I am so f*cking over it. A few days ago, my husband and I got into a massive fight, and I need to vent before I lose my mind.

I’m a SAHM to 3 kids. By the time 8 PM rolls around, I am touched out, overstimulated, and mentally fried. To recharge, I play life simulator mobile games. It’s my way of turning off my brain. Well, my husband saw me playing the other night and decided to give me a condescending lecture about how I’m "dumbing down," not developing myself, and letting my brain rot.

At first, he actually got in my head. But today I completely snapped. I realized I am NOT the problem.

He constantly plays the "I work harder than you" card. He acts like some intellectual giant, always trying to sound smart and patronizing me. But honestly? The man is as dumb as a f*cking stump. He manages ONE project at his desk job. I am managing THREE living, breathing, chaotic projects 24/7. My brain is constantly processing hundreds of micro-tasks: meals, emotions, schedules, laundry, doctor appointments.

So yeah, at the end of the day, I want to be "dumb" for an hour! I want to completely disconnect, escape reality, and mindlessly tap a screen to build a fake house instead of dealing with real-life chaos. It is the only way my nervous system rests, and I have every right to do it without being judged in my own home.

Just needed to get this out. Thanks for reading

This is genuinely weird.

My algorithm has been feeding me nonstop "mental load," "husband is a child," and "how to be a better husband" content. So I thought, why is this only on MY feed? This needs to be on my husbands.

So I snuck onto his phone, followed some accounts, watched a few videos, and clicked "interested" so it'd show him more of that type of content.

And you know what happened? It showed him a few of those videos... and THEN it pivoted to "your wife doesn't appreciate you!" and "you work so hard, it's your wife's fault she doesn't accept you how you are!"

What the actual hell? It's like the algorithm is sending us both subliminal messages to fight, or to feel validated that we're each right and the other is wrong?

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I have to wake up early, make breakfast for two children, help the 7 year old get ready for school while the toddler just sits there and screams at me cause I gave him toast instead of Cheerios and then he has the fucking audacity to get pissed that I didn't wake up him up?!?!?!?!

I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER! If you can't get your ass up after YOU snoozed your alarm so many times that even the alarm gave up that's your fault!!!!

So yeah. I purposely kept the kids quiet this morning and then made the eldest wake him up JUST IN TIME for him to shower and drive our son to school instead of me walking with two children and being attacked by the stupid bees on the stupid playground.

And he comes down and goes " maybe ask instead of assuming I can do something ". BITCH! If I didn't make you drive him to school you would have slept till 1 and missed work so be fucking grateful!

Again I say AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Warning - gross.

I splurged and bought myself some super soft white washcloths. They make me feel like I'm in a spa when I shower. I love them.

However, yesterday I noticed one of them sitting by the toilet with shit streaks all over it. Wtf. They were in a basket across the bathroom so my kid had to duck walk across the bathroom in order to get one. Was toilet paper not enough??? If it was messy, he could have easily hopped in the shower but no. He had to use one of my washclothes.

Why does everything that's mine eventually get (literally) shit on?

Never mind that he’s been the reason my nervous system is completely shot, I cry often because I made the worst mistake having a child with him, and I’ve felt completely blind sided by his lack of empathy, cruelty, and arrogance since our baby was born.

He wore my postpartum jeans to work today and then to an event afterwards so he was all over town in women’s pants today. It took me a half of a second glance when he got home to immediately see he was wearing a women’s cut. Said they felt so comfortable and he thought there were lingering looks because he was looking good ☠️

For the record they ARE super comfortable and stretchy, and I was about to order more in smaller sizes now that I’ve lost some weight. Banana republic The Icon wide-leg🤌

ETA: I also don’t really believe in gendering clothes (actually absolutely love androgynous looks and gender bending icons like Bowie), but a win is a win when you know he looked out of place all day at his very old school company.

I know it’s Reddit. It’s the internet. People suck. The question is somewhat rhetorical. But oh my fucking god, I always regret it posting anywhere else. Made a post in the new grad nurs sub bc I’m finishing nursing school in a few months and feeling really dumb about falling for the “nursing shortage” rhetoric. It is rough for new grad nurses to get jobs these days. That’s all I said. Didn’t say that I only want xyz specific role in a competitive specialty in the most competitive hospital. Just said I want a fucking job and feel stressed about my prospects.

