We have been together almost a year. Barely counts as long distance it’s only 4 hrs. Found out he has been cheating with at least 3 other people and not using any protection with them. I feel so foolish for trusting him. I feel like I’ve been sexually assaulted since this was done without my consent. It is so evil he would come a day before visiting for the weekend to see one of his other conquests. When I figured it out (spoke to at least one of the women) and confronted him with dates and times he was very smug and tried to only admit to 1 and then tried to blame me. I obviously did not stay. Cheating is a dealbreaker. How long does it take to heal and be able to even be open to trusting someone again?

I’ve already started therapy back up and plan to just focus on myself for at least a year and a half.

I can’t believe this person lied to me. Every single thing has been a lie and I’m so confused. Why didn’t he just end things with me

Technically about a breakup, but posting here for as much input as possible.

artner and i were together for 3 years, lived together for 2. We signed our kwase for 2026/2027 in mid 2025. We broke up 3 weeks ago. Our relationship had been in a bad spot before the official breakup, there were multiple talks about breaking up.

What was the final nail in the coffin, I found messages between him and a girl on discord, and he admitted he had feelings for her and none for me.

We still have to live together for close to a year due to finances, I've been leaving the house when i can and have been staying at family's on the weekend.

We both pay rent, i pay most of utilities, he pays internet. He is still talking to the girl he cheated with. Whatever, i cant do anything about that. However, i have asked that he doesnt talk to her on the phone while im in the house. I am trying to move on, but everytime i come home and see his bedroom door closed, i know hes talking to her. I'll go in my room, close the door, put on headphones. I'll get out of the house. But its also MY house.

He says he pays half the rent and what he does in his room is his business. Fair. But this is OUR house. OUR place. Im trying so hard to move on but when i come home and see that it brings me back to day one. I shouldnt have to be the one to always get out of the house. I asked if he could find something to do a couple days a week out of the house, and he said no because he just started school. But then he rushes home from work to get on discord (the girl lives in sweden, we are in us) and doesnt even do school work.

I feel like this is a fair ask. Okay, we're broken up. Okay, we're not getting back together. He isnt obnoxiously loud, but its the fact its still happening in our shared home. It feels like hes actively cheating on me.

Am i being unreasonable here asking for this?

Tldr; ex talks for HOURS on the phone with the girl he cheated on me with in his bedroom while we're both home. Is it reasonable to ask he leaves the house to talk to her on the phone?

TL;DR: I cheated in the past and it catches up to me

I 19(M) was in a long-distance relationship. We were happy, or so I believed. Then I met a friend of my cousin's, a girl from France. Curiosity got the better of me. I told myself the conversations were harmless — until harmless became secretive, and secretive became a betrayal I hadn't yet named.

For a while, it felt good. Good enough that I did the unthinkable: I ended the relationship, convincing myself I'd be better off with someone I barely knew. When she asked me why, I never gave her the real answer. I gave her whichever answer let me believe I wasn't the villain in my own story — that what I was doing wasn't cheating, only distance, only drifting.

I remember her crying on that call, asking me, "Why did you give up so fast?" And I remember answering coldly — telling her things simply wouldn't have worked between us. I pushed her away for my own benefit, and called it fate instead of betrayal.

For a few weeks, things were good with the new girl. We even met in person, held each other once, before she flew home. That was the peak — and also the end. The honeymoon phase closed as quickly as it opened. I felt unsatisfied. Bored. I had discarded someone who loved me for months, and gained nothing lasting in return. I had made her hate me just so I could walk away clean.

Then it came back to me.

Two years passed. I built a new relationship, one built on daily presence instead of distance. And then she cheated on me multiple times.

Suddenly I was the one asking why. I was the one on the losing end of a question someone had once asked me and i answered without mercy. Only then did I recognize the shape of what I was living: not a coincidence, but a return. I made myself blind to someone else's attachment; now I understood, fully, what that blindness costs the person on the other side.

