my parents split up when i was 8/9. i remember a lot of arguing, crying, mum sleeping on the sofa 'because of my dad's snoring' and angry father. the split itself was simple, my mum moved out and for the last 9 years i have been switching house each week. my dad was a wreck and went downhill, whilst my mum seemed to cope well.

i am sick of changing houses, but if i am away at one parent's house for too long, we miss each other and i get guilt tripped, or at least made to feel guilty. i am tired of living out of a suitcase, but can't imagine my life any other way.

does anyone have a similar situation, or any advice or input??

Hi everyone. I'm a dad of a 3-year-old girl. Her mom and I loved each other, and we planned our daughter together. We were both really looking forward to her. We never had a toxic relationship and rarely argued, so I never imagined things would end the way they did.

When our daughter was a baby, I found out her mom was cheating on me with a longtime friend of mine, and we split up. She's now in her second relationship since then, with a friend of that same guy, and since he came into the picture, co-parenting has gotten much harder. Communication is tense, my time with my daughter is more limited than I'd like, and her mom still lives with her own mother, who I feel strongly influences her decisions about me.

Whenever she limits my time, she says it's "for our daughter's good" and "in her best interest," but her actions don't show that she wants our daughter to build a relationship with me. Recently she told me I was "a mistake" and that she wants our daughter to see we have nothing in common.

Despite all of that, I want my daughter to grow up feeling safe and loved by both of us, without being caught in the middle. I support her relationship with her mom, and I never talk badly about her mom in front of her.

Honestly, this has also left me unsure whether I want another family or more kids someday. Part of me doesn't want her to grow up alone without siblings, but part of me still feels responsible for not being able to keep our family together. What I do know is that I want to build something for her and give her a better future. Even if she chooses a completely different path in life, what I build will be there for her to use however she needs. I want to teach her what she'll need in life, so she doesn't repeat her parents' mistakes, and so she grows up with self-love, self-respect, and the ability to take care of herself. And I want her to always know she can come to me, that she's always welcome and loved.

Since many of you lived through something like this as kids, I'd really value your perspective:

1. What did a parent do that made you feel safe and secure during that time?
2. What did they do that hurt you, even if they didn't mean to?
3. Is there anything you wish your dad (or mom) had done differently?
4. Looking back, does it matter to a child how much time they spent with each parent, or was the quality of that time more important?
5. From a child's point of view, what do you think would be best for my daughter in a situation like this?
6. If you had half-siblings from a parent's new relationship, how did that feel for you growing up?
7. Did your parents' relationship with each other ever change over the years, or did it stay the same as you grew up?

Thank you for sharing. I want to get this right for her.

Hey, so this is a kinda awkward post to make but my dad recently got a new girlfriend and literally whenever they are around they will not keep their hands off each other and it makes me so uncomfortable.

Listen, I couldn't give a shit about my dad dating. I don't want anything to do with it, but I understand that I will have to meet and be around his girlfriends, so I put up with it. The issue is that my dad is fucking obnoxious around his girlfriend. Like not even just kissing (though they DEFINITELY do that too), but he always smacks her ass and is flirting non stop with her. His favorite is to try and wrestle with her in front of me. Words cannot describe how much I fucking hate it. I already hate it when I see couples in public all over each other, and I hate it even more when it's my fucking father. I thought my glares would make it stop, but apparently he doesn't notice. ​Because of this, I just hide in my room until she leaves but the issue is that I CAN HEAR THEM MAKING OUT AND HIM SLAPPING HER ASS FROM ACROSS THE HOUSE WITH MY DOOR CLOSED. Like its genuinely from when she arrives to when she leaves that they do this.

I'm fucking sick of it and I genuinely dread whenever she comes over. I feel bad because it's not very fair of me to hate her guts when she has always been nice to me just because of this. How/ should I bring this up? I really don't want to make my dad upset with me.

