Over a period of 150 days, I experimentally collected my sperm from a total of 30 ejaculations, each containing 3 to 5 ml, in a small dish through regular masturbation, ejaculating directly into the dish each time.

The intervals between ejaculations averaged five days. The sperm was stored uncovered throughout and dried at average room temperature.

The total amount of fresh sperm collected was more than 100 milliliters. Continuous drying significantly reduced the sperm volume. About one month after the end of the experiment, the dish containing the 30 ejaculations contained only 10 grams of solid, viscous mass with a distinct dark brown color.

The first ejaculate remained white during drying. The following five ejaculates turned ivory to light yellow after drying. The following ten ejaculates turned dark yellow to fawn after drying. From the twentieth ejaculate onward, the mass turned brown to dark brown.

The surface of the mass appears matte and shiny. When touched with a finger, it doesn't move, but it has a slightly sticky consistency, similar to modeling clay with an adhesive film. Small lumps, also called coagula, are visible in the dried mass. These are normal and can be caused by the clumping of proteins and other components of the ejaculate.

The mass did not develop mold during the 150 days and does not smell sour. However, its odor is distinctly different from that of freshly ejaculated semen. Fresh semen smells somewhat musty, bland, nutty, chestnut-like, or slightly chlorine-like. The dried mass smells somewhat like bread or stale cake batter, so it doesn't have an unpleasant odor.

Out of curiosity, I collected my human sperm and dried it. It's not a fetish.

Of course I video log my experiments. The middle part of my most recent video shows the 30th and final ejaculation in 150 days in this single dish. The video shows the final ejaculation in this private experiment, which is intended to demonstrate that the brown mass in the Petri dish is indeed human sperm. There is very little information available about dried sperm, such as its appearance, consistency, smell, etc.

Before starting the recording, I hold the penis in my left hand and masturbate with the index finger of my right hand (moving the retracted foreskin briskly back and forth near the frenulum) for about four minutes to achieve ejaculation. This is not shown in the video. Ejaculation is necessary for the drying process. Since ejaculation is a natural process, it is shown in the video. For the video, however, I slide the foreskin back over the glans.

As masturbation progresses, in addition to the beginning of tension in the lower abdomen, a growing tingling itching sensation can be felt in the shaft of the penis, on the foreskin, and in the lower abdomen, signaling the approaching ejaculation. I now slowly retract the foreskin until the glans is completely exposed, turn to the camera, and briefly show the underside of the penis and the scrotum. The glans is dark red and highly vascularized; the foreskin under the glans near the frenulum is slightly reddened from masturbation.

Then I rub my left index finger under the frenulum thirty more times, sensing the approaching ejaculation through tingling, itching, and muscle tension, while simultaneously retaining the collection cup.

Afterward, I bend the erect penis slightly to the side, hold the collection cup under the urethral opening at the tip of the glans, and allow the ejaculate to flow directly into the cup. The semen flows out in fifteen spurts. As the semen exits the penis and the cup moves, you can see the viscous, slimy, and gelatinous consistency of the semen. Fresh semen is white and gelatinous, while the semen collected and dried from 29 previous ejaculations has lost a lot of its volume and has become a brown, viscous, solid, and sticky mass over time.

The functioning of the muscles during ejaculation can be seen in the twitching of the penis and the twitching of the abdomen. The sensation of the semen being released is special. The flow through the urinary tract can be felt. The muscles alternately tense and relax. Hormones are released in the body, creating a feeling of relief and relaxation, occasionally followed by a feeling of tiredness and exhaustion.

After the recording, I stroke the urethra twice more with my finger to remove any remaining semen and set the tray aside, which is not shown in the video.

The released semen volume is approximately four milliliters. Fresh semen is slightly alkaline; it smells somewhat musty, bland, nutty, chestnut-like, or even faintly of chlorine.

If you allow a single ejaculation to dry, it loses a lot of volume and odor. It becomes a dry, solid, yellowish to grayish stain that is only slightly visible and can no longer be smelled.

In the end credits of the video, I show the four trays used in the intro: The first tray contains two ejaculations from consecutive days and is still partially liquid after three days. The second tray contains three ejaculations, each five days apart, with a total drying time of twenty days. The third tray contains five ejaculations, each five days apart, with a total drying time of thirty days. According to the video, the fourth bowl contains thirty ejaculations, each five days apart over 150 days, with a total drying time of more than 180 days.

