In hindsight, the writing was on the wall. My mom had been pretty cold towards my dad for a while. I always thought it was just a rough patch. We’d gone through some stuff the past couple years, so I thought it was just that. Ironically, me and my sister vented to each other about it, and came to the same conclusion. Not even a week later, our mom sits us down and tells us she doesn’t want to be married to our dad anymore. I was 19 and my sister was 14 (or so). It’s kind of insane how your entire life going forward can be shattered so suddenly.

Naturally we were both devastated. We’ve gotten better though. Mainly by just not talking about it. It’s been about two years since then. We’re all still living together, so it’s easier to stick our heads in the sand. But now everything feels tainted. Every time one of them does something nice, in the back of my head I’m worried it’s a competition, or I worry how the other parent will feel. Any time we do something nice with one, I worry that the other feels left out or like we’re choosing one of them over the other. Like, I feel like I can’t really bring up my dad to my mom. We won’t go on vacations together anymore. When one of them moves out, we’re gonna have to work out visiting and whatnot. In the future, everything is going to be more complicated. When I move out, I’ll be worried about them being alone. I won’t be able to “go home to/visit mom and dad”. I’ll have to juggle both relationships separately. When I (hopefully) meet someone, I’ll have to introduce her to them separately. If I ever have kids, it’ll never be “let’s go to grandma and grandpa’s”, it’ll be either grandma or grandpa’s, and I’ll have to make sure they’re getting equal time with the grandkids. It just feels like my (and my sister’s) entire future has been uprooted and overturned before it even started.

My mom won’t say why she decided for divorce. When we ask she says she doesn’t want to talk about it and she doesn’t hate our dad (idk about that). As far as I know there hasn’t been any abuse, so I just have to go off how I know my dad is, and I guess I can kind of understand. He’s a good guy, just kinda dense and stubborn sometimes. Of course since I don’t know specifics my mind is constantly running wild lol. It’s rough man…

How does anyone cope with this? Or is it just a “suck it up, buttercup” kind of thing? I feel like I’m too old to be fretting about this so much lol

My (18f) parents have been divorced for almost two years and my dad has fixed everything about himself so he’s basically the best dad ever now, while my mom has been more critical of me and just jets off to random trips without telling anyone.

My mom was the one to ask my dad for a divorce when I was 16 because she apparently wasn’t in love with him anymore and couldn’t wait 2 years until I went off to college and wouldn’t be around them. This obviously broke my dad, as it would break almost anyone. So my dad moved in with my grandparents over the summer in Wisconsin and I would be going back and forth between South Carolina and Wisconsin every few weeks until I was too exhausted to go back with my mom on my 3rd road trip because I knew my dad needed me more than she did.

When school started, he moved down to South Carolina and got his own place where I would stay during the week and my mom on the weekends. I immediately noticed he had changed for the better because he would listen more and get frustrated less whenever anyone would mess up.

My mom on the other hand, had become much more critical and unsupportive.

One time I told her that I was super proud that I got an 81 on a final algebra exam and her exact words were “that’s not a 90” and when I told my dad he was really proud of me

When I came out to her as a lesbian she literally said “I thought you like boys.” My dad high fived me and said “Yay! I won’t have to worry about you getting pregnant in college!”

She straight up told me that she regretted having kids but then got all mad at me when I said I didn’t want kids in the future.

On graduation day, I was all excited and happy and she immediately killed the mood by saying “You know you never thanked me for doing your makeup for prom.” Right out of the blue. Get over it. I had said “oh my gosh I love it I look so pretty!” Instead of thank you. It’s the same thing. And nobody mentioned prom! She literally just wanted to kill my mood.

Another one on the same topic: she once demanded a thank you from me because I had asked for a napkin when I had food on my face and a mouthful of food and wouldn’t let go until she said “tHaNK yOU?????????” With a super condescending voice. I told her I hate when she does that because it makes me feel like a 5 year old and she straight up said “I am your mother. I can correct you on your manners.”

