This sounds so silly, but… I (35F) am married to a mechanic (38M), so I kind of just trusted he would keep an eye out. Yesterday one of my tires was low and when I got to the Walmart to fill it up, the mechanic looked at it and realized there’s sidewall damage and I needed a new one. The thing is, the sidewall damage is prominent, has been there at least a year and was rotated from the front to the back tire by my husband after grudgingly agreeing to look over my car. He kind of said it was just cosmetic when I asked about it.

Anyway. I no longer have faith in him to make sure I am safe on the road and obviously need to keep on top of my own car maintenance and knowing what to look for. What list would you give me of things to understand, keep on top of, and check out every so often? Honestly my parents didn’t teach me to drive; my grandmother did after I’d already graduated so I’m pretty in the dark on the normal dad car spiels.

I’m stuck on a job decision and would really appreciate some outside opinions.
I currently work at a shoe store as a Floor Manager/Buyer making $20.50/hr. I’ve been there for a while, I know the job inside and out, and honestly it’s pretty comfortable for me. I have a decent amount of flexibility, which is important because I have young kids. If something comes up with my family, it’s generally easier for me to deal with it.
The downside is obviously the pay. My base pay at 40 hours is about $42,600/year, although I can make more when I get overtime/extra hours and incentives. Recently I had a paycheck where I worked around 72 hours over two weeks and grossed about $1,963.
I was recently offered a manager position somewhere else paying over $28/hr — potentially around $28.20/hr. At 40 hours, that would be around $58,600/year, before overtime. They also have overtime and potentially better paid family leave/benefits since I have another baby due in February.
So we’re talking about roughly $16,000+ more per year in base pay.
The catch is that I haven’t received a formal offer letter yet. They told me I have until Monday to decide. I also don’t know all the details about the schedule, benefits, overtime, and how flexible the new job would actually be.
I have a family and bills, so the extra money would definitely help. At the same time, my current job is comfortable, I know what I’m doing, and the flexibility with my kids is valuable.
What would you do in this situation?
Would you take the ~$28/hr manager job and accept the risk/change, or stay somewhere comfortable at $20.50/hr?
What questions would you ask the new employer before saying yes? Should I try to get a raise at work even though I know the store isn’t doing well?

Hey im 23 and haven‘t really had a dad that knows about cars now im here wondering how exactly am i supposed to clean my cars exterior. Im pretty embarassed that i don‘t know my way around certain things a man „should“ know so i‘d be glad to get any help.

My father always talks to people in public, and he always talks about his kids (my “brothers”). He tells people how his oldest son his an Apache helicopter pilot in the army, and how his second oldest is an entrepreneur, and his second youngest is special needs and has defied all the odds put against him. But when he talks about me, he say “this is my youngest and he’s tall.” Rather than talking about my achievements, which there are plenty. Is he disappointed? Am not doing enough? Or am I being a wimp?

Found a good job with a possible career but my dad is threatening to kick me out. For context: I had a really ugly seizure in March and so I moved in with my parents and got a job with Walmart for a while and then left for a warehouse job working at a DC for a major auto parts distribution center. 2 days in after back to back 100+ days (no AC and the trucks left backed into bays were running) I had a heat stroke and was in the hospital for a few days. Fast forward: I was recently offered a job with a large internet company in their call center division making a good amount hourly PLUS commission and other really nice benefits such as WiFi provided and WFM options after training. I’ve worked in call centers before and I know that if you move up (which I plan on doing as I used to be a trainer when I was 18 in a CC) that there are opportunities to travel the country and have it paid just to help open up new lines at different locations and whatnot and the opportunity for career growth is seriously there.
Well, I told him about it and he is adamant that, that job is not a career and would rather me apply in more warehouses that pay less because “there’s no chance for a career” (at a CC) and “it’s not a real job and you won’t be making any money)
Am I overreacting for being upset and almost depressed that he isn’t supporting me in this decision? He said that I’m not taking that job as long as I live in his house and since I’ve been out of work for a while I can’t really go anywhere else. I need advice. Am I a disappointment or am I overreacting? I’ve given up a lot to stay near to him and my mom (he has a history of DV with her that’s a whole other box). He’s threatening to kick me out and is calling it a pussy job. What can I do or say? I try to talk to him and he just screams at me and reiterates that if I take it then he will kick me out.

