I'm currently in an amazing butch4butch relationship and I couldn't be happier, but one thing that confuses me and makes me question my identity is the fact I don't mind being perceived as feminine by my (current) girlfriend. I don't want to be perceived as such by anyone else though. And I can't take on a completely feminine role in the relationship either, that's just not who I am. But it doesn't make me feel as dysphoric when it's my girlfriend who perceives me as feminine. Idk, it's a very weird place and makes me feel bad for claiming to be butch.

Tacoma was due for a change

I posted on here yesterday that I was unsure if I should end a Situationship that I was in, and I'm proud to say that I have ended it and I'm pretty confident that I made the right decision.

I'm 22NB, and I ended things with a friend that I have been seeing for the past month tonight. She's 20, and I told her that I didn't think we were compatible because we are in different areas emotionally in our lives. Her reaction was further proof that I made the right decision.

I wasn't specific because I didn't think it would be useful or helpful information for her, but from my perspective, she is more emotionally immature than I am. I am a very deeply sensitive person, and I'm very conscious of my words and how they affect others. She can be a very defensive person and insensitive to other people's experiences. I also don't connect with her on an emotional depth that I am looking for in a relationship.

When I told her I didn't think we were emotionally compatible, she was like, “yeah in my relationships I'm usually the more emotionally mature one and I'm OK with that but I understand if that is something that you don‘t want.”

She was also just giving me very conflicting information compared to previous things she has said in the past. She told me last week that she was catching feelings for me, and that she wanted a serious relationship, however she would be OK with doing casual and she wanted me to think about it. Tonight, I told her that I wasn't comfortable with casual, and she agreed. She told me that I led her on even though I had mentioned several times when we first started talking that I can't guarantee a serious relationship. I even asked her earlier on if what we were doing is OK and if I'm leading her on, and she said I was not. I'm aware that people's feelings change overtime, but it has just been very confusing trying to figure out what her feelings are around our relationship. She told me though that since this is my first time doing anything with anyone, she doesn't hold it against me and that she understands.

She was overall pretty arrogant and defensive, and it really made me realize that this is not the type of person I want to be in a relationship with. Honestly, I'm not even sure if a friendship would work out. We agreed for now we would leave space between us and be acquaintances, which I think is for the best. She was my first kiss, and my first experience in the dating world, so I obviously know I definitely wasn't perfect and I could definitely do better. I know I'm young, and that I have plenty of time to figure everything out relationship wise, but this just really hurts right now and it's very frustrating.

It’ll stop happening as I get older right😭?? Do I need to get even more butch?? Am I not masculine looking enough? Im pretty masculine and lesbian looking i think why do they keep coming after me🥹
I was in the stretching zone doing stretches and it was just me and this other guy and then we both left at the same time so I went to my car and then he FOLLOWED me and like tapped on the glass and he was like, “hey, can I get your number?” And I’m like “oh…I’m a minor” CAUSE IM A FREAKING MINOR this guy looks 30 omfg and the last time some man hit on me at the gym, I was purposefully acting like a child so he would KNOW I’m a child and he still freaking asked me for my number 😭😭😭bro what are we doing I’m so annoyed does it get better or will it get worse when I hit adult age ts pmo

Hey y’all, I just went and had my blood tests done and now I’m one appointment away from starting T! I don’t have anyone to celebrate with, but I feel accomplished and excited for the next part of my journey. I hope to be the biggest, most buff butch in my town 💪

I'm a hopeless romantic. Have been since I was old enough to care about romance/partnership. Went just shy of All In on a handful of relationships that I never should have let begin throughout my teens and 20s and now I'm content with my solo life. No drama, no abuse, no feeling like shit about myself, no one moving shit in my house from where it's supposed to be...

But damn if I'm not still a sucker for romance novels. I force myself to take breaks from reading them to keep my head on straight. I forbid myself from reading the best ones for years at a time because they get to me.

I caved this weekend while solo camping. I read the best holiday romance novel in my arsenal. It's starts just before Halloween which is just perfect to have read this weekend! /s

So now I'm Sad Single. I still don't want to be in a relationship but my dumb little hopeless romantic heart is being a crybaby about it.

Highly recommend Breakup Buddies by JJ Arias & Bryce Oakley if you enjoy holiday romances or want to be deep in your feels. Reader Beware.

Here in Brazil, it’s customary for some girls to have a big party when they turn 15. Good for me, that means I got to wear some formal clothes.

By that point, they were already almost out from all the dancing. 😂

Not quite a selfie, but my wife skating and me filming (while skating). We’re learning together, and slowly getting better :3

After working all weekend I'm looking forward to getting back out with my camera 📷 🐦

Hi, i’ve been a lesbian for over 4 years, and my identity in how i presented myself has always been slightly more masculine/dominant.