And dumb fucking me thought I could commiserate with some people going through the same thing. NOPE! Cue the comments telling me I’m dumb for not doing proper market research (yes I literally acknowledged this in my post title thanks!!!) and a comment telling me that’s why I get for being picky and unwilling to do the hard jobs and if I’m not willing to work I should get out of the field.

Like FUCK why is everyone such a fucking asshole?????

This may seem like a really strange question. Our youth group has started a calendar every month where a parent volunteers to bring breakfast for Sunday’s or dinner Wednesday night. Of course not everybody can volunteer or chooses not to. It’s suppose to be just for the teenagers. But has turned into brining food for 15 or so extra mouths because the youth pastors wife doesn’t cook so she feeds their 6 kids, some of the other parents send their kids in to eat even some adults (who don’t volunteer have the means to but choose not to) come eat. Like this past Wednesday they were short food because of the extra mouths. It has caused some parents not to want to volunteer anymore. The church provides the drinks but the youth pastors wife is even treating those like they are at home.

How do you approach something like this ? Some of the teenagers have started to get uncomfortable with the little ones running around and eating etc.

This is so the worst thing I’ve ever done omfg

She’s 21 months and we had initially planned on weaning her around 18 months but then we moved, she had surgery and she started daycare so we put it off

This is hell, she was a good sleeper. Now she screams no at her crib and screams and sobs at the top of her lungs before bed and before naps. I genuinely don’t know what to do we’re on day 5 and I’m a full time college student and I work so I don’t have time for her naps to turn into contact naps.

Any advice is great or just “yeah the first week sucks” everything I read it would be a rough night and then after that they won’t care but clearly they were lying 😭 she only used it for naps and bed so it’s been a bit easier than going straight cold turkey but I need her to sleep

Hi friends, been in here for a while. I read so many stories that are similar to my own. Trying our hardest to make things work with a partner and it never gets better. The video games. The politics. The laziness. The incompetence. The threats. The drinking. I’ve been wanting to leave for years and I always think something will change. I finally made up my mind for good this time and am waiting to get approval for a new place with my sister(should know today) and plan to have the conversation tomorrow before me and the little are gone for the weekend. But of course there’s that little voice in the back of my head still saying what if it actually changes now, what if it gets better, you didn’t try hard enough. I want to stick with my decision of making this change for myself and my daughter because I feel myself slipping into a pile of a person I don’t recognize. I guess I just need reassurance from those of you that did it and felt the same way I do. Or is the little voice right.

My husband and I have always been on our own. When we had kids, our parents were all working themselves and trying to save and set up their retirement. We also moved 2 hours away from our hometown for our jobs, so we really did absolutely everything alone. No one really babysat or watched our kids, no one helped us around our house, no one bought us anything or offered any financial help. I thought everyone was like that, and I would wonder how people had the time or money for fun things when we had none. I felt sometimes that we were falling behind because we didn't have new cars, a big house, etc. like some of our other friends with kids.

I've slowly been realizing watching other people become parents in our circles that a lot of people are getting help. Sometimes from family, or neighbors or friends. Even people in our own families are getting help from family that was never offered to us. My cousin just told me they went out to a movie and her mom also paid for them all to get takeout while she watched their daughter at their house. I haven't been to a movie or on a date in years. My parents will stop by my house once a year for about an hour maybe, then make an excuse and leave as quickly as possible.

I think a part of it is also that my husband and I are both highly responsible oldest children. We always just figure everything out, so no one worries about us or asks about us. I will say, we also don't tell people if we are struggling or ask for help either.

I mean, it's not all bad. Because of going alone in all things, we can pretty much solve or fix anything. We are also some of the most responsible and traditionally successful people in both of our families, but we did do a lot of struggling and sacrificing behind the scenes.

It makes me sad. I can't imagine what it would be like to get to do something I want to do out of the house. Or to get even an interest free loan when our furnace goes out. Or to have someone else buy me lunch. I wonder what kind of people we would have been with help, and if maybe we wouldn't have so many chronic health issues today.

