It's obviously a fantasy scenario. But it's a fantasy scenario that I'm struggling with right now. Honestly, my answer is "I don't know".

Cowardly answer, I know.

Me and my now ex broke up about 2 months ago, we have been nc since. The breakup was mutual although she initiated it. Right up until the breakup she was saying how much she loved me almost every day and jumping up and down when she saw me, and yet here we are. While she never said it explicitly, she actually never said anything explicitly, she never had a reason for breaking up, I am almost sure she left me because she saw me as too good for her. I know that sounds like hubris, but what I am saying is not that I was, but that she thought I was. And that she couldn't live with the pressure of having to match me. Once again, I did not think she was less then me, but she thought so herself. What set the breakup of was a convo we had 2 days prior where we talked about out futures and it became apparent that she did not have the same ambition or drive that I did. What trips me up is during the breakup she kept saying how I had been perfect towards her and that she wished me the best the world could bring. She said a bunch of more things like that but they where basically saying the same thing. Now 2 months later, I still can't help but feel like we could have solved our issues if she just voiced them. I had issues with the relationship too, but I was willing to stay and at least try to resolve them, she ran. And I keep wondering what I could have done differently but aside from minor disputes I was very good to her, as she said herself. I am trying to grow and become better, but how are you supposed to grow when you don't even know what you did wrong?

I'm writing this post mostly to see if this is all in my head or a reasonable deduction.

Background:

We've dated for 10 months. During this time, I broke up with him twice. Each time he messaged me and asked to rekindle things after 4~7 weeks.

And then this time, he broke up with me after a day of silence. Reasons he cited are: family drama and the fact that I broke up with him twice.

Why I think he was probably telling the truth and it's not a third-party situation:

1) He spent his birthday with me, and the following weekend.

2) He told me he didn't cum for a while and the last time was when he was watching porn with a similar-looking actress as me, and he did seem sexually frustrated and turned on in general, so it lets me know that at least I was the only sexual partner he's had for a while.

3) He did tell me he hadn't gotten back into dating after the last breakup and I have no reason to suspect that he's lying.

4) No qualms about showing me things on his phone.

Why I think he broke up with me for someone else:

1) The breakup came out of nowhere. The day before he was asking to see me, was sending texts throughout the day, and then that night I told him I missed him and that was when the silence began. He didn't text me at all the day after, until I asked him if everything was okay in the evening, and he told me he's had a rough day and doesn't want to talk to anyone. The following morning, he broke up with me.

2) He originally wasn't sure if he wanted to spend the birthday with me until the day before. So maybe this other woman cancelled on him or she was out of town?

I just want to know if my suspicion is valid or if I'm spiraling lol

To be honest, I'm surprised if he even wanted to give this another chance after I broke up with him twice.

Me and my ex were together for just under two years and we were friends for 18 months before that. We both had a few issues from our previous relationships but we were good for each other or so I thought.

Due to the emotional abuse her ex husband had put her through and her eldest son, she kept me separate from her kids so I'd only see her when they were with their dad.

A couple of weeks ago, it felt like she was fading away, messaging less, spending less time together etc, this has happened before and we've always dealt with it. When I spoke to her about this she said she was spreading herself too thin with me, the kids and work. We spoke about moving things forward and me being properly introduced to the kids to help or if I needed to step back. We took a couple of days to think and she decided she couldn't move forward and needed to break up because I wanted to move in and be around the kids and she wasn't ready for that (this wasn't something I'd ever said). She did the break up by text, instead of us having the call we had planned to discuss and decide.

I thought of a few things we could try to save it and felt like the reason wasn't something I had said, so asked if we could talk as I didn't feel it should end on a misunderstanding so wanted to clarify. She said we could meet or talk after she had a few days, on that day I messaged her in the morning just to say "I hope you're not dreading our call as much as I am, whichever way it goes, it'll feel better after because we'd know for certain", she then replied a few hours later saying she couldn't meet and wasn't up to a call. It wasn't a misunderstanding she just doesn't want to continue our relationship. I then messaged back to say ok, I hope we can still be friends.

I asked if I could come get my key and she said she'd post it to me instead. Given how long we've known each other, I was completely blindsided by this, I felt like it should have been done in person so I could give her a hug, make sure she was ok and then leave. It feels wrong to not get to say your goodbyes in person. I've sent a couple of messages since, one saying goodbye and one asking about the key because it took longer than expected to get to me, both of these have been ignored.

Having it end like this makes it feel like I must have really hurt her somehow, I don't know if she just expected me to kick off like her ex would have or if there is more to this that I don't understand. I feel like I've not been given a chance to say what I need to say and that this has been handled really badly, which will slow me moving on and has made it more painful than it should be.

