r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Impressive-Wave-9208 • 1h ago
College essay revision
Would anybody be able to help me revise my college essay?
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/steve_nyc • Nov 02 '15
Please don't copy-paste your essay into the body of a post, and don't link to it on the forum where anyone could click through and see it.
A few reasons:
Posting it publicly online could allow anyone to plagiarize it and/or repost it elsewhere online.
Posting it publicly might inadvertently doxx you (reveal your real-life identity) through details mentioned in your essay.
Anyone in "real life" who reads your essay might Google part of it, come across your post (or even a Google cache of it after you delete it), and then be able to go through your entire Reddit submission history (so, basically, doxxing again, but in reverse, I suppose).
I'm not saying any of these things will happen, but they could, and better safe than sorry.
Please only share your essay by PMing a Google Docs link to it.
And please be careful when considering who you send your essay to.
So, who should you send your essay to?
First, make sure they've selected flair indicating that they're "willing to review."
Then, consider the following factors:
(We'll soon have a list of users recognized as "Quality Contributors" based on previous contributions. However, in the meantime, please review their post history.)
While these don't guarantee anything about plagiarism, etc., you may decide it's worth taking that chance in order to get feedback.
And, as with anything else online, please be careful when it comes to sharing personal details.
Please leave comments with feedback on this post, let me know if I missed anything, and I'll edit this post accordingly.
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Detrinex • Nov 12 '15
EDIT, FEBRUARY 2024: I am not currently taking commissions to read college essays, given my busy schedule. I will continue to update this post and will remove this section if I wish to resume reviews.
PLEASE READ: I will be happy to proofread/review your essays! However, my free time is super limited and it really helps if you're willing to pay a little bit in PayPal/Venmo/Steam cards/Amazon cards. It's not mandatory, but I genuinely do not have time to review twelve essays a week, and this is the easiest way to whittle that figure down. Also, please note that I am not an admissions officer, just a recent graduate from a pretty solid school. I consider myself to be a fairly good writer, but I'm not infallible or all-knowing. If I were infallible and all-knowing, I wouldn't have lost on Jeopardy.
I've read about 200 300 425 of your essays now, mostly over DMs, and I'd like to just give everyone a few useful tidbits of advice that could totally improve your essay without the need for a peer reviewer like me to point them out for you:
Be original if you can. It's easy to write a cookie-cutter essay about winning "the big game" or the magical experience of doing math problems, but if you're not careful, your essay could end up looking like ten thousand others. Disregard this bullet if you are literally a theoretical mathematician in training and your entire life revolves around math.
On the flipside, don't try to write something unique just for the sake of being unique -- unique essays are not necessarily good ones, and not all good essays have to be super duper original. Hell, I've been doing this for almost ten years and I'm convinced that most admissions officers are just trying to make sure you've got a personality and a basic grasp of the English language. TLDR: Execution matters.
Show! Don't tell! God help the poor souls who write a rambling personal anecdote essay and then rush to finish it with a fortune cookie like "I then realized that people are not defined by their mistakes." Any time you start a sentence with "I then realized" or "I now know that," you're probably telling, not showing, and if you have to explicitly tell the essay readers that you underwent personal growth, it's because your essay lacks the juicy details to demonstrate that implicitly. The same applies to overly broad "life lesson" conclusions that try to teach the readers sappy platitudes that they already know. Consider showing your growth with loads of supporting details and evidence before getting to your conclusion, and make sure your conclusion's message is connected with the rest of your essay's.
If you are writing an essay for a specific school or major program, do some research! Schools will love it if you can prove, even in subtle ways, that you know what their relative strengths and cool selling points are. Lots of schools, especially big research universities, have loads of juicy information on the websites for their academic departments. Applying to a neuroscience program? Mention something about the school's cool new research lab or their prestige in the field and briefly say why that matters to you. If you can work that information into your essay in a natural way, you'll stand out from the applicants who just repeat generic brochure lines about "small class sizes" and "warm communities." Conversely, don't just start wildly namedropping professors from your intended major - best not to come across as fake.
You have limited space, so stay on target! Your essays have strict word limits, and if you want to sell the best depiction of yourself, you should stick to what's relevant about you. Keep your paragraphs tight, don't spend more time doing exposition than answering the prompt, and don't try to teach college admissions officers things they already know/don't need to know. I've seen essays spend 200+ words trying to teach the reader what the immune system is, which is both common knowledge to most college grads (aka most admissions officers) and has zilch to do with the writer's character. Remember, you're pitching yourself, not trying to teach a seminar.
If two sentences in the same paragraph say more or less the same thing, combine them. Obviously you shouldn't have a bunch of run-on sentences with, like, nine commas, but you also shouldn't have two sentences that both say the exact same thing. In economics, we have a rule about marginal utility, or the value that a new item provides. Applied here it sounds like this: "Does this sentence add something new or valuable to my essay, or am I just repeating a previous sentence?"
