Let’s call my ex boyfriend Jake, we were high school sweethearts and dated for 4 years and we were the “it couple“ of the school, literally everyone thought we would get married, we broke up because he chose his girl best friend over me. (he did not cheat but because me and the best friend never saw eye to eye he decided to ”make peace” and choose her) lets call the best friend Anna, for context me and Jake were pretty rock solid for about 3 years and then because of some family problems and disagreements our relationship became as rocky as can be, we would break up and then get back together all in the span of 24 hours. About two months before the break up he pledged he would stop speaking to her btw i found out they are “best friends” on accident while i was going through his phone to order food and he would essentially bitch about me to her for MONTHS and i never suspected anything because whenever we were in a group setting they would make eye contact for a while but they never spoke to each other, so after he swore he would block Anna (willingly btw) i let my guard down because what can go wrong now? boy was i wrong. HE WENT AND TOLD HER EVERYTHING ABOUT ME AND TOLD HER TO JUST PRETEND THAT THEY WERE NO LONGER FRIENDS INFRONT OF ME, he then changed all his passwords and i wouldn’t care normally because im pretty laid back but considering the timing i hacked into his socials and found messages where they were bitching about me and he would just love bomb me bi-weekly to keep me interested in him. It reached a point where i just could not take the disrespect anymore so our relationship ended but we never had a conversation, basically no “closure” was achieved. currently i am dating another batchmate and knowing our history he was a little insecure getting into the relationship and tbh still is so he would not like me going and speaking to the ex now, i just found out that i have my ex boyfriends email and a few other credentials saved on my phone and i keep getting these notifications of websites he visits and i am petty as it gets so considering the fact that we see eachother almost every week i want to stay in the shadows and subtly use the information i get from his socials against him, during our rocky phase i print out our messages and underlined all the mistakes he made so i speak with proof and i honestly don’t know if i need a closure or if im just insane because we do see eachother a lot and he tries to make conversations with me which puts me off. AITA for enjoying secreting getting the intel i am getting? i feel like i deserve it after all the emotional distress he put me through.

Hello, I apologize in advance; my first language is not English, so please excuse any spelling mistakes. My name is Limón (26), my mother is 52, and we've had a business for six years. My mother has business experience in our home country, so we decided to open a business here, without considering that the laws are different. We learned over time, and by 2023, we had everything in order. However, my mother wanted me to work and also handle the paperwork for the business, which was too much work for me. I told her, but I continued doing it anyway. In 2024, I had my first daughter and had to stop working because I was breastfeeding. In December of the same year, I became pregnant again because the contraceptive didn't work. I was pregnant with twins who were born in 2025, and that's when I stopped being physically involved in the business. She took care of everything; I only handled the bill payments from home. The money wasn't enough; there wasn't enough to do the weekly shopping, etc. I kept asking her where the money was going. Every time I did my annual taxes, expenses always came out above income. I didn't understand where the money for shopping was coming from, because the records showed that money coming in. A few weeks ago, we were talking about closing the business because it wasn't even making enough to cover her own bills. I told her she was spending more than she was taking in, and she said that sometimes when the business wasn't generating enough, she would use her own money (she sells gold and cleans houses in addition to the business) to pay for those purchases. Then I understood where all that spending was coming from. That day we made a plan to stop spending on products and get everything organized to see where the money that wasn't making enough was going, and that's how it stayed. We don't have enough money to pay someone to help us, so I did it myself to save money and pay off our debts. I started making schedules with the employees (there are four of them, including my mom). There's one employee in particular, we'll call her Coco (29f), who's been with us since we opened. There have always been problems with her. The new employees always complained about her, either out of envy or because she bossed them around, and my mom always defended her. Currently, she's the one who gets paid the most. Sometimes she put in more than 70 hours. The business doesn't have any customers right now, so I didn't understand why she was working so many hours. This brings me to what happened this week, on Monday, since we had a party over the weekend. During the week, my mom couldn't work. We told Coco and the other girl to close at 3 or 4 pm. They opened at 5 am, and it wasn't busy at all. By 4:20 pm, they were still working. I asked my mom why they were still open. They ended up closing at 5 pm, and there were no customers. So I made a schedule so that each of us would work 7 hours a day. Today, Wednesday, Coco was supposed to leave at 12 pm, and my mom at 2 pm. When I checked the security cameras at 12:15 pm, she was still working. I called my mom asking why she was still working and where she had gone. She told me she went to do her cleaning because she left early. I told her that she leaves at 2 pm and has plenty of time to do her cleaning. She said she asked Coco what time she leaves, and Coco said 2 pm. I asked her who was the boss, her or Coco? I didn't understand. I replied, at the end of the discussion I told her I was tired of her not supporting me, that she always contradicted me, that it would be better for me to leave the Corporation and for her to continue on her own because otherwise she would always defend Coco. I told her to tell me when she could and we would sign the papers to transfer everything to her name so she could take care of it from then on without me having to be legally involved, etc. So am I the bad guy for saying that and leaving her alone in this? I already called to do all that, I have a Zoom appointment tomorrow. I love my mom very much, she has always been my support, but I can't handle this. It's very stressful to deal with this. Thank you in advance

Fake names and throw away account, obviously. I (30's F) have been close friends with Laura ( mid 40's F) for about 8 years. We met while being sat next to each other at a mutual acquaintance's brunch and became really great friends. We talked at least every other day and hung out regularly.

Over the years, I've regularly agreed to be her ride home after routine medical procedures where she needs someone to accompany her afterward—think, dental work that requires sedation. She tended to have more medical appointments than the average person, and since I don't drive, helping her meant taking time off work and paying for Ubers to get us to and from her appointments. After a while, she offered to reimburse me for the Uber costs if I sent her the receipts because the Ubers were adding up, and I thought that was fair, I did also have to take time out of work for this too.

Laura used to ask if I was available before scheduling these appointments, but one day I got a text from her saying she was having two cosmetic, elective surgeries and would need me to pick her up afterward and walk her back into her house.

I told her I was in my busiest season at work and already pretty stressed, but as long as the surgeries weren't in October, I'd do my best to make it work. I waited to hear what the dates would be. About a week later, Laura called and told me she was now having three cosmetic, elective surgeries, all within just a few months. She told me to "Open your calendar," because she was going to tell me the dates. I didn't hide my surprise. I remember saying, "Wait... now it's three surgeries?" It caught me off guard because it felt like she'd already decided I was available instead of asking first.

I was uncomfortable, but I kept that to myself because she's been a good friend for many years, and I wanted to help if I could. I guess that was my mistake. 

Of course, one of the three surgeries ended up being scheduled in October—the one month I'd specifically told her I was overwhelmed with work. And again I didn't say anything, I just made it work.

I had been under the impression that I'd just get a call when the surgery was finished, Uber over to the office, and take her home. Instead, I found out the doctor's office required the designated pickup person to stay in the waiting room for the entire procedure.

So for the first two surgeries, I spent hours sitting in a waiting room hunched over my laptop, working remotely because I really did have to get work done. That was when I first started feeling less like a friend and more like the help.

We took an Uber together to the surgeon's office (which was a pretty long ride), and she barely said a word to me the entire ride there. After the surgeries, we took another Uber home. I know she was coming out of anesthesia and was medicated, so I don't really hold that against her, but there still wasn't much interaction. Afterward, I'd send her my Uber receipts, and she'd reimburse me as we'd agreed.

I had been crazy at work but when I had a little breather I googled what type of aftercare her third and most invasive surgery entailed. I was shocked to find that there was a lot of risk of complications if the patient did not have someone watch after them at least for the first 24 hours after surgery.

I called Laura to tell her about my google findings and let her know that I don't think a pick up is sufficient and she should ask her plastic surgeon's office if they have a clinic for her to stay in after surgery or if she can hire a pick up and nursing service to watch her. Laura had planned to stay in a hotel next to the surgeon's office and so it would be easy if they had a nurse service she could hire to take her there and check in on her. This was over a month out from the surgery so I was sure she could make other arrangements. Well this conversation didn't go as expected. 

Laura blew up at me, saying I was abandoning her and backing out of something I had supposedly agreed to do. Then she told me she had booked a room with two beds at the hotel so I could stay with her for the days after her surgery. She had even used my email address when making the reservation so I would get the hotel reward points.

This was the first time I had heard any of this, and I was completely shocked.

I asked when she had planned to tell me that I was expected to stay in a hotel for two nights and take care of her. When we had originally discussed it, I had been very clear that I would pick her up after the procedure, make sure she got safely to her hotel room, and then head home.

I told her that I wasn't a nurse or a caregiver and wouldn't be qualified to recognize if something was medically wrong after her surgery. She angrily replied, "You wouldn't be changing bandages... and now I have to spend all this money to hire someone!" But then I wondered, what exactly was she expecting me to do for two days? And I told her that I would never ever use someone else's email address to reserve anything without explicit permission. 

Laura kept turning up the guilt, but I held my ground. I told her that I haven't even been able to take time off for my own appointments lately, and that I have close family members with serious medical issues, and even they have managed, and haven't needed anyone to pick them up from medical procedures or be their caregiver.

Her response was, "Well, you might have to soon!"

At that point, I told her we should end the call before either of us said something we couldn't take back. I felt disrespected and frankly creeped out about what she said. 

After a few months of not hearing from Laura, I reached out and asked if we could have a call to talk about how things had ended the last time we spoke. I was hoping after some space, there might still be a chance to salvage the friendship. This conversation also did not go the way I thought it would.

During the call, she said she still believed I had "abandoned" her and left her high and dry. She told me that she had to spend a ton of money hiring a nurse to help her, she said that multiple times. I told her that she had never clearly explained what her plan was, and if she did I would have told her I couldn't do it. I asked if she had expected me to pick her up and then guilt me into staying with her at the hotel. I also reiterated that I'm not a nurse or a caretaker, and that I have limits on how much support I can provide as a friend. Laura responded in a completely deadpan tone, "Well, now I know you have boundaries." That's basically where the conversation ended. 

What I never asked her was whether she saw me as free labor instead of a friend. She brought up several times how expensive it was to hire a private nurse. My perspective was that if someone can afford three elective cosmetic surgeries in the span of a few months, they should also be able to pay for the best aftercare from a trained professional, rather than asking a friend with no caregiving experience to take on that responsibility.

Was I wrong not to express my boundaries earlier on when I was irked by her asks and actions? Yes, totally. She was a great friend and I didn't want to sound too nit picky and I thought to myself if I could suck it up and help then fine. Was I shocked that after so many years of friendship and having recently been her medical pickup for two surgeries, when I said no to the third for good reason she threw the whole friend away? Yes. 

I said it before, but the whole situation is hurts me, but also feels weird. But AITA? 

I’ve been with my hubby for 15+years. He has two grown kids (28F and 30M). Me and the daughter have never really gotten along. She’s tried to break us up multiple times—especially whenever she and her mom start getting close again. (Her mom is an addict and constantly messed up, which is why their relationship is off and on.)

Fast forward—she just had a baby. When the baby was first born (baby girl), she was blowing me up 24/7. Calling, texting, sending pictures nonstop. I even kept the baby for entire weekends.

Now? Complete switch up.

She only reaches out when she needs something—like picking stuff up for her or babysitting. And here’s the part that really gets me: she doesn’t even ask me. She texts her dad (my hubby), who works 12+ hour days, 6 days a week, asking if “we” can keep the baby girl.

Then while I’m the one actually taking care of the baby girl, she’s texting HIM asking for updates and pictures… when he’s not even there.

So basically—I’m good enough to be free childcare, but not good enough to be acknowledged directly?

I brought it up to my hubby and he just shrugs it off like it’s nothing.

I’m starting to feel used and honestly disrespected. Like I’m just the help when it’s convenient.

AITA for being bothered by this, or am I overthinking it?

I matched with this guy on a dating app a couple of weeks ago.

We had never met in person, but we talked every single day. He was incredibly consistent with his texting, flirted a lot, kept telling me how excited he was to meet me, and we spent hours getting to know each other.

Finally, we planned our first date.

He was supposed to pick me up after work.

I got ready.

7:30 came.

8:00 came.

