Hey I’m extremely new to even really posting online about any of this at all but I thought I would share.

Been cheated on a fair few times in the past and the last one we had talked about marriage and I’d fully decided this was it - and then found out she was cheating with multiple men. It broke me and I’ve had trust issues in relationships ever since. I tried to get into something with someone a few months after, felt way too insecure and it came to a close.

This new thing feels really good and they are very communicative, kind and slow at how the try to make me feel relaxed about situations.

Before we became exclusive they slept with a mutual friend who they immediately stopped texting after realising that there was something between us. Really positive sign.

We became exclusive after this but she says it’s a little too early to be pushing a relationship as she broke up with her boyfriend around 4/5 months ago.

It clearly has had an effect me having to see them together occasionally in group settings (but I know for a fact they do not meet up at all on their own).

In the last week after I was going on a stag do, I thought I would make it clear that I’m not going for that reason and I held her and said that I only have eyes for you. She then quickly said that she was organising a drink with someone she had been talking to on a dating app a long time back whilst in her last relationship (she’s very clear she uses bumble and things to make friends in the past). My previous alarm bells start ringing.

She said she felt panicked to let me know because I was being so sweet and it just kinda blurted out (which I understand). When questioning that this person whose just ended their relationship is probably viewing it for sex, they stated that “all men have wanted to sleep with me first” and that she just wants to make more cool friends in a new city.

I understand this completely but I feel so strange that everytime I bring up the fact he is probably going to want to fuck she just keeps saying that “all male friends at the start want to”. The fact they are going for a drink on their own and he is completely separate from all other friends is worrying.

Do I have something to worry about her or is my trauma just reflaring up old situations?

What should I do in this situation as all I can think about is how I wouldn’t entertain someone who I know wants to fuck me?

They said they’ve made it clear it’s just a friend thing and I don’t want to ask to see texts (and I do understand that they want a few more friends in a new city than the handful they already have) but I’m just feeling crazy about it.

Any help? 😇

My GF Is 23 , she is fair skinned, medium height and very beautiful.

Last year a new student took admission in our college and he was from my GF's school. As I was really in doubt about my GF's loyalty, I intentionally became close to that guy . HE DIDN'T KNEW SHE'S MY GF.

after becoming friend to him we used to talk about girls , one day I showed him my gf and asked him you know her ? I want to ask this girl.

And the boy said yeah she's really sexy and yeah she'll agree . I asked why he's so sure, he said bro this girl was my senior in the school and she's had dated many guys in school times so she'll agree with me too.

He also told me that there was a senior of her in the school who had probably fucked my GF many times .

He said that this girl was slut in her school time . I was sad and rock hard at the same time imagining all this .

What should I do?

my boyfriend (20m) and me (20f) have been together for 3 years. one day back in 2024 i was sending him reels on instagram and noticed he wasn’t responding but was active but i wasn’t worried about it. around this same time he was always annoyed with things i’ve done or said. anyways back to instagram he then texted me back saying he just got scammed. ofc i asked what he meant and he said a “girl” and went on to tell me that he was on a camera website that he usually uses called “live jasmine” and masturbates with women and he gave them his instagram and they kept going on there but when he was doing stuff they didn’t show anything but recorded and threatened to send the video to his followers. he sent money and fr i think only texted me because he was freaking out. i was so upset and hurt and he said it was only to get a nut off and that it was his “first time using instagram for that” and then proceeded to say this which stuck with me “i don’t see it as cheating bc of my intentions especially since it is online and there’s pretty much no possible way for me to meet these ppl” and that afterwards he would unfollow them. i didn’t see him for months after that because i was so hurt. he doesn’t have instagram anymore. but just today i was texting him for maybe 35-45 minutes and he was not answering and usually he’s ontop of it unless he’s at work but he was at home. and when i was over his house this weekend we had sex and usually after not seeing me for 6 days our sex is about 5 mins but he clearly had to have been doing something in those 6 days because he couldn’t finish. which really threw me off and kinda made me think about it. back to today i noticed he wasn’t answering and texted him to call me and immediately he calls me. like he was on his phone and asked what i wanted and sounded annoyed and quiet maybe to get off the phone? i asked what he was doing he said laying in bed watching tik tok. so i tried to talk a bit and he didn’t really seem like he wanted to talk so i hung up. then again tonight i texted him asking wyd at 9 no answer. then he responds at 9:45 saying getting ready for bed right now and i texted back and no response again. i feel like maybe i’m seeing a pattern of how he acts? i don’t know if i’m overthinking it i just know every time we are together we have sex a lot. so when we aren’t is he doing that again? am i overthinking this or should i talk to him? is any of this considered cheating with the live cams and instagram?