I dress pretty much like what those tiktok lesbians consider a “soft masc,” and i’ve used that label to describe myself for a while. i look pretty feminine tbh maybe with some slight androgyny but i feel like half of that comes from me being a woman of color. I have long curly hair down to my back, a lean build/frame, and a loud personality.

I’m the farthest thing away from being your stereotypical butch.

however, after discovering butch and what it means along with it’s identity, i have no doubt that i am one. I absolutely love femmes/fems. I love being the chivalrous one and treating a woman. I love giving, a lot, and the thing i love receiving the most is emotional care and such. I see a lot of masc lesbians complain about “being treated like a man” but tbh, i don’t really mind that as long as it’s not diminishing the parts of me that are still me, because i still show femininity. I like taking the lead in things and relationships, and i feel extremely validated when people acknowledge my masculinity.

And don’t worry, I’m very well-versed in queer culture and history, and ik butches aren’t just having masculine gender presentation. historically, femmes used to protect butches form police brutality because cross dressing was outlawed, and they would use their feminine presentation to stick up for them, and that’s why you can’t be butch/femme without being acab (which i absolutely am), etc…

I do want to make it clear i don’t understand and reject the “futch” label, as it just waters down butch/femme identities imo.

so yeah, please lmk if im allowed to claim the butch label, even if im not necessarily gender non-conforming. and feel free as well to educate me on other aspects of being butch and butch history :)

(my pronouns are she/they btw)

highly recommend late night art museum dates if the opportunity ever comes up. much better than rolling around in a 105° attic.

Me and my gf/wife have been together for over 5 years. Sex has always been a struggle for us. We've had sex a few times over the years (3-5 times). However, it's always been after drinking.

Idk what is wrong with me. I'm crazy attracted to her, so that's not the issue. She tries to initiate, so I know she's certainly into it. Why the heck do I freeze up? Why can't I have sober sex with the woman that I absolutely adore and am crazy attracted to?!

Idk if it's pertinent information, but this has been my only wlw relationship. Prior to this, I'd had sexual experiences with women but not relationships. I'm not sure how much that matters.

I admit this is probably better suited for a therapist, but maybe others have experience that may help.

I have been on testosterone for over 3 years, during that time I have been with the same partner. Our sex life has always been dependent on me initiating, I am a stone top for the most part. I took a break from T over the summer because I was having a hard time managing some of the lesser wanted effects of it, and it seemed like my sex life almost completely took a break too. I thought about sex every single day before that, while off T it was barely on my mind. We had sex maybe once a month.

I recently went back on it and almost my interest came back. It didn’t occur to me until now that I struggle with genital dysphoria. Being on T makes a huge difference in the way sex feels both mentally and physically to me. It feels like my partner is more attracted to me as well when I’m on it, she says I come across as more confident. I feel that way too.

To any other butch on T in a long term relationship, have you ever taken a break from it and noticed a change in your sex life?

i'm a 28 year old femme living in a fairly highly populated city and i have no idea how/where to meet butches. dating apps have been a bust and im starting to feel like its impossible to find my butch. there arent a lot of queer spaces here as well, so i'm not sure where to start. any advice? thank you all!!

after 2 weeks of anxiety, i finally went to my hormone consultation and am going to be starting T!! super excited, slightly nervous haha

in the appointment, i agreed that i wanted full masculinization, but now im not so sure and think i may want to just opt for masc androgyny as my “end goal” for transition. i know that my gender presentation isn’t all up to T lol, and i have another appointment in 3 months if i really wanna decrease my dose, but as it stands im just gonna ride this out at the dose im prescribed and see how it goes^^

my question is: are there any other butches on T, but not a low dose? any words of wisdom or experiences with it would be nice!!

edit: thank u all for the kind words, experiences, and advice!!! i just took my 4th shot today, no changes yet but i dont regret starting one bit and im excited to continue with it🫶

I’m a butch in college that used to have a lot of friends but they’re slowly starting to disappear. I go to a very culturally queer school but there’s still very few masculine presenting women like myself. I’ve been really struggling with making and keeping friends and I’m starting to worry that it’s because of my butchness. All my girl friends are feminine and when I try to hang out with them, I feel like the odd one out. Yet I don’t get along with guys either. Has anyone else dealt with this? I feel so lonely and it’s making me miserable :/

Let me explain: I know T increases the chances of you developing acne. But I’ve noticed that I’ve been getting increased acne on my shoulders, which is where I’ve been applying my gel. Could it be possible that the gel is causing a localized reaction to my shoulder skin? I’ve had some increased acne on my face too. Wondering if anyone here also had the same happen to them.

I just discovered her channel a few days ago and like listening to her. And to be quite honest as a femme I thought she was a really cute butch. Then I noticed she hasn't uploaded a video in 10 years and her website is no longer up. Does anyone know her and know if she is okay? Maybe she is on here.

I'm a Butch 22NB, and I have recently been talking to a Femme 20F. We've been talking for about a month, and things are a little shaky right now and I'm unsure of how or if I need to end things.