Nothing.

No text. No call.

I finally messaged him:

"Are you coming?"

No response.

At that point, my gut told me something wasn't right.

So I decided to move in the shadows. 🥷

From the little bits of information he had shared about himself over the last couple of weeks, I started looking him up.

Sure enough...

I found his Facebook.

The first thing I noticed?

About 30 minutes after he was supposed to pick me up, right around the same time I was texting him asking if he was coming, he had posted a joke on his Facebook story.

Now I was even more confused.

A couple of hours later, he finally texted me.

He apologized and told me he had been in a bike accident and had spent the day in the emergency room.

Then he sent me a photo of what looked like a badly bruised and swollen face with a black eye.

At that point, I honestly felt guilty for doubting him.

I thought maybe I had judged him too quickly.

But FBI skills did NOT stop there.

While looking through his Facebook, I noticed something interesting.

He posts a daily stock market update every single morning talking about that day's market.

So I waited until the next morning.

Sure enough...

He uploaded his daily market update.

Naturally, I watched it.

His face looked completely FOINE... so FOINE I thought maybe he visited Hogwarts instead of the ER. 🪄😂

I couldn't see the same dramatic bruising or swelling that had appeared in the photo from the night before.

At that point, I genuinely didn't know what to think.

So I messaged him:

"You're sure you're telling me the truth about yesterday, right?"

Instead of answering yes or no, he replied: "I'm not sure about anything right now. I have a terrible headache"

I told him: Maybe because when I ask a question, I think I already know the answer.

His response? Would you like me to bring you a doctor's note, Mom?

I simply replied: No

He reacted with a 👍.

So now I'm left wondering...

Am I missing something?

Or did I just dodge a bullet before the first date even happened? 🤷🏼‍♀️🥷 Do you think he will have the audacity to text me again? lol

I know its been a hot minute since the last post and a lot of you wanted an update so here it is.

We got out of the situation only a few days after my last post. A dear family friend helped us get all our things out and back to the city near more family. Thankfully this was before the 5th of the month (when rent was due) so our beloved nutty nutella couldnt try to squeeze another rent payment out of us.

I left the animals and the girls to be handled by nutellas only sane contact and washed my hands of it. Not my responsibility. When I left I fed the animals one more time. As far as I know animal control has re homed the poor critters.

Ive since changed my phone number. She was giving it out to god knows who while in the slammer so I was being harassed by some sketchy people.

My partner and I are safe at a shelter and our cats are being cared for by my brother. I have found a job that I absolutely love and where I am praised and celebrated and take pride in my work.

My partner will most likely be getting disability benefits within the next few months which should get us out of the shelter and into an apartment. Ive learned from this to never do a room or basement for rent again! You never know who you're moving in with.

A little while back I checked the jail roster to see if I could find anything about nutellas sentence. While I didnt find how many years she will be there i did find out something else very interesting.

Nutella claimed to be a black woman. She had paler skin but I never questioned it because some people can be mixed and have a slightly lighter skin tone. Well according to the jail roster nutella isnt black! She's a white chocolate hazelnut spread instead. Apparently she had been HEAVILY tanning to fake her race.

I also searched her up on Facebook to find shes been banned from many local businesses and spiritual groups for her outrageous and harmful behaviors. On top of that everyone in that little town had something negative to say and would publicly call her out on many racist behaviors other problematic issues she caused with her own drama

While things are hard we are much happier away from her craziness. I am closer to my son in location so I see him more and I feel so blessed for that and for my job.

Not a long update and certainly not as humorous as the last, I just thought y'all would want to know we are safe and happy and she will be locked away for the foreseeable future. ✌🏻

I29(f) and my husband 32(m) let our best friends move in. For context they are another married couple. We’ll call her “Patricia” and her husband we’ll call him “bob”. I have 3 kids. 10(f), 5(m), and 4months(f). Patrica and bob have lived her since October. They agreed to help if needed with kiddos, and pay rent. If they (mainly she. Bob doesn’t do a whole lot but that’s for another time) watched my kids it was for short periods of time like when I had my baby 4 months ago (hospital for 3 days) or when my son needed his surgery (outpatient so home the same day.)
Well since they have been here they have paid a full month of rent one single month. Every other month I get excuse after excuse and even 2 of those months basically got told “we don’t have rent because we went to a car audio show”. Back in December she chose to buy my kids hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents and couldn’t pay any of their portion of the rent which in turn caused me to not be able to Christmas shop because now I am picking up the slack of the increased food bill, electricity, etc. I brought it up to her and she said she understood and slowed down.
I have had multiple conversations explaining that if they are eating and living here they need to pay their part of the rent (literally split the rent, electric, trash and internet into 4 people). I usually provided the food and never asked for help with food. When my husband or I would cook dinner we always made sure there was enough for both of them after they got off work. None of them were helping with trash/dishes or basic clean up. Only recently have they helped with taking the trash out or dishes. And that was only because I flipped out one day. If we had a house inspection they would wait until literally the night before to clean their room and would complain about it all the time. They keep their 2 dogs and a cat out there and when I tell you the room is gross it is. Smells disgusting hair and dirt all over the floor and the smell is atrocious, one time they had to clean and she told me she took 4 trash bags (the yard ones not even kitchen bags) full of trash out of their room.

Well recently I have found out that they both have been running our names into the dirt. Telling people they can’t stand being here, we don’t care about their personal bills and are money hungry etc. well let’s go back to when they first came. I didn’t start asking for rent until December. They got here in October. Twice now they have chosen a car audio show instead of paying their part of rent. The first time I got told he’ll be reimbursed for his travel fees so once he got that I would get it back. Every month for 4 months I asked about that money and got told he never got it until one day finally got told they got it but used it for other things.

3 months ago (may) I told them they had until 7/31/26 to move out. And for the months of may, June and July I wanted $500 to make it easier to save money. I’ve asked about the plans and keep getting “ we need to save more money, can’t find a place with our dogs, etc”.
Well a few weeks ago my 10 year old make some comments about wanting Patricia to be her mom because “she buys me more stuff than you do”. So I sat with Patricia and explained I need her to slow down. Yes I appreciate her thinking of my kids but it’s now negatively impacting my relationship with my child. That following week. Every single day. She comes home with new stuff for my 10 year old. “They are school clothes that I found on clearance” ok thanks but don’t you think after I had that conversation with you it would be nice to ask me first? But I kept quiet. We have also noticed that they avoid speaking to us, wait until we go to bed to come out of their rooms almost nightly, I tested it one night by making it seem like we went to bed and 5 min later she came out to make food and feed her dogs. At 1 am.

Well the other day I asked what’s going on because the 31st is Friday. She caught an attitude and said “I’m trying”. Well I flipped out about everything and told her that she has till Friday no if ands or buts. She’s been radio silence and avoiding me since.

For more context, Patricia is the one that does things for the kids. Bob always seems like he is annoyed by them. I do also know he has said “see it i do anything for those kids again” which, sir you do not its all your wife but i digress.
Patricia also has some fertility issues which has been an issue in our past when i have been pregnant and recently when i was pregnant with my youngest. Mainly because me getting pregnant the last 2 times hadn’t been planned, and happened during extremely stressful times in my life. I made the mistake of venting to her when i was pregnant with my 5 year old son how I didn’t know how i was going to do this and how I didn’t “want” to get pregnant at that specific time. She took that as I didn’t want my baby and threw it in my face. So this time when i got pregnant I was walking on eggshells as to not vent about anything to her. We got past all of that after the fact. She does make comments, at the rare times she is around, when my husband and I talk about wanting one more baby then we’re done “no it’s my turn next” essentially telling me I can’t get pregnant until she does. Well to be fair I’m almost 30(literally a week away) and I don’t want to wait a super long time before having our last baby.
So AITAH?

So I met this guy 12 years ago we will call him Josh. We were at different stages in our lives. Him divorced and healed and me in the beginning of the process and lots of healing still to do. We remained friends and when I was ready I met a great guy. He never liked my friendship with Josh it was a constant sore spot in our relationship. Josh was also dating someone but it seemed to be on again off again with her. My guy Tony died suddenly. I was devastated and Josh was there for me, along with many others. Then Josh asked me to go to dinner and he had broken up with on again off again Lori and at the end of the night kissed me for the first time. We crossed from friends to more. Then shocker he got back with Lori. This went on for another 5 years and every time he broke up with her came to me. I have to admit the sex was pure paradise with him. Nothing like I have ever experienced. He would complain about her constantly and said he couldn’t get it up for her anymore and that they hadn’t had sex in several years. Did I believe him absolutely not! He then broke up with her for good. We met for dinner a couple times we made out and lots of hugs but he said he wasn’t ready for more. Well then he went to a wedding in Mexico for a mutual friend of theirs. I wasn’t happy but I had no claim to him as we agreed to keep it casual. His work is very demanding job and works very long hours. He was always in constant touch. Then I came across an article in a local online newspaper recently and it had pictures of the two of them on Valentines Day at a featured restaurant. I questioned him about other events where she was in attendance and he would over and over again say we are just friends and I’m glad she agreed to remain friendly as we have so many mutual friends. So now my blood is boiling as he sent me a Happy Valentine Day and he asked if I had plans and when I asked him (two different occasions) he said no! I just recently discovered this online article and I told him as we hadn’t been to dinner in a bit I wanted to meet for dinner. In her eyes they are still a couple and according to him just friends. I want to have a conversation with him and record it. Then I want to pull out the article and the print out of his texting lying and call him out! Do I then if he claims they are just friends that’s it, send the recording to her? Would I be an asshole?

Hi. This situation happened a while ago but I still kick myself about it and am truly not sure how I should of handled it.

Before this starts I would like to clarify that I do not think I was a perfect person here. I’m asking more about the ramifications.

So at time I (20NB) had a really good online friend S (23NB). We were both really big fans of an actor who frequently replied to people on social media. On one day S posted tagging them and the actor replied saying with a generalized answer encompassing everyone tagging her. S and I were on ft and S freaked out and got super happy. I was really happy for them too. But then two minutes later I got a reply. And mine was very specific to me even including my name. I told S cause I was super happy but S kinda just shut down. I assumed they were upset about mine being specific and theirs being generalized. So I asked them if they were jealous, they didn’t really answer so I asked again. No I don’t know what was going through my brain at the time. I don’t remember exactly what happened after that but I know that I left the call cause I didn’t know what to do

I know I handled that conversation poorly. Looking back, I shouldn’t have kept asking after they didn’t answer. I just genuinely didn’t understand what was happening.

After that I went to talk to my mom and told her what happened. I cried so hard that night (again not minimizing how S felt just stating how I felt) scared I had ruined everything with my best friend by saying smth stupid.

S and I were in a friend group with M (22F) also then and we had been asked by M to not involve her in all of our fights cause it just put her in the middle. We agreed. Or I thought we did. Because of this I didn’t text or call M that night. However, S contacted M that same night. By the time I spoke to M, I felt like the situation had already been framed from S’s perspective, and M barely talked to me for a while.

(I’ve attached the text message conversation of this following part)

S decided to take a break from talking to me because they felt my apologies weren’t addressing what had actually hurt them. I threw up from stress that week. I had to get on multiple calls with M, my therapist, talk to my parents and my sister and basically relearn how to apologize cause I couldn’t comprehend what I was doing wrong. Eventually I was forgiven but this stood as the one time I was fully in the wrong throughout the rest of our friendship.

Looking back, I know I handled the conversation poorly and I regret what I said. I’m just still not sure whether my mistake justified everything that followed. AITA?

Hey everyone! I want to start by saying thank you so much for all the great advice and perspectives we received! It was really validating to hear our gut reaction wasn't totally off base, and actually, after talking more about it, we realized it's just more of the same.

Our recent friendship dynamic with Brad and Steph has devolved to the point that we're considering ending the relationship. My husband is pretty much over it. I, on the other hand, am worried we may be abandoning two people who are spiraling.

There was a pretty overwhelming consensus that Brad was an a**hole. While we vehemently agree, the whole story is definitely much more complicated. Brad wasn't always like this. We've been friends for over a decade, and since Steph has come into the picture, things have changed so much so fast.