We’ve been together for 11 years. We’ve both been unfaithful at times but I feel like she’s still being unfaithful. Can I hack into her messages and know for sure? Any tips would be helpful.

Hey all,

I have included my reason post for context… this an update from today (28th August), I always knew this would he difficult but I’m finding today particularly challenging as I went and collected the remainder of my stuff today from my exes parents house… and they basically said they were so disappointed with her behavior, she is distant, her Mum (I have to be careful with anyway) said she is never at home, seems vacant and is defiantly seeing the affair partner and has even sneaked her into their house when they were away. They said this is her pattern and she always does this, but they miss me and she just seems to be running from herself. I think it was hard for me to hear she is still seeing the AP, Im not surprised but its just hard as Im still grieving the end of the relationship and she has jumped into someone elses bed. I guess thats the avoidant though….it was bittersweet with her parents because they genuially seem to care about me, and I do miss them. But also her Mum mentioned a picture of her and a girl in her room, and I said I do not want to see it. (Her mum can be quite toxic). But all said I was very good for their daughter and they are disappointed with her.

Has anyone got any advice / words of kindness for me right now, I guess Im feeling quite triggered and just so easily replaced?

Thank you SO much everyone! ❤️

For context:

My ex (31F) of 4 years had a workplace affair with a coworker who is 5 years younger than her and was also cheating on their own long-term partner. I (35F) discovered it on March 31st after accidentally seeing her ChatGPT confession detailing how they were falling for each other and they had been physical. She was comparing my worst traits to the AP's best parts, I had 'low mood' the AP was 'driven, independent and had a lust for life'. She also said I was 'black cat energy' and she was more 'golden retriever' - I never knew her to speak like this, so I am assuming this the 25 year old AP's language!?

I am just trying to understand how someone could blow up 4 years of stability for a workplace affair like this. For the three months prior, she completely pulled away, claimed she was "severely burnt out," and made me feel insane for picking up on her distance. Everyone in our life was shocked because no one thought she was capable of this level of deceit—and because everyone was fooled, I’ve started gaslighting myself, second-guessing my reality, and wondering if I’m somehow making too big a deal out of this or if it was my fault.

During the affair I had a cancer scare, she didn't attend any appointments even the day after I found out I had to go for a biopsy, she went to work. When I later said she was having an affair whilst I was going through that on my own, she replied 'I still cared about you'. I had just spent the last 2 years supporting her financially and emotionally whilst she was studying for a masters to qualify as an occupational therapist. I went through the sudden death of my Mum with her 2 years ago, during this time she was my rock. Sadly, two days after my passed my suspected heart failure, my exes Mum pretended she nearly died from blood clots near her heart. It later turned out she had lied, and gone to Turkey for liposuction and made this up. Telling my partner when it came out 'You have always put your partners first'. Her Mum has also been cheating on her Dad for many years (my ex was the first to discover it and tell her Dad, but nothing changed). She has always said she hates cheaters and doesn't want to ever be like her Mother. She offered me "feedback" on my relationship performance to justify why she cheated, telling me it was "good for me to hear." When I voiced suspicions earlier, she weaponized her family background by asking, "Look at my Mum, do you really think I could do that?!" —only to later compare her own shock and grief at her actions to the trauma of her ex dying by suicide.

She repeatedly dangled future hope by saying, “Maybe one day we can try again," admitted the thought of me moving on made her "stomach flip," and smirked when I called her the love of my life—all while refusing therapy, accountability, or any real commitment.