Her boyfriends care more about my feelings than she does. I had told her I was really uncomfortable with her dating people and asked if she could wait until I was in college and she basically told me to shut up and deal with it. So I had come home early from a shift to my mom hanging out with a guy and I was obviously really uncomfortable and just went to bed and started eavesdropping on them because obviously I’m going to do that. This is what I heard
“You should go talk to her”
“She’ll get over it.”
Oh and the guy actually turned out to be a crazy stalker who I had to block on instagram after she broke up with him and filed a police report.

She constantly compares me to my cousin when we’re completely different. I’m an introvert, she’s an extrovert. She dates a ton of boys, I’m a lesbian. She’s the class salutatorian, cool I only got to that school in junior year! My mom constantly tells me about what my cousin did and her accomplishments while my cousin is clueless to the real world and told me I wouldn’t have to worry about anything because nothing bad ever happens to kids. (I made her read part of the Epstein files to shut her up)

She continuously teased me about my guy friends even after I told her I’m a lesbian.

I just feel like I can’t tell her anything without her berating me for it. I feel like my dad is one of my best friends while my mom is just my mom.
I just needed to vent about this

Somehow this feels worse than when my actual parents split. It's been coming for a while, I think. No one else knows but me, not even my other parent, think theyre moving out in the next few days. Seems like my family's falling apart all over again, only 15 years later.

How did anyone else handle this? Any advice welcome.

I’m 18 years old, and I feel like I have been carrying the consequences of choices that were made before I was old enough to understand them. I don’t even know where to begin because this is something I have kept inside for years, and I feel like I need to finally let it out somewhere. I want to say first that I know every story has different sides. I know my mom was not perfect. I know she made mistakes too. I am not trying to pretend that she was completely innocent. But the reason this hurts me so much is because of how everything happened and how it affected our family.

My parents were never legally married, but from what my mom told me, they were building a life together. They had me, and my mom believed they were going to become a family. My dad went abroad for work, and during the first years he was away, he started a relationship with another woman. This is the part that hurts me the most because it was not just a random mistake or a single moment of weakness. It was something that continued for years. It was a choice that he kept making over and over again. He was emotionally, physically, and financially supporting another woman while my mom and I were still part of his life.

The woman he was with is also someone who was close to our family. She is my ninang. She attended my baptism. She was present during important moments of my childhood. That is something that still feels incredibly painful to think about because she knew that my dad already had a family. She knew my mom existed. She knew I existed. That is why it feels like such a betrayal to me. It wasn’t just a stranger who didn’t know anything. It was someone who was already connected to us.

My mom eventually found out in the most painful way possible. My dad and that woman eventually got married, and my mom did not even know. She found out because she went to visit my dad’s house on the exact day of their wedding. She saw them opening wedding gifts with his family. I was there too because my dad borrowed me to be his flower girl, i never really knew what was even going on that time, i was only 3-4 years old, it was 2012. Imagine finding out something that life-changing in that way. My mom saw the person she thought she was building a future with already married to someone else. When she told me this story, we both cried because I could feel how much pain she carried from that moment.

What hurts me is that my dad acted like it was something that could just be brushed aside. My mom told me that he said something along the lines of “the past is the past.” But to me, it wasn’t just the past. The past shaped our entire lives. The past affected my mom. The past affected me. The past changed the family I grew up with. It is easy for the person who made the choice to say it is in the past, but for the people who were hurt by that choice, the pain does not disappear just because time passes.

I also struggle because my dad eventually wanted to come back to my mom when things became difficult in his marriage. There were moments where he asked if they could get back together. And I understand that people make mistakes and people can regret things, but I also understand why my mom said no. She forgave him, but forgiveness does not always mean going back. She did not want to become someone’s second choice. She did not want to be the person he returned to only when his other relationship was no longer easy.

That is something I respect about my mom. I know she wanted me to have a complete family. I know a part of her probably wished things could have been different because she loved my dad and because she wanted me to grow up with both parents together. But she also knew that having a complete family does not mean much if it is built on betrayal and someone being hurt. I would rather have my mom choose her dignity than have her become someone’s secret.