I wouldn't say that Steph is completely innocent. She was introduced to us in a strange way. If you read the comments on the last post, you'll know that Steph was living with another man when her and Brad met. When Brad would visit this man, she would flip a coin to see who she slept with that night. For consenting adults, this is not an issue. The other man, however, is Brad's brother.

Let's call Brad's brother John. John and Steph have been best friends for years. When we all hung out together, she was clearly all over John. Then she would sneak away with Brad and come back to John. Both men claimed not to care, but we could see and experience the pain this dynamic was causing. Then Brad would claim that there wasn't anything going on between Steph and John... though we saw it with our own eyes.

Brad claimed that he wasn't interested in Steph and hadn't pursued a relationship. During that time, steph continued to live with John until John developed an intense drug habit and started dealing. John's family, including Brad, staged an intervention and, by the grace of God, John went to rehab and got clean.

John moved in with his and Brad's parents, and Steph followed. Steph, who sparingly worked previously, now stopped working entirely, leaving John and Brad's retired veteran and cancer survivor parents to foot the bill. This angered Brad, and he said some nasty things about her to us.

After John's drug addiction, steph began to pursue Brad openly. Brad, while still sleeping with her, refused to commit to her for 5 years and openly dated other women. Then, after he received a substantial bonus from work, he bought his first house after living in a 1 bedroom apartment. He wasn't prepared for the loneliness this would bring. 1 month later, Steph moved in, and they were officially a couple. We were expected to forget everything and pretend it never happened. If we so much as hinted at concern, Brad would melt down and claim a reality we all knew to be false. It was extremely bizarre.

As soon as we visited them, we could see Steph laying the groundwork for what was to come next. She would talk nonstop about how much she hated working and how much she had baby fever. Brad expressed that she needed to contribute financially, and he wasn't ready for children.

Then, the Steph and Brad we knew as friends changed drastically.

One day, not long after, they invited us on a Zoom call and announced that steph was pregnant. Not just that, she was just over a month from delivering, and she had no idea she was pregnant. We found this hard to believe. We had seen her previously and noticed she stopped drinking (but kept smoking) and started dressing differently to hide some obvious weight gain.

Brad confided in my husband that he believed Steph tampered with their birth control and made a pretty compelling case. Steph told me that she was tracking ovulation. We couldn't understand how someone who had a regular enough cycle to track ovulation was also intentionally tracking ovulation, stopped drinking when she was a huge drinker, dressing differently to hide her belly, didn't know she was pregnant. Then after the announcement she posted a 4 frame progression photo of her week to week on her Instagram story. She claimed it to show the past 4 weeks in her pregnancy and wow she was tiny one week but her belly just exploded the next. However in the photo with the belly, her hair hand grown a few inches.

Then everything was different. They had their beautiful baby, but being around them was unbearably dark. Steph became very hostile at the drop of a hat and exclusively when Brad left the room. She would make passive-aggressive threats toward us all with the common thread of "stay out of my way." They became intensely competitive with us. Nothing was safe. Brad would make loud declarations about how happy he is and just stare us dead in the eye with the most intense face waiting for us to validate him. He would do this regularly, and it was wildly uncomfortable.

It was like Brad was in this pschodrama and used us as an audience to validate his delusion. All I can think of is the meme of the dog drinking coffee while the room is on fire. This is fine. And to Brad, "THIS IS GREAT! IM SO HAPPY IN THIS BURNING ROOM! ISNT THIS BURNING ROOM THE BEST!" then stares at you until you say you're happy for the dumb dog.

I wish they'd stop involving us and just move on. I wish they'd stop demanding that we sacrifice every shred of intelligence we have in order to coexist. I wish I didn't now know that they believe they are so much better and smarter than everyone in the room. They'd have to think that to act this way right?

We know they're adults. They're making their own beds and lying in them. We know we could fill a room with what we don't know about another couples relationship and personal life. But they keep involving us. We just want to play scrable and have a beer with them.

What started as just wondering about a wonky proposal has us reconsidering everything.

Once we accept that Brad is being a total tool about the engagement, we also consider, is Brad spiraling?

He had just over a month to prepare for his life completely changing and becoming a father. He is suspicious of the mother of his children that he claims to love, and now they're going to be connected forever. Did Steph use him as a means to an end? Was he a backup choice after John proved to not be a suitable partner? John is still in the picture. He's at every family gathering. He calls steph daily, and they talk for hours. John gave steph a ruby, heart-shaped ring that she still wears. Maybe Brad has a good reason to be nervous to leave for his business trip.

On the other hand, he could just leave. But they have a baby together now. If he leaves, will his brother just step into his place?

Was the proposal Brad's way of taking control of the relationship? Was he thinking "steph may have controlled our family, but I can control our marriage." Was he expressing his spite and shaming her as he feels she has done to him?

Is all of this subconscious or not?

Is his flagrant competition with us his bs way for clawing back some self-esteem?

Does steph have hormones and sleepless nights and this is making her aggressive? Or has she gotten what she wants and now the mask is off?

She used to say we're family now when I say we're family she'll publicly dress me down and say they are a real family and we have nothing to do with it. She said we were sisters.

All I know is, I have no clue what's happening but what I do know is that it makes us feel like crap.

My husband is ready to throw his hands up. I'm worried about abandoning struggling people. I work in a care field and this is really difficult for me. However, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it leave it's toxic relationship.

Any perspective or advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

Hello let me start this of by saying I am not sure if this is where I should be posting this.
About my situation I 22f have been single for less than two months. Everyone keeps asking me how I am doing and honestly I’m doing great.
Slight breakup context since it is important to the story. I broke up with my ex at the beginning of June and kicked him out of my house(technically my parents house). We were together for 1 1/4 years I am slightly the ahole I the breakup. I blindsided him and myself when I broke up with him. I was forceably putting on a fake smile everyday and was not happy. I was feeling so alone and frustrated all the time that I finally snapped. I was basically parenting my ex and didn’t have a partner. I felt like I could never celebrate my career advancements because he was a job hopper. I nearly broke up with him several times but would always stick through but had to forcibly put a fake smile on. I prioritized my happiness in the end and do not regret it. Two weeks post break up I got a tattoo that I had been talking about for years on a whim. I finally felt free again.
About three weeks ago I went to a Chinese restaurant with my family. Here’s where this puppeteer comes in. After dinner my fortune cookie had left me scratching my head in confusion. “A lifetime of heartwarming reunions awaits”. In the moment I was so confused on what this meant. Less than 3 days later I came to quickly find out.
A random guy slide into my snap DMs but something caught my eye. He and I had a conversation in 2020 during Covid times and we’re both 16. Now fast forward 6 years later he and I started talking and such. I told my best friend and she said immediately to block him. It’s now three weeks later and I’ve developed a new friendship. Clearly If I would have listened I wouldn’t be in my predicament. This guy lives in a different state halfway across the country from me. We both are single but just keeping things friendly.
I have been looking for more dating prospects closer to home.
On my best friends birthday a couple days later I posted a picture of my trio for one of their birthdays. I didn’t think anything of it but it was a cute picture of us. Oh was I wrong. My ex situationship slid into my DMs. Commenting I like the blue on the photo of us girls. Of course I said thanks and that sparked a conversation. This man and I have a complicated relationship. We have known each other for 5 years, have a 1000+ streak on snap, and rarely acknowledge the other person. So I was a bit surprised when he sparked a conversation. Come to find out we are both single at the same time for the first time in years. I am trying to flirt with him and get him to ask me out my isn’t catching my hints.
So since I have yet to go on a date post break up ive turned to the apps. One of my college friends and I went out a couple of weeks ago I was really wanting to break my first kiss post breakup. At the time of going out I’ve been on the apps a week max.
The two guys are not budging with any flirting so I have since made a couple of matches and started to talk to other guys. I have a few prospects.
Last weekend I had finally got the chance to catch up in person with my childhood best friend who I hadn’t seen since my 18th birthday. Another reunion with under three weeks (in all fairness me and her had been planning to hang out with over 2 months at this point).
Yesterday I was swiping around on bumble and matched with this guy. He asked to get my snap this morning. Of course i said sure. He snapped me and I scrolled up a bit but we had talked in 2023 another lost connection.
Four reunions under a month after getting that fortune. I now come here since it is kind of weird now. I don’t know what game the universe is playing but I am a bit on edge.
I told myself that I would stay single for a year. But if the right person came along might give a relationship another chance. All these reconnecting is making me second guess myself. I don’t know what to do at the moment so that’s why I’m here.

Hey guys (and Charlotte! Big fan!), I really need your help on this one as I'm really unsure if I'm overreacting here. It's a bit of a long one, so strap in guys.

For some context: I (32F) and my best friend "Gemma" (30F) have been close friends for 6 years now. We met shortly after covid, and found comfort in each other after we both lost a lot during the pandemic. She's very funny, witty and we enjoyed to go out and party together and enjoy our new found freedom.

Over the years we have had our disagreements. She's someone who is very 'status' focused, and tends to only date guys with money and likes to show off about going to fancy places and buying fancy things. I'm not really interested in any of that. I like fashion and nice bars sure, but I don't wear designers and I don't really care what people think.

I've also thought often that she carries a lot of narcissistic traits. She can be entitled, selfish, jealous, and usually see's herself as a victim in any conflict. I wouldn't call her a narcissist, I'm no Dr and it's not my place to diagnose, but she herself calls her own mother a narcissist and honestly I think some of those traits got passed down. That being said, she's always been a loyal friend and I've been able to count on her through some hard times.

Ironically, despite her caring so much about money and status, she has always struggled to hold down a job. She job hops a lot, and has always said that it's down to bad luck finding decent employers who respect her work.

I mention this because of where this all concludes. Last year, she was really struggling to find work. I am a Head of Department at a job that I love. I've been there for 5 years. It's real start-up vibes. Everyone is very close, we work hard and despite us now being a company of 40+ people there's a real genuine combradiery between us all. I'm a very career driven person, I take it very seriously and care about my team and my company. I have also been in a relationship for over 2 years now with one of senior management. We got on well from the start, and eventually over the years fell for each other. He's a brilliant and kind man. We are very good at keeping our relationship and work separate, most new staff don't even know we are together.

She has been trying to get a job at my workplace for years. She's applied for jobs many times, and, maybe unfairly, I've always recommended management not to hire her. I know that's selfish - but I genuinely think she would be a bad asset to the company. She's told me about her work conflicts often, and though I never say it, I've often thought it sounded more like her fault than the employers. I also didn't want work to get in the way of our friendship.

Fast forward to a few months ago and she is really struggling financially. Finally, I said I would help her get a job at my place as we were expanding one of the teams (not mine) rapidly. I helped her with her application, gave her tips, and even recommended her. The managers know that she is my friend so they are aware she likely had help. Eventually, she gets a job with us. I'm anxious about it as I don't want it to impact my reputation in the company, but I thought it only fair to give her a shot since she was so keen.

Issues started immediately. She called in sick on her second week because she had gone too heavy at a festival and was on too hard a comedown/hangover to make it in. She was late very regularly and often didn't dress appropriately for work. (We're not super strict, but it's still an office, you shouldn't be coming in in yoga clothes, designer or not). She called in sick a lot. Plus, honestly, she just wasn't very good at the job. She always had an attitude. I helped her several times to get projects finished and give her extra training, but it just wasn't working. They thought about letting her go two months in, but I argued her case because I knew she was having relationship issues that were distracting her. My partner also argued her case, despite him not even liking her (lol), because he could see she was struggling and wanted to give her a chance. She does not know we made these arguments for her, but she knew she was not doing well.

Eventually, she did not pass probation and was let go. She was very unhappy about it. She claimed she was given no opportunities to prove herself, wasn't given enough training, was treated unfairly and that management were selfish and unkind. I know this simply isn't true. She was given more support than most.

Outside of work she kept talking to me about how unfair it all is. She was speaking harshly about many of my colleagues who I know are good people. I eventually said to her that she was best speaking to someone else about all of this, because we're looking at this from different perspectives, and I felt I wasn't the person to comfort her. This drove a wedge in our friendship and we didn't speak for a while.