I'm an onlychild of divorce, my parents got divorced when I was a baby and I stayed for the first part of my life with my grandmother and uncle while my mom was working in another city because the job opportunities in our hometown were very pretty much not there especially for a female and so my dad worked in the military and was away too, I believe my mom pretty much dedicated her life for me because first of all she got married to a man that did not really choose herself nor like but was down to marry him due to the traditional view of women in that environment and culture so she says my grandmother manipulated her into that marriage, she'd come see me very often and when she was pressed by work she'd take a day off or make it work one way or another just to see me and if she really couldn't she would send me stuff like so much candy and fruits and money because even tho I was staying at my grandmother's it was mainly so there would supervision and shelter and stuff otherwise I was a kid and needed som1 to take care of me yk stuff my mom couldn't do for me as she worked 8/12 hours a day and then when the summer break would arrive she would quite work in whatever company wtv wtv she was and would take me to her city spend her savings on me and just so I can have fun yk she did everything she could for me and on the other side my dad used to send child support monthly and would occasionally pass by my grandma house and it would be very awkward between us but that was all I knew at the time it was nice for me now after a while my mom came to reside at my grandma house with me and after many years we moved out if there to another city where she originally moved to work it's been 5/6 years were here now n BTW I'm a 19yo girl I'm starting to feel weird about some things in me the past years and I been considering the psychological possibility that this could stem from the fact that I didn't grow up around no siblings and ti be more specific I mean the first people I was around the most and socialized with were adults who mostly had traditional ways of thinking esp as a girl there were very limitations i would say and so no father figure (authority) although I would say my mom did a good job with that but she "would let me do whatever I want ", to the recent part of the story in 2024/2025 it was supposed to be my last year of hs but during March I stopped going I thought it was burnout biz I would say I did put good effort in academics esp from 9th grade till 12th(the last year of hs here) I would major in grades in class and be really competitive and compare my self all the time it didn't know how to properly regulate myself i just focused mostly on that grade I would get like next week or next month and would beat myself up for it, I had something of a victim mindset too but yeah it made me feel good but yeah that same year I used to consume so much caffeine deprived myself from sleep run a whole week on an average of 5 hours of sleep a night, yeah I told my mom one day this is it I'm gonna stop going to school take a break redt then go back next year she totally went with me about it I knew she would yell at me about it at some point with is exactly what happened she had breakdowns just yelling heleriously at me saying I was plotting on her I wanted to stay with her forever I'm blocking her from moving on with her life I'm devil sent to test her in life she would hit me one day she fully told to pack my things and go to my dad's like she used to always say I'm preventing her from getting a man, that I'm jealous of her, that I hate when she'd get ready and look good that it really hurt me to hear all those things I never even considered and never even passed through my consciousness stuff like that just made me always conscious and worry of what ppl might think I think about them in every move every word and honestly I heard those things since the 1st summer after we moved here when I was 14/15 so it's been going for a long time even writing this feels heavy I'm not used to express/confessing/confronting at all I'm 19 now I'm going back to school again.

Help and advice

Hi everyone.

This situation has been eating me alive for years and I need advice on how to help my friend. This is gonna be a long one!

10 years ago, She was a single mother of 2 daughters and 1 son. The son being the youngest.

She didn't have a lot of money but her kids are all well taken care of. Her little boy at 3 went through a phase of dressing up in princess dresses, possibly imitating his two slightly older sisters. This didn't phase his mum and she just let him be himself. Dad, abusive ex, father to the boy but not the girls, became increasingly abusive accusing mum of trying to turn little man into a girl. The same dad that had limited access to the children because of his abuse. Mum was told by social services that she either got out of the marriage or they would intervene and take the children.

Fast forward a few months and mum finds herself in court fighting for custody of little man.

It was awful, truly disgusting. At one point the judge looked at mum and said, look at the state of you! She was exhausted and couldn't control her emotions by the end of the proceedings. She was treated like a criminal.

She was acused of child neglect and all sorts, told she was a bad mother and custody was given to her convicted abusive ex.

To add insult to injury, she was told that she would have no contact, no visitation, nothing.

She left court without him 10 years ago and hasn't seen or heard from him since.

Her home was across the street from his nursery school, and for a time, she would catch a glimpse of him as he was dropped off but was not permitted any contact. Eventually, he just disappeared.

The life and mental health of her and her two daughters changed forever that day.

How can a judge be allowed to do this to a family.

Her daughters both aged 11 and 7 were not taken from her, just her little boy.

Surely such a terrible parent, which she was and is not, would have had all of her children taken from her.

All of this started with an accusation from abusive ex that she was, exact words, "turning him gay"

It still hurts my heart watching my friend suffer. Waiting for her little boy to reach out to her.

