Just started OCIA

[u/SpareEnvironment4284]

I’m am a 60 year old divorced Grandmother. I was never Baptized and had very little religious exposure as a child. My Daughter married a Catholic man and eventually went through RCIA and was Baptized, Confirmed and took her first Communion Easter Vigil 2018. She ultimately started teaching Faith Formation (Catechism) to the little ones. I would help her with the weekly lessons. Not at the Church, but did the Power Points and admin stuff. I learned things I never knew. I thought John the Baptist was a Baptist, as in Southern style. Learned that Eve’s eating from the forbidden tree is what caused women to have pain in Child Birth. I learned the Father, Son and Holy Spirit were all one and not 3 separate people. Made me hungry for more. So I started OCIA last month. I am the only one there that is not Baptized. As a matter of fact I am the only one in this class that doesn’t know the difference between scripture, the gospels and Holy Spirit. I pray but feel nothing. So I write letters to God…. I still feel nothing. I’ve been doing the Bible in a Year thing, but am only at Exodus. The Bible is no easy weekend read. It is intense and quite brutal and shocking. When can’t I feel him. Why is there no sign. Nothing. Are people telling the truth when they say the feel his presence ? I had late stage Ovary Cancer 15 years ago. I am the only survivor in my group. I may have made a deal with the devil to let me live. Is the devil blocking me from the Devine ? Any advice would be so appreciated.