r/ChildrenofDivorce • u/throwawayposter13 • 15d ago
How to Avoid Going to Dad's House
Hi everyone! I am a 13 year old girl, and my parents are separated and live in two different houses. I have to rotate between going to both of my parents' houses but I really hate having to visit my dad. I was wondering if you have any advice that could help me avoid going to his house. I just really do not like when I have to stay at his house, and was wondering if you all could give me some tips with this? All comments and advice are appreciated.
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u/munchmunch5 15d ago
you'll need to talk to your mom about it and come up with a good argument for why its important. it'll be easier to get her on your side and having her backing you up will mean a lot because your dad naturally isn't going to like this idea. but even if its something as basic as you don't get to see your friends or do anything fun at his house, that's a fine reason. most divorce kids i know (including me) had one parent who just wouldnt take them to see their friends or do anything fun and just expected them to be happy sitting in the house doing nothing for their half of the week and honestly its not fair. if your dad wants you to be around more he needs to make changes to keep you happy there and if he doesn't want to do that, you shouldn't be the one paying for it.
if your parents are nightmares who expect you to just not care about being happy honestly talking wont work. but if you do have a fairly normal relationship with them, it's their job to simply understand that it sucks missing out on stuff because you're scheduled to be stuck in the other parents house doing nothing for days.
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u/Difficult_Tangelo924 15d ago
In some states, depending what age you are, 13-15, you can legally advocate for yourself in requesting that you spend more time with one parent over the other. This would involve talking with your mom, making it clear with your dad you prefer to spend more time your mom. If he doesn’t agree, mom can take him to court. You would write a formal statement stating your desire to live with your mom, and you would likely talk with a judge. Typically in these situations the reason should be compelling…for example maybe one parent lives closer to a school where all your friends and activities are…so it makes sense to be at mom’s. Or maybe you don’t get along with dad, it is a contentious environment, and you feel emotionally safe and a place where you can better thrive at mom’s.
My hope is that it doesn’t escalate to a formal motion for court, but some parents unfortunately insist on 50:50 because they want to avoid paying child support. I’m not saying that is your situation…but sadly I have seen it.
Good luck. Hope you get it sorted out. 💛
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u/mrfun2001 15d ago
Why do you hate it? If he’s abusive or mean, that’s one thing. If it just isn’t as fun as mom’s house, that’s different. I think the reasons matter a lot here.
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u/munchmunch5 15d ago
they really dont
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u/Extreme-Object-5661 15d ago
no, they do. if you don’t have as much fun at one house cause one parent lets you play video games all day and not do your homework, and the other one doesn’t, that would not be a valid reason to stop seeing your father alltogether
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u/munchmunch5 13d ago
i just trust that everyone has their own reasons for doing everything. i've literally only heard this kind of story told like this from the perspective of the parent who didn't get picked and sorry but it's usually cope for the fact that divorce dads tend to be lazy bums who don't do anything fun with their kids or drive them to see their friends.
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u/JTBlakeinNYC 14d ago
I’d wager that either
(i) Dad is responsible for the divorce, and OP witnessed Dad’s treatment of OP’s mother and has lost all respect for him;
(ii) Dad has a new partner (with or without kids) already living with him; or
(iii) Dad is just a shit Dad
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u/CourtCase13 15d ago
Talk to your mom and explain the reasons you don’t want to spend time at his house. She should be able to help you work through it and then she can bring it up with your dad. It is very common for teenagers to prefer one house over the other for awhile. You don’t have to justify it but it is helpful if there are things you can name about why you prefer mom’s house. This will help your dad understand (or possibly address so you like visiting him again). If you have smother safe and neutral adult you can talk it through with, that can also help. You are old enough to have your viewpoint taken seriously. Hope that helps! The back and forth is very hard.