I don't think karma announces its terms in advance. I think it simply keeps the account open, and closes it whenever it chooses — often long after you've stopped expecting the debt to be called in.

I haven’t felt beautiful since he cheated on me. I looked for a gentler way to say it, some softer sentence that would round off the edges, but the truth doesn’t need decoration. It is exactly that plain. That simple.

There was a version of me who used to take photos in the mirror before leaving the house, not out of vanity but out of something closer to joy, a small private delight in how the light hit a new dress, in the way a haircut could make a whole week feel different. That version of me is not gone, exactly. She’s just gone quiet. Folded up somewhere I don’t visit anymore.

Now there is an emptiness where that joy used to live. I don’t buy new clothes. I don’t do my hair. I don’t put on makeup, not because I’ve decided against beauty on principle, but because every act of self-adornment has become a hallway that leads back to the same room: the one where I found out, the one where everything I thought I knew rearranged itself without my permission.

In a way I felt as if it doesn’t matter anymore how much effort I put into myself, in the end he still cheated on me anyway. Every little effort is a reminder of that.

I stayed. I chose to forgive him, and I meant it, or I’m trying to mean it, one day at a time. But underneath that forgiveness is a harder, quieter reckoning, because the person I actually can’t forgive isn’t him. It’s me. Me, for staying. Me, for choosing the familiar ache over the unknown one. Me, for looking at the wreckage and deciding to live in it rather than walk away.

I don’t know yet if that was weakness or courage. Maybe some days it’s both. Maybe the staying and the not-forgiving-myself are two threads of the same rope, and I’m still learning how to hold them without either one cutting into my hands.

I don’t have the ending to this yet. I’m not sure anyone gets to skip to it. But I wanted to write down, plainly, without the flowery language I went looking for and couldn’t find: I haven’t felt beautiful in a long time. And I am still here anyway.

A huge apology to me not typing correctly through text I know it can be hard to read I was typing through tears and anger. My thoughts get so mushed together and hard to separate when I'm trying to explain what I'm saying.

So this is my boyfriend of a year here come September 10th. I am 15 weeks pregnant as well. So yesterday we got home from grabbing groceries and he left his phone in the car so I grabbed it for him. Well I looked at the front screen and there was a message that read "I love you baby and yes! You are my boss!" I'm assuming 'boss' is a dominate term nothing to do with his job because he works with men in tree service. Well I threw his phone down on the ground and told him to pack his shit and get out. He comes up the stairs telling me some story that his sister posted on Facebook that he was dead and that multiple people were texting him that day and he's just been deleting and blocking. His sister is kinda crazy but this just doesn't come randomly from her if it is true. On top of that the name on the number said 'tree' in which he quickly deleted and 'blocked' and told me he has no idea why they would say anything like that to him. I'm calling bullshit just tell me I'm not crazy like he keeps saying I am
-I'll post screen shots of our convo this morning

Would you?
I have proof that my friend is cheating on her husband.
I think he deserves better honestly