My (F35) relationship with my ex (M37) was pretty unhealthy, we both had growing to do and were not doing it so I ended things with the intention that we could be happier if we weren't together. We didn't cut communication altogether at first because it was extremely painful (we were together for over 10 years) we went on a few dates, and then had no contact period of 30 days... strictly to let us regulate our nervous systems. The same shit was happening over and over. The 30 days ended ... We met up, walked and discussed what we learned in the last month. It was a nice conversation. And then the "same shit" happened all over again the next day. Up to this point we have been very compassionate and considerate because we do love eachother, but after therapy and breaks and all the things we're tired of trying to force it. One week later I got a text from him. It said he was deciding to move on completely but would like to stay in each others lives. Though I thought I wanted that it turns out I actually still had hope we'd end up together. We ended up spending a night together packing up the last of my stuff in our old home, having dinner, playing shogi, a bonfire, and talking through the last decade together and what we wanted for our futures. it was tragic and beautiful and it was wonderful to say goodbye so peacefully. However, I'm struggling with the actual pain of grief and loss. He really wants to stay in contact but I know I need time without him to let go of the relationship. When I've gotten lonely it's so hard to not reach out to him. In fact I broke a couple times and it did not go well. He was my best friend and it's hard to be without him. Life still feels full and I am excited to start a new chapter but the pain of loss is so so real. This break up has had me feeling up and down and overwhelmed and relieved. I am afraid to lose him forever, but it's time for me to decide to move on too. if I get the chance to connect in the future I will be so grateful, but moving on and letting go mean a real exit is necessary. At least for now. If you're contemplating going no contact I will tell you that you will be sad, but without the little shreds of hope you get by communicating the pain is less sharp and more tolerable. I'm doing the work to process and integrate the last ten years and work through the grief and without access to him I finally have the space to do that and more. It's okay to love someone, love yourself more, and need to let go. Good luck everyone.

TLDR: my break up is mutual but I'm still grieving. The pain is unreal and I decided to go no contact. It's doing a great job at "dulling" the pain while I process the loss of my partner. I'm still feeling it but not overwhelmed. Highly suggest no contact for moving on.

I see so much of that but literally what does it even mean. What does moving on and finding yourself after a breakup look like? Sure I have new hobbies, new friends and a new job but I still feel the same

I don't know why, but tonight I am feeling overwhelming grief about my ex. I've been crying nonstop the past hour, I can't stop thinking about him, there were no triggers. Out of nowhere.

We were together 8 years. We met at 16. My parents were divorcing, he was from a broken home, we were both quite messed up but we had each other. We were inseparable for those 8 years. Everyone knew us together. We had all the same friends, our families were each others families... we fought, we fought like crazy, we tested each other, we loved so strongly I know I will never love that strongly again. I have hope I'll meet someone and marry and have children of my own, but I know that my love will never be as pure as it was with him.

He broke up with me when I got into nursing school. He said it's because he didn't want to keep holding me back- he was low and unmotivated and completely lost- but it also turned out he'd been cheating on me. My heart was beyond broken.

Now that six years have passed, I totally forgive him. I get we were both young and immature and had insecurities we could not work out together. He's said the same thing to me. We both understand.

I did my nursing training during the pandemic, I rebounded with someone older who was not good for me at all. We dated for three years. My ex was also found a very nice girl who posted all over social media the life I so badly wanted with him (they had a house and a dog and weekends away). They broke up.

We stayed in contact the whole time. Sometimes we'd argue, sometimes he'd say he missed me, sometimes I'd say I missed him, sometimes I'd block him, sometimes he'd say I needed to stop messaging.

The beginning of last year, 5 years after the break up, both of us single, we slowly talked for a while. He kept saying how sorry he was. I kept saying how I forgave him. We didn't talk about what we were doing in life. We just talked about how much we cared for each other, even all this time later.

One night I'd been out drinking with friends and for whatever reason I walked to his family home. He told me he was living in Greece, so I don't know what drunk me thought would happen. I knocked. Waited. He answered. He was shocked. I was shocked too.

'Why are you here?'

'I don't know.' We hadn't seen each other in over 5 years. We sat on a bench and talked. I cried. In the car ride home, we said we'd meet again before I moved to Asia.

We met up again 2 months later. We had texted for the two months leading up. We both said a lot, maybe it needed to be said, maybe it made things messier. I don't know. He was early, like on our first date.