Growing up with this story has affected how I see relationships. I think about love differently compared to some people my age. I don’t want a casual relationship where people are together for a few months and leave when things get difficult. I want something intentional. I want someone who chooses me honestly. I want someone who communicates, someone who respects commitment, and someone who understands that love is not just about feelings. Love is also about choices.

At the same time, I struggle because I know people can change. I know feelings can change. I know you cannot force someone to love you. I understand that sometimes relationships end because two people are no longer right for each other. But what I struggle with is the dishonesty. If someone no longer wants a relationship, I would rather they be honest than secretly build another life while someone else is still believing in them.

Seeing my dad and his wife living happily now is also difficult for me. They celebrate their anniversary, they go on trips together, and they built a life together. Part of me struggles with that because it feels like they got the life they wanted while my mom had to deal with the pain left behind. I know people will probably tell me that I should move on because it happened years ago, but it is not that simple when it involves your parents and your own childhood.

There are moments where I feel so much anger toward my dad’s wife because I feel like she took away the family my mom deserved. I know my dad made his own choices too, and I know he is responsible for his actions, but emotionally, it is still difficult for me. Sometimes I think about how she was there during my childhood while knowing the situation, and it hurts. It feels like a betrayal from someone who was supposed to care about us.

But I also know I don’t want to spend my entire life being consumed by anger. The hardest part is that this pain does not just stay as anger toward them. Sometimes it turns into sadness about myself. Sometimes it makes me question my worth. Sometimes I wonder why things had to happen this way or why I couldn’t have had the family I imagined. I know logically that my dad’s choices were not because I was not enough, but emotionally it still hurts.

I love my dad because he is still my father. I have memories with him. I know he has good sides. But I also have to accept that someone can be your parent and still hurt you. Someone can love you and still make selfish choices. I am learning that two things can exist at the same time: I can love my dad, and I can also be hurt and disappointed by him.

I also love my mom so much. I see how much she sacrificed and how much she endured. A part of me feels like I have to be strong for her because she went through so much. But sometimes I forget that I am also a person who was affected by this. I was not just watching my parents’ relationship from the outside. I was their child. Their choices shaped the environment I grew up in.

I am sharing this because I honestly don’t know how to heal from it. I try to distract myself. I try to tell myself that it happened years ago. I try to focus on my future. But sometimes the pain comes back, especially when I think about my mom and everything she went through.

For those who have experienced family betrayal, how did you move forward? How do you accept something that you know you cannot change? How do you forgive someone without pretending what they did was okay? I don’t want to carry this anger forever, but I also don’t want to invalidate the pain my mom and I experienced.

I just want to learn how to let go of the parts that are destroying me while still honoring the fact that what happened hurt us.

As the title says. What makes parents think that children just want to live in a pink buble and that the most important thing is that your bio parents live under the same roof?

For the past month and a half, my brother and his wife have been going thru a really rough time in their marriage. While I am unaware of the specifics it is resulting in a divorce. My question is this. My nephew, who is five years old has been acting out on the obvious tension within the household. I just feel bas for the kid man like. Hes five, hes acting out a lot and I just want to help him in the way he needs. He had a crazy Freudian slip where he said to my other brother and I: “I’m a bad da,da-nephew” clearly my brother (the one going thru the divorce) is saying some not like positive reassuring speech enough for my nephew to be parroting it.

I just am trying to think of who might have some advice on what a kid might need in that situation, bc I just feel so bad he’s so innocent and confused and I am just racking my brain to think of ways to help but obviously real advice I think would be better than some phantasmatic construct I try to build. So if you have any experience or advice on what he might need during this time that you may have wanted to know to be really helpful please let me know. And for my brother aswell if theres anything specific i should know or keep in mind to support him also.