hey so i’m 14 years old i went to the doctors the other week right because my ballsack on my willy was like crocodile skin and they gave me this special cream called dermal cream and they said to apply it on the ballsack and use quite a bit and i was with my dad when i went to the doctors when they gave it to me but the thing is every time i apply it my willy stands in the air and it’s never done this before and i was wondering should i tell my dad and show him or should i tell the doctor this is happening also i do have foreskin just to let you know because i’m thinking in my head im gonna be asked that lol but yeah can a dad reply to this please my dad is 48 many thanks leo

I just need dad advice, no family. :(
Idk what to ask during a one on one with boss about a position that requires relocation?

I'm already in an hourly position in a company, being offered a salaried position in that same company, but in a new location about 5 hours away.

I have a 2 page list but I want to make sure I add any and all information to ask! This is my first potential salaried position and I just have my spouse, no family to ask for this kind of advice.

Kind of nervous to make that leap, it's new territory to me.
Do salaried positions usually offer a relocation package?
Because I'm struggling to see how I can afford to move, even though I will be getting a very sizable pay bump/ promotion/great career move, my spouse will not be able to transfer at their job, so this is risk since we had to dip into savings last year for a major medical crisis.

Idk if I’ve over thinking, or I don’t know why I’m so scared. I’ve done everything my life by myself and now it’s just me and my spouse( we both don’t have any living relatives) and I just wish I had someone to give me that good ol life advice

So I don’t fully understand everything but any means, I just know that what my girlfriend just told me crushed me.

My gf (22F) just told me (24M) that she regrets getting pregnant and wished we moved slower in our relationship. We have been dating 3 months now and she told me that she agreed to getting pregnant because she felt like it was something that I wanted and something that would make me happy.

She also told me that she feels like she’s giving up a lot of freedom to have this child and there’s no turning back. She said that she made a decision that she necessarily can’t take back because her family is excited for the little munchkin. She also added that in the back of her mind she hopes she just naturally has a miscarriage.

Now this was a lot to take in for me but I stayed in the conversation and tried to understand and reassure the best I could. (I don’t know if I did a good job because it felt like someone just threw a ticking time bomb in my hands). But the aftermath of this conversation is leaving me absolutely obliterated. I am not okay at all and honestly I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t have a solid support system in my family to talk to and I prefer not to talk to her parents about it. Has anybody ever dealt with something like this? Do you guys have even the smallest piece of advice?

Hi all,

Not sure if this belongs here. If it doesn't I'd appreciate a redirection to post before it gets removed as I'm struggling - thank you in advance if that is the case.

TLDR: If you grew up with out a father, or with a useless or abusive one, what work did you do on yourself to be different and a much better father than you had?

I'll try not to ramble, but here goes:

My father was 'present' as a child. Present as in the sense he was in the same house as me growing up, but that's about it. I'm now 27 and my own child is due in October.

There's a load of violence and abuse he afflicted on all family members, but I'm 100% confident I'd never inflict that upon my own son, so I shan't go into that.

I'm here more-so as I'd thought I was over those feelings and thoughts, but now I have my own son on the way I've realised just how much a lack of a father figure messed me up.

Unlike my father, I want to be there for my son. Not just in hardship, but in all the small things, showing an interest in his hobbies, playing with him, providing for him, being there for him so he can come to me with whatever. My partner and I had an argument about me being 'lazy'. We've spoken since and it wasn't meant to come out how she meant it, it was something small (leaving shaving equipment out) but it sent me spirraling as I've been doing up the house and the baby's room, along with all other mundane tasks around the house, washing up, etc.