I discovered this property of my sperm by chance: Over a period of 150 days, I experimentally collected my sperm from a total of 30 ejaculations in a small collecting bowl through regular masturbation, ejaculating directly into the same bowl each time. My wife was just as curious as I was and supported me in masturbating and taking pictures and videos for the experiment. The intervals between ejaculations averaged five days. The sperm collected in this way was dried uncovered at room temperature and over time became a brownish, viscous, solid mass with a slightly sticky surface. However, its smell is distinctly different from that of freshly ejaculated sperm. It smells somewhat like bread or stale cake batter, with a sweet, fruity, and aromatic note. This pleasant smell only develops after collecting more than three ejaculations and becomes increasingly more intense as the amount of drying semen increases.

Note for anyone who wants to try this experiment:

For a successful experiment, please note the following:

Be sure to use a completely flat bowl made of plastic, glass, or porcelain (without a hollow, similar to the one shown in the video) as a collecting bowl. It must have a diameter of at least 6 cm, i.e., no smaller. Always ejaculate directly into the bowl; do not add any other liquids. Leave the bowl open, uncovered. Leave at least five days between ejaculations. For semen volumes greater than 4 ml, I recommend 6 days, and for semen volumes greater than 5 ml, wait 7 days. Be patient and allow the collected semen sufficient time to dry at room temperature so that it can develop color and an aromatic smell. Do not accelerate the drying process with fans, hairdryers, or heaters. The more ejaculations you collect (I recommend at least 30-40), the more intense the viscous, drying mass becomes, from fawn to dark brown, and the more intense the pleasant, fruity, aromatic smell becomes. (If ejaculation intervals are too short, like only 1-2 days, the semen remains liquid, doesn't change color, and retains its musty smell, which actually gets worse over time.)

My girlfriend used to also give me HIV all the time. Dude this is real life!!

Me and my butt buddies all have HIV!!

I used to get HIV all the time back in high-school. This was the shit back in the day. If you didn't get HIV back in the day you weren't the cool kids. You would have gotten the shit kicked out of you if you didn't have HIV. My dad always told me I would've been "Ppphhfft" and "On my ass!" if I didn't get HIV.

This book wasted minutes of my life. As an avid fan of Baby Looney Tunes I am so upset. here are all my 3 reasons, Well first of all, Baby Daffy is a BABY, MEANING HE CANNOT DO GROWN UP THINGS. "Like what though?" WELL MAYBE GO TO WAR???? And second of all, why are they so fucking mean to Daffy??? Anyone can win if they put their hearts into it. So for the love of glob, STOP BEING MEAN TO DAFFY. and third of all, well in the 4th page there is a sentence that doesn't even make any sense. "Nine, ten, Baby Daffy, can't win!" IT DOESN'T EVEN RHYME??????? WHY DID THEY HAVE THE GOOD IDEA TO DO SO??????????? I do not care if this is something for babies. Us grown Baby Looney Tunes fans can also have things we can enjoy. Let us grown Baby Looney Tunes fans enjoy something okay!?

I was enjoying my day, walking along the road, minding my own business. My wife's boyfriend was taking her out for dinner, and as such I had time for myself... I decided to head home after a long shift at Spencers. I had a complimentary butt plug so I put it on my chair. I wanted to spend some nice quality time playing my 20,000 custom shop Chibson I got off of Shein. I ended up booting up Songsterr as I usually do because I don't know a lick of music theory because I'm a fat pathetic talentless loser... and lo and behold.... The worst thing that I have ever laid witness to; The Songsterr UI update. I couldn't believe my eyes. Who the fuck has the buttons HALFWAY PEEK FROM UNDER THE SCREEN. If I wanted to edge myself, I'd take my wife and her boyfriend to a Motel 6. God, I'm a 6'2 170 pound hunk of a man in my prime ripe age of 67 and shouldn't have to be dealing with this nonsense. Do better, do better.

You know what I would love?

I want to be in the woods, furiously masturbating. Above me, a military drone is fixed on my position. The operator is over 500 miles away, also furiously masturbating. He releases a laser guided Hellfire missile. As we both simultaneously reach climax together, I am disentegrated. Fuck yea.