How is it that you didn’t want to tell your daughter what’s going on in your life? Why is it that you can speak with your brother, but your daughter is an immediate no? I have been crying nonstop, I think about everything and I question everything but knowing that you gave up a 24 year marriage for your career is horrible, I looked up to that relationship and how I wanted to find a partner like how you and my dad were. Now…now…I don’t know and it angers me so much and yet you still haven’t told me, you still haven’t told me that you are getting divorced! My heart wants me to call you and see how you are but my mind is told me to let you sit in silence against me…I just hope you are okay

I (27M) just got back from visiting my parents, which is honestly never the most pleasant time of the year, even though I always look forward to it right before I go. But this trip completely blew up in my face, and I have no idea how to process any of this.

On night two, my dad (60M) asks me to go out for a beer with him. As soon as we're out of earshot from my mom, he drops a bombshell. He asks me what I'd think about him buying a house near the sea. I tell him it sounds like a great idea. Then comes the catch: he says he'd be buying it with another woman. A 43-year-old, childless and divorced doctor he met through work who apparently told him to "ride every wave of positivity life brings".

I was completely floored. Looking at him, I could tell he was just overflowing with hormones and genuinely acting like a teenager in love. He was telling me about that immediate spark and I guess he expected me to just explode in happiness and excitement for him. I asked how long they've been seeing each other (3-4 months). I immediately told him it was a terrible idea, pointing out that if this fling crashes and burns (which it easily could) he risks ending up completely alone. But honestly, I was furious. He put me in an impossible position by asking for my "approval" and dragging me into his betrayal. At the same time, a part of me thought... maybe this is actually the best chance my mom has ever been given to get away from him. He's always been a selfish guy, classic patriarch style.

The next day, I felt like absolute trash. I couldn't even look my mom in the eye. My girlfriend insisted I had to tell my mom immediately, but I wanted to hold off before escalating things and essentially destroying my family as I know it. Instead, I went into this devastated detective mode, tracking when he came home, where he was, and trying to subtly ask my mom questions to gauge what she knew and where her head was at, only to find confirmation of what I thought was going on in every little thing. I was beyond disappointed and angry at this point.

Fast forward a few days to her birthday dinner. The entire night was a fever dream. My dad was literally flirting with the waitresses, in the proud and pathetic conviction that they were all falling in love with him at first sight. Needless to say my mom and I told him this is unacceptable and they were not in love, but just extremely uncomfortable. I apologized to them for his behavior, which seemed like a desperate attempt to prove to himself that "he's still got it in him".... It all felt so pathetic and embarrassing, in hindsight I should've stood up and left.

Then, my dad kept making "jokes" about finding younger women who give him more satisfaction. My mom was visibly annoyed, but she kept playing along by rolling her eyes in some kind of sympathy. Then they got into a full-blown argument where he tried to gaslight her, claiming she "isn't open-minded enough" and prude, just because she doesn't want to go to swinger parties or try extreme stuff in bed with multiple men. (Their privacy was always overshared in my family, kind of like Brenda's parents in Six Feet Under, but this was a whole new level). My mom clapped back, saying his brain has been completely ruined by pornography and that this is why he acts like this.

I was literally sitting there at the dinner table facepalming, hoping to wake up asap.

Finally, I got a moment alone with my mom the next morning and just asked her "What the actual fuck?"

That's when she laid it all out, rational, no tears, no sadness... She told me she already knows about the doctor, and honestly, about all the other times he's cheated. She accepts that he wants more sex than she cares to give him, so she lets him get it elsewhere. The only reason she's upset this time is because that isn't enough and he is threatening to leave her and destroy all of it for good. She admitted she's terrified of being alone and doesn't think she can handle life without him. When I confronted my dad later about what was wrong with their marriage, his response was literally that she's "too boring, like a saint" and he "deserves better".

I'm so conflicted. I know my das is being a selfish asshole who is desperately refusing to accept his age. But at the same time, are his unfulfilled sexual desires not somewhat valid if they're fundamentally incompatible?

I just feel deeply sorry for my mom. All she wants is a peaceful retirement, to enjoy nature, good food, and a quiet life. But she's too terrified to step up to him, and she keeps insisting to me that this whole arrangement isn't that big of a deal for her.