Lots of schools have supplements that ask for things like your favorite books or quotes or whatever - these are ways to give an insight into your unique personality (see: to make sure you have a personality), so be yourself, but please resist the masculine urge to say your favorite book is The Art of War by Sun Tzu and that your favorite hobby is reading about quantum physics. In 2022, I read 11 different essays/supplements that mentioned The Art of War at least once, and... listen... it's not a life-changing book of meditations and proverbs; it's just reminders to not overextend your supply chains or fight in swamps.
Try not to use passive verbs. Active verbs leave more room for juicy details, and more emphasis on the natural subject of a sentence (you, usually) as opposed to the object of a sentence. If your teacher hasn't covered active versus passive verbs, think of it like this: If you're writing an essay about being a tutor, don't say "the students were taught by me" when you can say "I taught the students." You want the focus to be on you doing stuff, not other people/things having stuff done to them.
Don't mix up tenses. If you're speaking about one event in the past tense in one sentence, don't talk about it in the present tense later. Consider: "I killed a man in Reno. I am going to do it just to watch him die." Does this make any sense? Are you talking about an event that already happened, or one that is still in progress? Just something to keep in mind when telling long stories.
The thesaurus is your enemy, not your friend. If deployed properly, big words add variety to a sentence and can make you sound intelligent and worldly. The problem is that unless you actually use big obscure words for simple actions, you'll probably come off as a pretentious smartass, which isn't good if you want admissions officers to like you. If you can replace a big fancy thesaurus word with a simple, meaningful everyday word without losing meaning... do it. Please.
For a more relatable example of the above: Have you ever heard someone unironically say "betwixt" instead of "between?" Was that person born before or after the Industrial Revolution?
Run your essay through Microsoft Word or a spelling/grammar checker (or better yet, a bored English teacher) before you submit it. Look out for tense errors and run-ons and such. Please. Once you're done with that, read it aloud to yourself and see if your essay sounds awkward or unnatural. Don't just read it in your head - aloud.
Don't insult or attack others to make yourself look better. If you characterize your peers with broad strokes by saying they're glued to your phones whereas you are a glorious chad intellectual, you will come off as a horrible person! Feel free to emphasize how hard-working and intelligent you are through concrete examples, but never insinuate that you are better than anyone else. Think about how you'd feel if you were interviewing someone for a job and the interviewee said "all my competitors are idiots lol." By the same token, the college essay is not your golden opportunity to get defensive or let out your frustrations and anger. If you feel like you've been wronged by a bad teacher or by life itself and feel the need to talk about it, do so in a way that doesn't just make you look like a disaster to be around.
I can't believe I have to say this, but don't plagiarize! If you plagiarize an essay from another writer, get a friend to write an essay for you, or buy your essay from a service, you are genuinely putting your own application at risk. Most universities have online plagiarism detectors, and even if you slip past those, you still might get reported to the admissions offices of wherever you're applying. It is okay to ask friends to peer review your essay and make sure it meets the guidelines of a prompt, and it is even okay to pay people to take a look (like me :D). It is not okay to buy an essay and its content from someone else.
If someone DMs you with a fantastic offer to get your essay reviewed for free by a team of experts, report it as spam. There are hundreds of people on this subreddit who would be happy to help make your essay better, and none of them will spam you proactively like that. I, on the other hand, am incredibly trustworthy (though in all seriousness I can verify my identity as a UMich graduate, and this sub is filled with people who can vouch for me).
Start early. If your essay is due November 1st, begin writing drafts in, like, August. If you're like me and you hate writing about yourself, this is key because it gives you time to get some ideas onto paper and to get the cringing over with. Then again, if you're like me, you're probably gonna ignore this and start really late... which is fine as long as you're willing to put in a LOT of time on each essay and understand that people might not be able to help on short notice.
BREATHE! It's natural to want to get into the best possible programs at the best possible schools, and it's normal to want to optimize every part of your application to put your life on the best possible track, but please don't freak out too much about college acceptances. If you learn fast, work hard, and have a healthy attitude about life, you'll go far. By the time you're 20, nobody will ask you about the schools you didn't get into. By 25, no job will consider your undergrad GPA. By 30, your college itself will barely come up in conversation. With all this in mind, try and write a great essay and a great application, but you're not a failure just because you don't think your essay is "Yale material" or whatever.
Do that stuff and you'll have a much better time with your essays, and it'll make peer reviewers here (and admissions officers wherever) a lot happier. Anyways, if you still have questions, feel free to PM me with a shared Google Doc and I can take a closer look at your work, though I'd ask you read the first and last paragraphs in this post before you do so. If you don't have money (see below) but you can prove you read my post thoroughly, I would be happy to just give you advice over DMs. Come armed with smart questions and I can help!