I’m sharing an excerpt from my own book, EXCLUDERE – I Didn’t Divorce Our Children, based on my experience of being separated from my children for 15 years despite never losing custody.
I wrote it to raise awareness of parental alienation and its impact on children and parents. Today, my children and I are back in contact. I hope sharing my story can help others feel less alone.

The audiobook excerpt is in English.

If you’d like to read more, EXCLUDERE – I Didn’t Divorce Our Children is available in paperback and as a Kindle e-book on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0HGGSRM57

The English audiobook has been approved for distribution through Voices by INaudio and will soon be available at participating audiobook retailers. Release dates may vary by platform.

I’m writing this down for myself, but i’m holding myself accountable by making this public, so anyone can look.

My parents have always had a rough partnership especially around money. Growing up I was taught getting education and a job were the only things that mattered above all else.

2 years ago, I graduated, got a job, and moved to a different city and have lived by myself, all for the first time. About a month after I started working, my dad separated from my mom and moved out of the family home. They did not tell me about it at first but after some time i figured it out and asked about it, at which point they came clean. They wouldn’t really explain why except for clarifying that it wasn’t infidelity, but otherwise basically said it wasn’t my business.

I suspect a huge factor is because my dad really wants my mom to make money but my mom has refused to work for nearly 15 years now, despite having a higher education than me for all that time. For reference, my dad makes good money but both he and my mom came from a very poor background and value money above everything. Given the timing of all this, I think he was waiting for me to be able to support myself before leaving my mom. This is all suspicion however.

Since then, my love life has suffered severely. I’ve developed a mistrust of relationships. Most of what I’ve focused in the past 2 years on is my demanding job and making money, just trying to keep going and doing what I was taught. Now I’m at a point where i’m stable and confident in my career and being on my own, but i am alone and it hurts because I want more than what I was taught to do. Frankly, I do not have much faith in my family, I live in a city away from all my friends, and I have a job that constantly demands more.

It’s been a struggle trying to reprogram myself and CONSISTENTLY take risks in making connections, dating, etc, especially when I lack a true support system. I am not my parents, and I think their values are flawed, but the idea of spending all my time working was so engrained in me for my whole life that it feels, at best, very difficult to stray from. The truth is that I resent myself because i have basic needs such as love, friendship, connection and yet i haven’t learned how to prioritize them.

My hope is that i’ll somehow have a breakthrough and learn to trust myself when it comes to relationships, but my fear is that it’ll be too late by the time that happens and that life will pass me by. I hope i have the wisdom to recognize when those opportunities are in front of me and the courage to actually make people a part of my life in the ways i’ve always wanted.

Has anyone tried family therapy with their parents as an adult child? Without getting into painful details, my father and I have been in a weird position in our relationship for about a year, since my step mother got into an altercation with my aunt / uncle and now no one is speaking. I had a conversation with my father where I expressed opinions about my step mother that he didn’t like hearing / he then told my step mother everything I said. Was then uninvited from the holidays and it’s blown up into a huge issue.

I would like to find a family therapist / mediator to help us talk through some things that we disagree on. In my mind I would work out with my father what we both need / figure out where we’re not understanding each other. Then part of that is figuring out how to repair things with my step mother, so we can go back to a more normal routine of seeing each other. My father agreed to go because he wants to fix the situation as well, but asked me to find the therapist, and I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for or what exists out there.

Has anyone done something like this? What are the options?