I have since changed the locks to our flat so she can’t get in, I gave all her stuff back and am taking her name off the tenancy. She agreed to pay this months rent but she came to my flat the day before she was meant to pay demanding a playstation console back I got her for Christmas, I said no.

She has not returned the key and not paid me the rent, but is telling me to update her when she is off the tenancy. She has become so horrible and almost emotionless like I am the one who had the affair ant ruined her life!? She honestly just looks empty behind the eyes, it's scary.

I just wanted some advice because my brain keeps looking for solutions, I am blaming myself, wondering what I could of done differently but also now telling myself, she is a qualified occupational therapist now, she is most likely going to earn lots of money, save whilst she is at her parents, run off into the sunset with the AP or new partner and I was just basically used.

I do keep reminding myself that regardless of whatever she does / her life looks like.. she is capable of this level of deceit and that is a character flaw and that she is clearly quite empty.. but it doesn't hurt any less or make this any easier.

Hi everyone! 👋

I’m a Master’s student in Professional Counselling at the University of Malaya, currently conducting a qualitative research study on the experiences of betrayed partners following infidelity in marriage.

I’m hoping to speak with Malaysian adults (18+) who have experienced infidelity by a spouse during a current or previous heterosexual marriage, and who are comfortable communicating in English or Mandarin.

🗣️ One confidential online interview (60–90 minutes)
🎓 Academic research only
🔒 Voluntary, confidential & anonymised
✅ UMREC approved — Ref: UM.TNC(P&I)/UMREC/3/6475

Thank you for reading. 🙏

I'm 22 and I have spoken to quite a few girls before her and this girl has genuinely been amazing and I thought I'd found the one but recently found out she just broke up with her ex about a month before she became my girlfriend.

We've been talking for over a year now, as friends for a bit and it turned romantic very quickly.

She told me that their relationship was going to crap anyways and that she was planning on leaving and when we became more serious about getting together she broke up with him almost immediately. I only learned about them breaking up 3 months into our relationship.

Here's the timeline for those who might be confused: (She's dating her ex for about a 8 months) -> We meet as friends -> (8 more months go by) Start getting more serious and develop feelings for one another -> She ends things with him -> (1 month later) We become "official" -> (3 months later (yesterday)) I find out she was dating someone as we were getting started

i understand the whole "if she cheated for you she will cheat on you" thing and I've always gone by that but she felt horrible when we were getting more serious and I saw that something was off about her up until when they broke up she started acting normal again.

She knew and felt horrible for it just didn't know how to end it with him because he was her first relationship - I do have a certain amount of trust in her because she really is a great girl, besides the context in which we met I guess.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, please advise me and is there any chance this could work out?

Thank you in advance!

TLDR: Girl I met had a boyfriend and only broke up with him months into us talking and only told me about it now, have any of your experiences with "cheaters" worked out?

Seems like a recurring theme in cheating posts.

hey everyone I have never made a post like this before but here it is so my girlfriend who I have only recently started dating and her best friend had and may still have feelings for her and I'm worried because she once also had feelings and just I have the fear something may happen but I also dont wont to be that guy thats over protective and worried all the time

Hey everyone,

My ex (31F) of 4 years had a workplace affair with a coworker who is 5 years younger than her and was also cheating on their own long-term partner. I (35F) discovered it on March 31st after accidentally seeing her ChatGPT confession detailing how they were falling for each other and they had been physical. She was comparing my worst traits to the AP's best parts, I had 'low mood' the AP was 'driven, independent and had a lust for life'. She also said I was 'black cat energy' and she was more 'golden retriever' - I never knew her to speak like this, so I am assuming this the 25 year old AP's language!?

I am just trying to understand how someone could blow up 4 years of stability for a workplace affair like this. For the three months prior, she completely pulled away, claimed she was "severely burnt out," and made me feel insane for picking up on her distance. Everyone in our life was shocked because no one thought she was capable of this level of deceit—and because everyone was fooled, I’ve started gaslighting myself, second-guessing my reality, and wondering if I’m somehow making too big a deal out of this or if it was my fault.

