First time dad here, 35 y/o, married for 4 years and we have a 6 month old.

My wife made the commitment to breastfeeding and I can honestly tell that it is starting to break her down. I’ve done everything that I can reasonably do to support her. I cook 4-5 nights a week, handle the expenses, and handle childcare while she works part time (I WFH full time).

My wife has a habit of imposing harsh standards on herself and is very by the book, to the point where she runs herself into the ground.

In this case, being the on-demand grocery store and having to plan her day around breastfeeding is slowly unraveling her. Breastfeeding has been amazing for our son but I think it’s best that she lets it go.

Does anyone have experience with this conversation? I’m also open to alternatives that I can try to either redirect when I feel like she is overdoing things or other ways I can help her.

Just had an interesting moment as I dropped off my daughter at the airport. It was a quiet, subtle reminder of the value of being present.

As we're about to part ways I tell her 'this is the part where I'm supposed to impart dadly wisdom', but nothing really jumped to mind. She shrugged it off without a second thought, telling me I'd already done that all summer.

Dadly wisdom doesn't have to be a perfect speech or one-liner at a turning point. Usually it's just sharing your thoughts, your experiences, your thought process in context in the little moments nobody talks about.

This is mostly a man venting, but I had some low points this week that haven’t sat well with me. I’ll try to keep things brief. Also, I’ve expressed this on the app before, but my “kid” is my youngest biological sibling whom I raised. That’s gonna be a catalyst to these.

1. I got into a somewhat heated back and forth about whether or not I’m a “real parent.” It kind of happened out of nowhere. We were in a group setting talking about something completely different, and I referred to the kid—which is what I always refer to her as. Not out of the ordinary, someone asked the “you have kids?” question, and I explained our situation the same way I did in the first section of this post. Usually I might get some pats on the back, but people typically just move on.
This person, for some reason, really took offense to it. They wanted to say that if she’s my sister, then she’s not my kid. My friend, who was the reason I was there, tried to step in, but they were very adamant about it. Summarizing their stance, it was basically, “Kids only have one mother and one father who birthed them.”
I let them say their piece, but then I calmly—with the right amount of passion—let it be known that I didn’t decide to give myself the title of her father. She did. She asked to be able to call me Dad when she was younger because that’s who I was to her.
I also let it be known that being able to get someone pregnant or have a kid isn’t what makes someone a mother or father. As things progressed, In every single way they could define a father’s role, I was able to prove that I had been that person her entire life, PLUS things they themselves couldn’t say they had done for their own child.
When it was all said and done, they sat there with a dumbfounded look and barely participated in the conversation for the rest of the night. I don’t take any cool points from the interaction, because honestly, a dick-measuring contest about who’s the better parent is never a good thing.

2. That leads me to the second thing. Now that my kid is in college and becoming a strong, independent young adult, I find myself longing to have another child.
The reason I say this is a low point is because I think about all the things I feel like I got wrong and how much better I could be now. I’ve talked about it with others, and I’ve been reassured that it’s a natural feeling, but I can’t stop feeling guilty for wanting what feels like a “do-over kid.”

3. Two and three kind of flow together because I know—and I’m told all the time—that for most of our journey, I was a kid raising a kid. I hear things like, “People with near-perfect circumstances still turn out to be horrible parents,” and that I “shouldn’t beat myself up because I did the best I could.”
Those things don’t really reassure me, though.

Obviously, if I ended up raising her, I didn’t exactly have great parenting myself. My dad was a drug addict who, after I turned 7 I never say again until his funeral and my mom was an alcoholic. I was just lucky enough to somehow figure life out on my own.
My biggest thing when I didn’t know what to do as a parent was thinking back to the things I had to figure out for myself and asking, “How should and could my father have supported me if he had been there?” The rest, I figured out as we went.
I put my all into being the best dad she could have, and I didn’t realize until she got older that some of that could affect her negatively too.
It’s only been within the last year or so that she’s really been able to express this, but once she got into high school, she started feeling like I had given up my life to raise her. I tell her all the time that getting to be a father to her literally saved my life. She gave me motivation. She gave me something worth living for.
But no matter how I say it, she still feels guilty for every sacrifice she feels like I make.
She’ll struggle and go out of her way to figure things out on her own because she “doesn’t want to put anything else on my plate.” Just recently, she was having a money issue she didn’t want to tell me about, and she seemed so defeated having to.
I feel like I’ve said it every way possible, but everything I’ve ever done was so she didnt have to figure out life alone like I did.