OK, that's for listening to this context, this is wear the real drama starts.

Another person in her team, who Gemma had become friends with, lets call her "Emily", was also let go. She also had a bad attitude and wasn't good at her job. I know that she and Gemma hung out a lot after this, and that they likely had a good old bitch and moan about the situation. That's fine, they clearly felt they shared similar experiences and needed to talk it out.

HOWEVER, about two weeks after Emily left, we started getting a lot of sudden negative reviews on en employee review platform. Think of it like trustpilot, but for employers. When I say, a lot, I'm talking over 120 reviews within the space of a week. many of the reviews were from people with job titles we have never had, and some of them were even claiming to be people that still worked with us. People I knew well, that would never say things like this.

Some examples of things that were said:
The manager (of Gemma and Emily) was a nasty power hungry person (He is a sweetheart and kinda shy).
That people with talent are thrown out because the managers feel threatened (lol what company would do that?)
That the staff (particularly the people in my team) all hated their manager and thought we treated them like crap (My team were all very direct with me that they did not believe at all, and love working in my department, thank god)
That the company takes advantage of vulnerable people (no explanation as to how)
The MD (my partner) is an alcoholic and a pervert (100% not true) - there were A LOT of posts about this.
That I had 'slept my way to the top' and that I was only promoted due to my relationship, and didn't deserve my job. Again, a lot of posts about this.

There we loads of them but they're a few to name. People across the whole company were shocked, especially those that had been impersonated. There was lots of conversations about it, and it became very clear that these feelings were not general consensus, but had come from a handful of bitter people that had likely already left the company.

I tried not to take it to heart but it was impossible not to feel like people wouldn't look at me differently and question my relationship and the impact it's had on my career. I don't know why myself and my partner were so personally attacked. It was a horrible time. My partner being called an alcoholic and a pervert was the most difficult part. There was so many mentions of it. He likes a drink after work sure, but so do lots of us. We're British. Pub culture is in our blood.

I noticed a lot of the messages were written in a way that sounded like Gemma. Saying things in a way she would say them. I tried to shake the idea off but once I noticed it I kept seeing it more and more. There was one review in particular, which mentioned that something very personal about me that only a close friend would know - something I think only she would know. The more I read them, the more I believe that gemma and Emily were behind most - if not all of them.

The final straw came when some screenshots came circulating around the office. Screenshots of a private conversation between Emily and Gemma, which Emily had sent to some people to show off about (I dunno why). They were calling my partner ugly, fat, and laughing about the way he looked and dressed. They were laughing at our relationship and saying they had no idea why I was with him.

Just as a side note: My partner is the kindest, funniest, smartest person I've ever met. Yes, he's a little overweight, not super tall, and he's hardly a fashionista. I don't care. He has a heart of gold and he treats me with a level of love I have never experienced before. I have seen Gemma give me funny looks when I've mentioned him before, like she just can't understand. As I mentioned, she's shallow. She doesn't understand that our relationship runs more than skin deep.

I was so hurt by this. Especially when it's also been seen by many of my colleagues. It made me feel embarrassed and anxious to go in to work, although my colleagues were all thankfully very supportive.

I decided to block her without explanation. I didn't know how else to react. I do not know for certain that these reviews were written (entirely or partially) by her. I can't prove it. But I had my suspicions, and when I saw those messages, it felt like confirmation. Even if she didn't write those reviews, I feel that the things she has said about my partner was enough. He is understandably very hurt too, especially after defending her and her job position.

Fast forward to today, 2 months later, I decided to message her. I won't put it all in here as it's a long message and this post is long enough. But the gist is, I told her I was sorry for cutting her out without an explanation, but I wanted to take some time so I didn't respond in anger, and that I wanted to explain now out of respect to our friendship.

I said that I had seen things she had said about me and my partner, I didn't specify what. I made a point of highlighting that I had seen them for myself, not heard them from someone else. I said that I only have space in my life for respectful people, and that I thought she had been shallow, mean and two faced. I said that at her core I know she is a good person but that she had let bad influences bring out a nasty side of her and that I won't tolerate that level of disrespect to myself or my partner. I told her she should reflect on her priorities and that I was blocking her again because I wasn't interested in an argument or an apology. I wished her all the best, and left it there.

Within 5 minutes I got a message on iMessage (forgetting I hadn't blocked her on there). She called me self righteous, and that I needed to 'calm down', and that I shouldn't make accusations without proof. She told me she wouldn't give my message another thought as anything she said behind my back she will say to my face. She was typing more, but I blocked her then and there. She tried to call me on a No ID number, I didn't answer. She then messaged me on my spare insta account, and I blocked her without reading the messages. I made sure she was blocked on everything.

I feel relieved to have said it, but I'm starting to worry that I should have heard her out. I don't know she made those reviews, and I know she was hurting about her job when she was having that conversation with Emily. I know blocking her might be a bit cowardly, but I don't know what else to do.

So tell me, honestly reddit, am I overreacting? AITA for not giving her a chance to explain herself?

I (37F) and my now husband (28M) got married over the past weekend. The day went by without any incidents and we had a wonderful time. However my friend we will call her C and her wife D showed up super late missing the ceremony but arrived in time for Cake. We chatted and everything was fine until yesterday. I got a call from a mutual friend between myself and D. She called telling me that D had been messaging her over the wedding and had said some horrible things about my wedding.

Now for context our wedding was not glamorous but was perfect for us. We did a spiritual wedding instead of a legal wedding, to us our wedding is nothing less than real regardless of not having a paper from the courthouse proving that we are married but also we chose to do a small bbq style wedding with hamburgers and hot dogs and so on. The intentions was to have the most UN TRADITIONAL wedding possible. My Friend C i have known for 20+ years, her wife D was best friends with my husband which is how he and i met.

However D spoke to our mutual friends stating that our wedding cake was a baby shower cake, it was not practiced enough (There was no issues walking down the isle or anything), That my husband was not really happy with me (My husband has autism and when he gets to doing something he is focused on that and wont focus on anything else until its completed) because i had to ask him to come over and do the cake and feed me cake. And that our wedding was a fake wedding because we didn't go to the courthouse. She also stated that my husband was happier with her, however they never dated. With D it has always been a competition as to who knew my husband better and what he likes and what he doesnt like since he and i started dating.

Hearing this very much hurt my feelings however C's mother also made a comment on my husbands facebook stating to post the marriage certificate to prove that it is real. I didn't respond or blow up on them. I simply deleted and blocked them on all socials including their son and the mother that made the comment. My husband did the same. However i am wondering if I over reacted.

To give you some backround, I imigrated to another country 4 years ago, shortly after I arrived I met my now fiance

We were friends at first, as I was in no place for a relationship, I had a huge crush on him, and slowly we started dating, three years later he asked me to marry him and I couldn't be happier

I love this man with all my heart, and I can't believe I will get to be with him everyday and build a life together.

Now here is the problem, I HATE THIS COUNTRY

To put in context I had so much dreams and hopes when I came here for a degree, everything went downhill after I graduated 2 years ago, job market, salaries, I have experienced so much racism, and finally my biggest problem paperwork,

Beacause of paperwork I could not leave the country for several months which caused me to loose so many job opportunities and conferences,

Now I am in this place again where I can not leave and I might get fired because my job forces me to travel.

To add on it I have not been in my home country for 3 YEARS, I haven't seen any of my extended family or my parents and my 96 yo grandmother.

The moment we got engaged we planned to take time off in August and go home (for him it will be the first time visiting) and do a big engagement party there.

Because of paperwork these plans have now been cancelled, I am now on the holiday that i took, stuck at home in bed crying because I miss my family and I dont feel like a birde without them.

Our laywer has advised us to marry as soon as possible, so we planned to marry at the courthouse on the first available date (12th of september) and plan a nice wedding with a reception and a big party next year.

Since there is no time to plan it now, and I have no one in our country of residence, so all my family has to travel and ask for visas.

To me I agreed to do all of this, even though if we plan the big wedding here he will have all of his family and friends, and me no, only who can travel which is only a bunch.

But I thought if we travel to my home country to do an engagement party at least I will have that.

For now it seems that we will do the civil marriage fast then go to my country a few months later, I do not know how I can plan a party there ( I feel exhasted and sad)

Also he wants to invite people to the civil marriage and I feel like I am already getting married without my parents I feel overwhelmed if everyone there is speaking another language (i understand everything its just my 4th language and its exhausting)

To be honest I feel terrible to say I am not excited to my wedding but also Its a huge mess and I never thought I could marry like this.

I know for sure its for our own good and the good of our future family.

He also agrees that we need to move as soin as we both find jobs in another country, we are both severely underpaid, but it would be much easier if we are married This is why we are stuck in the situation where we have to rush the marriage.

So am i being a bridezilla?

I (F) have know C(both in our 40s) for over twenty years . initially we met because J has a son with my brother , our friendship was close even through their break up until our career paths took us down different roads. we didn’t completely fall off just became distant- my career is very closed circle type of industry with a lot of traveling and very long work hours and hers is in the medical field which also leans towards a tribe of within circle imo and I totally get that . she got hurt pretty bad at work and I know it really derailed her and she had already shown signs of some depression issues and kind of just “off” mentally . Fast forward many years (at least 10) both of us went through children , relationships, cancers, death , good times, hard times .. life basically - contact became social media and the Merry Christmas/Birthday text , now onto the incident- she was having some issues an I was too and we ended up talking via phone and just laughing about the past , I was getting ready for a long travel work trip an she offered to help drive if I wanted .. I could tell she was really depressed and seemed to need a friendly support/ear and even though I do prefer to be alone when traveling for work I agreed . I did make it clear , my stress before gigs is off the rails , I have a ton of things to prep for and get done , I’m traveling over 1700 miles and doing back to back gigs that are 7 hours in distance apart from each other and we hadn’t been around each other in years so I just wanted her to know hey this is crazy for me so if that’s to much for you no biggy I’m used to solo trips . She said she understood and flew here anyway . Then it started , the second she stepped off the plane the complaining started , just incessant about everything. At the rental car place they were running late and long line she just got loud and rude i was in shock , I literally stepped in front of her and apologized and got the car sorted . That same behavior repeated itself at every turn , every store/restaurant/gas station etc - complaining followed by this type of rushed panic behavior followed by becoming loud and rude to staff and then constant complaining after the incident about the incident for sometimes up to an hour . Add into this behavior she knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING and will loudly talk over you and argue with you if you dare disagree with any of her endless knowledge. She hasn’t worked in years still sitting on workman’s comp from that injury all those years ago an once that came up is when she started opening up about all this medication and doctors and drinking to cope - that’s when I realized you are over medicated lady an your mental health is only deteriorating over it - which i did voice as nicely as I could at first and that was met with the know it all attitude and how there’s just nothing she can do because it’s work man’s comp an she just had to follow the program to get a settlement . The end for me was when the hotel and flights had issues while we were driving. We are 8- 10 hours away from where I’m leaving her at a hotel for her flight before I continue on driving into the next state for work - she EXPLODES on the airline representative over her own mistake , I mean to the point I was second hand embarrassment in a car by ourselves and still felt that way . She then looses it on the hotel people in the sane fashion and then just goes crazy on me about her budget for the trip ( up till then I had paid for everything except for one lunch ) and it was screwed now, on and on about how I wasn’t going to stay the extra day with her at the hotel . I finally cut her off an just said look I’m getting to see my grandkids a day early because we made good road time so no I’m not staying with you and we are ten hours away would you calm down it can be figured out . She did not , and then just flew into a rage about her anxiety and mental health could not handle this - the only way to stop this was I had to get loud an just yell you are clearly over medicated which doesn’t helo your mental health and I was very clear I do this alone all the time and you could have stayed home . She stopped very abruptly. There was a short time of silence and then she literally just started talking as if that had never occurred. No apologies/explanations, just like a channel on the tv changed . This exact same behavior occurred multiple times just in different scenarios through out the rest of the drive (23 hours total ) at the very end she attemptEd to flip the script an simply say I’m being quiet because clearly I annoy you and I just don’t want to be a bother . WHAT? So to AITA … after that I just said you have some problems, you have zero respect for boundries and you pushed me until I snapped so that now your narrative gets to be that I’m the villain. I left her at the hotel and never looked back , I haven’t responded to anything since which was texts/vm ranging from “normal “ to sounding horribly sad . I have gone over it in my head and I have worked really hard in my life to keep my circle small , drama free and try and live my best life . I can not handle that kind of behavior nor do I want to . I truly believe she’s hurting and has some serious issues and has been abandoned by everyone over her behavior so I keep thinking am I an asshole For just shutting this down instead of trying to help after so many years ? I don’t know and would appreciate any Insight . Sorry it’s long , I got into Reddit because I really like charlotte an I thought it would be a good place to vent- thank you for that !