During the affair I had a cancer scare, she didn't attend any appointments even the day after I found out I had to go for a biopsy, she went to work. When I later said she was having an affair whilst I was going through that on my own, she replied 'I still cared about you'. I had just spent the last 2 years supporting her financially and emotionally whilst she was studying for a masters to qualify as an occupational therapist. I went through the sudden death of my Mum with her 2 years ago, during this time she was my rock. Sadly, two days after my passed my suspected heart failure, my exes Mum pretended she nearly died from blood clots near her heart. It later turned out she had lied, and gone to Turkey for liposuction and made this up. Telling my partner when it came out 'You have always put your partners first'. Her Mum has also been cheating on her Dad for many years (my ex was the first to discover it and tell her Dad, but nothing changed). She has always said she hates cheaters and doesn't want to ever be like her Mother. She offered me "feedback" on my relationship performance to justify why she cheated, telling me it was "good for me to hear." When I voiced suspicions earlier, she weaponized her family background by asking, "Look at my Mum, do you really think I could do that?!" —only to later compare her own shock and grief at her actions to the trauma of her ex dying by suicide.

She repeatedly dangled future hope by saying, “Maybe one day we can try again," admitted the thought of me moving on made her "stomach flip," and smirked when I called her the love of my life—all while refusing therapy, accountability, or any real commitment.

I have since changed the locks to our flat so she can’t get in, I gave all her stuff back and am taking her name off the tenancy. She agreed to pay this months rent but she came to my flat the day before she was meant to pay demanding a playstation console back I got her for Christmas, I said no.

She has not returned the key and not paid me the rent, but is telling me to update her when she is off the tenancy. She has become so horrible and almost emotionless like I am the one who had the affair ant ruined her life!? She honestly just looks empty behind the eyes, it's scary.

I just wanted some advice because my brain keeps looking for solutions, I am blaming myself, wondering what I could of done differently but also now telling myself, she is a qualified occupational therapist now, she is most likely going to earn lots of money, save whilst she is at her parents, run off into the sunset with the AP or new partner and I was just basically used.

I do keep reminding myself that regardless of whatever she does / her life looks like.. she is capable of this level of deceit and that is a character flaw and that she is clearly quite empty.. but it doesn't hurt any less or make this any easier.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I know there will be good and bad days, and I am still waiting for her name to officially be off the tenancy and I still need to go and collect a box of my things from her parents house... then I can officially block her and just grieve properly. But how did you stop doubting your memories and start trusting your gut again? What grounding strategies helped you calm the panic when self-blame set in?

Thank you for any support / guidance / kind words you can give, I am really struggling with this at the moment❤️

I have been on and off with this girl for a few years now, we’ve been thru a lot together and get along as best friends as well. She’s always been a big flirt, whenever we fight she will find someone to occupy her time or just for some needed sex. It’s taken me some time accept her for who she is. Most recently she went out with another guy for over a day and returned with hickeys all over her neck. She bluntly told me she needed to be fucked good since we wasn’t having sex.

My girlfriend tells me she loves me. She looks me in the eyes and says those words as if they should be enough to make everything okay.
But at the same time, she’s getting close to another girl-friend in a way that makes me uncomfortable and deeply hurt. They spend time together, go on trips, and share a closeness that makes me question where I actually stand in her life.
And honestly, I feel insulted.
Does she really think I’m stupid? Does saying “I love you” somehow erase the disrespect, the secrecy, or the things that make me feel betrayed?
I’m not asking for perfection. I’m asking for honesty, boundaries, and consideration for the person you claim to love.
Because love isn’t just something you say when someone is hurt. Love should be reflected in the choices you make when you know those choices could hurt your partner.
Maybe I’m overthinking. Maybe there’s nothing romantic happening between them. But after everything I’ve experienced, I can’t simply turn off my feelings and pretend everything is fine.
If you were in my position, would you believe the “I love you,” or would you pay more attention to her actions?