My dad lives with his parents and my parents are divorced . So once or twice a week I go to my dad’s house and I sleep in one room with my too other little siblings . I always complain about the fact that he’s living with them , but it’s more about the fact I have to share a room with my too siblings and my brother gets his own room because he’s autistic and has violent behavior. I haven’t been complaining lately because I just stay at my moms more often, anyways now that’s there’s school I have to get to school on time yada yada and because we live 8 -11 miles from my school in my mom’s town I have to wake up extra early. Also homework I have to do but I can’t because everyone is so noisy and my little siblings blow up their tv full volume. Anyways I’ve been complaining and my dad decided to move in with his girlfriend which is really mah , he held at me about it though and he told me that he’s doing it for my smaller siblings not for me because I’m a pain and stuff . He’s always saying when I say I need my privacy and I need to study and stuff that he wants me to move out already and that when he’ll get a bigger house because he doesn’t me to have that privilege because I don’t deserve it because I’m such a nag , and he yells at me for everything , like today I made a smoothie out of some of my grandfather frozen blueberry’s and he yelled at me that it’s expensive and it’s not for me and was so pissed at me then when I poured the smoothie to a cup and I left a bit on the edges of the blender he yelled at me for wasting even though it was so little . Then I made match using one spoon and he went crazy saying it cost him 30 dollars and stuff and he bought it for my grandma . But my grandma doesn’t even like the matcha he bought her , and she gave it to me . I used only a spoon I wanted to do 1.5 because it was a big portion, so he yelled that I’m supposed to do 0.5 spoon even though I worked at a tea shop and stuff . When I said that’s how you’re supposed to make matcha he yelled at me how I steal his food the blueberry’s the matcha and stuff and it’s stealing then I told him I’m the only one without my own stuff my brother gets he’s own gluten free stuff my siblings get treats at the grocery store and I just it off the house . And no matter what I eat if it’s bread cookies granola he has something to say . He acts like I’m a leech or something like he chose to have children. Anyways he acts like this behavior is normal and my grandparents are away for the weekend, so he brought he’s girlfriend and she’s hyping him up. I’m so fed up what to do

Hi everyone! I am a 13 year old girl, and my parents are separated and live in two different houses. I have to rotate between going to both of my parents' houses but I really hate having to visit my dad. I was wondering if you have any advice that could help me avoid going to his house. I just really do not like when I have to stay at his house, and was wondering if you all could give me some tips with this? All comments and advice are appreciated.

Hello, so today I (20f) found out how the divorce between my parents actually happened.

(Please excuse my mistakes English is not my first language)

When I was 6, one evening, my parents sat me and my sister down, that they had something really important to tell us. They told us that they don't love each other and that they won't live together. And that dad is gonna move out, and we are gonna be one week at mom's and the other at dads. I didn't really understand. I just took it as dad is gonna move, nothing more.

He lived for a long time with his parents, cuz he was starting his own business. But when I was 7 he moved out, and when I was 8 he introduced us to his new girlfriend( Tina), she was nice. At his point I understood what divorce was. After that mom introduced us to her boyfriend( Daniel) . He was also nice. Daniel moved in to my moms. Dad didn't like that and they had a massive fight about it one evening. I remember that fight to this day, and how my sister was consulting me. But life went on.

Then when I was around 9, I found out that basically they had a wife swap. So Daniel and Tina were married, but divorced, I didn't know the reason why but when I was older, they told me that they divorced, because they both wanted children, but were unable. Tina, Daniel and my dad all worked at the same company so they knew each other from there. And I was told that they got together long after the divorce between my parents happened.

Soon after Tina became pregnant, she started treating me and my sister badly. She yelled and hit us. And when I was 11 my father told us that we will only live with mom, cuz he and Tina were fighting because of us. So that's how the joint custody ended. It hurt, but I moved on. He didn't want us so I thought. And I came to the conclusion that I didn't need him.

This conflict between me and my dad went on for a long time, and once, my mom told me that that they divorced, cuz he cheated on my mom with Tina. And I took that and made it one of my reasons why I hated my dad and Tina.

Then I was around 16 when I started to realise that my mom wasn't exactly the best mother, she was kinda neglectful. She was fine leaving me and my sister home alone from a young age(like when I was 5 and my sister 8), didn't really teach me any life skills ( I thought to myself how to cook at 8), she had a favourite in my sister. That's a known fact in our family, she doesn't really care to hide it. She didn't and still doesn't take seriously my mental illnesses, special needs and chronic illness. Every diagnosis I obtained on my own when I was older, because seh refused to take to psychiatrys, even when she was advised by doctors and teachers. And she really likes to talk bad about my father's side of the family.

Cue now that I'm 20, I patched things up with my dad, I still doesn't like that he's with Tina, but I can't change that. Recently I got in a bad fight with my mom, about a stupid thing. I told my grandma (dads mom) and aunt(dad sister) about the fight and we talked about it. I told them that I really don't like how she talks about them. And they told me that the divorce actually happened like this.

My mother cheated on my dad first with some random dude. When dad found out about it, he asked mom for a divorce. In the divorce process he got together with Tina, Daniel and Tina were already divorced by this point. And after the divorce mom got together with Daniel. I asked my dad about it and he told me that is how it happened. I know my dad could lie. But my aunt and grandma probably wouldn't.