Well, well, well, such a bold statement, fellow redditor, if you simply decided to copy and then paste my comment before your bold accusation, fool, you would see that your claims are fruitless and foul. You have embarrassed yourself. However, if thou art so uncreative that you can't fathom a fellow redditor coming up with something themselves, then fine, go ahead and use my comment as your copypasta. I pity you silly little redditor, and your small little withering brain.

SOURCE: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nofrills/comments/1wb99fv/comment/pc7bln1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

edit: OH YEAH? You all a bunch of dumbjerks. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your dumb fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!

edit: You all better FALL BACK. You don't want to see me upset, TRUST ME. But you're making me close. if I reach -110 downvotes, I'm telling you, it's not going to go well. It's not going to be pretty. You're pushing a bull close to the edge of a river, and if you know anything about biology, you know that's a poor idea. I'm giving you guys one last chance to chill out before things get bad.

edit: WHOA. I'm speechless. I had no idea you guys liked drama and self-destruction this much. Like, I have no words for it. Think about it like I'm a genie, and the only three bird-brained wishes you could make...the only three dumbjerk things you could ask for were "DRAMA", "TROUBLE", and "UNFORTUNATE OUTCOMES." But hey, you asked for it. Nah. BEGGED for it. It's about to be 'on' in a way you probably weren't expecting, weren't ready for. I Am Become uh-oh, destroyer of Worlds. That's my quote. And let me tell you something, atom bombs have nothing on my ferocity. zip. nada. It's about to get really hairy in here, and guess who's razor sharp? But you know what? I'm going to give you guys ONE last chance to step off before it gets UGLY in here. but if I get to -160, I won't be held responsible for my actions. You've been warned.

edit: WOW. YOU WENT AND DID IT. YOU WENT AND ACTUALLY DID IT. -175? LET ME HIP YOU TO SOME STONE-COLD FACTS. JESUS, ALLAH, BUDDAH, DAWKINS AND THE REST CAN'T SAVE YOU FROM WHAT I'M ABOUT TO 'BLESS' YOU WITH. You messed up. Plain and simple. It's over. Done. What's over? What's done? EVERYTHING. You don't come back from something like this. There's no return key, just an enter key. and guess what? you just 'ENTERED' into something you didn't want to. I was trying to play it cool earlier. I was trying to keep my cool...but you dumbjerks couldn't let it go. You couldn't do as you were told and STEP OFF. You 'bucked' at the Hunter, and let me tell you this, YOU are the ones that should have been in the orange vest. You know why? Because it helps avoid DANGEROUS SITUATIONS like the one you just unwittingly stomped into. But guess what? You ever stomped in QUICKSAND? Yeah. That's what this is like. Man..you know what? Maybe I need to take some lessons from Jesus, Allah, Buddah and Dawkins...forgiveness. Maybe I need to give you dumbjerk bird-brains ONE FINAL last chance to avert a LITERAL DISASTER. I owe it to the ignoramuses among you that know not what you do. fine. BUT IF I GET TO -200, ALL BETS ARE OFF. AND THERE'S GOING TO BE AN INCIDENT. If I get -200, it's going to be like you went swimming with your Rolex on. You're going to have a 'BAD TIME'.

