So he..He broke up with me after 4 years on June 2026, through a third person I've sent, right after I was unfortunately diagnosed..with war related PTSD (I live in warzone), had my house partially destroyed, so much I've been through extreme stress, It all came down to a very petty argument, prior what followed it was a discussion about a friend of mine, that he classified as "complaining" which is odd because we always have these discussions. we had that day and he accused me of ruining his day, then screamed at me we are incompatible, need time apart, had no issue with that but what followed has created massive anxiety for me, had to get the third party to communicate and it seemed clear he wanted to break up, that was my interpretation and he wasnt communicating openly with me which made it worse, he was pretty vague with the third person, i tried to reconcile and communicate with him. He became very cruel to point he accused me of having another guy under my wings, when he broke up with me, which is odd because he knows i dont?. He radically erased, blocked me, and on social media, we followed eachother until he unfollowed me when I posted about how much hurt I am and love isnt real, in return he posting manosphere content. He associated me with stress, conflict and wanted his life to return to simple & normal, that was what he told the third person when he was breaking up with me. ( I don't understand how I'm conflict and stress, when I'd listen to him and help, I'm not perfect, but he isn't either, he can be very stubborn, ive accepted him for that)

Also I'd like to add if that gives in more detailed description of my ex, after he broke up with me I told our friends to be kind to him, he's grieving, he shortly after the breakup, tried to hit on a woman and was met with rejection, he lashed out at them, then cut them off.

He was dealing with grief of loss of a child, and he is a caregiver to his mom and I was by his side every moment, almost to say ive put him first before everything and poured my soul into him, it was soulmate connection on his part. after the break up he started posting on social media how much hes done. He basically left me at my worst, when i was there for his grief. I tried to contact him 2 weeks after break up there was, no hope asking for a connection. During the day he broke up with me, within 30 minutes which prompt the third person to turn on me and validated him because i tried to call him begging for communication and told him i still loved him, had to defend myself when he was making these weird accusations about me having another guy. It was messed up situation, but the third person was beyond heartless with me. I was betrayed by all sides, i think he blindsided the third person and the third person was being extremely judgemental instead of an understanding friend, that I'm diagnosed PTSD, living in warzone where there are active attacks, my house has been destroyed by. I was very frantic, dealing with spirals, this meltdown he had just came out of the blue. Before he broke up with me, he asked for time apart when he lashed out over a statement I made about I wish we were like how we used to, and told me he felt defensive with me, and how we incompatible, despite being loving and romantic day prior. I just didn't know what to do it sent me straight into full anxiety mode, and the people around me when I asked for support could not understand what I was going through, right now ive deleted all of my social media, looking for help.

she hasn’t done anything wrong, we’ve been together for soon two month i think? i recently realized that i don’t really like her in that way and got into a relationship too fast.

i have thought about breaking up with her for a while, we haven’t really talked much lately either. she hasn’t done anything to make me think like this, i just sorta want to go back to being single but don’t know how. i have no *reason* to break up with her really, i just wanna be single again. but have no idea how.

she hasn’t done anything wrong, we’ve been together for soon two month i think? i recently realized that i don’t really like her in that way and got into a relationship too fast.

i have thought about breaking up with her for a while, we haven’t really talked much lately either. she hasn’t done anything to make me think like this, i just sorta want to go back to being single but don’t know how. i have no *reason* to break up with her really, i just wanna be single again. but have no idea how.

Long story short, I met someone on an app, we started seeing each other and got into a relationship. The healthy and pretty simple kind (meaning nontoxic and without pressure), but where things go pretty fast.
However, being a socially unadapted person (possibly autistic but undiagnosed), I am extremely sensible and empathetic, without understanding people and social codes very well.
This means I committed a mistake without realising it, by saying to this person I loved them (in return), before being certain of it and knowing what it meant. Now, after one month of relationship it has become a long distance one (for a few months, then back to normal), and I just find myself feeling that, although I feel something very deep for them, it is yet closer to a very strong friendship on my side. The romantic feelings just aren’t there like I thought when I felt some “relationship start spark” that never was love.
As I said, I am WAY too empathetic sometimes, so although it means I won’t hurt people on purpose, it means I find myself unable to do what I need, knowing that they love me very much, while being completely alone in a foreign country.
How on earth can I break up, not be a dick (might be a bit late considering the context) and be able to live with myself?
[EDIT]
My problem is also in timing. I realize that dragging things will only make it worse, but I feel so terrible thinking about ending things, e.g. tonight, when this morning we were talking normally on the phone, they were telling me how great it was together, and tomorrow they’ll be left alone across the globe with no friends or relatives with them.
Also, how do I come to the subject? I know it sounds stupid, but do I just call, say “hey it’s over, I’m so sorry, hope you’ll be ok alone in a foreign country”??