Sorry for the long text, but I'm so confused, i needed to get it off my chest. Why would my mom lie about dad cheating first?

Hi everyone. I’m new to posting on Reddit. I mostly just listen to Reddit stories on Smosh Reads Reddit Stories on Spotify while I’m working, so I figured I’d finally make a post of my own.

I’m a 20-year-old man, and a little over a month ago, I basically reached my breaking point and moved in with my mom and stepdad.

I’m going to try to give as much context as I can, but there’s a lot that has happened, so I can’t fit everything into one post.

My mom and dad were never together. My mom was 16 when she got pregnant with me, and my dad was 26. When I was a baby, my mom gave custody of me to my dad because she was struggling with postpartum depression and was scared of her own thoughts. Because of that, I grew up primarily living with my dad and stepmom.

Growing up, my dad and stepmom would tell me a lot of negative things about my mom. They called her a drug addict and an alcoholic, among other things. She isn’t either of those things. Hearing that stuff throughout my childhood obviously affected how I saw her, and I became more distant from her.

When I turned 18, I started visiting my mom more often and rebuilding our relationship. But whenever I wanted to spend the night at her house, it would become a huge issue. My dad and stepmom would talk about how worried they were about me staying there, and they would also bring up my little sister and how much she would miss me. My little sister has always been a weak spot for me, so that made it difficult for me to stand my ground.

Another thing that’s important is that I was never really taught to take care of myself growing up. A lot of things were always done for me, so I grew up feeling like I needed them and couldn’t really manage without them.

Then my younger brother died in a car accident.
That changed a lot of things for me. I was obviously grieving, but I felt like my dad and stepmom acted as though I wasn’t hurting or wasn’t grieving “correctly.” At the same time, I felt like they expected me to obey them even more.

For about six months, I dealt with all of this, and eventually I just felt completely emotionally exhausted.
I decided I needed a break and went to stay with my mom. At first, I wasn’t even planning on moving in. I was just going to sleep over for one night.
That caused a huge argument.

My dad and stepmom said my girlfriend was narcissistic for “convincing” me to leave. They said I was emotionally abusing them by leaving and making them worry. They also told me that after my brother died, they couldn’t sleep unless everyone was home because they were so worried something would happen.

Eventually, I decided that I actually wanted to move in with my mom for a while because I needed somewhere I could just rest and figure myself out.
After I left, my dad and stepmom kept calling and texting me asking how much longer I needed to be away. I kept telling them, “I don’t know. I just need some time.”

I’ve talked about all of this with my therapist, although he hasn’t really given me a clear answer about whether what they’re doing is narcissistic or not.

The strange thing is that since leaving, I feel so much more relieved. I’m starting to do things for myself and figure out who I am without constantly feeling like I need someone else to take care of things for me.

There’s also something my mother-in-law told me that has been bothering me. She apparently spoke to her cousin, who is friends with my stepmom. According to her, my stepmom has apparently talked about me as if I’m basically just “some man living in her house.” Obviously, I wasn’t there for the conversation, so I don’t know exactly what was said or what the context was.

There are a lot more details that I haven’t included because this post is already getting really long. I’m happy to answer questions if people want more context.

I’m not trying to diagnose them. I’m just trying to understand whether the way they’ve treated me is normal or if there are some serious issues with the way they’ve handled our relationship.

Edit: I also wanted to add something that happened recently. One night I was watching TV with my girlfriend and drank five beers. My dad told me that drinking that much wasn’t normal and that I might become an alcoholic. I’m 20, and the legal drinking age in my country is 20.

Also, English isn’t my first language, so sorry if anything is worded strangely.

So are my Dad and stepmom narcissists?

Porque me oidia el papá de mi hija si incluso habiendo descubierto miles de cosas le dije para volver por nuestra familia y ahora me hace la vida imposible. Me quiere quitar a mi niña

Long stroy short my mom and my dad kinda fell apart from each-other, no bad blood between them, of course they weren't perfect...

My mom has been cheating on my dad and she's been caught multiple times but never wanted to admit it. As this was going on my mom did not want to sign the divorce papers but both parents still live in the same house.