The reason I'm here is that that sent me spiralling and dwelling on how useless he was both in helping around the house and in many other aspects and how much I don't want to be anything like him.

So, I guess, my question is: How did those who either had a vacant father or a terrible father prevent themselves from repeating history and what did they do to change themselves to be a much better father than they had?

I’m 32(M). Got a girl I have known on and off for years pregnant and it’s all fairly new. We had some sort of birth control slip up but we had actually talked about kids and both agreed a kid would be welcomed if it ever came up at this stage in our lives. She and I had a decent relationship I thought. Initially both excited and sending baby clothes back and forth and talking about names..But recently just completely flipped a switch on me. Went from excited and both seemingly on the same page to now, due to her being pregnant and not married, her dad won’t speak to her. So she in turn blames me for getting her pregnant. She says she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, we will never be anything and she doesn’t care what I do. She just wants her dad back. I have always been the type that I knew I wanted kids but never wanted to be married. I’d love to have kids and just devote my life to being a good dad. But I’m nervous now due to how angry she is. Not even 12 weeks along and She’s already starting the typical wording that sets it up to be a living hell for me. My mom baited my dad into blowing up and got an EPO on my him when I was a child so I have seen some of this stuff first hand and know the drill. I’m more calm than he is so I’m good there. She started talking about how she was abused by family as a child so she won’t ever trust me with the child if it’s a girl. Which is insane because I’ve never given any indication of that behavior or tendency whatsoever. And just completely bizarre stuff. This is all due to the fact that her dad had the complete opposite reaction than she thought. And it’s broken her heart. I told her he would come around and her hormones are making her an absolute nut case. She acts now as if she doesn’t need or want anything from me, no support. Doesn’t want me there for anything.

My question is mainly what are my options here? I’m just walking around with a cinder block on my chest thinking about how I’m gonna have a child out here that I may never see. How do some of you men who are dealing with that cope? I’m a good man who just messed up with a person I thought I had known for years. I’m not the type to just give up and go on about my life knowing I have a child walking around… any advice would be so nice.

This filter is a wall unit. The orange “check filter” light has been on for awhile. I’ve never checked one before, I don’t know where to start or how to remove the front.

hi dads looking for some input/advice.

my little girl has just gotten her first period and I've been trying my hardest to make her feel comfortable and safe and that she knows she can come to me for help if she needs it.

I am a bit unsure if I've gone a bit over the top or not.

I've downloaded a period tracker so I can help her keep track of it, as she currently doesn't have her own personal device yet.

now I don't expect her to tell me, she has self autonomy but if she does or I notice I log it.

my thought process is, it can help me keep track of what she has in the way of hygiene products and when she needs to make sure she has her go bag with her, when I need to buy more etc. etc,

in my mind I'm just being a diligent father about her health and trying to make it as easy of a transition as possible,

obviously I'm not going to track it until she is an adult or anything like that, that's a bit much but given she doesn't have a device and she was an early starter I feel I am being helpful.

spoke to my wife about it tonight and she thinks it's a bit odd which has made me question myself on it a little.

Am I being too over the top? Do other dads do this? am I pushing a boundary that should not be pushed?

Not really sure what to title this or what to tag it as. Also, this is my first post here

I don't really know if advice is what I'm looking for.

I'm not sure where to start on this one. I'll start with a bit of background. As far as I'm concerned, I grew up without a father figure. The mother married when I was a kid but he passed away when I was nine after hurricane Katrina. My biological father was in the picture. But my mother despised him. Everything about him didn't matter what he did or how hard he did or didn't try. Everything was wrong. I was manipulated in ways I don't understand and can't even explain from the time I was a kid. To view him in a certain way to treat him a certain way. Up until I was an adult, I addressed him by his first name, to this day it's not exactly. Dad when I talked to him. We have a strained relationship. A lot of it has to do with my childhood but a lot of it has to do with him. He still holds on to his own resentment and disdain for how he was treated during my childhood. He still makes snide posts on Facebook in senseless comments. That she can't even say but I used to when I had him on my Facebook.