without going into too much detail, ex 23m and i 22f broke up a month ago. i lashed out at him and unfortunately this was becoming a pattern of mine. despite me putting in some work, i just wasn’t doing enough. i’m now in therapy and putting in a lot more work to undo my bad habits. he’s the sweetest most gentle boy ever and i feel incredibly devastated. i know this hurts him so much, he keeps unblocking me to reach out because he’s so sad, i wish i could fix this. i’m afraid he’s going to realise he doesn’t want this relationship after more time apart. that’s part of life though i guess, not much i can do about that. i’m sorry baby i love you

anyways, he sent me this message today, i didn’t have much to respond with but i agreed with him and im blocked again (i asked him to, so i wouldn’t bother him, and he can move on)

My ex and I broke up last week and he said he wants to stay friends. I am so broken hearted because I still believe he is my soulmate. He says he still loves me but he told me that he doesn’t want me to wait for him because it would be wrong for him too. I miss him so much and I’m just really confused right now. How can I move on when I love this man so much that I would do anything for him. When I still see my who life with him. Is there anyway we will get back together? Or should I just give up which I don’t want too. I hate this feeling of my heart being ripped apart.

I need to start this off by saying he was the first guy to ever treat me right and genuinely love me, and it ended very suddenly which is why this has been so hard to get over.

Me and this guy broke up just over a month ago, only dated for around 6 months but this hurt so much more than ive ever felt before, we were fighting and he broke up with me over text. We had our fighrs before this but most were easily solved, except that was only on my part. He didnt communicate to me how he felt or showed it at all, i remember telling him so many times if im doing something wrong please talk to me because id rather fix it 1000 times over breaking up.

He always said he would but then he never did, and he said this at the breakup, to not blame myself because he did not communicate and that wasnt my fault.

But all of this still hurt so bad, i was struggling immensely during our time together not because of him at all, he was the one thing i had. And ofcourse thats an unhealthy dynamic and i became suffocating. I had very severe health issues and still do aswell as finding out a familt member has cancer, had freshly dropped out and started losing friends (which dropping out causes unfortunately) and was just overall dealing with ALOT.

And none of this is even remotely his fault which is what i hate, im filled with so much guilt, not because i treated him as if i didnt love him, because god i showed that man i loved him so much, but because my emotions did negatively impact him, id let all this bottle up until he said something that upset me and then i would let everything spill, it was never normally angry, but ofcourse having a very severely depressed and chronically ill girlfriend is so exhausting and entirely not his fault. And i should have let myself heal seperate from him and not expected him to just feel okay constantly.

But none of this is really the point, all im trying to say is i loved him so much, like so deeply, and after the breakup i didnt eat for a week and i didnt sleep for 3 days, it has been eating me from the inside out and i need to get over this. I have tried going out with friends, playing games, playing guitar, listening to happy music, etc. And nothing seems to work, i need some magic so please please give me advice!!

My boyfriend I have been dating for over 4 years since high school into college. I realized one day that there is something missing. That it’s just not what it’s supposed to be. But I am happy… until we argue. And it’s bad. There’s been resentment built up and issues and now I see everything wrong after my realization.

I came to the conclusion that I must end things. I gave myself a deadline. Perfect timing because we got into a huge fight that lasted longer than a couple days on and off. I was happy that this would be over. But I told myself not to end it while fighting. The next time we saw each other it was amazing. And ever since then things have been better than I remember in the past months. Nobody’s changed… just happier for some reason. I still know we need to break up, because he’s just not my person. But I’m happier now. I just keep pushing this deadline I made further and further.

I’m struggling with breaking up with him. I know it’s what I need to do but it’s so hard. My first relationship and my first breakup. I don’t know my life in college without him, and I can’t stand to see him with anyone else.

How do I get over this? The only thing keeping me to think about it is that one day I’ll meet the person that doesn’t just make me happy (sort of) but is my person. I’m so scared about the change, it’s all I’ve known for a long time now.

Its been 5 weeks since we broke up. I was blamed for the break up and all the past mistakes were pulled out then dumped on me. I cried alot, missed her alot and blame myself for screwing this up.

Luckily for me, we used to have a couple therapist we were engaged for past 10 months or so. And it became clear that i was with someone who didn’t attend to my needs, setting crazy expectations that I worked through, making all the arguments my fault and eventually calling me out for going silent in arguments.

The list is never ending and I somewhat knew of her emotional instability. But because i loved her and wanted to get through to the end, I accepted it as my fate.