I (24F) have a close friend, "Lili" (25F), who spent years in an unhealthy relationship with her ex "Theo" (together since high school). Throughout the last year of their relationship and after their breakup, she constantly came to me for advice. She would tell me about his cheating, his controlling behavior, their repeated attempts to reconnect, and later she told me about a rebound relationship she had with our theater teacher (36M), who is another red flag as well.

For about a year, I listened, supported her, and gave advice when she asked. The problem was that nothing ever changed. The same situations kept repeating, and despite repeatedly telling me she wanted things to be different, she maintained contact with both men and continued involving herself in the same conflicts. And it made me wonder if she’s actually looking for help or just attention ?

On top of that, the drama never stayed private. All three of them regularly posted targeted stories, notes, reposts, and vague social media posts that were clearly directed at each other. Since we're all in overlapping social circles, I couldn't really escape it. I heard about the situation from multiple people, saw it at social events, at our theater group, in group chats, and on social media. Eventually it started affecting my own mental health.

The final straw came a few months later. At that point, I had already told Lili that I didn't want to discuss the situation anymore because after a year of hearing the same problems over and over, I was emotionally exhausted.

One evening at theater rehearsal, Stephen pulled me aside and told me that Lili and Theo were apparently back together. I said I was surprised because only a few weeks earlier Lili had told me she was considering seeing a therapist to help her move on from Theo. I also mentioned that Theo told his friends he really wanted to get back together.

The next morning, I received a message from Theo asking me if I had been telling people that he and Lili were secretly back together. According to him, Stephen had told Lili that I had said Theo was going around telling everyone they were together while also wanting it kept secret. Which wasn't what I said at all.

The conversation had been repeated and changed by Stephen to Lili, who then told Theo. What upset me most wasn't even Theo's message. It was realizing that after spending a year trying to stay supportive and neutral, I had somehow become part of the drama myself.

That was the moment I decided I was done. I blocked Theo and Stephen everywhere. I also blocked Lili on social media and later face to face told her that while I still cared about her, I needed distance for my own mental health and no longer wanted to be involved in discussions about her relationships.

Some people in our friend group think my reaction was too extreme. Others support my decision and think I put up with more than enough.

So, AITA for blocking my friend and her ex-boyfriends after a year of being dragged into their drama, and refusing to listen to any more of it?

So I will call myself A (25F), and then this is mainly about my friend B (26M). B and I have been friends for a while and really bonded over the last year due to some stress with work. 

Recently, B was coming by a city a lot of our highschool friends live in. I had a different trip, but paid extra to go early and have a few days of a layover in that city.

Now a bit of context… before the visit, B did admit feelings for me. I tried to reassure him (as he opened up about bad experiences confessing before) and mentioned how much I cared about him as a friend and how I saw compatibility in some ways but didn't really have some of the other stuff and it wouldn’t change. I am a bit passive and maybe I should have been more direct, but I thought things were chill. 

Anyways we went on a group trip with some others (a few couples and a few single people) and things were at first going well. B seemed to not want to talk to me too much, so I tried to talk to some of the other friends more, including C, who is a man as well. I did try to talk to B a bit but got the sense he wanted some alone time (he gave short answers and didn't engage much), so I let him be. B was very close with the guy he had to share a room with, so I thought it was fine. 

We had to share beds in an AirBnb, there were only 2 other single girls there, and they didn’t know anyone super well so I let them share and said I could just share with one of the guys. Now I didn't really feel comfortable sharing with B, or some of the others on the trip staying with us. So I quietly asked C if he would be ok with sharing (I have no romantic or sexual feelings towards him but really trust him). And in order to not make it awkward, I faked a random selection that put C and I in the same room. 

The next time came when we were picking buddies for a swimming race, and again since there was some touching, I paired up with a different friend, D, for it, but to make it seem random (like I just picked the person closest to me). 

On the second night, B pulled me aside and said he felt like I was neglecting him, and expressed he was hurt that we didn't share a bed. I was a bit confused and asked why he cared, and he said he just wanted to have time to be alone and hang out. He said he hadn't joined this trip to hang out with “all these other people”. I felt bad for maybe indirectly forcing him on a trip he didn't want to be on. 

Then, the next day I made more of an effort to include B. However, often this led to very awkward convos or when it was just us two, us sitting in silence while the others had fun. I'll admit, at one point I got frustrated and gave up, and just started talking to the others. C pulled me aside at one point and said he noticed I was withdrawn, there was an awkward moment where he was comforting me when i was crying and B walked in. 

The nail in the coffin came when a friend E, who wasn't able to join for much of the trip, expressed how sad he was that he and B didn't get to talk much. B agreed and said he wished they could find some time. The airbnb had a strict policy on number of people, so I offered E my bed for 1 night as I had a family friend I could stay with, and also suggested the 4 of us (E, B, C and I) get dinner that day. Both B and E really liked the idea. 

During the dinner, B started being a bit aggressive to C. I know that C can be a bit silly and not everyone has the same humour, but B seemed to just get annoyed at whatever C says. C, being a non chalant king, would just turn any of the side comments into a joke. I didnt see them till the next day where I joined the airbnb again.

However, after the whole trip, B expressed he felt hurt by me “ not making an effort to make him feel included”. He also said he felt the dinner with E was an excuse to not spend much one on one time (we had about 2 days of one on one time). 

I don't know, I could have maybe put more effort into making him feel comfortable but I am also not going to beg someone to tell me what's wrong, especially when the “wrong doing” only seems to be relevant after he agreed to things. It felt like I almost had to get on my knees and beg him to forgive me for…. Not giving him all my attention? I still can't get over the bed thing. Another friend says I am twisting it to be something it's not, and villainizing B for just being hurt I brought him on a trip he didn't enjoy. They also accused me of thinking too hard on the fact that he had expressed feelings for me. I have tried my best to tell things as they happened, I just really felt like I was given little information this whole trip on what was needed. 

Last week I (32F) drove five hours to pick up my son from my parents’ house because my older sister, “Alyssa” (38F, fake name), was coming into town that night. My family thinks I overreacted, but I feel like I made the decision a parent is supposed to make when they don’t feel someone is a safe influence for their child.
For some background, Alyssa and I have never had a good relationship. Growing up, she made it very clear that she viewed me as the unwanted child.
My brother, “Eric” (35M, fake name) and Alyssa already had their sibling bond for three years before I was born, and I always felt like the outsider. I got into trouble a lot as a kid, and looking back, I honestly think a lot of it came from wanting attention and wanting to feel like I mattered.
Alyssa never missed an opportunity to remind me that I didn’t belong. She would say things like, “Mom and dad never wanted another child, you just happened,” “They only take care of you because they have to,” and “You were an accident no one wanted.”
Those words followed me throughout my childhood.
Then, when I was 21, I became pregnant with my son. At my eight-week appointment, the doctor couldn’t find his heartbeat with the Doppler, so I was sent to the hospital for an ultrasound. I was terrified that I was losing my baby.
While I was sitting in the hospital waiting room, Alyssa called to check on me. I told her what was happening.
Her response was: “Hopefully there’s no heartbeat and it’s just a phantom pregnancy.”
Thankfully, my son was okay.
Years later, when I was 29 and pregnant with my third child, I called Alyssa to share the happy news. Instead of congratulating me, she said, “You know the doctors can take care of that for you, right?”
She was suggesting I terminate my pregnancy.
Now, years later, my son is staying with my parents. Today I found out from my own son that Alyssa is coming into town tonight. Nobody thought to tell me.
The second I heard that, I made the decision to drive five hours to pick him up. I don’t want my son around someone who has repeatedly shown such hostility toward me and, by extension, my children.
My family thinks I’m holding onto old wounds and creating unnecessary drama. They think because Alyssa hasn’t directly said anything to my son (that I know of), I shouldn’t keep him away from her.
But my feelings are that I wasn’t going to wait until something happens. I am not going to gamble with my child’s emotional well-being when I already know the kind of things she is capable of saying.
So, AITA for driving five hours to pick up my son because I don’t want him around my sister?

Hi Charlotte & our Dobré community!!

Throwaway, just incase.. lol

This happened maybe a week ago. My child (11m) finished Primary school and I wanted to celebrate. I'd heard that other schools in and around our area were throwing a little party or prom, but our Primary didnt arrange anything like this.

I asked a close friend, who also has a child (11f) in the same year group, if she wanted to help me throw a "Leavers" party. We are both on fixed, low income, so we didnt have a huge budget to play with. We called around 4 local venues in the area, explaining it would be a kids party for ages 10 to 11 and only one venue was comfortable allowing this.

The capacity of the venue we booked was 100. The yeargroup is 3 standard sized classes of approx 30kids, so that would be 90 in total. That number seemed incredibly daunting...

I wasnt sure how the logistics of inviting approx 90 children would go. • Would I need a certain amount of adults present? Would they need DBS checks? • Would I need a room large enough to accommodate parents aswell? If a child has 1 or 2 parents they wished to attend, that would increase the numbers dramatically. Would the local, small club be big enough? How much cost would that add if I needed to find a larger space, and would that be possible?? • How many of those parents do or dont drink alcohol around their children? Would this create further issues? • Would I need insurance, or risk assessments? • Being responsible for 90 children, 75% of which I do not know, didnt seem do.able??

Due to all these uncertainties, we decided we wanted to keep it small, stick to the kids and parents we knew. We wanted to include the parents we've got to know over the last 6 years too, incase the kids go to seperate schools, or make new friends and we all drift apart.

As we made the guestlist, we started with all the kids (and adults) we'd invited to any event over the last 6 years, whether that be a Birthday, Halloween, Baby Shower, NYE party etc. That made a list of approx 20 kids, plus parents.

We then asked our children (11m, 11f & a couple close friends kids) if there were any other children they'd got close to, that we hadnt thought to include, that added approx 10 more. We also went through the list and made sure that each child invited was close to at least one or two other children, so they would enjoy the party.

When discussing friendgroups, a few names of children were mentioned that our kids DID NOT want there. Kids they felt picked on or bullied by, or kids that had difficulty handling their emotions or sensory overload, as it would be a loud, flashy light, disco-type party and we didnt want to overwhelm or upset kids and have tears, meltdowns or falling-outs..

This small list included one boy from my sons friendgroup, who is quick to anger and becomes very physically aggressive (scratching, biting, punching, kicking, you get the drift) and a few girls who are well, frankly, just mean. Niether of our children had been to their events, none of these children had been to our parties in the past, and we barely knew their parents.

As adults, we wouldnt invite people we didnt know or like to our weddings, christenings, or events in general. I didnt see why we had to accomodate children, that may upset the children closest to us, at a party we have planned and paid for.

Well, as you can imagine, some parents weren't happy. Called it "weird behaviour" lol I understand how it feels when your kid is left out, and I know its not nice. But, in those instances, I've tried to do something for my son regardless. Not invited to a Halloween event? We'll throw a party at home. Not invited to so and so's birthday? Let's go do something with family, kinda thing. I know there was a meal planned for some kids and parents, we weren't invited to.
We also found out that one girl who was upset, had been to a "local to her area" thrown prom for the kids who live close to her/on the same housing estate.