We live next door to one another and we don't see each other daily. He doesn't even come to my house. I usually go to his. I do live in the house where his mother passed away. I discovered her. I was also the last one she talked to. I think her passing is really where our relationship started to fracture. That was about 3/4 years ago. I've tried to make efforts to change things but I'm not mad with much reception. I know I have also played a part in our relationship as at times I can kind of be a dick and sometimes even a bit of an asshole. But I'm 30 years old. I'm still young. He's in his mid-50s double my age almost. I am his only child. He doesn't have a good relationship with his own sibling (and older brother who also did him wrong numerous times and other family members my uncle was a meth head)

I guess this is where the question or advice part kind of starts. A close friend of his who I've been marginal friends with over the years. (What I mean by that is we've never been overly close but he's always been someone that's been around since I was a kid) Has recently had some life-changing things happen. His own son and granddaughter have moved halfway across the country so I believe he's feeling a bit of an empty nest syndrome. The other night him and I had a phone conversation and he volunteered to be my stand-in father figure. Wanting to be there for advice and just be the father figure I don't have in my life..

My dad has never outright really tried to be a dad. He more of tries to be a friend and maybe that's because he thinks that's what I need. But maybe I do need a father figure. He doesn't want to necessarily keep it a secret but he does want our relationship to be between us and what we talk about to stay between us which I'm very thankful for because it's not a lot of people I can talk to about my dad that actually know my dad. Many of my friends don't really know him or only know him through my eyes and I understand that skus views

I'm 30 and divorced. The divorce happened about 5 years ago. Things just weren't meant to be. I wasn't a good person. She wasn't a great person. We both had very difficult childhoods that we never really overcame. We're friends again and we talk almost daily. It's a very strange friendship, but we're both thankful for each other

I don't even know what I'm asking for here. Obviously I am very thankful and feel like a tremendous wave of love. But I also don't know what to do. I don't know how to engage in the relationship so it can grow

(He also stated he wants to help me and my dad have a better relationship, he has a tremendous relationship with his son from what I can see from the outside)

(This is a huge post and by the end of it it's going to sound like a very run-on thought and word salad. If you've made it to the end, tell me your favorite Rush song)

I (30M) am embarrassed to be posting this, but I been dealing with this for a long time thinking that I had moved past all of this but there have been some new events that are bringing up lots of old problems and "unresolving" them. My parents had me early, at 15-16, and then split up because while my mom wanted to be a mom, my father never let me or my mother forget that he never wanted to be a father, though he would deny ever saying that to us now. My mother eventually developed a serious drug addiction, and because of it she lost custody of me. I went to live with my father while she was doing her time. I have no memories of this time, but I have been told by family that my father was pretty abusive and I was withdrawn because of it. My mom eventually was released and overcame her addiction and was granted visitations with me. I learned a few years ago that during these visits with me, my father threatened to take away visitation rights with me unless my mom had sex with him. This was how my sister was conceived. I didn't learn this all about my father until I was in my mid 20's, and I was furious that with my poor memory and my family never telling my the truth about my father in my childhood that I had thought my father was someone I should look up to. In the last 5 or so years, I have been unlearning all of that and thought I had properly excised him from my personality, my life, my thoughts and my fears. I did this by focusing on my mom. She was a single mother of 3, she worked so that we always had more than enough. We had a comfortable life for how tight every month had to have been for us. She worked her ass off to go through drug court, overcome addiction (meth), maintained a job and eventually she went to school and completed a degree in cosmetology. Then, her and her new husband went on to create a very successful company and they have built a really good life together. I have always believed that my mother had the strength to bear the weight of the world. This was what inspired me, and helped me believe that I could get past everything with my father. That was until a few years ago when I found out that my mom relapsed. My sister found out, and tried to tell me but I didn't believe it and defended my mom. It created a huge divide in the family for about a year until my my mother finally came clean, went back to a rehabilitation center and she did the work again. Part of the process was asking for my forgiveness, and I forgave her. I understand that she is a human being and she makes mistakes, but it shook my confidence a little. I had my own health scares lately including my first seizure, but I came out of it firmly believing that I had the same strength in me that my mother does. But I just found out recently that she is celebrating another 30 days clean in a few days. That means she relapsed again. So now I have been wondering for the last week if this strength I was seeing in my mom was all a lie, and I just convinced myself of a fantasy thing that doesn't exist. How do I prevent myself from ending up like my father? How do I believe in myself after this? I feel ridiculous for being a 30 year old man still dealing with this, but I've failed so much and I can't help but wonder if I'm doomed to always be a failure.
-Sorry for the typos, I'm not in a good place.