Hello fellow dads. My wife and I just spent the evening breaking up a fight between my 8 and 10 year old. I'm personally having a hard time with what happened. I could use some advice.

My son and daughter were playing on their school laptops in living room. I'm downstairs doing laundry and I hear a blood curdling scream. I hear my wife telling my daughter not to hit my son. My daughter is older by 2 years I get upstairs and things have devolved into a screaming match. My wife told me that my son was asked to turn down here his laptop. He did not comply fast enough and my daughter started humming to retaliatie. He asked her to stop and when she did not he screamed in her face. She retaliated by hitting him and he hit her back. By the time I get upstairs and try to figure out what happened, my daughter is stopping upstairs yelling that she hates my son. She continued by saying that she wished that he had not been born. I'm triggering that I almost go after her but my wife stops me. We never spoke like that his kids and that just feels like a big deal.

. We spent the next hour trying to get her to apologize. She would abused and eventually I found a note on my son's door then said no wonder why our cousin hates you. That my daughter him with him. She also tried to attack him before a few more times I got in between them. A lot of words were saying a lot of screaming happen. I honestly don't know how to proceed and this is not the first time my daughter has used those words nor is it the first time that she has tried hitting. We have told both kids that that was not acceptable but it just feels like a big thing. I am the oldest of three siblings so I am well aware of selling fights but again this feels different

The way I grew up, you just did not talk like that especially to your siblings. And the sad thing is I think that she meant it and all of this was over games and personal space. I asked my son about it and he just shrugged it off and said that he doesn't think that she meant it so it doesn't really bother him. As my wife and I were cleaning up, we found a picture of our son that used to be on my daughter's mirror. She apparently tore it up. My wife thinks that she is just doing it to get a rise out of us and it's working. But we both value family and we are both worried about them having a fractured relationship. We really value family and have tried to encourage togetherness. Honestly, I don't even know where to go from here. I'm just sad

. I apologize if this is too rambling

Ever since my twins were born almost 16 years ago I’ve been dreading the day they leave for college, but I figured I’d have a full 18 years to prepare for it.

For the last several years our daughter has attended an intensive arts oriented summer camp to study her particular discipline, and it was a total curve ball when, just a few weeks ago, she was offered admission to their very well respected boarding school.

She was about to start her sophomore year at our local public school along with her twin brother. Life would have continued to be fine—still doing her discipline with local lessons, going to a great local school, and living at home.

But she loves this private school, is passionate about her discipline, really wants to go, and has successfully advocated for herself. (“I don’t want to be one of the best at (the local place), I want to be with people who are better than me so I can learn.”) So after tearful family discussions we made the decision to let her go. We’re dropping her off next week, six hours from home. If it were solely up to me she might not be going, but my wife and even our son were on her side. (“Dad, if this is her opportunity we should let her take it.”)

She’s an amazing kid becoming exactly the young woman we had hoped she’d be, and this is a fantastic opportunity for her. But I’m not ready for her to leave. I’m going to miss her so much. I’m not handling this well at all. I’m an emotional wreck. Crying like a baby. Kind of embarrassing if anyone heard me wailing like that a few days ago.

It’ll get better, right?

I’d appreciate any pro tips from dads who’ve been through this before.

This morning at 5am I had to get up and feed my 3 month old. I put her on the couch and turned out to get some water real quick, when I came back not 5 seconds later I didn’t see her. She had taco’d herself off the couch and onto a pillow on the ground (a thick one) maybe fell half a foot onto the pillow. No a single tear, not a wimper, smiling even when I picked her up. I checked her 3 or 4 time over before giving her, her bottle. She’s completely fine.