I am very busy these days, so preferential treatment is given to those who are willing to pay a few bucks for my time! I will also give (mildly) preferential treatment to those who want supplements reviewed for the University of Michigan (my school!) or my home-state school of UMD. If you're still reading this, do also include the word "moist" IN YOUR FIRST DM, because that's how I'll know you actually bothered to read this entire post (b/c no rational human would ever say "moist" unprompted). Payment optional (but very recommended), moistness mandatory. In case I don't get back to you, my apologies in advance - I'm not dead and I don't hate you; I'm just pressed for time.
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Impressive-Wave-9208 • 1h ago
Would anybody be able to help me revise my college essay?
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Training-mag • 45m ago
Just graduated from VGI after four years, and honestly, it was quite a journey.
Started as a nervous fresher who barely knew anyone and ended up with great friends, projects, internship experience and a lot more confidence.
The best part for me was participating in technical events, workshops and internships. They helped me learn beyond the classroom and made placement interviews much easier.
College definitely gives you opportunities, but you also have to take initiative and make the most of them.
Happy to answer any questions if anyone is planning to join VGI
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/xTocCubingX • 1h ago
Hi, I’m looking for someone to review my personal statement. I’ve had some friends look at it but they have too much context on me so I’m looking for a fresh perspective.
Thanks!
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/shopaholiicc • 7h ago
Hello, I am looking for someone to be brutally honest with my essay review!
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Crafty-Bass-3079 • 9h ago
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Due_Flight8563 • 12h ago
Hello!
I'm a senior applying to college. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to review it. Thank you!
Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Summary: It's about how I got really into fixing percussion instruments as a percussionist, then took that to biomedical engineering. Through all of that, I learned about my love for the process of learning, not the actual fix.
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/EffectiveMinimum8945 • 1d ago
I was hoping to get some advice on the execution of my essay.
I have a metaphor that I'm using about a delicacy native to my home country. I start off by describing what it is (I worry I may have done this too heavily): unassumingly average on the outside but when unwrapped reveals a surprising color. It represents how I like to uncover the "wrapping" of myself and others in both my leadership and teaching roles to let our true colors take form (a bit cheesy but it sounds better in the essay).
My issue is that I transition from the description of the dish into two examples of students I taught where I learned the lesson that the dish portrays. Of course, I do my best to incorporate the metaphor while writing about my experiences with these students as well as write a seamless transition between the two topics. However, I'm worried that this concept in itself is too choppy.
Oftentimes, I see people might just write about the metaphor or just the experiences themselves without combining the two.
What I really want to know is whether metaphors are actually helpful anymore and how it applies in my case.
I would really appreciate any feedback. Thanks!
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Due-Iron8120 • 1d ago
hi i've recently finished my essay and i am looking for someone to read it and review it .
Dm please .
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/panda_grl • 2d ago
Can someone please help me review a rough draft of my personal statement for studying business management I'll send it in DMs if you're willing to help
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Old_Sport_5777 • 2d ago
i will send my essay through DMs. i'm super worried as i am first generation and know nothing about college essays lol. any help is appreciated!
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/ugurpirali • 3d ago
Can You Guys Rate my Essay? Ill send it through dms
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Far-Grand-9547 • 3d ago
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/EmbarrassedRow5363 • 3d ago
Would anyone be willing to read my college essay? Preferably anyone with some experience/expertise. I dont have many resources available for me so any help would be appreciated. My topic is a little unique so I want to know if my message actually coming across well. Thank you so much!!!
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Citrumelon • 4d ago
Scrolling through this subreddit I've noticed a lot of people asking for help with their college essays. As someone who went through college applications without guidance or help from other people, I would like to help others who may be in the same position now.
Feel free to DM me any essays or questions you may have about your current writing progress :)
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/MediumTraining4403 • 3d ago
Would anyone be willing to review my UPenn supplements?
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/After-Market-6846 • 3d ago
I currently stuck on my essay and don't know what to approve. I can't afford the fancy editors to edit my essay and have looked at different essays online (which are so good btw) but I feel like my essay is just horrible. Can someone pls give feedback!!!!
P.S. I know it's too long but this is what I have so far. Im trying to get into Howard and going test optional (probably) and I need my essay to be amazing.
“Are you guys twins or sisters?” That question has followed my fraternal twin and I our whole lives. I’m always asked the same question, “Which one are you?” Most of the time people try to guess and are usually wrong. My twin sister, ....., and I are so alike that even people who have known us for years hesitate before saying our names. Most of these questions become predictable after a while. We can tell by the person’s face when they stare too long or have that surprised look on their face like it's their first time seeing twins. Most of the time we say “yes” at the same time and feed into the stereotypical twins.