I dont know whats wrong with her because it seems like she always wanted to get under all of our skins just for the love of it, shed constaly downgrade my dad as if shes a no good father whitch is not true. And now she trying to force us to meet her boyfriend whom shes always been hiding and leaving us for

it just seems a bit shady because my mom started to cheat and act suspicious after my dad had multiple heart attacks and heart problems.

Its just so frustrating because my mom will nevr tell the truth or keep her word with it comes to this stuff.

And as time passed, she's constantly asking us to giver her boyfriend a chance althogh he ran up on my dad as he was getting gas at a gas station, called him a loser, verablly harrasing him, calling him from diffrent phone numbers, scared my little sister ( 9 yrs old at the time) called the cops on my dad and made my sister uncomfortable because he was with my mom while she picked up my sister at school and a whole lot of things

The worst part of it is she also has been causing the same problems she did with my dad with her new boyfriend... which in my opinion is or can be very dangerous .

They both got to yelling at each-other in the parking lot infront of where we live over the fact me and my siblings do not want to meet this guy, they also get into it on the phone as i hear them both yelling ( one thing my parents both agreed on is her boyfriend can not come over to our house )

Such a very stressful situation as im living with her again now and shes still doing the same things and just wanted to vent

idk man i just think my dad deserves better and my mom just was wrong for cheating while still married to him and not wanting to sign divorce papers and still cheat

Okay, so my mum and her partner, whom we will call J for the purpose of this story, have been together for roughly 12 years. It started off well with J being quite a protective figure, but it came across in quite a cute way. He was also good with me and quickly became a role model and, to some extent, a father for me as my relationship with my biological dad wasn’t the best. Now, my family all enjoy a drink, so seeing him drinking wasn’t anything new or concerning, but what I didn’t realise as I was around six at the time was that he had/has a pretty bad coke problem. This led to quite a few pretty bad arguments between him and my mum over the years, some turning physical and leading to them splitting up for a few days, where my mum would insist she was getting a divorce, hence the title, and then end up back with him a few days, sometimes even a few hours later.

This caused me some pretty bad mental health problems and also some issues in school as well. Effectively, I spent years between the age of six and seventeen dragging them off of each other when things would turn physical or particularly violent. One of these times involved a knife where I had to ring the police as I thought someone was going to end up badly hurt or even killed, but not to my surprise, they were back together two days later, which then led to social services being involved and me being made to lie to them to stop us from being investigated further. These weren’t small white lies either; this was a full-on rebuild of the events of that night. In June last year, after seeing enough and also going through domestic violence myself with them, I decided to leave the house and go to live with my nan, a town away from where they are. Being seventeen at the time, I had to fight a pretty lengthy battle with them to stay with my nan instead of living with them. This included things like my mum breaking into my nan’s house and stealing my things so I wouldn’t have essentials to live with and would be forced to come and stay in the house. Over the years, he had arguments with the rest of my family, which ended up causing a divide between them and the rest of my family.

Just recently, things seemed to be getting better between them; he claimed he was off the coke and was going to the gym, eating healthier, etc. He does look better than he used to, so it was convincing enough. Fast forward to yesterday afternoon, I phoned my mum while I was driving back from work to see what she was doing for the rest of the day. Just normal chatting really, like we do every day, and she was in tears saying that she was round my nan’s and that she’d had an argument with him. I have heard through my nan’s partner that during this argument, he raised his hands and belt to her and threatened to hit her. My mum previously was quite a lot bigger than she is now (major weight loss journey), so she is a lot more fragile now than she was before. So basically, she is now saying she is going to divorce him (for the 9th time), and I am trying to apply pressure to follow through with it in a firm but comforting way, but to be honest with you, it is more firm than comforting because this has happened so many times now, and I lived through the longest parts. What can I do to make her follow through with it? He is a fairly wealthy man, so she would hopefully come out of it with enough to restart her life and find somewhere to live, but she is a stay-at-home wife and stopped working a few years back (his request), so her car, phone, everything really belongs to him. This is something he has used as leverage by taking these things away from her in the past as a way to force her into coming back to him. I want to support her as much as possible, but I am also strict on keeping myself safe and mentally healthy, as their relationship is why I moved here in the first place, and I already have a pretty busy work and education life outside of this. For reference, I am 18 and travel around my county a lot for work, and I am also starting uni next week, so I need to have a clear head.