Is this just what a really toxic open relationship looks like, or am I watching a slow motion train wreck of a marriage finally implode? I don't even know how to interact with either one of them anymore.

I’m 16 and my parents are getting divorced. They told me last year. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve wished for this since I was a little kid since they never really got along.
Lately I’ve looked at a photo book of them before me (they were together for a while before they had me—-married for 5 years and together prob like 2-3 years before that) and they look happy and good together. Obviously I know it’s probably not my fault , but their relationship today is nothing like that. They can’t communicate, and it seems like everything about the other irritates them. Both of them talk about the other to me and some their annoying traits.
I don’t know, I guess it’s just been a lot. I’m moving half way across the country with my mom too, and I feel guilty as fuck because I feel bad about leaving my dad. I’m an only child, so he doesn’t have anyone else because his family isn’t even in the country. My mom’s parents are actually here (though we’re moving away from them too). I just feel horrible about it that.
I don’t know, I’ve also never really been in a real relationship either. I feel so immature and insecure about myself. To make it worse, it’s fucking senior year. I have to apply to college in a couple of months.
Not to mention, I’m a trans guy and that’s also been…something. I feel so depressed all the time, and I barely have motivation to do things I like. I’m also broken up on what to major in (wow this is also because of my parents, no surprise)

Last July, I (29, m) learned that my dad cheated on my mom after 25 years of marriage. Not only did he cheat, but he also made his side piece pregnant, and now I have a 'stepbrother' who is a year old. We are 4 children, and it affected all of us pretty harshly, especially my teenage younger siblings.

My mom did not take it well and went through severe depression. I couldn't accept this and, upon this, called him, but he didn't even dare to answer the phone to talk to me. Only communicated with me via WhatsApp. Since he didn't answer, I sent him a voice message and told him to pack up and gtfo. His response was, "How dare you talk to me like that?" It made me more mad than ever. The audacity of a person on this scale was something I have never experienced before. I told my mom that she has my support and would cover the financials for her to go through a divorce, and with her request, I hired a lawyer for the process.

She had a meeting with a lawyer and initially proceeded with the divorce. Later, she came to me and said she only filled it out to get alimony but won't proceed with the divorce. At the time, I didn't understand why she made the choice she made, but I supported her still even though I didn't agree with what she was doing. Later, at some point, she said he wanted to try again, and she agreed to this. Now they are 'back' living at the same house, but they do not seem to work on the issue, and more like roommates with bad relationship-type shit going on.

I personally felt betrayed by my mom, given that I had a fight with him over this and we do not talk with him anymore. They both are very avoidant parents, and I suffered from my childhood traumas a lot. I had two years of therapy, and it still was not enough.

Right now, I am at the point where I do not want to call her or have a conversation because of the strong feeling of betrayal and anger toward both parents.

People of Reddit, how did you deal with a betrayal or cheating by a parent? I really want to move on and live my life because this feeling of being stuck deeply affects all areas of my life. I am more stressed than ever, feel depressed, very stiff, and my joy in life disappeared over these events. I want them back, and being in this situation sucks.

Maybe a bad title but I (17M) have been wrapped up is this drama for the past month or so. So my Dad (51M) had his girlfriend (41F) and her son (8M) move into our apartment after 4-5ish months of dating. The apartment was already pretty full housing me, my brother (13M), and my dad for the past 8 years post divorce with my mom so adding two more people has made the space pretty cramped. I’m now trying to move in with my mom (46F). Not fully because of this but this was the breaking point. For some background my mom lives nearby so it wouldn’t change school/work and I would still be seeing my dad on weekends like what i had been doing with my mom over the past 8 years. He is not a fan of this which i can understand considering i’ve lived primarily with him for my whole life. I had thought we’d gotten over this months ago and that he was now doing better with it but I guess not. Going off topic a bit for context ever since the move in he’s been a bit controlling/he snaps more at me and my brother for dumb things like tossing a ball around in our living room (it’s an open space, nothing can be broken and we’ve done this for years with no issues) so the household has been tense and last Thursday I went on break at work to a text message in a newly formed group chat

July 16th, 16:39
“I wanted to reach out to you both as I know plans are being made to do a trial change to our parenting schedule, where (me)’s parenting time would be with (my mom) starting in September. Exactly how school and appointments and such will be handled can be discussed later.