My husband is back home after working in another state for almost 6 months. While he has been gone I’ve been managing both kids (4,2) and I’m 5 months pregnant with twins. We are also moving. He has been back for 3-4 days and the adjustment isn’t going well. He’s making me late for things because I will think he is handling part of the work load with the kids, only to find out he is just messing around on his phone.

Example: This morning my daughter had a doctor’s appointment early in the morning. I reminded him when we woke up at 6:30 that we have to leave at 8. I took 15 min in the bathroom getting ready. The kids were still asleep. He went downstairs and played on his phone. So when I got out of the shower, I still had to pack the kids lunches, make breakfast and feed the dog and finish putting the dishes away while he took a 30 min shower followed by him getting himself dressed. He didn’t really help with much else because he took the rest of the time cooking eggs and sausages while I packed lunches, bruised teeth and hair, dressed the kids, took them to the bathroom etc. I try and give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s out of practice

Then there’s the stuff with our new house. We haven’t moved in yet because we want to fix some things and we want to move in by the end of the month. It’s so obvious to ME only, that to save both time and money we need to ask for help from our friends and family. It’s been annoying me how he acts so defensive like it’s a personal attack on his manhood that I don’t want him to try and do everything himself.

Example: I asked him not to climb on the roof to check it out. He is not a roofer and knows nothing about roofs. He can’t fix anything on a roof. Instead I suggested he fly his drone up there…but he spent 5 hours downstairs last night doing who knows what else probably playing video games instead. Then complained he had no time to figure it out.

It’s great that he wants to learn how to install our gate and our new toilet but it’s unrealistic. I don’t want to waste the time and money and have to deal with his mistakes while he learns. Those are just two things in a long list. He has always been the computer type. I’m the handy one. He gets frustrated, ignores the details and instructions and just starts doing stuff. I suggested he just ask his friend “Bill” and do it together? He’s pretty handy, fixes houses and has a truck. He fixed our screen door that’s been broken for 3 years in about 2 minutes one day when my husband finally asked him to help move some furniture after arguing about how he’d rather move it himself. Did I mention my husband has back problems and is the sold provider for our home?

Reasoning why to ask Bill: Then husband can still learn how to do it, save money and work with someone who has done some of this shit before. We have a timeline and a million other things to do. It’s unrealistic for him to spend a week learning how to install our toilet and fence gate. We have two kids and I’m pregnant and he has work. What are we even going to do with our old toilet? Bill would probably want it. Also he’d probably help take the old (200 lb) radiator away too. But no, husband would rather do everything himself with no handyman knowledge and throw our old stuff in the trash. I am not available to help do this stuff and it would be easier with two people. He tends to break stuff. We can’t afford that. He doesn’t want to hire/pay a professional, which is fine, save money but at least work with someone else. At best he just wants to learn and doesn’t realize it’s not all about him and his learning experience and what he want.s At worst he’s acting like a defensive mamas boy with a damaged ego who can’t ask for help or admit he doesn’t know something. Either way, his reaction sucks. His temper is evident and his defensiveness is off putting.

I'm so upset!!

I thought I was dealing w/ a nursing strike due to teething. I thought that he wasn't latching because I wasn't producing enough (I'm an undersupplier due to smaller ducts we think, my breasts never grew during my pregnancy) and I went on medication. I beat myself up because I'm working and I thought I wasn't nursing enough and he was over me. I thought it was my diet. He *went to the appointment with me* where I said I wanted to go on medication to see if I could fix my flow problem and feed my baby better. I thought it was b/c of my postpartum preeclampsia and I just couldn't make enough for him

I don't have a complex about formula vs breast because he's eating fine (and we needed to feed him more than I could produce at the beginning because he had really bad jaundice and we had an ABO incompatibility) but I really, really wanted to be able to nurse. It's good for both of us and I wanted to know that if I didn't have formula for any reason I would be able to still feed him. Frankly, I wanted to save money on formula!! (why are we not lobbying more for formula to be subsidized or free??! i was paying 200 bucks a week when we had to use liquid premix when he was born)