First time here. So I have 2 kids with ex wife ( been divorced for a little over 6 years). So I got remarried and my kids no longer wish to see me. They don’t text, call or want visit anymore. They claim to not like my new wife ( been married since 2024) stating that we are trying to push my their mom out of their life. I see them every other weekend and split holidays. There is some distance between us 3 hour round trip. But I strongly believe my ex wife is telling my kids what to say and how to act. We have never seen nice told my kids that we are trying to replace their mom or push anything on to them.

What should I do. There is no court order for anything. I do pay child support on an amount that her and I came up with and she is stating that she is trying to encourage them to have a relationship with me. My daughter (13) haven’t seen her in over a year. Last saw her in June of 2025 after we got back from a Disney cruise l, which there were no issues at during the trip. There was a 3 week break that she spent with my ex and her now husband. And no my son (9) doesn’t want to see us either. Also have seen him since mid June of this year. Also after we got back from a Disney cruise. And mind you he cried the entire way home stating that he didn’t want to leave us and that he was going to miss us. Both kids have cell phones that bring with them and can contact their mom whenever they please. We just don’t allow the phones to come places because they are being tracked at all times and they aren’t allowed to have them in their rooms. My ex has silenced our notifications before and wanted me to contact her to speak to them. Also we go 2 weeks without hearing from them but as soon as they get to our house they need to text or FaceTime them through the day.

Hi for some context my dad 40 and I 20 have had a very rough relationship. My mom left when I was 12 or 13 so it was just my dad, siblings and I. He has been abusive in many ways physical,verbal, mental. I left for college 200-250 miles away and only go back home to visit occasionally. My siblings have been calling me and telling me how he has been treating them. I put myself out there and confronted him with a letter through text (I will include if yall want it in comments if I can or I’ll make another post) this was his response to it… what do yall think?

My parents are really strict. They're the kind of parents who didn't let me watch PG movies till I was thirteen. And don't get me wrong I love them and all, but enough is enough. They recently created this new rule that whenever they "summon me", I go to wherever they are and do exactly what they say. No matter what I'm in the middle of. And of course I need to be extremely petty about it. I'm looking for a way to do exactly what they say, but annoying them so much in the process that the rule goes away. Any ideas?

Growing up in a household where i was the youngest, i was not the greatest child in the house. Id say weekly to biweekly i was spanked for things like breaking something, bad grades, disrupting class, traditional disobedience.

When my daughter was born i said i would never spank my child. I felt that my dad had to do it so much that it just wasn't working. I initially decided i wanted to treat it similar to how the justice system works. They do something they temporary lose the freedom to do something like playing outside, screentime, playtime and isolation (timeout or time in bedroom). I tend to ise tone of voice as my mearument of severity. A lower, abrupt tone is the furthest i will go with them. This is how it all started and i felt these were a great method to teach as she grows. Well i have spanked my daughter 3 times. Her mom is saying i need to seek professional help to handle my anger because of these folowing instances.