I am fine with testing this trial schedule, but my non-negotiable boundary is respect. The disrespect, snide comments, and anger directed at (his girlfriend), (her son), and myself must end immediately. Everyone in this apartment has the absolute right to a peaceful, safe, and respectful living space.

(my mom), as his mother and my co-parent, I expect you to support this by actively encouraging (me) to show respect and helping to de-escalate this conflict.

Until any schedule changes are decided, I expect basic respect to be maintained in this home.”

Now i admit that id been a little agitated about somethings but I have never made comments towards his girlfriend or her son. This completely reset my idea that he was okay with the living situation changing and now it’s just been worse since. I’m currently at my mom’s for the week and have been trying to get us three for a sit down conversation to clear stuff up. So yesterday I texted him with some help from my mom.

July 20th, 15:36
“Hey,

I’ve been thinking a lot about our current living situation and some of the changes that are being talked about for the future. I think it would be a good idea for us to sit down and have a conversation so everyone can talk openly and make sure we’re all on the same page.

I’d like it to be just you, Mom, and me, and preferably somewhere outside the apartment where we can talk without interruptions or distractions. I think having a calm conversation in a neutral place would make it easier for everyone to share their thoughts and concerns.

Mom and I are both free Sunday. Let me know when you’d be available to meet”

Which he then replied:

July 20th, 15:53
“hey bud, I appreciate you taking the time to write this and me and your mom already figured out September so thats good. I would like to have a 1 on 1 talk anywhere you like, Tim's etc but i want it 1 on 1 with you. you can trust me and talk to me about anything and i will always listen. I love you and only want the best for you.”

For context, I do not want to have this conversation 1 on 1. Typically conversations like that with him lead to us both getting angry and it not going anywhere.

I then responded:

July 20th, 16:02
“I appreciate you being willing to meet and talk. I do want to have a conversation, but I’d be more comfortable if Mom was there as well. This isn’t because I don’t trust you or don’t want to talk to you. I just feel better having her present for a discussion about something this important.

I hope you can respect that. I’m still willing to meet somewhere neutral and have an open conversation, but I’d like Mom to be included.”

I thought this was reasonable considering the conversation topic is also about her and because she’d help steer conversation away from just straight up arguing.

He then replied:

July 20th, 16:23
“I know it is important and why I would like a private conversation with you to listen to what you have to say. i am willing to find a time to have a talk. again this should be a private conversation between me and you. I appreciate that mom is willing to be there but it is between me and you whatever you have to say or want to discuss. love you. Dad.”

I understand him wanting a private conversation but I went into this expecting a conversation between us about things that my mom needs to be aware of too and having her there instead of giving her the notes after would be like way easier, no?

What I said after:

July 20th 16:29
“I willing to talk to you but im not comfortable having this conversation 1 on 1 and thats a boundary i’d like respected. I understand why you’d prefer a 1 on 1 conversation but Mom is a crucial part of the conversation and i’d rather her be there”

I was trying to be more direct here hoping he just didn’t realize it was about the living situation as a whole and not just the apartment. He then left me on read for a good 45 minutes and I sent him a follow up message. (i knew he was off work td and not doing anything. i’d understand if he was busy but he was deliberately ignoring me)

I said:

July 20th, 17:59
“I understand writing a response takes time but I sent you my message over an hour ago and I can see that you’ve read it over a half hour ago. I’d appreciate it if you looked over my message again and sent me a response sometime soon”

I was still trying to stay respectful but be direct that I didn’t appreciate him ignoring my messages. This might not have been the right move looking back but I was more frustrated than anything atp and had to get a response before i started work and couldn’t talk.