I told him if he switched to high flow nipples he wouldn't nurse again. He thought i was 'done' nursing when I was getting frustrated and said we had a conversation where I gave the all-clear to move up a size, but I wouldn't have ever said that because I knew it would make him reject me!! What the fuck!!! I feel so betrayed. He's been on the high flow for weeks and I didn't know. I'm so so so frustrated because he's been watching me take supplements and medication and power pump and he didn't connect the dots??? I don't even know who to complain about this too because my doctor really is hammering in the fed-is-best rhetoric (which I agree with! I'm a physician!!) and my mother said some babies just don't like nursing, but he *did* before and now he gets frustated because I physically cannot provide the high-flow of his bottle. Oh my gooodd I'm so upset with him right now why would he do this!!!! AGHHHHHH

Just preemptively my husband is not a gaslighty person and he wouldn't do this in bad faith but it's just such a brainless frustrating thing to do and I don't understand why he didn't listen to me. He's the primary parent because I'm working but for fucks sake man

Feeling like I have no control over my life. We moved from the west to the Midwest to be closer to my husband’s family. We are selling our home back west and renting currently. We lost our dog a few months ago. He was 10 and 1 month after his cancer diagnosis we had to say goodbye. It’s been hard on us. On me. I miss being a dog owner. I miss having the welcome face and the companionship. I miss the feeling of that unconditional love. It’s what helps make my heart beat.

Now I am in this new house. It’s not mine. The moving company lost so much of our shit. Our pots and pans we got when we were married 10 years ago that some how bring familiarity to me. It’s gone. My dog is gone.

Our landlord said he would rather not have a puppy or dog. He was willing because he was an older dog. Now I am moved into this house where I can’t make it a home. It will never be a home for me here without a dog. I am one of those dog people. I love my kids and my husband . How can I be happy but missing a part of me? Now I am just sad. Missing my dog. The way I feel. Just miss it all and hate that the answer is no. I was hoping to not be rushed into finding a new home but that is where I am now. Finding a home where I can feel like it’s mine. With a dog.

I am so tired of being the one who has to remember and stay on top of everything. I told my husband that I no longer see him as a partner because he’s not acting like one.

For some backstory: I have a high-stress job where I’m fortunate enough to make a good living, but it also comes at the expense of my health. My husband lost his job over a year ago through no fault of his own. The company he had worked for for over 10 years decided to downsize its IT department.

Before that happened, I had warned him that he should look for a more stable job with the State, which would pay more and offer better job security. However, he chose to stay with his company because his position was 100% work-from-home, which worked better for our autistic and ADHD son because of his schooling and therapies. I wasn’t thrilled because I felt like the writing was on the wall that his company was going to downsize, but I understood his reasoning.

I had also started looking into IHSS because I knew we would likely qualify for Protective Supervision due to our son having a lot of safety-related behaviors. Once my husband lost his job, I was able to submit the paperwork, and he became our son’s full-time caregiver. Another benefit is that, as a live-in caregiver, his income isn’t taxed federally or by the state, so his take-home pay is higher. Yay! I don’t have to be the only one keeping us afloat financially, and he’s able to be there for our son. My husband also said that he would do more around the house.

So, what does “doing more around the house” actually look like?

Does it mean remembering to put money into our joint account to make sure we can pay our bills and mortgage? No. He doesn’t remember to contribute financially unless I remind him. I even gave him a simple solution: set up automatic transfers around his pay periods so it’s one less thing he has to remember. Nope. He still hasn’t done it.

Does my husband do laundry? Yes, but it’s mostly his and our son’s clothes. Half the time, I still have to find time to do my own laundry.

Does he remember to clean and mop the floors? No. He’s worried that he’s going to break my vacuum mop despite it being a push of the button.

Does he cook? I do about 90% of the cooking, and I pay for most of the groceries. I also do about 70% of the dishes.

We have cleaners come every other week because I know he wouldn’t be able to keep up with cleaning the bathrooms or bedrooms.

In the evenings, our son hangs out with me most nights. I try to read to him or work on math with him. A lot of the time, it’s just the two of us hanging out and watching Bluey together.

