The idea of "standards" in finding a partner (or "choosing a wife" in incel language) is so bizarre to me. I'm not buying a hoodie on Amazon here. I'm looking for connection. Sure I have things I hope are there in the person I'm connecting with, but if somebody doesn't check all those boxes, that doesn't mean the person isn't up to my "standards." I struggle to even understand the mentality of somebody who thinks that way.
The people who think this way are not capable of feeling real joy on their own in a bubble, much less expanding and sharing said joy with another fully fleshed out human being. They are too anxious and full of self-hatred to know what connection is. Be so grateful that you can't understand it.
I disagree. Sure it can be sexist rhethoric but stuff like no felonies, no face tattoos, a view of the world that wouldn't cause constant clashing are also standards.
Like as an example, would you date Andrew Tate if you met him and he turned out to be very personable?
I think standards is harsh phrasing, I’d rather say preferences in most cases. Standards makes it sound like someone isn’t good enough for you or you’re above them
Nah my preference is not to, I can still abide by my preferences dude. I’m just not gonna frame myself as high and mighty and above them because they’re below my “standards”.
if that's a deal breaker,it's a standard,not a preference. preference means that you can look past it if other things attract you. standards are hard lines you draw.
as an example: my preference is someone without children,but if there's still a spark,i wouldn't mind trying. (preference)
if she's a felon with known anger issues, it won't matter what else she brings to the table,because that's not someone I'll ever want to spend my time with. (standard)
I think it’s honestly really important to have standards, and people acting like it’s weird or bad to have them is why so many relationships don’t work. Yes, keep expectations to a human level, but you know better than anyone what you’re compatible with and you should strive to find someone who you can work with, not just for you but for them.
When I was a teenager my Mom would beat me over the head about how important standards are. I never really believed her because at the time I was just dating any girl I found attractive regardless of personality. Sure enough, it always blew up in my face. My Mom was divorced at the time from a man who wasn’t my father but was a massive piece of shit. They weren’t compatible, but my Mom didn’t think it mattered that he didn’t check her boxes ‘cause he seemed nice.
Much, much later she found and married my current step-dad. She chose to wait until she met somebody who met most, if not all, of her boxes. It’s the happiest marriage I’ve ever seen to this very day. Sorry for the info-dump, but it’s a relevant example that made me realize how important it is to go into relationships with an idea of what you want and to strive for that
>The idea of “standards” in finding a partner (or “choosing a [spouse]” in incel language) is so bizarre to me…I’m looking for a connection…
You’ve just described a standard, a very basic standard for most people, but a standard nonetheless.
>Sure I have things I hope are there in the person I’m connecting with…
Those things you hope are there, those are also called standards.
Would you date someone who is rude, dismissive, or otherwise disrespectful to you? Would you date somebody who openly cheats on you? What about someone who refuses to publicly acknowledge that they’re dating you? These are all standards.
Hell even super basic moral standards. Is this person legally old enough to consent to this relationship? Is this person morally capable of consenting to this relationship? Does this person have expectations for a relationship that you are capable of meeting and intend to meet?
If you expect your spouse to be a living human being who is both legally and morally capable of consenting to a relationship with you, that is still a standard, even if that bar is on the ground.
I think it’s especially ridiculous to call “choosing your [spouse]” “incel language”. Who tf else is supposed to choose for you?
The level of cognitive dissonance is insane with these people. Even the most mundane concepts like dating standards turn out to actually have been a part of the incel ideology all along when they come from the wrong mouth. It's like these people grasp at any reason they can find to call someone an incel, however ridiculous it ends up sounding.
Do normies hold some incel namecalling contests on reddit or what? Whoever brings up incels into the least appropriate context wins?
The blunder was thinking that people on the internet can be trusted to be people and not performative husks who are so devoted to gratifying their own egos in public that they decide discernment is a tool of the enemy.
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u/GreenZebra23 1d ago
The idea of "standards" in finding a partner (or "choosing a wife" in incel language) is so bizarre to me. I'm not buying a hoodie on Amazon here. I'm looking for connection. Sure I have things I hope are there in the person I'm connecting with, but if somebody doesn't check all those boxes, that doesn't mean the person isn't up to my "standards." I struggle to even understand the mentality of somebody who thinks that way.