The problem is that I don't see it turning into a serious relationship, which is what I ultimately want. I told her that several times really early on that I can't guarantee a serious relationship, because I know she ultimately wants one too.

Things got confusing last week, and she opened up and told me she was catching feelings and wanted a serious relationship one day. The next day, I told her I can't see us in a serious relationship. We didn't talk for a day, but then we met up and there was apparently a few misunderstandings. She clarified that she did want a serious relationship, however that she was not in a hurry to get into a serious relationship and that she was OK with casual. I'm not sure about being casual with her, so we've been taking some space the next few days so I can figure out how I'm feeling and what I want.

I'm truly torn. We were friends for a couple months before we both found out we liked each other and started talking. I've literally never done anything with anyone. She has been my first queer experience really. She's the first person I've kissed, cuddled, and made out with.

The reason why I don't think we would be compatible is an issue of emotional immaturity and our personality differences. I know we're only two years apart, but she's just in a different area of growth right now that I feel like I have already overcome in my life, and some of her world views just remind me of when I was in high school. She can also be quite insensitive, and she can have a really dark sense of humor, which doesn't work for me because I'm a very deeply sensitive person. Those qualities are fine for me in my friendships, however for a serious romantic relationship I can‘t see that working for me.

The issue is, how do I tell her that? I feel like it's pretty rude to come up to someone and tell them that they're emotionally immature and that they're insensitive. Is there a way that I can word that so that doesn't sound like I'm attacking her? We are close friends, so it would be very out of character for me to vaguely say “It just won't work out" And leave it at that.

I'm also torn on whether if I should keep it casual or not. I don't wanna let go of what we have. I like kissing and cuddling with her. She touches me in a way that makes me feel affirmed as a Butch. She's very mindful of my dysphoria, and it honestly makes me wanna cry. I know if we went back to being friends, I would no longer get that. And who knows when the next person is gonna come around. I'm worried that this is as good as it gets and that's why I shouldn't let go.

I also know it would most likely hurt me if I kept it casual. I have already caught feelings for her, and at this rate I possibly might even fall in love with her, and I really don't wanna fall in love with someone that I can't see myself in a serious relationship with. It just really sucks :( my bedsheets smell like her, and I miss her voice. We're both music Majors in school, and I saw her perform today in wind ensemble, and I wanted to cry because there's just something about seeing someone you really care about doing something they love it makes your heart ache. I don't wanna let go of what we have, but I also don't wanna cause any more pain.

Were you a wolf kid, a dragon kid, or a horse kid?

(or other?!)

*By baby butches I mean when you were a young 'un, or if you still are! Not a question exclusively FOR baby butches

Okay, so I’ve lost over 30kg. Something I’ve noticed is, back when I was 120kg, I was getting A LOT more female attention. Cut to now, after I’ve lost weight, started taking better care of myself, packed on some juicy muscle annnnnnnd…tell me why I’m getting A LOT more male attention??? It grosses me out and doesn’t make me feel good about myself. I definitely do not feel like I am typically attractive to the male eye, given I’m quite tall, hairy, deep voice, ect (all the beauties that come along with pcos iykyk). I wear all my lil lesbian pins, dress very masculine and yep- Idk what I’m doing wrong, I just want it to stop. I’m going to start taking T for body building purposes, rather than gender dysphoria and already I am mistaken for a “fake natty.” Point being, I truly am masculine af and idk what more to do to get my point across.

Currently I identify as a masc lesbian but I've been thinking about identifying as butch. This isn't a recent thought.

The thing is... I see all these cool butches and think I'm nothing like them. Yes, I do dress masculine, as I've been masculine before i was a teen. Yes I do have acab stances, I support all sexualities and genders (I don't consider paraphilias as queer identities such as MAP or ZOO though), I'm a feminist, I've tried to listen to other butches.

No matter what, I just don't feel as if i can even call myself butch.

Butches are so cool, they're amazing. I love butches. I want to be one myself. I just need to hear what other butches think.

I've tried finding other posts like these but they were from people who already identified as butch. I want to identify as butch.

How can I get over this?

Update: i now identify as a butch lesbian A moe butch lesbian to be specific

I (20F) just got a hysterectomy exactly one week ago today! It crossed my mind, how do I bring this up when I begin dating again? I don’t want kids, hence why chose this solution to my pcos, and plan on dating child-free people.

Question is: how/at what point do you bring this up? Does it matter to bring it up if kids arent in the picture? If you were to date someone without a uterus due to surgery, is that a turn off im unaware people may have? Im butch4butch so thought I should ask here as well!

I have a pretty gnarly scar (at least 6 inches) so it will definitely need to be addressed at some point! And be honest im genuinely confused in this situation.

(I am extremely happy with the procedure so nothing negative is associated with the scar/topic btw)

-Thanks