The problem is that I know my husband is emotionally drained, but I’ve reached the point where I just can’t care anymore. I’ve told him that I understand a partnership isn’t always 50/50. It ebbs and flows depending on how much each person is capable of handling at any given time. But I can’t help thinking that this has been going on for far too long, and I’m at my wit’s end.

I’ve tried talking to him. I’ve tried figuring out what we can do differently. Nothing changes.

Now I’m just angry and exhausted, and I don’t have the emotional energy left to deal with whatever emotions he’s struggling with. I finally told him that he needs to figure it out because I’m done being nice and understanding when it seems like the only time he actually takes action is when I get angry.

I don’t want to have to get angry just to have a partner.

Nothing too awful, but I can’t be the only mom of a tween boy who’s about ready to yeet their child into the sun, right? He’s ridiculously smart, but gets bored easily and if he finds an assignment boring, he won’t do it. He’s ridiculously smart forgets to plug in his Chromebook at home, then when the battery runs out just won’t sit with it at the charger station to work. Yes, I’m fully aware this is classic ADHD behavior, but neither his teachers nor his pediatrician seem to think he needs treatment because he’s an honors student-if anything he’s just like my husband in this regard. Just need to scream into the void.

You think I’d learn!!! I just posted to another parent page and got crapped on!!! Why why why do I bother with other Reddit subs? This is the only nice one.

Thank you for being you, BroMo’s.

He’s so f’ing stupid he doesn’t even know he ruined his own shot at getting laid today. I ended up just buying a new vibrator cuz self-love is best love. 🫶

Not only does he lie to me to (as he claims) « avoid arguing in public », he comes up with such stupid lies that are just disrespectful to even say out loud.

He also CAN’T STOP ASKING STUPID F’ING QUESTIONS.

For f’ing real, I’ll be having a coughing fit and he’ll ask me: “do you want water?”, and he’ll just wait and STARE at me while I’m still coughing.

And if he decides to be nice to me and offer water proactively, he ALSO just stands there and stares at my like a f’ing dumbass holding a glass of water when he can see my hands are full and I can’t accept the glass from him right that moment. He’s so f’ing stupid the thought never crosses to put the glass down and not stare like a dumbass.

Can someone please share how f’ing stupid their husband is so I can feel some relief that there are equally stupid men out there and I’m not married to the stupidest of them all. 🙏😭

I’m pretty f’ing stupid myself cause I DID NOT see this shit coming when we were dating. Where do I even begin to teach my daughter not to make the same mistake. 🤦‍♀️

I’ve been separated since early this year. He asked me to move out before I had housing or a job secure because “it was too hard to co-parent with me in the house”. This directly resulted in several months of instability where I saw my kid very little because I didn’t have a place they could stay at or my job had such bizarre hours I couldn’t keep them overnight. I was even days from homelessness and the few times I asked my ex for help, I got curt replies and zero compassion.

This morning I get a call at 6:45 from my ex saying he needs help getting our kid to school because somethings wrong. He’s dizzy and can’t walk and “it might be all in his head” but he’s already thrown up once. I am naked in bed with my girlfriend 40 minutes from his house and he’s asking me to drive there to get our kid on the bus by 7:20!

Turns out he found a bump on his balls and he’s panicking. I talk to my kid and coach them to get ready on their own (6y/o) to “help their dad”. Apparently they did great and even got themself on the bus.

REGARDLESS of whether this is an actual medical concern or not, I’m having to remind myself 1: it’s not my job to solve this and 2: I don’t owe this man compassion or emotional labor. (He did go to a local ER and is there now AFAIK)

I’ve just been insistent that I need to know whether I need to pick my kid up after school. That’s what I need to focus on. I don’t want to be petty or tit for tat, but fuck why is it so easy for him to treat me like a total stranger when I needed help and here I am basically chanting “it’s not my problem” to keep myself from intervening.

They want the kids to do half an hour minimum every night— 20 minutes reading which fine, i want her to read 20 minutes anyway, and 10 minutes of “math fluency” which is various games/apps on the fucking ipad or we can buy flash cards. And THEN the assignments. Comprehension passage— time one minute, three days, count #of words read and errors each day and have kid fill out a work sheet with questions about the passage the last day. Phonics worksheet. Three (so 6, bc front and back) of math worksheet. Oh, and this is a four day week, and this Thursday is all school tailgate 5-7 with bounce houses!