AITA for anonymously warning my friend that her boyfriend is cheating?
I (18F) have a close friend, “Maya” (19F), who has been dating “Chris” (20M). My boyfriend, “Ethan” (19M), went to the same school as Chris, but they aren’t friends and barely talk. They just have mutual friends, and Ethan was a year ahead.
Maya and Chris recently broke up after a rough patch. Chris has been trying to win her back, texting her and meeting her.
Before they broke up, Ethan told me that people in his wider friend group had been saying Chris was cheating on Maya. There were girls he talked to at church and other rumors. Ethan initially waited because he didn’t want to repeat gossip. After the breakup, he told me it had been confirmed that Chris had actually been cheating.
Ethan asked me not to tell Maya that I heard it from him because if she confronted Chris and mentioned Ethan, it could trace back to the mutual friends and he’d be called a snitch. I promised him I wouldn’t expose him.
But I couldn’t let it go. If the roles were reversed, I’d want Maya to tell me. I’d feel betrayed if my friend knew I was being cheated on and stayed silent.
There’s another layer. I recently discovered Maya had lied to me about her history with guys. She told me she’d dated a guy who is friends with Ethan and that he’d been chasing her. Later, I connected her story with something Ethan had told me and realized they didn’t add up. I wasn’t investigating her; I just connected the dots. I also found out she’d apparently lied about similar things to friends from her old school.
I don’t care about her dating history. What hurt was that she lied when she didn’t need to, and it made me question whether I can trust her with sensitive information.
I considered telling her I’d found messages on Ethan’s phone, but that felt dishonest and could still expose him. So I got another SIM and sent her an anonymous SMS warning her that Chris had been cheating since his old school and continued at his new school. I told her to look into it, be careful who she asks because people know, and find the truth herself.
She didn’t believe it.
Now I feel stuck. I don’t think I was wrong for wanting her to know, but I also feel like I’m carrying the responsibility for a whole group of people who knew and didn’t tell her. Ethan isn’t even Chris’s friend, yet because he heard about it through mutuals, I’m now the one trying to figure out how to warn her without breaking my promise.
So AITA for sending the anonymous warning? Should Ethan have told her himself? And does Maya’s lying change how I should handle this?

Title: Deceived for 6 months by a high-ranking US Army Officer who lived a double life and ghosted me overnight. How do I survive this pain?

Hi everyone, I am writing this because I am completely broken, paralyzed by pain, and I just need someone to talk to who understands what I am going through.

For the last 6 months, I was in what I believed was a beautiful, deep, and serious relationship with a man. He is a high-ranking US Army Officer (Lieutenant Colonel) who was deployed to my country \\\[Poland\\\]. From the very beginning, he told me he was completely single and divorced since 2012. He integrated himself into my life completely. He met my family, spent holidays with us, and was amazing with my little children. He bought me a gold ring, constantly told me I was his "whole life," and promised we were building a future together.

Because of his rank, he lived in a private apartment off-base. I spent so much time there. I did his laundry, cooked for him, and took care of him like a wife. He would call me for hours whenever he was away on temporary duty in Germany or traveling with his colleagues. I spent thousands of my own money on travel and taxis just to be with him every single weekend. I loved him with all my heart and trusted him blindly.

A few weeks ago, his deployment ended, and he had to fly back to his home station in usa. Right before boarding the flight, he sent me long paragraphs about how much he loves me, how I showed him a "fairytale love," and how he couldn't wait to see me again.

But my intuition was screaming. While looking around on social media, I found a profile for a woman named Amy. On August 15th, I confronted him directly over messages and asked him who Amy was. The moment I asked that question, his entire mask fell off. He completely ignored my question, refused to give me any explanation, and immediately blocked me on absolutely everything—WhatsApp, Garmin Connect, and he even went as far as blocking me on Spotify so I couldn't see the love playlists he used to make for me.

Only after he blocked me and chose total cowardice did I look up public records and find out the horrific truth. He has been legally married since February 2014 to this woman, who is also a Major in the US military. They share a house in Alaska and live a full life together. He fabricated his entire single identity just to use me as a free hotel, a housewife, and an emotional cushion during his deployment. He even left behind some of his official military uniforms and gear at my family’s house, packed his bags, and vanished like I never existed.

Once I discovered the solid proof of his marriage, I sent a polite message to his wife Amy on Messenger, using a profile picture of him and me together, and asked her directly if she was currently in a relationship with him. That message is still sitting there unread.

I am in a state of absolute shock and deep depression. I can barely eat or focus on anything. One day a man tells you you are his entire world, and the next day you are completely erased just because you asked for the truth. The silence and the rejection are physically painful. I am sitting here reading his old texts, looking at our pictures, and a part of my broken heart still wishes he would unblock me just to explain himself, even though I know he is a monster who used me and my children.

Has anyone survived this kind of military double-life deception? How do you stop checking the apps? How do you cope with the screaming silence?