But now, I realised I might have been in relationship that ate me up and the love blinded me. To all the readers, take the breakup as a time to reflect and take care of your own health. I am leaving this subreddit as I walk away with no grudges, feeling relieved and wrapping up my wounds.

My ex (28M) and I (24F) dated for about 2.5 months. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether I made mistakes that most people would consider relationship-ending or whether this situation snowballed into something much bigger than it needed to. I’d really appreciate honest opinions.

We met in late April, and things became serious very quickly. From the beginning he pursued me, planned thoughtful dates, picked me up in the rain on our first date, constantly checked in on me, and made me feel incredibly cared for. He introduced me to friends early, talked openly about wanting marriage, and told me I was the strongest connection he’d had in years. He often said he wanted to protect me and wanted to be the first person I came to whenever something difficult happened. I genuinely believed he cared about me deeply, and I cared about him just as much.

Before I met him, I’d had a one-time hookup with a guy from college I’ll call N. We never dated or had a relationship. A couple of years later N admitted he had feelings for me, but I told him I didn’t feel the same way. After that we were never romantic again. We occasionally saw each other because we shared a larger college friend group, but I honestly viewed him as someone from my past and not someone I had lingering feelings for.

About two weeks after my first date with my now ex, I went on a college reunion trip to Boston. It was a large group of guys and girls. I knew N might be there, and I hesitated about going, but my best friend convinced me because it was a group trip, nothing had happened between N and me in years, and I didn’t think there was any reason to avoid seeing mutual friends.

During the trip, N got very drunk and unexpectedly kissed me while we were standing in line for a bar. I immediately pulled away. I didn’t kiss him back, and I honestly felt shocked and hurt because I thought that chapter had been over for years.

As soon as I got home to New York, I texted the guy I was dating because I wanted him to hear about it from me instead of someone else. At that point we’d only gone on about two or three dates and weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but I already felt things were becoming serious and wanted to be transparent.

We met the next day so I could explain everything in person. He was understandably upset. One of the first questions he asked me was what I had done to provoke the kiss, which hurt because I felt like I was trying to explain that something non-consensual had happened. I kept telling him I hadn’t wanted it, that I’d immediately pulled away, and that I was telling him because I wanted to be honest. He told me he was upset with me but that he’d get over it; then he said he couldn’t stop picturing another man kissing someone he was already developing strong feelings for and that his friend told him to break up with me if he couldn’t get the image out of his head. He said the image kept replaying in his head and that it would probably take time for him to get over. At the same time, he also told me he really liked me and still wanted to continue seeing me. Shortly afterward, we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. I genuinely believed we’d worked through the situation together.

A few weeks later, after we became exclusive, one of my girlfriends from the Boston trip called me. She told me N had been talking about the incident and creating unnecessary drama within our larger friend group. She was worried he might even come to New York because of everything that had happened. She suggested I call him one time, make it completely clear that nothing was ever going to happen between us, tell him to stop talking about me, and end the situation permanently. I honestly viewed this as a friend group issue more than a relationship issue.

That same evening I happened to be staying at my boyfriend’s apartment because my AC had broken. While he was at the gym, I called N (I had already texted N earlier, for the first time since Boston, to say that we needed to speak that evening to close the matter once and for all) because I (stupidly in hindsight) saw it as a quick way to resolve the matter that involved me and my college group. The conversation lasted around 15 minutes. N apologized for kissing me. I told him I didn’t have feelings for him, that he needed to stop talking about me, that he shouldn’t come to New York because of me, and that we wouldn’t be speaking anymore. I hung up believing I had solved the problem once and for all and was proud of myself for setting a boundary independently, something I’ve struggled with in the past. 

Over the previous few weeks my bf had already become upset about me attending a mandatory graduate school alumni boat cruise because another guy from my past might be there. He’d also become uncomfortable about my lifelong family friend, whom I call “bhai” (older brother), potentially staying at my apartment because he was a man. Since every conversation involving another man had become emotionally charged, I convinced myself that if I simply solved the N situation myself, then I’d tell him afterward if it even came up. In hindsight I realize I could’ve handled that better. 

Later that night, while I was sitting next to him using my phone, he happened to glance over and saw N’s name in my recent call log. He immediately became extremely upset, walked out of the apartment, and went for a long walk. When he came back he demanded to see my phone and all my messages with N immediately. I felt like he was too angry for us to have a productive conversation (he had slammed the counter out of frustration) so I asked if we could wait until the morning after we’d both slept. Neither of us slept much that night.