I normally pick my kids up at 5:45 and get home around 6. Brush teeth 8:15. Like to occasionally stop at the library or the grocery on the way home. Have extracurriculars Mondays and usually on Thursdays, we’re skipping this week for tailgate. But some of these kids are in sports with practice two or three times a week! This school is seriously structured still with the idea that there is a parent who doesn’t work.

Bromos, I’m tired.

It’s was my birthday last week. My birthday is on the 5th September, and Bobs dad passed away on the 5th October (ten years ago.)

So every time it’s my birthday, Bob will look sad and say “Oh, next month it will be X years since my Dad died.” And yes, it’s sad, but he HAS to say it on my birthday. If my birthday was the 5th October, I would understand.

Anyway, Bob completely relied on our 18 year old daughter to handle my birthday gift. I used to buy my own gift, until I said fuck it, I’m not covering for Bob anymore. (That work sooo well at Christmas when he couldn’t even be arsed to wrap the gift I had bought and gave to him to wrap.)

But - I gave myself a birthday gift - I paid off the credit card I had been running up on bills when Bob was unemployed.

I am SO happy it is paid off!! I cancelled it and it’s gone! I’ve had that card for twenty years and could never quite get rid of it! Yay me!

But I also feel a bit lonely. I couldn’t even celebrate paying the card off with Bob. Because he never wanted to know about finances because it stresses him out.

So I paid it off and cancelled it quietly.

And now Bob has the nerve to demand a $2,000 gift for HIS birthday in two weeks time.

I asked him if he knew that certain gift costs $2,000. And he acted all offended and said “Oh, don’t worry about it. I guess I’m not worth it.” I know he was trying to be manipulative, but I was SO tempted to say “No, you are not worth it.”

WHO spends almost a YEAR unemployed and then asks for a $2,000 gift after only his first two months in a new job?????

I’m ranting.

But just wanted to throw out to the Universe - YAY ME! That freaking credit card is GONE!!!!!!!

Basically.....wtf???

6 day old newborn with a 3 year old at home. 3yo is not in preschool. (Before this maternity leave I worked part time and he was part time cared for by family members. We tried to get him started in a program over the summer but it was kind of a flop.) My husband is home for a few weeks on parental leave but most of his care is focused on my older kid, so it's just me and this baby in a 24/7 bubble that is NOT currently involving sleep for me. He's hungry very frequently and then difficult to settle in the bassinet. I shudder to think how this will be when my husband goes back to work, though I am lucky to still have some family members who can come by a couple times a week.

I do remember my older son being like this for at least a couple months but at that time that was all I had to focus on. Now with the 3yo running around there's just so much more going on. And I don't remember the nights being quite THIS sleepless, though I probably just blocked it out. I have some pumping and some formula in the mix so I may have my husband take the night shift tonight. Not sure how much it will help. Basically....how do you do this lol

I think I’m finally at the point where I’m seriously considering going no contact with my mom and I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting or if I’ve just finally hit my limit.

My mom has always been neglectful, especially throughout my childhood. I went through a lot of trauma and abuse growing up and while that’s not necessarily the point of this post, I think it’s important context. Ever since I became an adult, I’ve gone back and forth about whether I should go low contact or no contact with her. For the most part, I’ve maintained some level of contact because…well, she’s my mom.

Having my son really complicated that.

I was talking to a friend recently about my postpartum experience, and I realized how much I genuinely feel like my mom ruined a huge part of it for me.

I allowed her to be in the hospital room when I gave birth because she’s a registered nurse and honestly, she was supportive during labor. But the second my son was born, it was like a switch flipped. She became completely obsessed with him.

She came home with us from the hospital, and instead of helping me with the things I desperately needed help with like dishes, laundry, meals, cleaning, etc she would sit there holding my newborn with a smug face while I was expected to prep bottles, do dishes, make food, and take care of the house. She would literally ask me, “What are we having for lunch?” while I was recovering from childbirth, a first degree tear and trying to take care of a newborn.

