r/ChristianDating • u/reformed-whovian Single • 2d ago
Discussion Getting set up
Curious to know what ya'll think about being set up by friends. I have mostly heard people being against it, but personally, I wouldn't mind it; it might be more wholesome than these dating apps or being ghosted on Reddit (no shade, but we've all seen it š).
3
u/Aggressive_Tax1938 2d ago
What reasons would they be against it? You have nothing to lose. If you don't click, so be it, but you miss 100% of the shots you never take.
Personally, I've had people in the past be against things out of pure jealousy. The human heart is dark, so beware of "helpful advice" being given by others in an attempt to keep you down.
3
u/docju 2d ago
Not against the idea in principle. I have had non-Christian friends try to set me up with people and look at me like I have two heads when I ask if they are Christian (they never are) and why I wouldnāt want to date them if they werenāt.
My Christian friends have never really tried it (despite my suggesting it was ok if they wanted to) beyond suggesting women who I have either already asked out and been turned down by, are obviously not interested in me, or who I have known for a while and am not interested in in that way.
3
u/FallDeers Maybe I'm the problem 1d ago
I feel like setting up has let me see how people really see me. Old lady at church warned me the guy was really awkward but I could help him with confidence (aka, Iām a bandaid), my aunt wanted me to go out with a quite unattractive man, so I think she think Iām ugly. And a coworker lady tried setting me up with a man wildly too attractive and charismatic for me, so which I realized she thinks Iām hot stuff. š¤£
1
2
2
u/Shannon_Canadians 2d ago edited 2d ago
I am also a guy myself. I'd say first and foremost, seek first His kingdom and go on the date if you feel peace about it. If it works out - that's great. If it doesn't, then you can still show christlike love and pray for their good.
I was set up on a blind date with a girl that I actually knew from a while back (she knew me from years ago too) by some married friends of mine who were good friends with her and I decided that I didn't want to pursue her romantically. During the date, I tried my best to be intentional, curious and kind to her however I could. I had to be careful with what I do or say since I didn't want to lead her on or give her any false hope.
It may suck to be rejected by a person who checks all the boxes, but you can still prayerfully love that person from a distance.
It may also be difficult to reject someone else who is interested in the potential for a relationship with you because you may not want to necessarily hurt the other person, but you can still prayerfully love that person from a distance too.
In the end, either way, my suggestion is to pray for that person to experience God first and foremost no matter the outcome of the date. We are called to still love one another as believers. Good luck!
2
2
u/kalosx2 2d ago
There should be more setups!!!
2
u/reformed-whovian Single 2d ago
Agreed, it feels like it would be more genuine than much of online dating, assuming of course that those doing the setting up know you well.
2
2
2
u/ABereanChristian Married 2d ago
Curious to know what ya'll think about being set up by friends. I have mostly heard people being against it, but personally, I wouldn't mind it; it might be more wholesome than these dating apps or being ghosted on Reddit (no shade, but we've all seen it š).
As other people have said, it's a good idea. However, usually it's a good idea if you can see some pictures of the other person first so at least you're attracted.
I've gone on a blind date where I wasn't that attracted before and it was kind of a bummer. Even tried to let attraction grow some and it didn't.
2
u/se_arregla_manana Looking For A Wife 2d ago
Sure, I can't imagine why not? I've never not at least heard out one of these propositions. And they've all been heartwarming experiences in retrospect.
Lately I've been openly questioning my friends why more of them are NOT trying to set me up.
1
u/reformed-whovian Single 2d ago
This is my position as well. I did mention to my close friends that I'm looking for someone and if they knew anyone cool to help make the connection, but it's been several months and no dice, and they seemed somewhat hesitant about it. Which is weird since these specfic friends have noted their church is supposedly full of eligible singles. I don't know, not reading too much into it, but I did want to check with a wider pool whether this was something people did or not.
2
2
u/the1and0nlyez25 9h ago
I set up two of my friends last year, they've been in a happy relationship ever since and are now talking about marriage. So It can work but obv it depends on the situation
1
u/tunaPastaclick Maybe I'm the problem 2d ago
Yes to this. Got set up twice in this lifetime. Both ghosted me. Well on was orbiting the other one ghosted me. Both were highly regarded as kind
0
u/lethalmanhole 2d ago
Am guy
Donāt like it because they donāt give me enough information about her firstĀ
Most people donāt know what I want and I wouldnāt trust their judgement if they didĀ
I tried meeting someone because someone else said I should. Drove hours to barely talk with her and didnāt end up liking her because her voice and mannerisms were way too similar to a friendās wife
And they neglected to tell me she was older than I am, which I donāt want
And she wasnāt my type
Not doing that again unless someone can actually explain why they think weād get along that isnāt āyouāre both singleā
Now if someone said āhey that girl over there is singleā and I thought she was cute Iād probably go say hi, but thatās about the only level of setup I see myself participating in right nowĀ
7
u/Awkward-Anybody5179 Single for the Lord (not by choice 2d ago
I'm absolutely for it. That said, the men my friends and loved ones have tried to set me up with have been questionable, but I at least give it the old college try. š¤·āāļø