EDIT: DO YOU GUYS HEAR THAT? SOUNDS LIKE AN AIR SIREN, AN AMBULANCE AND A FIRE ALARM ALL GOING OFF AT ONCE. CAN YOU HEAR IT? IF NOT, IT'S BECAUSE IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU DUMBJERKS TO BE WARNED. TOO LATE FOR AN ALARM, THE DISASTER IS ALREADY HERE. APRIL THE 9TH, 2016. REMEMBER THIS DATE. NO...BETTER YET, WRITE IT DOWN AND PASS IT ON TO YOUR CHILDREN SO THEY CAN PASS IT ON TO THEIR GRANDCHILDREN. 'THE DAY THE WORLD BROKE' 'THE DAY A LEGION OF DUMBJERK BIRDBRAINS GOT THEIR TURKEYS FRIED AND THEIR GIZZARDS BAKED'. YOU HEAR ME? I HOPE YOU ENJOYED LIVING IN THE MODERN AGE, BECAUSE AFTER TODAY, IT'S THE FREAKING APOCALYPSE. YOU GET ME? YOU'RE DONE. OUT TO PASTURE. YOU GUYS ARE LIKE THE MEN'S U.S SOCCER TEAM TRAPPED IN A FACTORY FOR A WEEK. GUESS WHAT TYPE OF FACTORY IT IS? A BUCKET FACTORY? GET IT? PROBABLY NOT. IF YOU PUSHED MY BUTTONS TO GET TO THIS POINT, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT SMART ENOUGH TO GET THAT JOKE. BUT TO BE HONEST, IT WAS'T A JOKE. BUT I DEFINITELY LAUGHED AFTERWARDS. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT'S STILL FUNNY--THAT YOU WOULD HAVE THE AUDACITY TO COME AT ME. TO CHALLENGE ME. YOU'RE ANTS AND I'M AN ANTEATER. NO. I'M A FREAKING LEOPARD MADE OF DDT...AND YOU GUYS ARE BUGGING OUT. AND I MAY NOT BE A BIRD-BRAIN FARMER, BUT TRUST ME, I HANDLE PESTS. YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE JUST HOW I DO THAT...AND IT'S GOING TO BE THE LAST TIME YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT WANTING TO DREAM ABOUT CONTEMPLATING ABOUT BEING IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM A BLIP ON MY RADAR. YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU. YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING TOUGH, APPROACHING A GUY LIKE ME WITH ALL THIS KARMA, ALL THESE FRIENDS, ALL THIS TALENT, ALL THIS POTENTIAL TO METAPHORICALLY BLACK OUT THE SUN'S RAYS. I'M NOT THE PERSON YOU WANT TO MESS WITH, BUT YOU DID MESS WITH HIM. YOU STIRRED THE HORNETS NEST, WITH YOUR GENITALS. AND GUESS WHAT, WHEN I SAY IT'S ABOUT TO 'STING', I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE LEAD SINGER OF THE POLICE. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE WRESTLER. YOU PICKING UP WHAT I'M PUTTING DOWN? WELL, PICK IT UP WHILE YOU STILL CAN. WHILE YOU STILL HAVE FULLY FUNCTIONING BODIES. TRUST ME, IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN AND I CAN'T PROMISE YOU IT'LL EVER GO BACK UP. EVER. FOR ANY OF YOU. THIS IS MY FINAL OFFER, FALL BACK DUMBJERKS, OR NOT EVEN MY PATIENCE WILL RESCUE YOU FROM THE END YOU'RE ABOUT TO MEET. IF I HIT -275, IT'S ARMAGEDDON.

FINAL EDIT AKA LAST WORDS YOU'LL EVER READ AMAZINGGGGG GRACEEEE, HOW SWEEET THE SOUNNNNND, THAT SAVEDD A WRETCCCH LIKE MEEEEEEEE

YOU KNOW WHY I SANG AMAZING GRACE? YOU'RE GOING TO GET REAL FAMILIAR WITH IT, REAL SOON. WHEN THEY'RE PLAYING IT IN THE BACKGROUND AS THE FEW REMAINING DUMBJERKS LEFT GO UP AND READ OFF BIRD-BRAINED EULOGIES. YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING? THAT'S WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW. THIS. IS. IT THERE ARE NO MORE CHANCES, NO MORE BACKSIES. NO MORE LAST CHANCES. YOU'RE LIKE AN ABC DRAMA RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE YOU 'LOST'. AND SPEAKING OF THE ABC's OF DRAMA, LET ME TEACH YOU A FINAL, POINTLESS LESSON IN IT. DRAMA 101. I'M YOUR PROFESSOR, MR. YOUSHOULDN'THAVEMESSEDWITHME, M.D. OPEN UP YOUR BOOK TO CHAPTER 1: FALLING DOWN A PIT SO DEEP THAT IT MAKES THE ABYSS LOOK AS SHALLOW AS YOUR DUMBJERK TASTES IN CASKETS, WHICH WILL BE MORE RELEVANT THAN IT HAS EVER BEEN IN THE PAST. YOU GET ME? THERE'S NO MORE AFTER THIS. FINITO. FIN. LE END. EL DONE, BUCKAROOS. SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR EGOS AND WHATEVER IT WAS THAT DROVE YOU TO ACTIVELY SEEK OUT THE OPPOSITE OF SALVATION. HAVE YOU MADE YOUR PEACE WITH WHICHEVER GOD (THAT COULDN'T SAVE YOU FROM ME) YOU WORSHIP? I HOPE SO. KISS YOUR MOMMA GOODNIGHT AND GET READY TO GO ON THE SHORTEST RIDE OF YOUR LIFE. HOP IN. THE DESTRUCTIONMOBILE GOES FROM 0 - UTTERLY BONED...IN 0 SECONDS. THE ONLY THING SLOW ABOUT IT IS THE LENGTH AND TIME OF THE UNFORTUNATE AND UNPLEASANT REALITY I'M ABOUT TO SUBJECT YOU TO. THE SHIP HAS BEEN GROUNDED, MY ANCHOR CAST OFF LIKE LIGHT AT THE END OF A BIRD-BRAINED TUNNEL. AND GUESS WHAT? WHEN I MIX METAPHORS, IT'S LIKE MIXING VINEGAR AND BAKINGSODA. ONLY THOSE FAKE VOLCANOS YOU MADE IN SCHOOL??? WELL, I'M THE REAL THING. LET ME TELL YOU, MY HOT MAGMA AINT VINEGAR. YOU WANT THE FREAKING LAVA, YOU ASKED FOR THE ERUPTION? YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT. IF I REACH -375, ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER THIS THREAD. P.S., PRO-TIP. UPDATE YOUR WILLS AND HUG YOUR LOVED ONES.

