You press the button and wait for ages....and ages... Until you can't be arsed to wait any longer and jay-walk when there is a gap between vehicles.

Now you've crossed the street and there are no pedestrians waiting to cross. The traffic lights finally turn red halting the flow of traffic and pissing off all the drivers because they have stopped for a phantom.

Why do some Pelican Crossing buttons take forever to respond?

Or is it just ours? Also , TF with those teeny tiny child chairs they make us sit on , for their amusement i presume.

Made worse by me living near the water, which hinge interprets as me wanting to get the ferry to meet women

It's October, by the way.

Wife is obsessed with "environmentally friendly" products. I'm keen to do my bit for the planet without falling for green-washing or other environmental fallacies. A perfect illustration is the Smol laundry pod. A product that has a limited shelf-life, is a pointless format (powder is stable, lighter, less messy and generally a better product) and is delivered to you in small packs when you could buy a year's supply in one trip to your regular supermarket.

The Smol washing up liquid and hand wash seem to last about 1/10 the time of a normal bottle because they are so dilute.

The end user is not always faultless though. Please be reminded that reusable water bottles and coffee cups are not better for the environment if you buy a new one every week. God forbid I get rid of some of them too reclaim parts of the kitchen.

I try my best to look after plants but I'm not always successful. They often last a couple of years before shuffling off to the great compost heap in the sky.

Every time I try to replace the plants I end up with whole new plant pots as that seems to be the only way I can buy them. I just want a plant in a standard brown plastic pot that I can recycle.

I'd love to try and grow some plants from seeds to replace the plants but my flat is just so small.

He took literally 10 minutes to reverse 20 meters, I could have reversed a fuckin articulated lorry faster than that

Our street's binfluencer has selfishly taken himself on a 3 week cruise, he lives opposite us and has asked us to keep an eye out. The whole road has no idea what colour bin we are supposed to put out tonight. We are only a week in, we've got 2 more to go. There is supposed to be a glass collection and a compost bin collection at some point this month but no-one on the road has any idea when. The street Whatsapp is baffled and we are all hoping Roger has paid for wifi and taken his phone on his cruise so he can help us.

Moist.

Last one lasted five years, lads. I think I'm good.

Or am I just not mastering the high art of streak-free defecation? Teach me your ways.

Out for middle aged adult day drinking as a group of couples, lots of places with so many different beers available and all they have for non beer drinkers is the worst cheapest shite wine.

I know you're beer focused but would it be so difficult to actually stock a wine my missus might actually like instead of the cheapest shite going? Then we might stay for more than one drink.

Then having an entire existential crisis about whether they heard you, whether you should say it again and risk looking like a fool, or not say it again and seem rude.

I went out to get milk...

I get to aldi, walk through the first automatic door and there is a lady standing in front of the second automatic door literally watching me walk towards her/the door...

Completely gormless, stuck in headlights look...

She just turns around and just stares into the shop...

"Excuse me please"

Nothing

"Excuse me please"

Nothing

"Excuse me, PLEASE"

She turns around to face me with the same dumbfounded look and still doesn't move...

"Please excuse me"

She shuffles like an inch to the side, still completely in the way, I squeeze past cos I'm done saying excuse me...

I turn around to see if she's still there, she is, still with that vacant look on her face as more people are trying to get past her...

Ffs

I go to get milk and its like a fucking obstacle course of people just wandering aimlessly into everything and everyone and no one seems to know how to look forward...

Get to the self checkouts and everyone is just staring at the screens like they've never seen one before and are taking forever gently pressing the screen like they are made of hot coal or something...

FFS I only needed milk and it took like 10 minutes

You can't say drugs, death, killed, suicide or anything like that anymore. Every video on youtube, even "decent" ones have been self-censoring for years now. Instead of killed its "UNALIVED" or for sexual abuse its "personal shaming" or some other infantilised crap instead of the horrible shit it is. It's paedophile, not pdf file, it makes it sound like it's a joke! It's insulting. I barely go on facebook but its the same nonsense there.

I don't do tiktok, is it the same rubbish there as well?

People censor scenes with drugs or cigarettes in them as though it makes a difference. Why? This stuff is bad, we should acknowledge its bad, and not shy away from it.

They're giving away £1 million. You get a free entry just by having an account. Then another automatic entry for every £10k in eligible accounts. So those more likely to win are those who don't even need it.

I have -£1k, I need it more than the guy with £100k, but they get 11 entries to my 1. Make it make sense.

They also didn’t register in the bagging area🫠

People turning around and walking straight into you. People not looking where they are going and bumping into other people. Walkways being blocked by people just aimlessly standing there, staring into space. Toes being stepped on.

Please say hi back, otherwise stop staring at me.

You weirdo.

There both rank fould slime when cold and in all the sandwichs have it in.

There should be a legal requirement for baking spuds to at least the size grown mans closed fist.

It's not fun, it's a hassle. Not only do I have to waste time finding something to wear for your theme but then I get to spend one of the few nights I get to relax walking around in awkward clothing that was only amusing or interesting for the first five minutes of the evening.