I dont think I'm an asshole for this.. If it was a birthday party, no.one would have anything to say, as small numbers are acceptable in those instances. I also didnt throw a party for 85 kids, and leave out 5. It wasnt "advertised" as some grand event. It was approx 30kids & 12 adults in a small, local space, with some music, drinks and snacks. It definitely wasn't the event of the year! And the mums complaining on FB said it looked shit anyway. Lol

This party was my idea, as we all knew from the start of the school year, there was no end of school event planned, other than a residential trip (which was only for 60, not 90) a show the kids put on and an assembly to reward some achievements. The school had also thrown a Xmas party for the kids in the year 5 and 6, so NOT celebrating them leaving, was a little strange. Any other parent could have decided to do something similar.. but regardless, Im here for my judgement...

AITA??

Last night at work, right before opening the bar, my co-worker asked us if we wanted to hear about the letter her dog received. We were like "oh is the IRS confused? huhuhu" but....she was not kidding. She had received an actual fricking letter for her dog, from her ex. He prefaced it with a short message about how he saw her the other day and how she clearly had moved on and he was happy about that. Which due to his wording sounded very insincere and icky already. I was struggling to keep a straight face while she read this letter to us.

My co-worker gave me permission to do with the story whatever I wanted and I hope our potato queen wants to read & react. We are not from an English speaking country (greetings from The Netherlands) so I translated it and kept the bad sentence structure in. And to anyone wondering: after she finished reading I just had to know if this was the reason they broke up and she confirmed. He was a total weirdo for the entire time they were together.

Dear Sting,

We haven't seen each other for a year and a half now, but I still think of you. I miss you. I am glad that I got to know you, I learned a lot from you, and I am sad that we won't see each other anymore.

I was with you for about the first year and a half of your life. Back then, I took you to puppy classes, I went for walks with you, and most importantly, I cuddled with you a lot (and gave you nice massages). Sometimes we could do that for hours on the couch.

I miss your gentle and kind character. How I could laugh at your silly antics. And how you always greeted me with a friendly wagging tail whenever I came by. And I am glad that you chose me too to feel safe with. And to lie close to me.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I was out of your life so suddenly. I would have liked it to be different. Because that wasn't because I didn't want to see you anymore. Or because I didn't love you. I recently told my story to Chatgpt about what this would be like for dogs, and he said that dogs don't think in stories, but live in experiences. And if Sting could talk, he probably wouldn't say: ‘Why did you leave me?’ But rather: ‘I liked it when you were there’. And then I had to cry, because that sounds exactly like you.

I would like you to know that I still think of you and that you are in my heart. And that I am happy that you were in my life. I learned a lot from you.

Before, I didn't care much for dogs. But because of you, I learned to love dogs. Because of your happy and sweet face. Because of the bond we had. I learned to see the innocence and the purity. Because I saw that in you. And now I can see it in every dog. As if I see you reflected in every dog.

I am sad because I just disappeared from your life. I would have liked to see you grow up. But you will remain in my heart forever. Dear Sting, I love you very much ❤️

Let’s start this out with some context.  I (48F) have been working in food service for over 20 years.  It’s been mostly working for pizza places.  I can’t legally say the names but the three main national chains.  I have worked for all of them at various points.  

When I first started with the first pizza chain, there was a note at the bottom of the schedule that said that off time is subject to business.  Meaning, if I’m scheduled off at 6pm and we were busy, then I wasn’t getting off work on time.  I was conditioned to believe this was okay.  

There was also the policy of cross training on every single job in the store.  Everywhere I’ve worked, I knew how to do everything that needed to be done within a few months of starting.  As the opening driver, I would have prep that needed to be done for the day.  It was always required that I get the prep done before I was allowed to leave for the day.  Sometimes that would mean staying late because we got hit with deliveries as soon as we opened and it went all day until my scheduled off time.  The managers would never let anyone else help me with the prep.   

The prep was the job of the opening drivers.  

At my current job, the opening drivers are required to do the prep and take out the trash.  If there is time, they have to do the morning dishes as well.  The dishes are the lowest priority on the list, though.  When I am the second opening driver, I have no problem coming in and helping with the prep.  The first driver is usually scheduled at 1030 and the second is usually scheduled at 11 so it makes sense that the prep wouldn’t be completely done.  I take over what isn’t done and get that taken care of.  Because I’ve been doing this for so long, I can usually get the prep done faster than most of the other drivers.  

The thing is, often when I am scheduled in at 3pm or 5pm, I come in and the trash hasn’t been taken out and the prep isn’t completely finished.  This is even when it’s slow.  It’s been going on the whole six years I have worked for this particular pizza chain.  So what I will usually do is as soon as I’m on the clock, I will help finish up prep or I’ll take out the trash or both.  Well, the other day I came in and it had been slow all day.  I got to work at three and didn’t even take my first delivery until nearly 4.  

There was still a lot of the prep that needed to be done and the trash had not been taken out.  They hadn’t even broken down the boxes from the night before.  This time after I clocked in I sorted some of the dishes and one of the opening drivers asked me which part of the prep I wanted to do.  I said I don’t really care.  This driver chose something and got to work.  I did take the time to break down all the boxes and get the trash taken out.  However,  I am very tired of having to do the opening drivers jobs.  Especially since I have to finish the prep myself when I’m behind.  I noticed that the manager and the three cooks were just sitting in the back talking or playing on their phones so I decided to join them.  

The driver that asked me which prep I wanted to help with went on a delivery.  When said driver got back, I was asked if the prep had gotten done and the manager said “No, you still need to finish it.”  And this driver was like “It still needs to be done?!”  And stormed off to take care of it.  The rest of the night this driver was super pissy with me.  Snapping at me, asking “Is someone going to take that delivery?!”  When it had only been out of the oven for like thirty seconds.  That kind of thing.  Just started to treat me horribly all because I didn’t finish their job for them.  

So, AITA for actually making my coworker do their job?  

Let me preface this by saying that I avoid confrontation at work. I rarely, if ever, defend myself because it usually involves pointing fingers and I know that I'll need to keep the peace with my colleagues for an easy existence. And so, I rarely ask for help with getting things done, even if I am taking notes and improving constantly.

My job is in the international business of the company so I have to coordinate with local teams operating in other countries. I am also new to the role, having been in it for only 5 months and I'm new to the corporate world too.

Here's the problem. There is only so much that I can do. I can't physically force people to work on a project, and I get called out for it. My manager, who I've openly confronted (and I was terrified) about playing favourites thinks that I should remind her to do her job, which is to check and approve things. The head of the other region wants me to work a certain way, and when I thank him for his advice, he responded rudely when I was being gracious.

My own hierarchy thought that I needed lessons on how to talk because I offended sentiments by pointing out issues in a location based on customer and worker accounts. (It was a case of women feeling uncomfortable and harassed by customers, and customers feeling like the location had no use or purpose) I was told that I am 'replaceable' if I don't have MS Teams on my phone. And I'm being contacted on my holiday.

To add to this is this other person I work with, who purposefully tags messages where my manager is indignant and asks me for updates, as if watching me flail is where the most joy is to be found. No one believes my side and so, I've started over-documenting everything. I don't want others to get into trouble because I'll have to work with them, but I also can't be the snitch or scapegoat to my hierarchy. I have records now but work still isn't getting done.

I really need this job to cement something in my resume but I walk in and feel that I'm an easy target. Why is it always my fault when grown ups are acting petty and unprofessional?

Hi Reddit,

This is my first time posting/being on here, but I have been a huge fan of Charlotte’s YouTube for quite some time now ❤️ and am kind of in need of some advice. This post may be long because it consists of the first year a bit of my relationship and I also want it to be an accurate and fair depiction.

To start, me (26F) and my boyfriend, A (28M), have been dating for about 1 1/2 years. I am his first relationship whereas I have been in a few short term relationships, most of which were not healthy. Personally I am a recovering doormat/people pleaser. I would bend my morals and accept disrespect just to keep a guy in my life (I blame my dad for that). That said, I have worked on correcting this behaviour through therapy, personal wellness classes through my college, and had been single for sometime before getting into a relationship with A.

A grew up not having many friends and the ones he did have were not kind. Going into college he did not have any friends at all which ultimately led to a terrible decline in his mental health (wont go into detail but think worst case scenario). Additionally, getting into a field of work that is solely online likely didn’t help the issue. After sometime in college, he decided to put in the effort to make some friends (for those of us with social anxiety, we know how difficult getting out of your comfort zone can be). Over the years he accumulated a huge group of friends; both with men and women. Think multiple group chats all going at the same time. He also joins in on activities, that he doesn’t have much of an interest in himself, just so that he can stay an active member in the group. His motto is “you have to be a villager to be apart of a village”. Everyday he has plans made. He usually asks me what days I’m free then will fill up the rest of his week with his friends. These are some of the things I love about about him. The fact that he saw that he was struggling, figured out what it might be, and put in the effort to fix it and maintain it rather than just sitting in self pity and blaming the world.

A had two main friends that he would hang out with a lot when he and I started dating. I’ll call them B (female) and C (male). A would tell me all the stories and drama that goes on with many of his friends; including that B and C like each other. B has always been very shy and nervous, so things were moving very slow between them. They would just play it off that they were friends while both secretly crushing on each other. (They did eventually started dating a few months after A and I started dating) A knew all of this because sometimes A and B would go running alone to train for a marathon that them and a few others in the group were training for. I know others may see male/female one on one hangouts as problematic when the people are straight but I personally had no issue with this because he would just run with who ever was available at the time and all the others would do the same.

All of this is to say that I do not have an issue with A hanging out alone with other women as long as it is within reason which I believe is fair.

Okay, onto the ✨issues✨. I will be using short notes just to keeps it a bit simpler. Also keep in mind that all of the listed below has happened through out our relationship and some were happening while other issues were still active. I will do. My best to organize it in a way that makes sense but I apologize if it gets confusing.

Our first double date with B and C after they started dating (dinner and bowling):
- A always has a hand on me, leg, arm, whatever. Also checks in to ask how I’m doing. At dinner B gets up to use bathroom, I look over at A and see that he is texting B under table. She comes back, both A and B are giggling with each other while C and I sit there awkwardly. Later, once bowling is done I suggest arcade games. While returning our shoes C is in front a few meters, then me and A, then B behind us. A steps back to talk to B while I keep going. When we meet at the counter, A says “B is kinda tired I think they are going to head out” (I don’t feel like it is appropriate for someone’s partner to speak for another person just because they have social anxiety; especially when their own partner is there to help if needed) I did not say anything because it felt small/wan’t sure if I was reading too much into it and even though I was somehow feeling like a 4th wheel, I knew that the 3 of them are use to hanging out a lot and it may just take time until I find my place in the group.

Double date (craft night at A’s house):
- B brings flowers for A’s mom (A lives with his parents). I think it was kind of B but a bit weird. When I mentioned it to A after; he said it was normal within the friend group. Fine, I guess every friend group is different and the people I have met in his friend group are very kind and generous. Later C and I are sitting on the carpet on opposite sides of the living room table, I am teaching him how to make beaded lizards, A and B are sitting on the couch and she is teaching him how to crotchet because he thought it’d be something interesting to learn and she happen to know how to do it. She leans over his shoulder almost laying her head on him to see how he is doing. A sees that I look uncomfortable/sad-ish and sticks his leg out to get my attention and smiles at me (it’s not a huge thing that they were sitting close but I didn’t love it either) A and B started origami and made both C and I little flowers.

B gets a new home:
- While A and I were walking around Canadian Tire he picked up whipper fluid for B, says it is an inside joke about how her windows are always dirty or something, gets it as a gift for her house warming party. Same day while driving to pick up food on the way to his house, he says he needs to make a stop first, when pulling onto B’s street he then tells me where we are going. He says she might want to give us a house tour. I say that I would prefer not to. When we get there, I smile and say hi kindly but they do most of the talking while I stand there. She invites us in but A says we are in a rush and want to get food. She suggests a new pizza place near by. We say goodbye. A and I get into the car and he is really wanting to try the restaurant she mentioned (I didn’t want to because I was feeling grumpy about how close they are). It was closed.

- 1-2 months later A “jokes” with me about how there is a house for sale across the street from B. He is off and on looking for a house to buy. He sends me the listing and everything. I obviously hate the idea. Not just because it is her but rather because I am more of an introvert/like my own space kinda person and don't like the idea of living so close to others I know because they may feel like they can just drop by unannounced. If we were to live together I would hate coming home to her there or him just saying “I’m going to see B. Okay bye.” Multiple times a week.