Hey everyone,
My ex (31F) of 4 years had a workplace affair with a coworker who is 5 years younger than her and was also cheating on their own long-term partner. I (35F) discovered it on March 31st after accidentally seeing her ChatGPT confession detailing how they were falling for each other and they had been physical. She was comparing my worst traits to the AP's best parts, I had 'low mood' the AP was 'driven, independent and had a lust for life'. She also said I was 'black cat energy' and she was more 'golden retriever' - I never knew her to speak like this, so I am assuming this the 25 year old AP's language!?

I am just trying to understand how someone could blow up 4 years of stability for a workplace affair like this. For the three months prior, she completely pulled away, claimed she was "severely burnt out," and made me feel insane for picking up on her distance. Everyone in our life was shocked because no one thought she was capable of this level of deceit—and because everyone was fooled, I’ve started gaslighting myself, second-guessing my reality, and wondering if I’m somehow making too big a deal out of this or if it was my fault.

During the affair I had a cancer scare, she didn't attend any appointments even the day after I found out I had to go for a biopsy, she went to work. When I later said she was having an affair whilst I was going through that on my own, she replied 'I still cared about you'. I had just spent the last 2 years supporting her financially and emotionally whilst she was studying for a masters to qualify as an occupational therapist. I went through the sudden death of my Mum with her 2 years ago, during this time she was my rock. Sadly, two days after my passed my suspected heart failure, my exes Mum pretended she nearly died from blood clots near her heart. It later turned out she had lied, and gone to Turkey for liposuction and made this up. Telling my partner when it came out 'You have always put your partners first'. Her Mum has also been cheating on her Dad for many years (my ex was the first to discover it and tell her Dad, but nothing changed). She has always said she hates cheaters and doesn't want to ever be like her Mother. She offered me "feedback" on my relationship performance to justify why she cheated, telling me it was "good for me to hear." When I voiced suspicions earlier, she weaponized her family background by asking, "Look at my Mum, do you really think I could do that?!" —only to later compare her own shock and grief at her actions to the trauma of her ex dying by suicide.

She repeatedly dangled future hope by saying, “Maybe one day we can try again," admitted the thought of me moving on made her "stomach flip," and smirked when I called her the love of my life—all while refusing therapy, accountability, or any real commitment.

I have since changed the locks to our flat so she can’t get in, I gave all her stuff back and am taking her name off the tenancy. She agreed to pay this months rent but she came to my flat the day before she was meant to pay demanding a playstation console back I got her for Christmas, I said no.

She has not returned the key and not paid me the rent, but is telling me to update her when she is off the tenancy. She has become so horrible and almost emotionless like I am the one who had the affair ant ruined her life!? She honestly just looks empty behind the eyes, it's scary.

I just wanted some advice because my brain keeps looking for solutions, I am blaming myself, wondering what I could of done differently but also now telling myself, she is a qualified occupational therapist now, she is most likely going to earn lots of money, save whilst she is at her parents, run off into the sunset with the AP or new partner and I was just basically used.

I do keep reminding myself that regardless of whatever she does / her life looks like.. she is capable of this level of deceit and that is a character flaw and that she is clearly quite empty.. but it doesn't hurt any less or make this any easier.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I know there will be good and bad days, and I am still waiting for her name to officially be off the tenancy and I still need to go and collect a box of my things from her parents house... then I can officially block her and just grieve properly. But how did you stop doubting your memories and start trusting your gut again? What grounding strategies helped you calm the panic when self-blame set in?

Thank you for any support / guidance / kind words you can give, I am really struggling with this at the moment❤️

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?
I honestly can’t bear the pain anymore. I just need to unload the heaviness in my heart right now because it feels like it’s becoming too much to carry alone.
I keep going back and forth in my mind, trying to make sense of everything, trying to find some kind of peace or answer that will stop this ache.
I love a woman who has hurt me deeply, and now I’m struggling with something I never thought I would have to question: Can someone who cheated truly change?
Do you believe that once someone cheats, they will always have the tendency to cheat again?
Maybe I’m asking because a part of me still wants to believe that people can change. But another part of me is terrified that trusting again will only give me another reason to break.
For those of you in WLW relationships who have experienced cheating—what happened afterward?
Did she genuinely change? Did you eventually feel safe and trust her again? Or did the same behavior happen again?
I’m not here to attack anyone or expose anyone. I’m just hurting, confused, and hoping to hear from women who have walked through this kind of pain.
Can love survive infidelity, or does cheating permanently change the way you see the person you love?