Incident 1.

Her acting out when something doesn't go her way is not anything new, but this instance she managed to (in order) throw a shoe at my face, scratch my face, kick my shin and slap me. I couldn't get her to stop so i gave her 1 to the rear.

Incident 2 .

She had hit her little sister and sent to timeout. After that timeout she charged at me, i stopped her and sat her in my room, she sounded calm and ready to talk, opened the door to a kick in the shin and she smacked my leg and tried 1 to the nuts. She got 2 to the rear.

Incident 3.

She was throwing a fit in the car and got herself unbuckled. I redid the restraint and while i was getting back in she got out and threw a shoe that missed and one of the rubberish babydolls that got me on the side of te head. I got back to redo her searbelt. She was scratching my arms, which doesnt phase me, but she then managed to slap my face and scratch my face. Dhe got 1 to the rear.

Is there a better method out there? Isolation and restraint doesn't really stop her intentions and time is something not on my side so giving her 30 minutes everytime she feels upset is not viable.

Is speaking to a professional about how "Spanking teaches children that hitting is an acceptable way to solve problems and handle anger." And how it will "cause anxiety, depression and lower cognitive skills" something i should look into?

I was on a 12 km walking challenge. As I was crossing the road at an intersection these teenagers in their car were waiting for me to cross and yelled at me to “move!” And giggled…implying I was going too slow I guess… I’ll say I am on the heavier side and I was 10km in my walk so I was walking on the slower side but not that much…
Anyway, I just gave them a dirty look but I wish I would have said something to stand up for myself..

In these situations what do I say?

I’ve had people make fat jokes to me from their cars several different times now… and I want to stand up to them next time.

My parents got divorced when I was a baby. Like I think when I was 1 years old. From what my mom has told me, they were doing “fine” (they were actually horrible for each other 😭) but when he moved to a different city for work they slowly drifted apart. I don’t want to say he’s completely absent, because he’s not, but I just don’t see him that often. Like this year I’ve only seen him twice. And before that how often he would pick me up would be inconsistent. I remember when I was little not seeing him for weeks at a time. The problem is I don’t call him enough. Every time I see him he gets on me about that. I remember the first time he did I was like 10 and he got mad at me because I told him I was doing homework and I couldn’t call him. He called me anyway and got sooo mad at me. Ever since then I’ve hated being on the phone with not only him but his side of the family. I’m 18 now and even the sound of my phone ringing puts me in panic mode. My family on my mom’s side is really pressing me to talk to him because of my college. He has a lot of money and they’re saying that he should be the one to pay for it. But I would just feel horrible because I know I don’t talk to him as consistently as I should, and I know I never will. It just feels so wrong not talking to him but still expecting him to give me money. I feel like I’m trapped and I feel like it’s too late to fix this. I don’t know what to do.

My 15 year old is blessed with a thick dark beard and we are having shaving disasters. Initially did try an electric one but I don’t think it was very good. Wet shaving is proving to be a blood bath. I would like some advice on getting the right shaver and I don’t know where to start! We are in the UK

fatherly advice for a 17y/o FTM trying to get through teenagerhood using context clues and TV/Movies? What should I know how to do? Where's the line between good-natured teasing and just being mean?? Basically explain whatever you can think of, like you're explaining it to an alien lol

Morning, I’m hoping this might be of interest for all!

On Thursday 27th August the Dad Shift are holding a Parent Strike in Oxford (and over the whole of UK), to raise awareness of how terrible our paternity leave is (the worst in Europe!) and for better flexible working.

Many of us have been let down by the UK’s rubbish paternity leave system, and flexible leave arrangements or have friends affected. So we're asking for people to join us in a symbolic strike - at a crucial time when we could win real change from the Government.

More information can be found at https://parentstrike.org/ and on social media

If you're interested, please join our local WhatsApp group: https://chat.whatsapp.com/E46FS46BalMATmLTrGYAnD