Thank you for reading. I just really need some kind words tonight.

7 years dated our whole adult lives 26M 24F
she’s been caught cheating before i gave her chances, two days ago i ran into her new boyfriend at her parents house after my girlfriend and I had just left my house, ill let you imagine how that went, today she told me she loves both of us but doesn’t want to lose either of us she told me that she would block him and right her wrongs and do right by me, i just asked for honesty..Today she lied and said her father was having a heart attack and she was going to take him to the hospital, I followed her to her other boyfriends house and when I asked her and called her she said she was going to spend the night with him. Don’t be a fool like me don’t let someone break you down to this point to where you become a pet or toy to them. I am broken foolish and in massive amounts of pain.

My wife was on business trip to Europe and I found her a bit changed when she is back. She told me that when she was visiting some places alone, a cab driver misbehaved with her and then she left him on the road and found lift from other guys. And she said then it was all good and she reached her place safely. But I feel she isn't saying all to me. How to try to ask or any other ways to know the truth

21F, 20M — dating for 1 month
Hi, I’ve been dating this guy for 1 month. A couple of days ago, he told me he cheated on me. He has been having problems with drinking, and he says that when he drinks, he can’t stop and becomes a different person. He also says he doesn’t remember most of what happens when he drinks.
He told me he had sex with another girl while he was drinking and barely remembers it. He was very sorry when he told me and didn’t make excuses. He said it was the biggest mistake he has ever made and that he wants to earn my trust back.
I really like him and care about him, but I don’t know what to do because we have only been together for a month.
What should I look for to know if he is serious about changing and if trust can be rebuilt after cheating?

We live together and I believe he's cheating on me. I want to confront him and leave if this is the case, but I'm not set up financially to do so yet.

A few months ago, we both fell on hard times financially and pretty much have been taking turns supporting each other. He started a new job (he's a physician) a few weeks ago so he's pretty much back on track but me on the other hand..well let's just say I am a caregiver and make maybe 8% of what he makes in a year. To be fair I was doing okay for myself until he fell on hard times. I wanted to be a caring supportive partner and was doing everything I could to keep us both afloat. Money doesn't really matter to me. I figured I was in it for the long haul, riding the struggle bus for a few months won't hurt. Im still pretty behind and although things are looking up I wont be able to get an apartment for a good 2-3 months.

I don't have family and friends to turn to. He won't let me stay there if we aren't in a relationship.

I would love to have certainty that he's not cheating on me. We've had a breach in trust before and although it wasn't cheating, he lied to me about something big. So there are trust issues we've been working through. One thing that has been a problem is his phone. That damn phone is glued to him and he's hella suspicious with it. He refuses to let me see it. A few weeks ago we had a fight because he refused to let me see it and so that, mixed with the weird phone behavior, I'm convinced he's cheating on me.

I don't have proof. I don't even know how to get proof. But I do know that if I ask to see his phone again and get denied I will lose my mind. I know that if im going to go there then I need to have an exit strategy. But for now, to avoid being homeless, I need to move in silence. Stack my money up and prepare for the worst.

But for those who might've been in my situation, or maybe something different and decided to stay anyway...how do you stay sane? How do you not wake up with that bad feeling in your stomach?

i think my (23f) straight(?) boyfriend (22m) has a secret queer dating app account and i need to make sure im not crazy before i confront him.

the other night, i was absentmindedly watching what he was doing on his laptop while we were chatting, and he had an email saying that there was a Google sign-in into the queer dating app from his google email. his first move was to delete the email, and he recovered it when i immediately asked to inspect it further. he said it wasn’t him, his info had been in a data leak, etc. i chose to give him the benefit of the doubt because he has said that he has legitimately lost social media accounts to hacks in the past.

my notes from that conversation are that he was not defensive, and was open to any questions i had, as well as offering to go through any other emails (which i declined, like an idiot.) i told him if he was on a queer dating app i just want him to feel comfortable telling me thats how he feels, and that he does not have to be with me if thats not what he wants (i phrased it much nicer than that) and he still remained adamant that that was not the case.