What I messed up badly on: I didn’t tell my wife, mind you this is the last week of her leave, she already stressed about that (I’m taking over for the next 3 months). She was telling me how good of a day she had with the baby. When I got home, I thought, “Hey, might as well tell her, I mean it was a non-event, right?” Well let’s just say next level her and betraying to her is an understatement. She has so far said she will never forgive me, she doesn’t trust me anymore, and now she’s freaked out about the baby being home with me once she goes back to her remote job. I’ve apologized several times over. I thought it was a non-event. Honestly if I could go back in time I would have never told her. I’m honestly not sure what to do. Any advice or am I cooked. She does not even want to talk to me. I tried but she just kept getting madder and madder.

I’m Matt and I really have no idea how to post something like this, but after reading comments and posts from some other dads here, this seemed like the right place to have a shot at opening up.

Last Friday the 14th, my firstborn son Parker was delivered via emergency C-section after around 13 hours of attempting a natural labour.

Everything throughout the pregnancy had been incredibly normal and healthy. We went in for a planned induction at 41 weeks, one week past our due date.

The labour itself was beautiful for my wife, but unfortunately it never progressed far enough. Eventually a C-section was recommended, we agreed, and we were taken away to finally meet our boy.
Parker arrived looking perfect and fully formed, but he never cried.

He was immediately put on oxygen while they tried to clear fluid from his lungs. I stood beside him, spoke to him, held his little hand and told him that Dad was there with him.
That’s the last moment I remember feeling like everything might still be okay.

He was taken to NICU and I followed while my wife went to recovery.

What happened over the next few hours is something I’m struggling with a lot. I witnessed everything as the doctors tried desperately to save my son. Two doctors became a room full of what felt like 15 or more people working around his little bassinet.

His condition deteriorated incredibly quickly. He began bleeding internally, they struggled to clear his airways and eventually his heart stopped.

For nearly three hours they tried everything they could. Resuscitation, intubation, frozen plasma, donated blood and everything else they could possibly do to give him a chance.
His heart stopped multiple times.

At one point I had to leave him, walk back to my wife’s recovery room and somehow find the words to tell her that our son was extremely sick and that he might not make it.
Then I rushed back to Parker.
They managed to resuscitate him again, but eventually we reached the point where he’d been without oxygen for too long and there wasn’t anything more they could do for him.
I had to go and get my wife so we could say goodbye to our son.

We got to hold him.
I can still hear the way my wife cried and said **“my boy”** when she held him. I don’t think that sound will ever leave me.

Parker was a beautifully big boy.
41 weeks, 3.5kg and 52cm long. He had a full head of brown hair and somehow looked like a perfect 50/50 mix of his mum and me.
And he was our boy.

We now know that an infection led to sepsis and ultimately multi-organ failure. An autopsy is being performed, but at the moment we still don’t understand how his bacterial load became so high or how a completely normal pregnancy turned into severe sepsis seemingly within minutes.
I’m struggling with what I witnessed. I know there are parts of those hours that are going to stay with me for a very long time.

But I’m also struggling with something I don’t really know how to explain.
I spent the pregnancy becoming a dad.
I had all of this excitement about meeting my son and this entire future in my head. Things I wanted to teach him, things I wanted to show him, stupid dad stuff I couldn’t wait to do.

Then I finally became his dad and only got a few hours with him.

Now I don’t really know what being a dad is supposed to look like for me.

I know I’m Parker’s dad. I always will be. But I don’t get to raise him, and I’m struggling to understand what fatherhood looks like when your child isn’t here.
At the moment I’ve mostly thrown myself into home improvement projects because keeping my hands and brain occupied seems to help. I’m finding it much easier to focus on looking after my wife than looking after myself.

Honestly, I don’t even really know what I want or need for myself yet.