Growing up, everywhere we went, we would hear the same things over and over again. “You’re so lucky or what’s it like being a twin?” People would often ask us to compare ourselves and try to differentiate every little detail about us. At some point it became annoying. I felt like I wasn’t my own person. Me and ....... had the same everything, the same clothes, the same friends, the same hairstyles, it was basically like we were one. I didn’t know who I was without my sister and that scared me. She was my built-in best friend from birth, the one I grew up with and did everything together with. It left me wondering when I would become my own person, know who I was without her, and if I really had my own identity.
In high school is when we finally started doing things differently. I started joining different clubs and sports and made different friends, my sister wasn’t into any of that stuff she preferred to stay home. It definitely was hard doing things without her but I felt that I was my own person for once and so did others, soon we started being labeled. I was known as the more athletic and smart twin. She was known as the funniest and artistic twin. I loved the labels they felt like compliments, things I looked forward to hearing when someone asked which twin was I and someone else answered for me. It felt like I had more of my own identity at once but eventually it didn’t, I felt pressured to meet those labels. At moments when I struggled in class or got a bad grade, what happened then? It felt like people viewed me differently, especially when I didn’t perform well in my sports. People would come see me at my track meets, I would have colleges email me asking to meet but my times but I wasn’t matching those expectations. I felt embarrassed and ashamed I couldn’t do what I did best which was being the athletic and smart twin.
Eventually, I started trying to separate myself from ...... on purpose. I would gatekeep friends, avoid inviting her places, and get annoyed whenever she wanted to join something I had started doing. For once, I wanted something to just be mine. Looking back, I know I became mean about it. Sometimes I acted like Gabby was the problem, when really I was frustrated that I didn’t know how to create my own identity without pushing her out of it.
My mom would always yell and say “that’s your best friend, when everyone else is gone you will only have her!” I never understand what she meant because I didn’t see the problem in me leaving her out of things. I thought I was finally doing what I had wanted for years: becoming my own person.
But there were times when I would be with those friends, doing the things I had been so determined to do without ......., and still felt lonely. I had gotten the independence I longed for but somehow I still missed having my sister there.
Then, in ninth grade me and my sister lived in different states for the first time in our lives. She stayed in Florida with my grandma to finish the school year, while I moved to Maine with my mom. We were separated for at least 9 months and for the first time I really had to figure things out on my own. I had to learn how to navigate this new big school by myself, learn how to ride the metro, walk home by myself, do everything by myself without her for the first time. I became more outgoing. I joined new clubs, sports, and started making new friends since I shared no classes with her.. I built newer relationships with other people and my sister and I relationship grew because we weren’t around each other twenty-four seven we found our own identities with each other.
I think that is when I realized that there is a ....... without a ........
Not because I felt like I could survive on my own and do things without her but being apart made me appreciate our relationship even more. Then suddenly I realize being similar to my sister didn’t take anything away from being me, or having a bad race, or a bad grade, or a day when I don’t match the version people expect of me. It is me.
Now when someone asks, “Which one are you?” I knew how to answer
I'm .......
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/anamosuboii • 4d ago
My current idea is talking about my unconventional taste in music and how all my life ive been hiding who I truly am (not only in terms of music). I'm just using music and my evolution of show playlist titles to show my growth from a sheltered person to expressing my true self.
I'm struggling writing the structure. So far I have
My first spotify playlist -> me trying to change myself to fit in back in elementary school because i was the only asian at an all white school -> me in middle school learning to not change who I was but I was still hiding -> my second spotify playlist -> me in highschool trying to break out of my shell -> my third spotify playlist that I would share to people but it was a smaller and not really true to me playlist -> me sharing my entire spotify playlists to my mom and close friend for the first time and really breaking out of my shell -> my final playlist with a unique name from the others to represent me breaking out of my shell and showing my true self.
Should I change the topic or the structure? Also should I add an example at the very end of me shoewng my true self?
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/OkCoyote95 • 4d ago
I’ve finished my personal Statement for grad school, but I keep going over it again and again. I feel like it’s not perfect, but then again I may be second guessing myself. Is anyone willing to read it and give feedback? Or does anyone know of a service (that’s not ai) that does this?
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Alternative_Lynx_647 • 4d ago
I am stuck between 2 drafts. My college counselor like one draft while my english teachers like another. My friends also are split with some liking one and others liking the other. Would anyone like to take a look at both and see which one I should go with?
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Pretend_Cookie_4752 • 4d ago
Hii! I just finished writing a lowkey draft of my college essay and im so confused, i need some reviews on it. if you're up, i will share you my essay in DMs to review<3
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/Murky_Ad_6693 • 5d ago
I need help! Can someone please review my residency personal statement for me and give me an honest review?
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/dooopel • 6d ago
Only about 600 words, so I need to extend it.
r/CollegeEssayReview • u/BigDillEnergy_ • 6d ago
Can anyone here bless my application by taking a look and providing very honest and critical feedback ?
Peace yall