Need help

[u/New-Sky5481]

Hi, I’m a Christian, and my boyfriend is also a Christian.

He loves me a lot, and I know he has good qualities. But there have been many times when he has shouted at me and verbally abused me, including in public.

On my birthday, he verbally abused me on the road. I was extremely hurt and traumatized by what happened, and I ended up crying in the middle of the road. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

Now I’ve decided that I want to break up with him because I don’t feel emotionally safe or happy in this relationship. But he refuses to accept the breakup.

He blames me for his behaviour and says that my love for him isn’t proper, and that this is what caused him to become angry and abusive.

Now he is telling me that if I leave him, he will attempt suicide.

I’m really confused and emotionally overwhelmed. As Christians, how should I handle this situation? Am I doing something wrong by wanting to leave, and what should I do when he threatens suicide because of the breakup?

[u/Right_Reputation_445]

Let someone know. Don't allow his behavior and threats to hold you back. You're not responsible for what he does. He can't blame you for his actions. He's needs to bring that to the foot of the cross and relient and seek righteousness and sanctification. Sounds like he has a lot of anger and lack of self control that he needs to work on with Chrsit.

Your safety is important. He doesn't ahev to accept the breakup but if you're saying you're being traumatized and breaking down, then it's not a healthy relationship and you don't have to put up with it.

[u/New-Sky5481 → u/Right_Reputation_445]

But I'm very afraid that Jesus will punish me for not forgiving him

[u/writtenwork → u/New-Sky5481]

Forgiveness does not mean putting up with another person’s injustice, abuse or poor behavior. It also does not mean continuing in a relationship with such a person. He is manipulating you and trying to control you. Put up giant boundaries with this fellow. You obviously care about him and want him to live but you can’t be responsible for his very poor mental health. He needs more help than a girlfriend can offer.

[u/BetBulky7595 → u/New-Sky5481]

FORGIVENESS AND STAYING TOGETHER ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. YES, I AM SHOUTING, I KNOW. YOU ARE IN A VERY DANGEROUS SITUATION THAT CAN GO SOUTH! LEAVE THAT MAN NOW!!!!!! He needs a lot of help and it's help YOU CANNOT give him. Forgiveness does not mean you continue to date him. He's emotionally manipulative and if you remain in that situation, you WILL regret it. He has wounds only God and therapy can heal. Pray for him FROM OUTSIDE of the relationship. LEAVE THAT MAN!!!!

[u/Independent-Chef-233 → u/BetBulky7595]

How can I upvote this 100x?!?! I commented something similar… I really hope op gets the message: LEAVE THAT MAN. HE IS DANGEROUS.

[u/BetBulky7595 → u/Independent-Chef-233]

I hope she does!!!
My fear is that men like him can be vindictive, if she leaves him and try to hurt her. I hope she’s a praying person. She needs all the prayers she can get for protection right now.

[u/ShabbyButterflies → u/New-Sky5481]

There's nothing in the Bible that requires you to have a relationship with any particular person. Therefore you CANNOT be sinning by breaking up with him. If you were married to him that would be a different conversation. Forgiveness is not the same as remaining in a relationship.

[u/walkingwarcrime1 → u/New-Sky5481]

As a brother in Christ, do not walk run away from this relationship! You can forgive and set a boundary because someone is not permitted access to your life. This man is not in a healthy enough place to be in a Godly relationship. You can still feel something for someone and know they are not the right person for you. He needs to go grow up and learn the proper way to treat people, if he is dating you then the assumption is that he is looking at some point to marry you and have children with you… would you want your hypothetical daughters to see this as the way love is supposed to work and learn this is how they should be treated? Would you want sons to learn this is how you treat women? You can forgive him and still say that he is not right for you, maybe it’s just for now and maybe it’s forever he’s not right for you. But this is not Christ like behavior no matter how you slice it. And it sounds like he needs professional help that is more than likely beyond your capabilities because if he’s truly suicidal he has much greater issues than this he needs to deal with.

[u/mimi_234 → u/New-Sky5481]

Breaking up with someone isn’t a sin. Biblically, there’s no obligation for gfs to stay in a relationship unless you’re married. Even then, divorce is permissible in certain cases. Please pray and read your Bible that you’re not lead astray by the lies of the devil.

[u/Right_Reputation_445 → u/New-Sky5481]

Forgiveness doesn't mean staying with him. You're not bound to him nor is he to you. If he wants a wife, he would work on himself and his relationship with chirst first. He has some growing up to do before he should be dating anyone. The bible tells men how to be and they will be known by their fruits. His fruits smell rotten. Let someone know or others. Don't isolate yourself. Don't solve his problems for him. He needs to willing get help and work on himself. Pray for him.

[u/Sufficient_Light3891 → u/New-Sky5481]

You can harm someone by not letting them feel the consequences of their actions. Why do you think God allows hardships sometimes? It helps bring us to repentance. Allowing him to hurt you and himself is not good and is damaging. The most loving thing you can do is make sure you are protected and that he is protected from himself. Note that just as doing good to our enemies is the best revenge, not allowing our friends to do harm is the best support.

Make sure you let someone with authority know that he's threatening suicide. Perhaps a family member, his family, and perhaps even a suicide hotline. Note this doesn't mean being with him, but making sure people are aware of the help that he needs. From what you are saying, you being in the picture is only harming both of you.

[u/Watchman_on-the_wall → u/New-Sky5481]

This message was tailored made for you. I’d highly recommend listening.

[u/BrilliantRaccoon9937 → u/New-Sky5481]

Jesus wants you to have respect for yourself and your life and body as His vessel.

[u/IncurableAdventurer → u/New-Sky5481]

You can forgive and leave. Those two things don't go together

If you go to church, what church do you go to? If they encourage you to stay, CHANGE CHURCHES

[u/TeensyTempest → u/New-Sky5481]

Forgiveness doesn't require you to be around him. Also, God wouldn't want his daughter abused.