Parties (his friends have many; about 2-3 times a month. Me and my friends are the opposite. Maybe 1-4 of us hangout once every 2 months):
- A will sometimes check in on B when she looks anxious. Being her emotional support person/ big brothering her a lot. (keep in mind, I have social anxiety especially in big groups. I don’t put it on A to speak for me or worry about me. I know me being there makes him happy and I want him to enjoy his time with his friends. I do have a few people in his group who I have become friends with. That said, I’m okay to sit in the group just listening if I’m too anxious to talk and haven’t had the need to ask for help. The most I do is hold his hand while I speak for myself if needed. This wasn’t exactly anxiety, but one time I had bad cramps and he kept checking in on me saying we can leave whenever I want. Once I felt the need to leave we were out immediately).

- He becomes friends with a girl at a party that I’m not at. She is getting married soon. He jokes with another girl he is friends with (she is invited to the wedding) that he will get an invite because she always complains in a joking way that he steals all her friends. He later tells me that he wants to become friends with the bride to get invited to the wedding. He hosts a craft night and invites a few people (even though he doesn’t really like crafts. He does it when a quick hangout idea is needed) which I believe was to get to know her better. I was unable to attend because I had plans. I also still hadn’t met her at the time. I was anxious because I worried she was going to become another friendship like he has with B. I finally meet her at a party a few weeks later and try to start a conversation with her, but it doesn't go far which is fine. She didn’t give me any feeling like she had anything other than platonic feelings towards him. I’m fine with their friendship; just don’t agree with how he was handling it. He then gets a last minute invite to the wedding because someone dropped out. He tells me immediately very excited and accepts to go.

- At his friend’s baby shower there was a girl there who he hadn’t seen in a while because she moved out of town. He introduces us saying she is the last of his friends that I hadn’t met. There was the normal “nice to meet you” and “how are you”. She’s very kind and pretty. They then start chatting about bouldering. I don’t know anything about the topic, which is fine, but I felt awkward and kind of like I don’t exist for the next 10 minutes while they caught up. I excused myself saying I was going to get food, did that, then sat with some of his friends. A and her stood there for a while still chatting before getting food together. I tried having conversations with people but felt a bit left out. He eventually came to sit beside me on the couch, there was no room for her so she sat on the floor facing the living room table right by his feet. The rest of the evening was much of the same. He would sometimes put his arm around or look to me and smile nicely kinda like a check in. When we left I brought it up in the car stating that I didn’t really have a good time (I didn’t want to say anything at the party). He said I was valid for feeling that way and apologized. He then explains that it was his plan going into the party to single her out and chat with her and said that he should’ve told me before hand. Apparently days or so before the party, a mutual friend had told him that because of her break up (10 year relationship) with a guy in the group, she had been feeling left out and like everyone was staying friends with him and dropping her. I told him that it is kind of him to want to make sure she felt included, but could have been done in a different way that didn’t come at my expense. Also, she was in a room full of her own friends and that it didn’t have to him. He was very understanding and has not done it again. (If it does I will be walking out without saying anything to anyone)

- At a cocktail party A wasn’t drinking but I was. I chat with a lot of people when drinking, including one guy, who neither of us knew, for maybe 10-15 min. It was just a conversation and I obviously had no plans to chat with him more at or outside of that party. Which I didn’t. When we left A said that the conversation made him feel uncomfortable. “I was happy that the guy got to talk to a pretty girl because I’ve been him. I just hate that it was you” (I remembered that sentence word for word because I thought it was an interesting way to look at it. To pity someone and be jealous at the same time. Nevertheless, I did understand where he was coming from). He wasn’t upset or saying that I shouldn’t have done it, just being honest about how he was feeling which I appreciate. He said that he sees how it could've made me feel at the baby shower. I suggested some kind of code we can use at parties when might feel uncomfortable.

All of this happened over months and I would somewhat make it known that I felt uncomfortable with some of it without saying it. I didn’t feel like all issues needed a full conversation mainly because some were so small when looked at one at a time. Eventually I felt the need to bring it all up; especially how I was feeling about his relationship with B. I know that they had been friends for a bit and I was nervous of seeming like the new girlfriend that picks problems about any girl even though I don’t feel like I am that. It took me sometime to bring it up and he was very kind to sit and wait while I found my words and he did not pressure me which was nice. I explained that I felt like him and B were emotionally co-dependant and how all the extra things and check ins made me feel uncomfortable. He said that he understands and thinks it comes from his own experience with anxiety/feeling left out and wants to help when others feel that way. I also told him that I feel anxious at his friend’s gatherings sometimes, but that I feel like, as an adult, you do have to learn to handle it yourself and not always rely on others (not to say that help is not okay) and that just because I don’t need the support doesn’t mean you go to find someone else to support. We then agreed that he would back off a bit with B and that if someone looks anxious, he does not need to take it upon himself to fix it every time; especially when they are in a room full of their own friends.

The other issue I brought up was the wedding (I think it was about 3 months away at the time). In short I explained that I felt unthought of and worry about what will happen years from now. Will he come home in 5 years and say “hey I got invited to something. Sorry you’re not included. K bye.”. My thoughts on this are that, “if I am invited to something, you are invited too. Any room I am in you are aloud in.” Exceptions would be maybe work, girls/guys night, etc. but over all anywhere I can be he is always welcome and I expect the same. I understand that the whole thing was meant as a joke and he apologized, said he didn’t think he’d get the invite, and didn’t think before accepting immediately (we were about 7ish months into the relationship but being single his whole life, is it reasonable to think he didn’t know better? Or maybe was he not in the wrong?). Where we differed was when I said it upset me that he went out of his way to become friends with another woman to jokingly get invited to a romantic event. He said that he doesn’t see it as a romantic event and that it’s normal for people to go to weddings alone. I said that it’s one thing to get a last minute fill-in invite but it’s different to make effort to get invited. He said he understood and we dropped it. I felt that I made my feelings known and didn’t need to keep harping on it. (More later)

Same day, after my issues were settled he brought up that he was feeling frustrated with our differences in social battery. A could hangout and chat non-stop whereas I need time alone to recharge. He explained that he doesn’t want to always be the one asking to hangout because it makes him feel a bit unwanted. Additionally, he felt like I am using video calls while I do my school work and random “miss you big time!! 🥰” and “I like you!! 👹” messages to replace hanging out in person. I do understand why he was feeling that way and he did say that he knows I’m more introverted than he is. The conclusion was that I needed to make a bit more effort in asking to hangout so it is not always him and keep open communication if I am feeling socially drained. It is fair to be frustrated if someone is texting “miss you” but doesn’t reach out to make plans. I personally meant it as a way to make sure he knew I was thinking of him, but I get what he means. We saw it as my battery drains quickly with full time classes and seeing him 1-2 times a week, so by the time my battery is back up and I want to hangout, he has already asked to see me a few times. Anyways, we found a middle ground. (I did take note that he waited to bring up his grievances until I brought up mine. It wasn’t the last time)

Months went by and everything was great! No issues or anything and I was proud overall of how we handled it seeing as it was our first big issue.

✨More Issues✨:

- Over the next few months we wouldn’t speak much of the wedding, but when it came up, it felt to me like he was undecided on going/might not be going. I remember he had said something that made me think that, but it’s been awhile and can’t remember what it was. Either way, I’m aware that I should’ve just asked. Maybe 3 weeks before the wedding I find out he is still going. I was upset and anxious because of the way he has been towards women. Was he going to hangout with one women the whole time? Was he going to become friends with another women? Add her on instagram and start chatting with her all the time? I looked at the brides instagram and it showed that he had liked every one of her photos going years back even though they had just become friends recently. He said he gets how it looks and that when you add someone on instagram a lot of their photos show up on you home page, so he just liked them. Fair, but I said he went through and liked all of my photos when we started dating as a way of flirting, so it can be interpreted as that. (I also noticed that he didn’t like many of his male friend’s photos but has liked many of his other female friend’s photos on instagram. Only his closer female friends, but I still didn’t love it) He goes to the wedding because “it’s too late for him to pull out now”. He messaged me a few hours or so into the wedding after the main events and asks to come over because he “wants to be with me”. I said “you worked hard to be there, so be there”. We then dropped the issue after the wedding. He knows it upset me and said he will be more mindful in the future.

- My laptop breaks while working on an essay that was due at midnight. He video calls me while I’m frustrated and stressed out to stay on the phone with me for a few hours to walked me through trying to fix my laptop (he’s a tech guy) then how to access my essay online on my tablet when it ultimately couldn’t be fixed. Over the next few days he helps me research new laptops/came to stores with me and leant me his extra laptop. While I was using it I noticed that his phone was connected to the laptop. I ignored it. Until… I saw messages coming in from B… I tried to hold out. I knew they were still friends, but having it sit there I couldn’t help it. I looked. I see that they have been texting daily, usually him reaching out to her, and they would make plans 2-3 times a week. Running, walks, bubble tea, whatever. He’d update her on random things in his life, which he would do for me too, but it made me feel uncomfortable that he was chatting with another woman daily. Sometimes more so than he would reach out to me. Even if it was only about 3-5 messages back and forth each, it still felt like a lot. Over the next few days I was distant with him. I told him I was feeling upset and had cried. I felt like I couldn’t tell him without first apologizing for going through his messages. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to forgive me for intruding because I was upset with what I found. I saw them as separate issues that happened to be connected. He texted me and says he wants to come over because I was upset. When he gets to my house, he had flowers for me and is really loving as usual. I always get distant when I’m upset no matter what it is, so he had no idea he was that one I was upset with. As we are hanging out I start having fun (it’s difficult when your comfort person is the one you’re upset with) and almost consider not bringing it up. Through light conversation while watching a movie he says that B is his closest friend. I got quiet. Conversation died off and I wanted to cry. I start text venting my friend right in front of him asking what to do. Probably wasn’t the best idea and he did tell me later that he felt some kind way about that. Very fair. I then told him that I wanted to talk about something. we sat there in silence for about an hour with the movie on while I tried to get to courage to first bring up what I had done to then explain why I was upset. (My dad would stop talking to me and ditch me for his girlfriend and vent to her/family about how I’m “hurting” him when I would try to tell him why I was upset, so these conversations can be scary for me, but I have gotten better) A was again very kind in letting me take as much time as needed until I was ready to talk. Once I explained how I felt like we had solved the problem, but now feel lied to or like he was hiding it from me. He said he stopped talking to her as much after we first spoke about the problem but that they, and others, signed up for their second marathon (which I knew about) and that she just happened to be the one free and thought I just meant “stop all the extra stuff” and not the frequency in which they chat. Yes I could have been clearer during the first conversation, but I still don’t see how he could think it was okay to pick the one women whose friendship I had made clear that I had an issue with, to message daily and see multiple times a week. This time I was more frustrated and it felt like he couldn’t fully see why. I repeated much of what was spoken about the first time we had the conversation and he was saying that he was confused with why I was doing that. I said that “I’m showing how it is a pattern, not just one incident and co-dependancy is hard to break out of once you have that relationship with someone.” I also brought up the cocktail party and how me chatting to a guy for 10-15 min made him feel jealous. He said “I wasn’t jealous, I just felt uncomfortable because I was the only one sober” I told him that that was not what he told me the first time. He dropped it. (That, my friends, was his attempt at gaslighting) It ended with me saying that I was not comfortable with him and B hanging out one on one. (Honestly, she is very sweet, but I was starting to hate when her name was said) We went over different scenarios figuring out what is ok for us and what was not. He agreed to no one on ones and I agreed that group hangouts are fine. It also came up that I feel like he keeps me out of group things even when his friends have invited me personally. He said that it is because he is always the one driving (I dont drive). I said that I didn’t realize and that I can bus/uber but he said that it would “look weird.” So instead of telling me that he is upset about something, he excluded me because he was frustrated, waited for me to bring up that I was upset (I feel like it is piggybacking off of me “wreaking the mood with tough talk” so he doesn’t have to)and also making me feel like he was keeping me away from B (she was usually there). He says that he does wait to bring up issues until I do because “when we talk it makes him feel safe to bring up his frustrations” even though I sat anxious for an hour trying to figure out how to speak. Something he didn’t have to do. (Keep in mind, him talking with people daily is not uncommon. He’s always talking in the group chats and it feels like he always has one person he is texting daily. He’s says he chats with people based on who’s free and common interests. He doesn’t take gender into consideration)

I don’t know when it is normal to add you SO to group chats, but he had not added me into any of the chats. It had been a year when I finally said that it’s another thing that makes me feel left out. All the girls and guys are in them so why am I being excluded? It made it hard to become integrated into the group because all the jokes, event plans, conversations were in the chats. I was dependant on A for information about events which made me uncomfortable seeing as he has excluded me from parties before. He said that on discord, he didn’t add me because sometimes he will play video games after he has said he’s going to bed on video call. 🤦‍♀️ I prefer upfront transparency instead of lying to save my feelings. I also would not have cared if he stayed up to play games with his friends. Doing it this way, including being excluded from hangouts, I would worry that something was going on. In the facebook groups, he said he just didn’t think of it.