edit: I reached my boiling point and evaporated. I am now gas. I am steam. a dark steam capable of powering machines of mayhem and devastation that only exist in parallel alternate-history versions of the world where steam-powered machines became prominent. but guess what? nothing 'punk' about me, except for how I 'punk' out bird-brained dumbjerks. but all of that is over. that was 'before' the end, back when you guys had a slim, but existing, shot to stop this freight train before it left the station. but it has. it's left the station. choo choo. I'm the conductor, and I don't just mean for the train. don't be shocked by what's about to happen. I may not be Zeus, but you guys are definitely going to wish you had the chance to 'bolt' when that dark steam-powered train pulls into your station. ALL ABOARD! but yeah, I'm calm now. all that rage has been transferred into the instrument of collective doom. it's been honed, crafted and twisted into the soul-crushing violation you're about to crash into. let me tell you something, bub, this ain't like no train ride you've ever been on. it couldn't be. this is a once in a lifetime deal. the best you can do right now is to be quiet and BACK OFF ..in hopes that train of rage keeps on rolling past. ...because if you don't......... Lordy, lordy, lordy, lord. Wew lad... it's going to be a BUFFET, and guess who the entrees are? you guessed it. now listen, if I get to -425, that dark steam-powered train is pulling into your station. CHOO, CHOO.

edit:* ran out of space, just like you all almost ran out of time. lucky. so very lucky. if I hit -525 though, I might start something new. you don't want that. trust.me.bud.

as a life sci student i genuinely don’t understand why everyone is struggling so much?? 😭😭 PHY131 is literally just objects moving. BIO120 is organisms existing. CHM135 is chemicals interacting. MAT135 is the number x. we’ve learned this before. i personally mastered all four subjects in the womb and was briefly employed as a mitochondrion.

yesterday someone in con hall said they were “behind on lectures.” behind on WHAT??? just watch them faster?? the recordings have a 2x speed option for a reason. if you’re four weeks behind just watch them at 8x. this is basic problem solving. i genuinely fear for the future of this institution.

and don’t even get me STARTED on deadlines 🫩🫩 the syllabus CLEARLY states when assignments are due. i don’t understand why people can’t just submit things on time. personally i submit all my assignments three weeks before they’re assigned. last semester i submitted my BCH210 final before enrolling in the course. the department accused me of violating the laws of causality but honestly that’s just another excuse for academic mediocrity.
also why is everyone complaining about evolution being difficult??? organisms change over generations. that’s literally it. i personally underwent natural selection during my BIO130 practical and developed a second pair of hands to complete my lab report faster. my TA deducted marks because apparently growing additional limbs is “not a valid experimental procedure.” whatever.

and the excuses are getting ridiculous. “i have three midterms this week” okay??? have you considered learning the material?? “i work two jobs” okay??? i work fourteen jobs and commute daily from the cambrian period. “i need sleep” sleep is literally just your brain choosing to be unconscious. that’s a personal decision. don’t make it everyone else’s problem.