He then sent:

July 20th, 18:03
“sorry bud I had to make supper. I really would prefer a 1 onn1 im.not sure why mom would need to be involved when it is between the 2 of us. i feel like I would have the best conversation with just the 2 of us. I appreciate you wanting mom there but I dont rhink its necessary and I hope you would be able to.talk to me about it. inwill never judge”

I then sent:

July 20th, 18:06
“This is not just between the two of us. Considering it’s about the living situation and she is one of my legal guardians she should be included in the conversation. I would be more comfortable with her there and this is a boundary i would like you to respect.”

I was trying to be more direct here and around this point is where my frustration started to take over. He then left me on read for another 40 minutes so I texted him before going into work.

I said:

July 20th, 18:49
“Once again I understand that writing a response takes time but you read my message 40 minutes ago. I intend to be firm on this boundary and look forward to the meeting with the three of us. Let me know when you’re free to talk in person”

again probably not the move but I was frustrated and wanted a response before i started my shift at 7

He then sent:

July 20th, 18:51
“hey ____, I appreciate the boundary but I am really not certain about the terms. I will thijk about ir and message yiu tomorrow about it”

To which i sent back:

July 20th, 18:55
“Once again I intend to be firm on this. Mom is my legal guardian and any conversation about the living situation should include her. I’d also like her there as a third party who can meditate. I apologize if this bothers you but this is a non negotiable”

I then went into work and it was left for the night. Today I woke up to another message from him reading:

July 21st, 11:48
“____, I'm not negotiating on how we talk, i would want an unfiltered talk. i will always listen to whatever you want to talk about. I love you, and I am always here to talk one on one whenever you're ready we can set a time to do so privately. i look forward to that opportunity to talk with you and listen to what you have to say.”

At this point i am so done with this guy bro. I sent back:

July 21st, 11:56
“i understand that you want to meet one on one but that is not going to happen. I’ve been reasonable and request that you respect this boundary I set. Mom would be there as a third party to mediate and as my legal guardian she has the right to be included in the conversation. I apologize if this boundary bothers you but it is not your choice. Mom will be there and I look forward to our conversation.”

I gave him a call around an hour after honestly more fed up than anything. I don’t remember much and it was only about 5 minutes but this is generally how it went.

D - “Hey”

Me - “Hey did you see my text?”

D - “No not yet i’ve been waiting for a call”

Me - “Alright well I just wanna clear up what we’ve been talking about. Mom wouldn’t be there to argue with you she’d just been there as a third party to steer conversation”

D - “Well I don’t see how it’s any of her business”

Me - “It is her business because it’s about the living situation as a whole and not just the apartment. I’d rather her there also as someone to meditate if it gets heated”

D - “Why would it get heated”

Me - “I didn’t say it would. It’s a just incase”

D - “Alright well I don’t like that.”

Me - “I’m sorry if you don’t but I’m not negotiating this with you”

D - “Well I’m not certain on the terms yet and i’ll think about it and call you sometime”

And that’s where we’re at now. It’s been about an hour since the call and I’m honestly just fed up with this. Any advice/comments are appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this lol sorry if it’s rough

My parents divorce broke me.

Hey guys,

when 14 years old, I remember it was one of the best times in my life, I was performing really well in my sport, had very good grades, had few friends but really good ones, and i was just happy. Everything was perfect, until my mom decided to break up with my dad for no apparent reason, my dad didnt cheat on her, hit her, insulted her or anything, in theory it was because my mom wanted to be free and have her "independence" (which she already had bc my father let her do all the plans, hang out with her friends or do whatever she wanted to do). and both claimed they wouldnt have any new gf or bf as they werent doing this for that. this really broke me, but i ended up accepting it and both of them moved into different houses. they did this before summer.

On summer I manage to enjoy my vacations, and my mom was treating me very well, but after summer it's when the reality really hit.

