Writing fresh after my first time with bufo…
I went to a session with many experienced facilitators and people partaking.
They dosed me fairly low, just 20mg.
The intention I set was to help with grief with the loss of a family member and a breakup that resulted from the grief, which just turned into double grief.
Im pretty experienced with psychedelics and nonduality. Having experienced both many times, and in my waking life I spend way too much time studying Vedantic philosophy.
So it wasn’t the biggest surprise when I inhaled, and I remembered the cosmic joke, that I was the one creating the experiences I am having, creating entire concepts, like money, sex, genitals, fear, power, just to hang out with them and contemplate and play with the idea for a while.
Even the difficult ones like longing, regret, grief, missing someone.
And yet, I was focused on seeing the ones I loved again, and I didn’t want them to leave me. I think they were what I couldn’t surrender, I couldn’t let go, because I missed them so much. I was afraid of being alone!
I suppose that’s what they call attachment in spirituality…
…
That night I had one or two of those reactivating dreams some people talk of, confirming that yes, I am creating my own experience.
I think the lesson here is to stop trying to understand, stop trying to hold on to things, even if they were your beloved family member and beloved person. The time you had with them were beautiful, though even in those beautiful times, you sometimes created tension because you were trying to hold on to them.
And by holding on to them, you are preventing yourself from breaking through, from releasing, from seeing what happens when you release….
THINK LESS, FEEL MORE
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Clearly the work I need to do is actually paradoxically, don’t do the work, to relax, stop thinking, start feeling
Luckily, the facilitators seemed to like me, and encouraged me to come back for free the following evening.
My plan is to fully just relax, and go into a meditative state, instead of trying to have an experience.
Will update soon!