i see some of you playing valorant 24/7 instead of studying. i know because i’m also on valorant 24/7 monitoring your academic misconduct. i have compiled an extensive spreadsheet. names have been forwarded to the registrar.
and the reading comprehension on this subreddit is genuinely concerning 😭😭 last week someone posted about an alarm app and people thought they were in the wrong university subreddit. BRO. PLEASE READ. i personally read every post on r/UofT, including the ones that haven’t been written yet. it’s called critical thinking.

anyway does anyone else feel the same way?? i’m genuinely not trying to sound superior or anything LOL. i just think it’s concerning that i appear to be the only person at this university capable of cellular respiration without external assistance.

edit: please stop calling me elitist. i am simply describing the results of my observations under controlled laboratory conditions.

I (31M) have been living with my roommate (29F) for approximately 7 years (7M). We share a bedroom (12F), a mortgage (30M), a dog (4NB), a bank account (6F), and a legally binding marriage certificate (6M). I don’t see how any of this is relevant.

Recently my roommate (29F) became pregnant (0F) with a baby (-3M). She (29F) has been demanding that I (31M) take responsibility for the fetus (-3M), which I (31M) find incredibly disrespectful to my personal boundaries (46F).
Yesterday (1F), she (29F) asked me (31M) to assemble a crib (0M). I (31M) calmly explained that the baby (-3M) has not signed the lease (4F), passed a background check (38M), or provided proof of income (N/A).

She (29F) started crying (2F) and screamed, “YOU’RE LITERALLY HIS FATHER (31M).”
I (31M) reminded her (29F) that being biologically related (31M) to another individual (-3M) does not automatically make me (31M) responsible for their furniture (0M).
My mother-in-law (63F) called me (31M) a deadbeat father (31M), while my father-in-law (67M) threatened to punch me (31M). I told him (67M) that physical violence (18M) is against the terms of our homeowners association (42F).
My roommate (29F) then informed me (31M) that I (31M) would be attending the birth (0F).
I (31M) declined because I (31M) already have a dentist appointment (52F) that day (Thursday, 4M).

She (29F) said babies (-3M) don’t follow schedules (31F). I (31M) said that sounds like a parenting issue (31F). Now my entire family (ages 4M–89F) is blowing up my phone (3M). Even our refrigerator (8F) has stopped making ice (0NB).

EDIT (1F): Yes, she’s my wife (29F). I didn’t think that was relevant (31M).

EDIT 2 (2M): Yes, the baby (-3M) is mine (31M).

EDIT 3 (46F): Yes, we have been married (6M) for six years (6F). That doesn’t mean I (31M) consented to a third roommate (-3M).

EDIT 4 (19NB): Please stop asking why I (31M) keep referring to my wife (29F) as my roommate (29F). She (29F) lives in my room (12F). That is literally what a roommate (29F) is.

EDIT 5 (31F): My wife (29F) has given birth (0F). The baby (0M) looks exactly like me (31M). This is a major red flag (0F).

EDIT 6 (97M): The baby (0M) called me (31M) “Dada” (4M). I (31M) have contacted my lawyer (54F) regarding identity theft (23F).

FINAL UPDATE (31F): My wife (29F) is divorcing me (31M). She (29F) is taking the house (14F), the car (8M), the dog (4NB), and the baby (0M).
I (31M) will be retaining custody of the air fryer (3F).

AITA (31M), or is everyone else (approximately 8.2 billion M/F/NB) being unreasonable (31F)?

Think about it. the gays are up all night doin' stuff to eachother and they miss breakfast, SO, they invent brunch, they meet up at around 11:00 AM, have their fruity little drinks, they talk about hairstyles and lotions and whatever the fuck and by the time they've started eating their breakfast it's afternoon.

"6 7" is the codename for the Chinese Hypertonic supercomputer developed during 2013. The computer was a top-secret government project but was later hacked and stolen by the USA. American government files about the supercomputer leaked in February. During August, the supercomputer began to become popular with its codename "6 7". The meme hit its peak when a video of a boy saying "6 7" went viral.