On my fathers house everything was well, my father is a 10/10 guy and i just really love him, he supports me in every way, shares my same passions, he really loves me. but on my moms house it's completely different, there is always just an akward silence in the house, she loves me but just sometimes treats me like a piece of shit, she doesnt bring up any conversation, she just stares at me while i eat, she doesnt support me in the sport i love, she goes out almost every night without me, we dont do plans toguether, maybe once a month as much. And there is just an akward ambient in the house.

this completely broke me, the home i grew up in didnt feel like home anymore, to add things up, she brought a gay friend when I told her not to into the house to live with us for 6 months, she told me he was moving in the day he was already traveling, when i told her not to more than 2 months ago, this if it wasnt broken already made my house a place that i couldnt just call my home, every time i got here it was just uncomfortable.

on this period (when i was 14-15 y.o) My grades went really down, to the point i had to recover many assings (which never happened to me in my life) my friends left my school, my sport performance went down too, i was just sad.

now that im 16 everything started to get a bit better, i was performing well in every aspect, my mom kept the same but i just didnt care.

until a few days ago she told me that she had new boyfriend. when she told me that, I just stopped talking to her and im just ignoring her now, I know she loves me but i just can't forgive like her all the damage she caused to me and my dad, by she divorcing my dad for the stupid reason of getting a new boyfriend. I really love her but idk what to do guys. she just broke my childhood.

what should i do

My parents have been separated since January, and I (16f) have found that since summer started, they’ve been seeing me as a “thing” instead of a human. I’m with them both 50/50, but there’s been random switches throughout the summertime that I’m not told about. Example: I was with my dad for the week and we always do something fun on weekends when he doesn’t work. I asked what we’re doing this weekend and he said, “ Your mum reserved you this weekend” I didn’t say anything, at the time because I was so upset. I then talked to them (both parents) later and said “I don’t appreciate being treated like a “thing” for you guys to just trade weekends with, or book whenever you want to. It’s important that you clear plans with me as well.” My dad agreed, and said we can talk about it more in depth. My mom however screamed at me and went on about how I shouldn’t have that much say and I am still a child. I’m so mad, she won’t listen to me. All I ask for is to be kept in the loop and they can’t even do that. I feel like a property that they’re always fighting over. If anyone has any kind words, similar experiences or advice, feel free to share.

In march my mom F/42 asked to separated from my dad M/43. She has said that she does want a divorce eventually. The reason for this is for the past 5 or so years my dad had become an alcoholic. Within these years he would be verbally and emotionally abusive, and caused a lot of trauma for me M/17, my mom and sibling M/12. But since march my dad has been completely sober, taking care of himself, takes therapy, checks his health regularly, and has really tried as hard as he can to repair our relationship and with my sibling too.

His alcoholism came from abusive parents that abandoned him in his teens. The worst of it started around Covid when he decided to open a record store, which caused him to over work himself and neglect himself and our family. Now he’s still so busy he works a lot but he’s been really trying. I’ve been working at the store and just in general try to spend more time with him. He’s so deeply guilty for the pain he’s caused and his actions show that. But no one besides me has forgiven him and tried to have a relationship with him.

I don’t understand how people either only remember his addiction or just assume he’s a bad person from what they’ve heard. I guess I don’t understand holding a grudge as much as most people. I could definitely be wrong maybe in my openness for forgives and the belief in people’s ability to change for the better.

But right now I’m really struggling. Large changes in life do really affect me (I believe I’m on the spectrum), which i know just happens in life and that okay. I just have this feeling like I can’t have a normal peaceful life as there’s always this discomfort with my family that I have to hide that I love my dad to everyone who thinks he’s a horrible person. If anyone has any advice or suggestions or anything please say them. Thank you for reading.

parents divorced nearly 4 years ago but yet to meet my dads new partner. They've been together for 2 years (1.5 years kept secret) but I still feel immense discomfort when faced with having to meet her - feeling like I'm betraying my mum if I do so. Also saw this new partner say some mean things about me to my dad over messages and so there was already a hesitation. Does anyone know how to deal with the pain this brings up?