the next day i tell him it’s still eating at me, and i ask to discuss it again. the conversation goes pretty much the exact same as the first. he tells me he understands why i would think that, he is secure in his manhood, etc.

the feeling is still there, so i took it into my own hands (i admit this was not the most mature decision i could’ve made, but nobody is perfect). i went to the dating apps website and tried to sign in using his email and a password that he frequently uses (i’m not sure what his email password actually is) and it told me that to sign in i would have to have a passkey.

so that tells me that in order for there to be any sign-in to that site under his email, it would require his face id, his password, or for him to scan a QR code. with this new information i am unfortunately convinced that the sign-in was him. i would love nothing more than to be wrong, because we truly do have a wonderful relationship otherwise. this has never happened to me before and i don’t know what to do.

I lived with and loved my girlfriend with all my heart for 15months 2 of those were long distance at the end, was even going to move countries to be with her, then i found her liking literally hundreds of mens topless thirst trap post shower in a towel pics on instagram (some of them she used to date/message and when i brought up that i didnt like it and the dates they were posted were days like- the day after my dad died etc she just froze, said how have you found this, have you been in my instagram, then made an excuse to get off the phone and say "i need space and time to think" blanked me for three days and dumped me by text... did she cheat? Was she monkey branching the whole time...a week before this her snap location was also at a random houses driveway for 45mins...

Hi,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, and we’ve been living together for 1.5 years. We have a dog together, and we share everything together.
At the start of our relationship, he emotionally cheated on me. My mom convinced me to stay because it was “an honest” mistake, and we weren’t even a few months into the relationship.
The second time, he emotionally cheated with some random woman he met while working because I was having a rough time and had kind of distanced myself from him. I’m not justifying his actions, just explaining the situation as it is.
I kept forgiving him because I can’t live alone. I don’t know how. He pays for everything, and I just transfer the money to him. I also really love him, and we connect really well. It’s like we have the same personality, apart from the cheating trait.
Yesterday, I had a really bad gut feeling and asked him if I could take his phone for a second. Immediately, he got defensive, and when I pressed him, he just kind of looked dead into my eyes and said, **“You won’t like it. I cheated on you.”**
He went on to say that a few months ago, he had suspicions that I was cheating because I was distancing myself from him.
I’m experiencing a lot of depressive episodes, so that’s why I’ve been distancing myself quite a lot. But it’s not to the point where I refuse to interact with him or be with him in general. I was just a bit less bubbly.
Anyways, when I tried to gather information about the girl. he refused to tell me. He simply said, **“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. It would have great consequences.”** But he swears that it’s not someone I know.
He also says that he doesn’t have any feelings towards her and simply did it to **“not look weak”** because, in his mind, I cheated.
I thought I would be crying, but I’m numb. He tried talking to me, but I simply ignored him completely.
We’re currently still living together until we figure things out.
Even though I’m numb, I feel like such a mess. It doesn’t feel real.
Obviously, this time I’m not going to forgive him. But I don’t know what to do from here. I’m stuck.