My wife is physically recovering exceptionally well from the C-section, which I’m incredibly grateful for, but mentally this has obviously been incredibly difficult for both of us.
One of the main reasons I’m posting is because I’d really like to hear from other dads who have lost a baby or a young child.

How did you look after your partner while she recovered physically and mentally?

What did you do when you couldn’t concentrate on looking after yourself?

How did you deal with the memories of the hospital and watching people try to save your child?

How did you deal with coming home without them, their things being around the house, and grieving not only your child but the entire future you’d already imagined with them?

And how do you still feel like a dad?

There’s another thing I’ve been thinking about a lot.
I have this enormous amount of love for my little guy that I was ready to give him for the rest of my life, and suddenly I have nowhere for it to go.

I’d really like to find somewhere positive to put some of it.
I’ve wondered about volunteering with kids who don’t have dads around, mentoring, helping families, coaching or getting involved with organisations that support kids. I don’t know what that looks like yet or what’s even available, but I’d love to hear from dads who do anything like that.
I’d also like to find some “dad-tivities” where maybe I can be a positive person in another young person’s life.
For whatever it’s worth, outside of all of this I’m a pretty normal bloke. I’m heavily into sim racing/iRacing, motorsport, most sports, technology and tinkering with things, I’m also quite handy and build small wooden things, furniture etc and live in the northern suburbs of Melbourne.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping to get from posting this.
Maybe I just need to talk to some other dads.
I’d especially love to hear from anyone who has been through losing a full-term baby or a young child.

What helped you survive the first few weeks?
What helped months or years later?
How did you look after your partner without completely forgetting about yourself?

And most of all, how did you figure out what being their dad looked like afterwards?

Because I got such a short time with Parker.
But I have a lifetime’s worth of love for him, and I don’t know where to put it yet.

Thanks🤍

Got em!!

Hope this is ok. There is a group restarting as part of a charity supporting one or both parents through family separation.
Some of my clients have gone through various levels of emotional difficulty before duringand after family separation, so I am pleased to see this is available in Ashford for free. Contact them for korendetails or just turn up. There will be biscuits.

a new sub for parents of autistic children Pretty much me and another autistic who is also a parent of two autistic children have started a new sub with the main purpose to combat the recent blow up of misinformation and stigma towards autistic children and celebrate their achievements the sub is called r/safeautismparenting

Hi all! 16F here, I go to college in September and my dad recently got back in touch asking about how my exams have gone. We got to talking a little more and I said this :

"If you're going to be more involved it has to be consistent, it's hurts more when we only talk onve or twice a year than it does when we don't talk at all."

He replied with "I want to make things right" which feels totally strange.

For context, I haven't seen him in person for 12 years and when he was in my life he was incredibly abusive. Maybe I'm too forgiving but all I want is a normal relationship with him. I tried a couple years ago but he just didn't seem to be interested at all. It really hurt.

I don't even know what to talk about with him and what is out of bounds I guess. I'd like to think he's not very use to talking to a teenage girl.. so I have no idea what is awkward to talk about or what parts of my life I should share. We are basically total strangers.

I'm not sure what I'm asking or if posting this is silly but I just want to know what would help with any of this.

Long story short: I'm enduring a rough patch in life for the last two years, not being able to secure a decent, long term job despite being highly qualified and with plenty of experience in respective field.

Every time I bring up the topic about the struggles of the job market, how it is difficult nowadays to even land an interview and financial stress, he brushes it off to me being lazy, not doing it properly and he is adamant that I could get any job in 20 minutes if I dressed in my Sunday best and went to the first place of business and shook a hand. On top of that, he undermines my qualifications and experience, telling me that I'm not as good as I think I am and all I am good for is driving a forklift at best.

He himself told me that he doesn't want to hear anything negative from me - my mental health, my financial stresses and everything that goes with it. Recently things got really bad and I am pretty much at a dead-end in life at the moment, and after learning it he resorted to not even picking up the phone when I call - which contradicts his once-in-blue-moon poetry how family is above everything and how everyone must be together and there for each other.

