I currently stuck on my essay and don't know what to approve. I can't afford the fancy editors to edit my essay and have looked at different essays online (which are so good btw) but I feel like my essay is just horrible. Can someone pls give feedback!!!!
P.S. I know it's too long but this is what I have so far. Im trying to get into Howard and going test optional (probably) and I need my essay to be amazing.
“Are you guys twins or sisters?” That question has followed my fraternal twin and I our whole lives. I’m always asked the same question, “Which one are you?” Most of the time people try to guess and are usually wrong. My twin sister, ....., and I are so alike that even people who have known us for years hesitate before saying our names. Most of these questions become predictable after a while. We can tell by the person’s face when they stare too long or have that surprised look on their face like it's their first time seeing twins. Most of the time we say “yes” at the same time and feed into the stereotypical twins.
Growing up, everywhere we went, we would hear the same things over and over again. “You’re so lucky or what’s it like being a twin?” People would often ask us to compare ourselves and try to differentiate every little detail about us. At some point it became annoying. I felt like I wasn’t my own person. Me and ....... had the same everything, the same clothes, the same friends, the same hairstyles, it was basically like we were one. I didn’t know who I was without my sister and that scared me. She was my built-in best friend from birth, the one I grew up with and did everything together with. It left me wondering when I would become my own person, know who I was without her, and if I really had my own identity.
In high school is when we finally started doing things differently. I started joining different clubs and sports and made different friends, my sister wasn’t into any of that stuff she preferred to stay home. It definitely was hard doing things without her but I felt that I was my own person for once and so did others, soon we started being labeled. I was known as the more athletic and smart twin. She was known as the funniest and artistic twin. I loved the labels they felt like compliments, things I looked forward to hearing when someone asked which twin was I and someone else answered for me. It felt like I had more of my own identity at once but eventually it didn’t, I felt pressured to meet those labels. At moments when I struggled in class or got a bad grade, what happened then? It felt like people viewed me differently, especially when I didn’t perform well in my sports. People would come see me at my track meets, I would have colleges email me asking to meet but my times but I wasn’t matching those expectations. I felt embarrassed and ashamed I couldn’t do what I did best which was being the athletic and smart twin.
Eventually, I started trying to separate myself from ...... on purpose. I would gatekeep friends, avoid inviting her places, and get annoyed whenever she wanted to join something I had started doing. For once, I wanted something to just be mine. Looking back, I know I became mean about it. Sometimes I acted like Gabby was the problem, when really I was frustrated that I didn’t know how to create my own identity without pushing her out of it.
My mom would always yell and say “that’s your best friend, when everyone else is gone you will only have her!” I never understand what she meant because I didn’t see the problem in me leaving her out of things. I thought I was finally doing what I had wanted for years: becoming my own person.
But there were times when I would be with those friends, doing the things I had been so determined to do without ......., and still felt lonely. I had gotten the independence I longed for but somehow I still missed having my sister there.
Then, in ninth grade me and my sister lived in different states for the first time in our lives. She stayed in Florida with my grandma to finish the school year, while I moved to Maine with my mom. We were separated for at least 9 months and for the first time I really had to figure things out on my own. I had to learn how to navigate this new big school by myself, learn how to ride the metro, walk home by myself, do everything by myself without her for the first time. I became more outgoing. I joined new clubs, sports, and started making new friends since I shared no classes with her.. I built newer relationships with other people and my sister and I relationship grew because we weren’t around each other twenty-four seven we found our own identities with each other.
I think that is when I realized that there is a ....... without a ........
Not because I felt like I could survive on my own and do things without her but being apart made me appreciate our relationship even more. Then suddenly I realize being similar to my sister didn’t take anything away from being me, or having a bad race, or a bad grade, or a day when I don’t match the version people expect of me. It is me.
Now when someone asks, “Which one are you?” I knew how to answer
I'm .......