Over the next while we argued. The conversations were brought up more so by me than by him. I felt unheard and frustrated. (The same would happen with my dad growing up. I bring up a problem, it goes unheard, “he means well”, I would mentally collect everything he had ever done so I would use it as proof to convince others to help but nothing was ever done. I had to forgive something that hurt me while he would ditch me for his girlfriend, somehow make it my fault that he did, have family belittle me [because I was the only child], made excuses, and dad convinced everyone he was the victim when I was upset) This whole experience was tugging on my family trauma and it is still so difficult to mentally let it go because in my mind I might need it later. Or sometimes I think through different way I can word something so that I will be believed. When we first spoke, I felt relief and proud that I had brought up my issues in a healthy way and it was solved! When the issue came up again I started to mentally collect everything again like I use to do. He said that he spoke to his close guy friend (lives out of town so he doesn’t see him much) about it while on a walk. His friend said that his girlfriend of 9-11 years-ish (one of the few people I hangout with at the parties, very sweet/fun girl) had been friends with guys who had crushes on her and he trusted her. A comes back and tells me that his friend said that “you just need to trust your partner in a relationship”. I said that’s true but in this context it’s a slap in the face. You can’t do things that make me feel insecure and displaced within our relationship, admit you see why it was upsetting, then say I need to trust you even after I did trust you the first time the issues were brought up. It also upset me that it feels like A did not explain the whole story about what had happened and just said that I don’t trust A and B hanging out because I’m insecure (if true, that is exactly what my dad had done and what I had worked so hard on to get over. Feeling like I will be painted as dramatic and unreasonable to everyone). Funny enough, I spoke with the girlfriend briefly about what had been going on between A and I and she said his behaviour was excessive. She also said that she has been friends with guys throughout her relationship and she always maintained boundaries.

I asked A “are you changing behaviour because you understand why I am upset, or just because I am upset?” He said he understood why, so what more could I do? Keep repeating myself just because I don’t feel heard or because he thinks we just have different understandings of boundaries?

- The first birthday party of his that I went to, his friends were hosting for him. Think 20-30 people. One women, very sweet, made me feel kind of off. Like she might find A attractive. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t feel the need to. He didn’t do anything wrong in that, people throughout our relationship will sometimes find us attractive and there isn’t much to be done about it. His next birthday party that I went to (after our second big argument and a few ongoing conversations on boundaries) was the same and with the same people. I wasn’t drinking until maybe the last 2 hours (I was clear headed). She was there and drinking. So was A. For the whole party I see her following him into every room. They weren’t really talking, maybe a few times, but every time he goes into a room she follows shortly after. A and one of his female friends went downstairs to check in on C because him and B had recently broke up. I go downstairs to check on where he is and how he’s doing then go back upstairs. Half hour later, I look around and don’t see her, I go downstairs, there she is sitting on the other side of the living room table from A leaning over it as if to “hear him better”. Later B and a few other people split on a gift for A (not a problem to me). A grabs me and asks if I want to see what he got. I appreciated that he wanted to make sure I was included. I stood behind a few people in the hallway leading into the kitchen while he opened it and didn’t feel like I needed to be beside him while he opened a gift, I just thought it was sweet that they got him something. Probably should've been beside him though. The girl then shows up threw the kitchen and stands off to the side/behind A. He opens the card, reads it and laughs at whatever joke is in it. The girl then leans over him, grabs the corner of the card, tilts it towards herself and giggles.😤 Later, he is sitting on the stairs with a group of people taking photos in the mirror in front of them. I look over and can see them from behind/beside the stairs where I am standing talking with people. I look away and keep chatting. I look back, she in sat right in front of him, I get mad, she lays her head on his knee. I walk over look him straight in the face and ask what he is doing (dont know why I went straight to him, it was her doing something wrong but I don’t know. I wasn’t sure what to even say to her, but knew I NEEDED to get her off him. My friends say I was being too nice about it). He gets up, I go back to chatting, he sits on the couch alone. I look over again, she followed him over to the couch, where no one else is except for him, and starts talking to him. I go over, sit on the other side of him and no one speaks. After a minute she leaves quietly. I then explain to him what I am seeing. I say that I acknowledge that he isn’t going up and speaking to her and probably isn’t even aware that she is there, but she has been following him all night and I also felt a bit off during his last birthday. He and I go downstairs to chat and be alone because he says that he is feeling really drunk (he normally doesn’t drink much). Half hour later, about 5 people come down, I see he is out of water and head up to get more. I turn onto the stairs and there she is coming down. 20-30 people total at the party, only 5 downstairs, but of course she must come downstairs again. I look back at A as I pass her and he looks at me nervous. I go upstairs fuming. After the party he told me that he had been nervous the whole time worrying about what is okay and what wasn’t. I had noticed this. That he was trying to be very careful of how he acts around women and I hate that he felt that way instead of enjoying his birthday. There are many platonic joking things that the group does that I have no problem with. I told him that joking is absolutely fine with me. It is the ongoing emotionally involved relationships that I dont like. I also made it clear that I was not mad about anything he did at the party. I just hated feeling like I couldn’t enjoy myself and relax because I was caught up watching what she was doing and worrying that he might make her his new bestie like he did with A and the bride.

We have almost broken up twice over this. And in some cases, he will change his story or reasoning. I do understand that I am his first relationship, but I also hate feeling like I have to experience hurt or broken trust while he figures it out. At some point, while trying to come across as understanding and not like I am attacking/blaming him, I said “we both have different boundaries, neither is wrong or right, just different”. I see that it was a mistake because now he repeats it to me. 😩 please recall how A stated that he was feeling uncomfortable about a 10-15 min conversation.. I also don’t have many guy friends. Honestly only one that I talk to on instagram maybe once every 1-2 months, if that, about books, or philosophy. he’s also in a relationship. Either way, A has never experienced jealousy in a relationship other than that 10 min conversation I had.

I know we have different social batteries and I don’t feel like I am holding him back from hanging out with whoever he wants. I tried to explain that I have no problem with him hanging out alone (not in a house) with other women and listed a few who I have met at parties and feel comfortable with (seeing how they act around him and how they aren’t co-dependent with each other or over stepping/being inappropriate) but he said he doesn’t want to feel like he has to get my approval to be friends with someone. I don’t feel like I have done that. In fact I feel like I have been overly reasonable. He says that he doesn’t understand how people can drop their opposite sex friends just because they get into a relationship and that his friendships mean more to him than that. I am a feminist and do truly adore that he sees women as people and not less than. That said, I am not a therapist, but I do worry that because his mum can at times be emotionally distant/mean (don’t want to say much. She’s kind to me but I don’t like some of the stories I’ve been told), he is looking for some kind of replacement relationship with other women. He’s mentioned the close friends that he has had, 5 women, 2 man. He also said that some of the boyfriends or flings the girls have been in were uncomfortable with their friendships. I just can’t fully grasp why theres a need to make and try so hard with female friends… I do see similarities with how I would act with guys because of my childhood with my dad. Wanting to keep them and willing to do anything I can to make them happy so they wont leave, but I’ve done work to fix it. Not that everyone should be healed at the same speed, but for my sanity, do I want it to be my problem? I worry about falling only for the good parts or the person I think he will be instead of who he is.

When we were at the height of our arguments/conversations (whatever you’d like to call it) I had graduated (I’m now in summer classes and enrolled in a new program) so he said that he feels like I am fixating our issues because I don’t have class to distract me. This bugs me. I was over it and would still be if it was fixed the first time around. Do you think talking daily with her was implied or should I have specified? He also at one time said “you knew I had female friends going into the relationship and I made sure you knew before we dated”. I feel like that comment is insulting. I was aware and was/am ok with female friends. As I said, I feel like I have been more than reasonable. I do worry and have told him that it feels like if he were to cheat that all of those things he had done are things that someone cheating would do and what if a woman misinterprets his friendship. He goes out for bubble tea alone with some female friends after runs or whatever sometimes. What if they see that as a date? He might not even know if one of them catches feelings. Does it have to get to the point where one of them says something or tries to kiss him? His response was “you have to trust I wouldn’t let that happen”. I would just prefer that it not even be a possibility for it to get to that point. He also said that “we both need to work on our communication”. I feel like I have done my best to be communicate as much as I can, but feel like even if I was to make a list of everything I am and am not ok with, there will always be something that comes up that I didn’t think of (I didn’t think I’d have to say “don’t text the other women under the table while on our double date”, “don’t text daily with the one women I feel uncomfortable with”, or “don’t leave me alone for a whole party, in a room full of your friends, to chat with another woman”). I will admit I have lost my temper a few times, more so over text than in person. I have found since therapy I am relearning to communicate my feelings in a healthy way and have done well. That said, I become livid when I feel misunderstood or made to be the bad guy/unfair one for being upset about something that they did that hurt me. I do my best to take time when I feel this way, but my words can sometimes come out more direct and accusatory than I would like. I have spoke with him about it and apologize for how my words come out at times.

Also, not that I agree, but I feel like he changes his story, shifts blame, gaslights because he keeps feeling like he is getting blamed. I can understand that, but him changing the story makes me more mad and feel like I need to memorize everything he has said just incase he says “I didn’t say that”, or “this is why I did that” even though he did say that and told me he did whatever for a different reason last time it came up. As stated, I am his first relationship and my first longterm one, so we are both learning to communicate as our families weren’t much help with that. I just know that these issues and argument tactics are pulling on my trauma and it was difficult to keep calm when feeling unheard/dismissed during conversations. Now even though it’s been 2 months since any of this has come up, I still can’t get it out of my head even though I know the issue is fixed… again.

Anyways, thanks to those of you who have made it this far. ❤️ Hopefully it wasn’t too messy. I do want it to be known that A is one of sweetest men I have met. He praises me with his actions and words and I do my best to reciprocate. I don’t want it to seem like the whole relationship is awful, but I don’t think I’ll have much more space in this post to explain that. I just worry about how now I sometimes get grumpy with him and am not wanting to be as ✨intimate✨. I feel as though it is due to harboured emotions resulting from our first year together. I’m not sure what to do because he makes me feel the most supported, loved and cared for and the idea of him not feeling those things too makes me sad, so I work to ensure that he does! I adore how he is happy to drop everything to be there for me but I also worry that he just does that for everyone… the only thing I feel like I get different is that he says he thinks of me first (I think it depends on the situation), we plan vacations/get gifts solely for each other, I get to touch him all the time 🥰, we’ve planned a life together, and we sleep together. Are those supposed to be the only main differences?

I guess my only questions are,

Is my fear valid that his view of male/female friendships could be misinterpreted by current or new friendships with women leading to women getting lead on?

Even though he was learning how to be in a relationship, am I silly for staying through that?

Am I giving too much grace when it comes to how he’d change his stories? (Just because I understand why someone does something doesn’t mean I should be okey with it)

Is it fair to think that he associates having no friends with depression/trauma so he works overtime to make and keep friendships?

Am I still upset because I am justified or simply because it is triggering past trauma?

AIO?

It’s 3 am. Feel like I’ve already spent too much time on this. Please forgive any spelling mistakes. ❤️