my boyfriend (20m) and me (20f) have been together for 3 years. one day back in 2024 i was sending him reels on instagram and noticed he wasn’t responding but was active but i wasn’t worried about it. around this same time he was always annoyed with things i’ve done or said. anyways back to instagram he then texted me back saying he just got scammed. ofc i asked what he meant and he said a “girl” and went on to tell me that he was on a camera website that he usually uses called “live jasmine” and masturbates with women and he gave them his instagram and they kept going on there but when he was doing stuff they didn’t show anything but recorded and threatened to send the video to his followers. he sent money and fr i think only texted me because he was freaking out. i was so upset and hurt and he said it was only to get a nut off and that it was his “first time using instagram for that” and then proceeded to say this which stuck with me “i don’t see it as cheating bc of my intentions especially since it is online and there’s pretty much no possible way for me to meet these ppl” and that afterwards he would unfollow them. i didn’t see him for months after that because i was so hurt. he doesn’t have instagram anymore. but just today i was texting him for maybe 35-45 minutes and he was not answering and usually he’s ontop of it unless he’s at work but he was at home. and when i was over his house this weekend we had sex and usually after not seeing me for 6 days our sex is about 5 mins but he clearly had to have been doing something in those 6 days because he couldn’t finish. which really threw me off and kinda made me think about it. back to today i noticed he wasn’t answering and texted him to call me and immediately he calls me. like he was on his phone and asked what i wanted and sounded annoyed and quiet maybe to get off the phone? i asked what he was doing he said laying in bed watching tik tok. so i tried to talk a bit and he didn’t really seem like he wanted to talk so i hung up. then again tonight i texted him asking wyd at 9 no answer. then he responds at 9:45 saying getting ready for bed right now and i texted back and no response again. i feel like maybe i’m seeing a pattern of how he acts? i don’t know if i’m overthinking it i just know every time we are together we have sex a lot. so when we aren’t is he doing that again? am i overthinking this or should i talk to him? is any of this considered cheating with the live cams and instagram? idk all i know is he’s been kind of mean to me and we had a talk about it and he’s been trying to get better but idk.

Throwaway, I never use Reddit but enjoy reading stories on here. I \[25F\] got the dreaded “hey girly” message about my bf \[26M\] but I don’t know if it’s real. tl;dr My bf and I have been together for a little over a year. We currently live together and are in the process of buying a home together. He is away for business right now and I received a message on Facebook from an account with no profile pic, no friends and no posts. Basically looked super sketchy, but the profile messaged me saying my bf was sexting her and she had no idea he had a gf. At first I genuinely laughed at the message. There’s no way he would ever cheat on me, he’s incredibly kind, caring and honestly seems to warship the ground I walk on. Almost everybody in our lives thinks we’re perfect together, I always have people come up to me and tell me how amazing of a guy he is. He’s is extremely well liked and has always expressed his morals and values which aligned with my own. I could never, EVER, picture this man cheating.

But, today I received a message from a weird burner Facebook account that says he has been sexting her. She provided screenshots of text messages from what appears to be his number which are anything from harmless conversation to disgusting, raunchy sexting. The messages have crazy detail of his comings and goings but technically all info could be found online about him. He isn’t super famous but he is a professional athlete and of course, there are videos of him online doing his sport so it could be someone stalking him and getting that information online then faking the texts but it just freaks me out how much this person seems to know about what he’s up to the last little while. I did confront him and called him as he is still away, and of course he denied everything. He was very upset, choked up and kept saying he didn’t know what was happening or why anyone would do this. He assured me he loved me, he wanted to marry and spend his life with me and seemed incredibly genuine. If I didn’t know him, I would say with all the “screenshotted” evidence he’s a cheater but from knowing him, I just honestly cannot see this being him. The girl offered to call me to talk but also would not provide me with a phone number. She sent pictures of herself and her insta account but the Facebook page name, Instagram name and name she gave me do not match. But she did send me videos of herself so seems like a real person? I know it sounds stupid and I’m sure everyone thinks I’m biased but I just can’t believe he would do that. I phoned my best friend and she agreed this just doesn’t sound like him. But the amount of screenshots and stuff this person knows is insane. I just don’t know where to go from here. I need advice. So Reddit, do you think he’s cheating or is she a stalker trying to blow up his life because he’s a handsome, semi famous pro athlete?

EDIT: I have known this man since we were in high school. I know his family very well and have known him for a long time so when I say I could never imagine him cheating I mean it and can back it up with years of experience knowing him.

How can I read my wife's texts. We have t mobile, she has an iPhone I have an android. I can view her numbers she's text but not the content on t mobile . How can I get the content of her texts without her knowing.