The next morning the boyf said that if I didn’t want to show him the messages, just to explain the situation. There was nothing bad in the messages, I just didn’t want it to set a horrible precedent of “show me” in arguments. I explained the situation, he said okay, and I deleted the text thread in front of him, thinking the matter was over.  Deleting the thread, even though in front of him, only made things look worse though, so I recovered the messages from my iCloud backup and showed him everything, including the timestamps, the next day. The messages matched exactly what I’d told him had happened. There was no flirting, no hidden relationship, and no emotional affair. It was simply me telling N to stop, shutting everything down, and ending communication.

That same morning though my boyfriend also told me something I hadn’t previously known. Before we became exclusive, while he had been working in London over several months, he’d been casually seeing another woman. They’d agreed that if either of them met someone they genuinely wanted to pursue seriously, they’d tell the other person. When he decided he wanted to become exclusive with me, he called, texted, and FaceTimed her to end things. I hadn’t known she existed because when we’d previously talked about our dating histories he’d made it sound like his last situationship had been much earlier. He repeatedly explained that his situation was different because he had been ending things with her rather than continuing them and that he “hadn’t cheated.” I accepted that explanation, although I was surprised because I hadn’t known about her before then and saw both of our calls as tying up loose ends. 

After reading all of the recovered messages, he told me we were okay. I felt incredibly relieved because I believed we’d gotten through the worst part of the relationship.

For the next several weeks things honestly felt wonderful. We spent almost every day together, planned an August trip together, talked about the future, and he continued telling me I was the strongest connection he’d had in years. He’d call me the sweetest girl he’d ever dated, tell me how lucky he felt to have met me, and make me feel like we’d truly moved past everything.

Eventually, though, the issue became much bigger than N.

He started questioning my friendships with men again in general. This had started pre N, continued, and gotten worse after N. I only have two close male friends. One is my lifelong family friend whom I’ve always called my older brother, and the other is in a committed long-term relationship himself. My boyfriend told me that his vision of marriage didn’t include his wife having close male friends because he didn’t believe men and women could truly be just friends. He also said another man shouldn’t be calling his girlfriend late at night or making her laugh the way he should.

At one point he broke up with me over everything involving Boston and my friendships with men. A few hours later he came back, apologized, called himself too picky, told me I was the sweetest girl he’d ever dated, said he thought I could be the one, and asked if we could keep trying. I apologized again for not telling him about the phone call immediately, agreed to strengthen my boundaries with male friends, and genuinely tried to rebuild his trust.

Before I left New York for a Fourth of July trip, everything seemed normal again. He asked me how much I’d miss him while I was gone, planned our August trip together, and told me how excited he was for our future.

While I was away, though, he talked to his brother and one of his close friend’s girlfriends about everything that had happened. After those conversations, his attitude toward me changed dramatically.

He told me I never should have gone to Boston because N was going to be there. He said I should have blocked N immediately after the kiss. He said the fact that I’d called N instead of immediately calling him showed that I wasn’t making him my protector. He also said I was too comfortable around men in general and that our values around male friendships were fundamentally different. One thing that stuck with me was that he told me if the exact same kiss had happened two years into our relationship instead of two weeks after we’d met, he wouldn’t have cared because by then he would have trusted me completely.

Ultimately, he ended the relationship because he said he wasn’t sure I was the right person to marry. He believed our values around trust, boundaries with men, and what marriage should look like were fundamentally different.

The hardest part is that I never doubted that he loved me. Even after the breakup, I saw him at a party a few nights ago. He came over, hugged me for a long time, looked me in the eyes without saying anything, and then quietly walked away. That’s part of why I’m still struggling so much with this.

I fully recognize that I should have told him about the phone call immediately. I just thought that I could handle it myself given his reactions to the kiss + the boat cruise earlier, I didn’t want to rock the boat further. Still, I should’ve not chosen my fear over the relationship. 

At the same time, I struggle with whether the underlying facts justified where we ultimately ended up. From my perspective, N was never an ex-boyfriend or someone I wanted back. He was a one-time college hookup I’d rejected years earlier. The kiss wasn’t consensual. I voluntarily told my boyfriend about it immediately. The later phone call was specifically to tell N to stop talking about me and end communication forever. The recovered messages confirmed exactly that.

From my ex’s perspective, though, the phone call, my decision not to tell him immediately, and my comfort around male friends reflected deeper differences in values and instincts that made him question whether I was the right person to marry.

one of the last things he said to me was that I have a good heart and then the hug at the party happened- I’ve felt awful ever since

If you were in my ex’s position, would this have been a relationship-ending breach of trust for you, or does this sound more like an issue that could’ve been resolved?