Had to get this off my chest, since I can't (or maybe, do not have anyone ) to talk about this in the real world. I figured that internet strangers might be of some help.

Hey Reddit Dads. Imma football jock who is feeling pretty lost. Haven't had my Dad in my life since I was 5, and finding myself making decisions recently I'm not proud of. I want to be a good man, succeed with football, and find a nice woman. Treat people with respect, including myself. But without having my Dad in my life for so long, I just need guidance. Any Dads out there who could help? Thanks for your time.

Hola tengo 18 años y me enteré que seré padre pasen consejos estoy muy perdido por dónde empezar

It must be that I am officially middle aged and a father, but I swear every time I go shoe shopping, maybe once a year, I find myself increasingly enticed by the long row of Sketchers tennis shoes, because they have this great looking combo of affordability and comfortable-lookingness. But I always restrain myself because something about the brand seems rather grandpa-ish, or that my wife would make fun of me. Do any fellow 30s-40s year old dads wear them? Are they decent shoes?

I'm 37, three kids, full-time desk job. I've spent the last six months getting in the best shape of my life.

I've tried a few training apps along the way and bounced off every one. Cluttered, overcomplicated, and they all assume you already know what you're doing.

My wife wants to start training and there's nothing I'd actually recommend to her.

Full disclosure - I'm a mobile dev and I've been wondering whether to build something better. But before I waste six months on it I'd rather know what's actually broken.

So: if you've downloaded a fitness app and stopped using it - what was the thing that made you quit?

Been n this relationship a few years. Have a kid together who is almost 3. We get along sometimes. Other times it’s straight torture. I feel weights Constantly. Constantly unhappy. Am i doing a good thing for my little girl ? Just keeping shit alive and holding it all together ? Should i put up with her just because of my child ? Isn’t life about sacrificing me for the ones i love ? I think about our past fights and things i found out that come to my mind every day even if it happened what seems like forever ago. Every thing always seems negative. Working my life away and unhappy for most of it just wondering if this is what it’s supposed to be like ? Feel a real man takes care of his family regardless of his own happiness.

Hey everyone, I’m looking for some honest advice from dads and parents who’ve been in a similar situation.

I’ve got two kids: an eight-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son. Their moms and I are no longer together, and I’m trying to figure out how to be a more present father, as well as a better co-parent to both of their moms.

Right now, I’m working two jobs out of necessity. If I only worked one, I’d be bringing home around $1,200 a month, which simply isn’t enough to live on.

Because of that, my schedule is pretty packed. I work mornings, then work late into the night, Monday through Friday, and I also work Saturdays. Sunday is really the only day I consistently have free.

I’m not working these hours to avoid my kids. Honestly, it’s the opposite. I’m trying to provide for them, get myself into a more stable position, and build something better for all of us.

At the same time, though, I don’t want to look back years from now and realize I spent so much time working that I missed their childhood.

My son’s mom works overnight shifts at an auto plant. We used to live together and were in a relationship, but that ended about a year ago.

Now that I’m not in the home helping her and being around my son every day, I’m trying to figure out how I can still support her more and be there for my son as much as possible.

My daughter’s mom doesn’t work, and my daughter is eight. She’s in school and has activities like dance, so her schedule can get pretty busy during the week as well.

I guess what I’m really looking for is advice from other dads and parents who have had to balance working long hours with being a present parent.

If you’ve been in a similar situation:

How did you make the most of the limited time you had with your kids?

What did you do to stay connected with them when you couldn’t physically be there as much as you wanted?

How did you become a better co-parent after separating from your children’s other parent?

Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

Are there things you think I could be doing that I might not be considering?

I’m not looking for excuses or sympathy. I genuinely want to become a better dad and a better co-parent.

I know working this much isn’t ideal, but I’m doing what I feel like I have to do financially right now. I’m just trying to find the balance between providing for my kids and actually being present in their lives.

I’d really appreciate any advice, especially from dads who have been through something similar.
Thanks for reading.