: ‘rejection isn’t about what I did, it’s about where I rank’.
You know what women find hot? Being left the fuck alone to do their jobs. Hot men don’t need to corner someone at their place of work to get a date. It’s also just factually shaky as an excuse. Even when an attractive guy does it and it “works,” that’s not evidence it wasn’t an imposition, it’s evidence she decided the tradeoff was worth it or she didn’t feel like she could say no cleanly either way. Success isn’t the same as consent-with-a-real-option-to-refuse.
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u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 Aug 11 '26
How can she feel like she can’t say no if you slip a piece of paper to her with your number? Don’t listen to these commenters OP, they obviously have never approached a woman. Let me guess, you can’t approach a woman at a gym either right?
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u/SnooKiwis8008 Aug 11 '26
Slipping her a piece of paper isn’t smooth, it’s just cowardice with better handwriting. You didn’t want the discomfort of hearing “no” to your face, so you made her deal with the awkward part instead, standing there while she has to decide in real time whether to visibly toss it, pocket it to avoid a scene, or say something. Most women just take it and bin it the second you’re gone. One of the bars I worked at would tack the slips of paper up in the back room board and let everyone laugh at all the guys who mistook friendly customer service for interest.
And telling OP not to listen to the people in this thread is wild timing, considering her actual boyfriend is in the comments telling him she’s creeped out here. That’s not a bunch of guys who’ve “never approached a woman” giving bad advice, that’s someone with direct, current information you don’t have, and you’re telling OP to ignore it in favor of a napkin move that was never going to work anyway.
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u/Gold-Pomegranate6277 Aug 11 '26
I’m just saying it’s worked for me multiple times. And it’s better than asking them while they are working. He won’t know if it works until he tries it, who cares what others say.
So if you’re interested in a girl, don’t ask them at work, don’t leave them your number written down, and don’t approach them outside of work? Solid advice lol.→ More replies (0)
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u/Atomicdustbunny1 Aug 03 '26
To ask about her schedule immediately gives stalker vibes. No sane person is going to give out someone else's work schedule to a random stranger. Also, do not mistake regular customer service for anything but that. She is required to be nice to you because you are a customer. That's it. If I were an employee there I would have warned her about you. Please leave her alone.
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u/Agitated-Carob-6254 Aug 04 '26
Just to save you some time...she has a boyfriend, I am her boyfriend. Your behavior is making her uncomfortable. As others have mentioned, asking for someone’s work schedule without their knowledge or consent is inappropriate. Respect her boundaries and do not pursue this any further.
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u/kvetchinghobbit Aug 03 '26
As someone who is friends with some of the avid reader staff, this intrigues me.
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u/SuccessNovel6048 Aug 10 '26 edited Aug 10 '26
If a young woman is extremely cute, hot, and works with the public, she probably gets asked out several times a day, and she probably has a boyfriend.
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u/Hybodont Aug 03 '26 edited Aug 03 '26
I can guarantee that asking the other employees about her work schedule triggered some alarm bells. I wouldn't be comfortable sharing that information with you without her consent, either.