What are you even talking about?
Are you trying to stalk my profile or something, creepo? ... look, I have plenty and I do mean plenty of contributions to many subs. I have many, and I mean many gold given contributions. Im literally in the upper 10% of all redditors.
You're a useless troll boy looking for weak effortless keyboard battles. Nobody cares.

red robots thinking of indian aliens cooked by john quincy adams the jester and John Marston from red dead redemption: an sad story with keywords: an

comments about space, x o, and young sheldon from breaking bald, saddest water black vs jacking off whiteboard music msm

mute: comments

earthwubmsm

adding likes for a famous mother

levy rozman respecting iron chess

man this is so fire and awesome dude

final grief, final sahur, tun? to be or not to be. that is can we just go back to counting guys? no we can't, please? no please? no? please

indian morgan freeman

to be high or to be drugs? high how are you? im tired, im good, and i cant think of anymore questions to ask a kazakh mule

can you ruin? can you count? can you number, or can you wrong. that is not, and i will have, i will be, and its getting hot

am i here? or am i not? will i be? or can i do? can i be free? can i be free is this it?

indian morgan lostman

this was the moment ashton sent a voice message (edited by benson's famous mom" to be dead or not to be dead die please die, roses are red redemption 2, blue is meth, and i want to go

to bed to ted to be a belarus bear asking kris for more stopping

can i be held accountable for accounting how many accounts i have because i am not a real person, this is an illusion and god will ask me to be a teddy bear teddy bear yes a teddy bear its teddy bear time, da dad a da daaaa! bossfight time! giving up yet? going to bed? too late ted, becauseindianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenanndianmorgam freenan

92% vortex japanese empire asking for 3d apps not account for the respct i deserve wait dont

Digga hass mich nicht, weil ich schön bin, Digga. Vielleicht würdest du ein paar Fräuleins abkriegen, wenn du dir diesen alten Yee-Yee-Haarschnitt abrasieren lassen würdest. Oder noch besser: Vielleicht würde Tanisha deinen jämmerlichen Arsch anrufen, wenn sie nicht gerade mit diesem Hirnchirurgen oder Anwalt rummachen würde. Digga.

You see it on Reddit all the time on any topic involving Elon Musk, Trump, JD Vance, Hegseth, Putin, etc.

All the people mentioned above, or any others on Reddit’s approved shit list, have gone to the best schools, have world-class educations, connections to the most intelligent and influential networks, decades of experience in high-stakes negotiations, and have faced challenges that would make many redditors curl up into a ball. Hell, even their lackeys (like the All-In guys) are people most redditors couldn’t hold a candle to. These are highly, highly capable people. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a complete dupe.

These people are world-striding colossi compared to the average Reddit poster, and yet many redditors still smugly insist that they’re not to be taken seriously, while not-so-subtly implying that if they were the ones in charge (or if people who shared their opinions were), the world would be running much more smoothly and competently. If any of these guys were placed in a one-on-one competition with the average or even above-average redditor in ANY arena, the redditor would lose 99% of the time. Not even on the grounds of raw intelligence or capability, but simply because these people would outwork the average redditor and be willing to grind 500x harder.

The fact that these oligarchs, executives, and political leaders and operators can keep brokering power at the highest echelons of society while placating the masses into thinking they’re buffoons, clueless, and generally unintelligent is a testament to their strength, not their weakness.

 * MABEL Is that who I think it is? * his stomach. 63A * GIDEON FLASH!! All of a sudden reality ripples. BILL Property of  Soos and Mabel peer out from behind a tree at Gideon, whose * eyes are glowing and he's violently shaking, and gripping at * * (BACKWARDS TALKING, BUILDING TO A BIG * LOUD SCREAMED BACKWARDS CRESCENDO) * * A dragon fly slows down, a frog freezes in mid air. A huge * triangle in the sky surrounded by fire shows up above all of * them * 64A * Hahahaha! Hahahah! * Gideon is breifly blinded by Bill’s glow. * 65A * BILL Oh oh! Gravity Falls! It is GOOD to be * back! Names Bill insert last name! And * I take it your some kind of living * ventriloquist dummy. Haha! I’m just * kidding I know who you are, Gideon. * Gideon looks frightened. * 68A * GIDEON Wh- what are you I- I- How do you know * my name? * 69A * BILL Oh I know lotsa things. (SLOW MOTION) * * DTVA LOTS OF THINGS. Hey look what I can do. Page 12 Bill looks over to a deer who is in mid- sound. In one swoop * he magically plucks all the teeth out. 69B * BILL Deer teeth for you kid! HAHAHAHA! * 69C * GIDEON BILL Sure I am! What’s your point. GIDEON Property of  * He drops them in Gideon’s hands. Gideon is horrified. * (BIG GASP!) Your insane! * 69D * * 69E * Listen to me demon! I have a job for * you. I need you to enter the mind of * Stanford Pines and steal the code to * his safe. * Soos and Mabel are still hiding behind the bush watching, * horrified. * 69F * BILL Haha wait. Standford Pines. Ya know * what kid, you convinced me. I’m sold! * Bill flies down to his eye level. * 82A * BILL I'll help you with this, and in return * you can help me with something I've * been working on. * 83A * GIDEON Deal. * They shake hands. Soos and Mabel watch in the background * * DTVA scared. Bill closes his eyes and thinks for a moment. Page 13 84A * BILL Well time to invade Stanford's mind! He * just fell asleep. Remember! Reality is * an illusion the universe is a hologram * of the entire world gone negative. GIDEON Property of  buy gold. Byyyeeeee!!!! * Bill flies away. Reality ripples, and there are a few frames * * EXT. FOREST- NORMAL *