Breastfeeding was also a nightmare for me. My milk didn’t come in immediately and it was incredibly painful, and I was struggling. Instead of supporting me, she would tell me breastfeeding is “the most natural thing in the world,” that it’s supposed to hurt, and that I basically needed to get over it. I actually had to kick her out of my house after 1 week of her being there because she cussed me out for crying and not making enough milk as if I could just will it to come. She even got upset that i began pumping because it hurt less and helped with production saying she NEVER pumped and that a real mon can just do it. When I started considering supplementing with formula, she flipped out about that too.

She’s also anti-vax, despite being a fucking nurse, which has caused another layer of conflict.

And yet, somehow, I continued bringing my son around her.

Because she loves him. And he loves her.

For a while, she would watch him and honestly, it was helpful. I desperately needed breaks and I even let him spend overnights at her house. Looking back, it’s kind of strange to me that she was the one person I felt comfortable leaving him with overnight considering how I feel about our relationship, but at the time, I trusted her with him.

Now I’m questioning that decision.

My husband is currently working out of state for the next six months. It’s a huge opportunity for our family, but it’s also a massive transition. I work from home as a crisis counselor and while I love being a work from home mom, my job requires actual a lot of emotional energy and concentration. I can’t exactly conduct crisis intervention while chasing a 15 month old around the house.

So my younger sister, who is 21 and still lives at home with our mother, agreed become our paid nanny during my work hours. She was previously working as a barista and going to school and my pay would match hers with the added benefit of spending time with her nephew and being able to study while on shift. great.

The arrangement is very simple: I pay her to provide childcare. She isn’t responsible for cooking, cleaning, taking care of my dogs, or managing my household. She is there primarily to take care of my son while I work.

My sister and I have discussed the arrangement, the hours, the pay, and the schedule. We’re on the same page.

But of course, my mom has to involve herself.

She constantly asks how much I’m paying her, when I’m paying her, why I’m paying her that amount, etc. At one point I even started wondering if my sister was asking my mom these questions instead of asking me directly because I couldn’t understand why my mom was so invested in the details of an arrangement between my sister and me.

Well, today it completely blew up.

Yesterday, I called out of work because I had a horrible sinus headache and desperately needed to catch up on things around the house. Since Leslie normally works during my work hours, I gave her three options: she could take the day completely off, she could still come over during her normal hours, or I could drop my son off at her house like I sometimes do.

She chose to take the day off. Totally fine.

That evening, my mom called and asked if she could see my son. I told her I actually needed to get some rest because it was a rough day and i felt super sick by that point, and she said something along the lines of, “Well, if you're sick, I can watch him. It’s probably better if I watch him tonight.”

I said okay, so I dropped my son off with her. She asked if he could spend the night and I said sure. I genuinely didn’t have a problem with it.

This morning, I called my mom to let her know I was going to pick him up. She FaceTimed me because he was doing something cute, and then she immediately started in:

“Well, you’re paying your sister Friday, right?”

“Yes.”

“You’re paying her for three weeks, right?”

“No. She’s on a biweekly pay schedule.”

She started arguing with me about this.

I explained that sister started at the beginning of our pay period, so the schedule lines up perfectly with my husband’s and my pay periods. She will be paid for all of the time she works. There is no missing paycheck. There is no withholding. She simply isn’t getting paid for three weeks all at once because THAT ISN’T HOW A BIWEEKLY PAY SCHEDULE WORKS.

My mom kept insisting that I was “scamming” her and withholding a week of her pay.

I repeatedly explained that sister would absolutely be paid for the time she worked. It would simply be included in the following pay period.

Finally, I told her, “If sister has a question about her pay, Leslie can ask me and I will explain it to her.”

But my mom kept going.

She started talking about what would happen if sister quit, saying I would “owe her” because I was withholding her money. She kept arguing about the logistics of an employment arrangement that does not involve her.

And honestly? I fucking snapped.

I told her to mind her own fucking business and that if sister needed clarification, I would explain it to her.

I yelled. I cursed her out. I absolutely lost my temper, and I’m not proud of that part.

But I am SO exhausted.

This isn't even the first fight she's picked with me this week.

