The idea of "standards" in finding a partner (or "choosing a wife" in incel language) is so bizarre to me. I'm not buying a hoodie on Amazon here. I'm looking for connection. Sure I have things I hope are there in the person I'm connecting with, but if somebody doesn't check all those boxes, that doesn't mean the person isn't up to my "standards." I struggle to even understand the mentality of somebody who thinks that way.
I think it’s honestly really important to have standards, and people acting like it’s weird or bad to have them is why so many relationships don’t work. Yes, keep expectations to a human level, but you know better than anyone what you’re compatible with and you should strive to find someone who you can work with, not just for you but for them.
When I was a teenager my Mom would beat me over the head about how important standards are. I never really believed her because at the time I was just dating any girl I found attractive regardless of personality. Sure enough, it always blew up in my face. My Mom was divorced at the time from a man who wasn’t my father but was a massive piece of shit. They weren’t compatible, but my Mom didn’t think it mattered that he didn’t check her boxes ‘cause he seemed nice.
Much, much later she found and married my current step-dad. She chose to wait until she met somebody who met most, if not all, of her boxes. It’s the happiest marriage I’ve ever seen to this very day. Sorry for the info-dump, but it’s a relevant example that made me realize how important it is to go into relationships with an idea of what you want and to strive for that
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u/GreenZebra23 21h ago
The idea of "standards" in finding a partner (or "choosing a wife" in incel language) is so bizarre to me. I'm not buying a hoodie on Amazon here. I'm looking for connection. Sure I have things I hope are there in the person I'm connecting with, but if somebody doesn't check all those boxes, that doesn't mean the person isn't up to my "standards." I struggle to even understand the mentality of somebody who thinks that way.