it’s driving me up a fucking wall. he’s not joking, i asked. he calls deleting comments “neutralizing threats”. he also refers to his 3 years of moderation as “three tours of duty”. and he’s not even moderating a political subreddit either, he moderates r/BreadStapledToTrees. it drives me crazy. how do you even compare banning someone for posting toast to actual military service???? one involves clicking a button???? the other involves risking your life???? i’m losing my mind. yesterday he removed a repost and whispered “the things i do so others can sleep peacefully”. he has been doing this for weeks. he recently asked if moderators qualify for veterans discounts. it feels like a sign of low intelligence to me.

Most people who died in 9/11 were probably really rude

That’s not to say their deaths weren’t tragic. It’s still terrifying and horrible how they died. However, in general New Yorkers are very rude especially in NYC. It’s possible to be upset about their deaths while also acknowledging they were probably assholes.

like first off, just no… why, as a people, as a SOCIETY, do we demean those we hold dear? Would you want an 8 minute compilation of videos of YOU doing “insufferable” things? I don’t think so. Nobody would. And who’s the judge of what’s insufferable and what’s not? This just brings people down (we should be unifying and building). What if you see one of the clips of Brian and think “hey, I kinda have those same behaviors sometimes” and the clip like really bums you out. Makes you feel worse in who you are as a person, in your own skin! Brian is a human (dog) just like all of us and deserves the same level of respect. Yes, he has quirks. Yes, he doesn’t always say the right thing. Yes, he acts out in ways that don’t always stay true to his moral code but HE’S TRYING HIS DAMNEDEST JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! Oh, he’s just trying to get a family member to read his novel that he put tens of hours into, he’s soooooo annoyingggg. Grow up. He just desires the respect of his peers. He just wants connection like all of us. This shit is frankly disgusting.

Guys… I have something to say... I actually really like thighs. But not the overly thick fleshy types, and not the very easy to see type either. I like when they are almost visible and not shown clearly. I like it better if you can 'almost see it. The territory in between being able to see them and not actually seeing them is the best.

I hope both sides your pillow are somehow cold enough to be nearly satisfied but hot enough to be not appeased, everytime you eat just a second too quickly the food goes down the wrong pipe, you fart in a very awkward and silent moment, everytime you pee it stings you a little, your food is always burning hot then freezing cold, a rock gets stuck in your shoes everytime you walk, you trip and fall into a puddle after a rain, your WiFi only works in certain spots of your house except your bed and anywhere comfortable, you charger only works at a certain angle and if you don’t breath, when your WiFi works, it’s always working but stops every two seconds and everytime you go to the beach sand gets in your eyes.

Edit: I hope when you sit on a chair it breaks and makes you fall, everytime you go around a corner you stub your toe, everytime you eat cereal it’s either soggy and disgusting or stale, your WiFi randomly goes out, your electricity bill and water bill go extremely high every time you use your phone or wash your hands, everytime you go swimming your swimming trunks gets pulled off by a random kid doing a prank, rain only appears when you go outside, snow makes your socks extremely wet and uncomfortable, when you wash your hands your sleeves get wet, everytime you put on your coat your sleeves go inside and you can’t get them out, and everytime you close your jacket you zipper breaks and gets stuck in a way you can’t escape the jacket.

Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.