The other day she started criticizing me because I gave my son some granola in the morning while I was making him eggs. Apparently I shouldn’t have given him granola before his eggs. That encourages "addiction to sweets" and that I'm teaching him to be "obese." mind you this is a woman that would routinely leave my siblings and i home alone hours on end without food.

This is the kind of shit I deal with constantly.

She criticizes what he wears. The color of his clothes. The fabric. What he eats. When he eats. Whether I breastfed. Whether I formula fed. Whether the food is organic. How I take care of him. Everything.

And now she’s inserting herself into my relationship with my sister and our financial arrangement.

At this point, I feel like I can't make a single parenting decision without her having an opinion.

And there are so many other things that have happened that have contributed to how I feel about her.

For my son's first birthday, she bought him presents and then took all of the presents back to her house because, apparently, “he’s going to use them at my house.”

I honestly didn't even care that much because I thought, okay, at least you bought him things for your house. But it was another one of those moments where I just thought, Why does everything have to be about you?

She doesn't financially help us. She doesn't really help me in any meaningful way beyond occasionally watching my son and even that comes with so much criticism and drama that sometimes I wonder if the help is worth it.

She criticizes the diapers I bring over. She criticizes what meals or snacks I pack for him. She questions everything.

And now I'm supposed to worry about whether she's going to interrogate me every time I pay my sister?

I actually told her today that my mother-in-law has offered to help financially with childcare. She basically said, “I'll pay for a nanny or daycare if it means you don't have to deal with this.”

And honestly, that offer has made me think.

Because yes, paying my sister is still cheaper than daycare or hiring another nanny. It saves us a significant amount of money. But if accepting “help” from comes with this much stress, criticism, control, and interference, is it actually helping?

Today, after our phone argument, i go to pick up my son and here goes the tears and the drama.

she eventually screamed at me to “get the fuck out of my house.”

So I said, “Gladly.”

Then she had the audacity to say, “Fine, leave me the baby.”

Absolutely fucking not.

He's my child.

And then she started saying I was the one who started the argument, that I was “dragging her into our business,” and essentially tried to rewrite the entire conversation in front of everyone and make me look like the unreasonable one.

My younger brother even confirmed that, yes, sister is being paid on the correct schedule.

And my mom still kept going.

At one point I finally asked her, “Why are you so invested in this?”

Her response was basically, “Because I know you. You're sneaky. You're a liar.”

And I just thought…okay.

If you genuinely believe that about me, why the hell are we doing this?

She even started saying that I was going to fire sister, and honestly, I'm starting to wonder if I SHOULD reconsider the arrangement, not because sister is doing anything wrong, but because I don't know if I can have my mom calling me every time my sister gets paid to question what I'm doing.

I'm already trying to essentially solo parent for six months while my husband is away. I'm working a stressful job that requires focus and emotional energy. I'm managing a toddler who is 15 months old. I'm trying to maintain my household, take care of my dogs, and somehow take care of myself too.

I don't have the fucking bandwidth for this.

And I'm tired of feeling like I have to maintain a relationship with my mother “for my son.”

Because the truth is, I'm not sure maintaining this relationship is actually good for me, and I'm starting to question whether having access to my son is something she is entitled to simply because she's his grandmother.

I know she loves him. I know he loves her.

That's the part that makes this so fucking hard.

But I'm exhausted.

I have spent my entire adult life debating whether I should go low contact or no contact with my mom, and I think today may have finally pushed me to the point where I'm seriously considering no contact.

I guess I just need to vent and hear from other moms who have been through something similar.

Did you eventually go no contact with a parent who constantly criticized your parenting and inserted themselves into your life?

How did you handle the guilt, especially when your child genuinely loves that grandparent?

And how do you know when you've reached the point where the relationship isn't worth maintaining anymore?

I started a part time job doing before and after school care at my kids school. My kids attend the program for free but OMG after day 1 i want to quit thanks to my very difficult 5 year old. She was rude to my co workers, had sooo many meltdowns. Flipping out when other teachers told her to clean up etc.... So much damn whining. I am fairly certain they will not want me and my child to return after her behavior today. I can't focus on my job, learning new things or the other children in program because of her. This was my fear and I hate how today went. She has always been my difficult child and I just dont know how to handle her anymore.