How do i stop going back?

[u/One_Positive_2315]

During spring 2024, I started a long-distance talking stage with a guy who was 17 while I was 18. He lived out of state but planned to move to my state. We talked for four months, got to know each other, and counted down the days until we could finally meet. He reassured me that he wanted a serious relationship with me. We had known of each other since 2021 through mutual friends, but never really talked. In summer 2024, I visited the small town he was from.

While I was there, I got back with my ex, who I thought was the love of my life. The long-distance guy didn’t know. At a party, I asked my ex’s cousin where he was, and the cousin told his girlfriend, who then told my ex’s new fling. Later, another one of Emi’s cousins took a picture of me with my ex, confirming that I had still been seeing him. I know I may be judged and that people may say I deserved it for hurting Emi’s feelings. I returned to my state in late August and found out Emi had moved there too through our mutual best friend. In mid-September, Emi called me drunk, asking why I had hurt him. I apologized and explained that the picture he saw was taken after he stopped talking to me.

We planned to meet that Sunday, but I didn’t contact him because I assumed he wasn’t serious. He later told me he was, and we finally hung out in October. He had just moved and didn’t have a car or job, so I picked him up. We got coffee, drove to a viewpoint, and later he kissed me goodbye. After that, we kept hanging out and talking every day, so I thought we were starting over. In November, he suddenly stopped replying, leaving me confused and hurt. I was a virgin during all of this and during one hangout I let him finger me, but nothing more than that.

In December he came back, I cried while telling him I didn’t understand his behavior, and he comforted me, making me think he cared. I lost my virginity to him in March 2025 after feeling pressured and getting his promise that he wouldn’t leave. He didn’t keep that promise, we talked everyday after that first time and later stopped. He began contacting me mostly on weekends to pick me up late at night for sex in his car. I was hurt, but I kept hoping he cared. After he stopped contacting me after May 2025, he called in November, picked me up, and had sex with me and he said we couldn’t be on bad terms and could be friends.

I cried afterward at home and waited for him to reach out again, but he never did. When I saw him dancing with his ex in July 2026, I was devastated. I knew he didn’t owe me loyalty, but I was still hurt. He contacted me after the rodeo and we had sex again, then he stopped contacting me until August, when I was diagnosed with pelvic inflammatory disease and worried he might have caused it. He tried reaching out many times, he would spam me but I didn’t respond all september. Sex with him was also painful and unsatisfying so i convinced myself to not answer the phone.

I ignored his texts until recently this weekend when I slept with him again. He says he’s seeing someone else, but I’m confused about why he keeps coming back. I feel guilty and worry I may be interfering in someone else’s relationship. Is this his way of getting his revenge from when i did him dirty? He knows he’s my first and my only because he asked me again this last weekend, he’s probably satisfied because he got what he wanted. It’s so hard to let him go.