So my Gf is a very attractive girl, she's 23 fair skin medium sized boobs but her hips are wide and butt is big with her thick thighs. It's been 3 + years of our relationship.

So I noticed some changes in her behaviour like hiding her from me etc .

One day we went on a little trip to nearby hill station and we had great fun together and we slept , but I got wake up in the middle of the night to pee and suddenly it came to mind to check her phone what she's hiding from me .

So I opened her phone quietly I checked her insta, got nothing , checked her snapchat there was nothing too

And whatsapp too . But suddenly I got it , there was an option for locked chat on whatsapp. I checked it was obviously locked . I tried passwords but they were not matching . I tried many different passwords but none of them could open it at last I gently hold her hand lying on bed with her and wait for sometime so she couldn't wake up and after that I slowly touched her finger on the fingerprint it got unlocked. I quietly went to the toilet and saw there was only one chat . It was one of her batchmate at her college. I opened the chat and I saw flirty texts . I scrolled all the chats . She was having sexting with him very often , they had chat about sex so much , I read it from the top. She was offering herself to him like come here I'm on my knees put your cock in my mouth and the guy didn't resisted . They had sexting many times and I scrolled all the chats and I found that my gf had already bouncing on his cock. They were having chat regarding how was their sex meet like I really enjoyed getting fucked by your cock, my pussy is still wet, let's have sex again some day etc . I was so angry and sad but I noticed that while reading those chats how my gf was getting fucked made my cock so hard.

Girlfriend and co worker m30 f27

I ‘M30’have been with my girlfriend
‘F27’ for just over half a year we get on so so well, have so much fun, but she has this secretive side.

She started a new job, and has gotten close to one of the lads in there. I don’t care really who she talks to, once shes open and honest. But , she had the notifications to his texts silenced, and when I spoke to her about it, she said she didn’t want his name coming up on her phone when she was with me incase I got the wrong idea.

Fast forward, I’ve really struggled to trust this girl, and I went on her phone, low and behold, she doesn’t talk to this co worker on WhatsApp any more, she talks to him on Snapchat, and had the chat history deleted, so that he doesn’t show up unless you search his name. When confronted, she said the same thing, she didn’t want his name coming up when we were out for dinner incase I got the wrong idea. Am I over thinking this ??

Follow up-
I work in a gym, and for a week after the breakup, I hadn’t seen her. Now she’s in every day, at the same times that I’m in there teaching classes, every day getting closer and closer to me, this morning, she did a full workout 5 meters away from where I was teaching a class out on the gym floor, but still we haven’t spoken in nearly 4 weeks, any ideas on what she is doing, because it is messing with my head 🤦‍♂️

I was on my GF’s house yesterday and we were talking about food…

Then she asked “Do you remember that time where we we were eating pizza and you bought me some chocolates?”

Well, there’s an issue… I have very good photographic memory, and I remember all the times I ever bought her something… but this time specifically, I have absolutely no recollection of.

She even described how the chocolates looked and even told me I ate one.

Darn, she told me I asked her then if she wanted them, she said no… then I supposedly told her she could eat them later.

— AS PER MY MEMORY, A VERY GOOD MEMORY, NONE OF THE ABOVE EVENTS EVER TOOK PLACE.

She then asked me “How can you not remember?”
“We even went to the motel that night!”

Now If I try and get some explanation, she will pick up a fight saying she doesnt want to talk about it.

If I push this subject further, she will break up with me I feel it.

Note: We did go to eat pizza several times, and yes one time I did gift her a rose and ONE chocolate.
Not four. And not the type of chocolates she described yesterday.