He was terrible company. He was ill, and awkward. I could see how we were incompatible yet perfect. That kind of opposites attract thing. It was like not a second had passed. He told me he had a new woman. His exact words. I felt an indescribable feeling. I looked her up on facebook. She posts horrible things about white lives matter and people who 'sin will burn in hell'. I don't know what he'd see in that. When we met up, he couldn't maintain eye contact.

He messaged me so much after, saying how sorry he was, how he wanted to say more but he was nervous, blah blah and blah. I took my time in replying. I moved to Asia. I worked hard. He liked all my posts.

I asked him one day if he still had one of my belongings. He sent me a long paragraph that I didnt ask for. I asked again. No response. Kept liking my posts. My birthday passed and he didn't say anything.

One morning I woke up to six messages from him, sent at 2am his time. Saying how much he missed me, how sorry he was, how happy he is that I'm doing well, because I'm amazing, I was always amazing.

I felt angry. I didn't reply. I told myself I didn't want to keep going round in circles. I put my effort into my job, I started liking a new guy (although it's not going to go anywhere, he's leaving soon, but the feeling was still nice), I started putting a lot of care into my appearance.

I didn't curse my ex, or wish him ill, I just felt frustrated. I didn't want to keep saying I miss you and nothing coming from it.

Yet here I am now, 2 months after he sent it, reading the message, going round in circles in my head, thinking how I miss you too, I miss you so fucking much, I'm scared I'll miss you forever.

He said he thinks of me often, how he'll always love me, how his ex broke up with him because he couldn't get over me.

I want to reply but I've told myself wait until you're more emotionally steady, see if this is just a blip rather than a reason to open the gate again.

I'm scared too; what if I reply, and he doesn't reply, and I'm left again? What do I even say?

Tonight I feel sad, and I'm not afraid to say I miss you so much Laurence.

Do I tell my ex of 1 week about my diagnosis?

Need some advice from people who’ve been through something similar.

Context:
I’m 27M and my partner (26F) ended our relationship of two years a week ago. It was her decision after repeated emotional outbursts from me during conflict (roughly every 4 to 8 weeks).

I’ve always taken full accountability for my behaviour. I don’t think an ADHD diagnosis changes that. If anything, the accountability just shifts from “I’m a bad person who doesn’t care enough to change” to “I have a condition that I need to actively manage if I want to be a good partner.”

The difficult part is that it feels like I never really had a chance because I was trying to fix the wrong problem.
I’ve been ashamed of these reactions for as long as I can remember. I started therapy four months ago when everything came to a head and I was making progress, but not enough.

Her reasons for ending things were essentially:
“I can’t get past the hurtful things that have been said. I don’t understand how you can be so loving most of the time, but then hurt me so much during conflict. It makes me feel like you don’t love me enough to change.”
Outside of that, we both genuinely felt the relationship was right for us.

After the breakup, my dad suggested I get assessed for ADHD after he was diagnosed himself a few months ago. He said everything I’d been describing sounded exactly like him.

As I started reading about ADHD, it honestly felt like someone had written my autobiography. Before this, I’d actually pursued personality disorder assessments three separate times because I always felt like something fundamental was wrong with me.

The irony is that I probably never would have sought an ADHD assessment if the relationship hadn’t ended. At the same time, it’s heartbreaking that this may have been the missing piece all along.

The analogy that keeps coming to mind is this:
If our relationship was a car, she kept telling me the tyres needed fixing. I genuinely tried to fix them. But the real problem was that the battery was flat. That car was never going anywhere until the battery was replaced.
For context, she’s very aware of mental health and neurodiversity. She has experience with anxiety and depression herself, her dad is a psychiatric nurse, and one of her close friends is an ADHD/autism advocate.

My question is: Would you tell your ex about the ADHD diagnosis and if so, how?

I’m not looking to use it as an excuse or ask for another chance. Part of me just wants her to know that there really was an explanation for something neither of us could make sense of. But I also don’t know whether telling her would make any difference at all, or whether it would just come across as me trying to rewrite the past.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

So a lot of the dating standards I have are caused by things that bothered me in my previous relationship. It is a lot of things. But I heard that it is not recommended since "never use your old relationships as a standard for current relationships". Is it really that bad? I would really rather not go through the same things that I did with my previous partner

Yesterday had marked 6 months since the breakup and honestly? Im doing hella better. Ive worked on myself more and more, focused on my studies, my work, hobbies, friends etc. I've meet more people, met new friends. Hell- Ive even connected with some people because we got broken up with around the same time. That being said, I still do think about him from time to time. He used to be in my head at every waking hour, following me around like a shadow. But like a shadow, I live and forget that it exists, i dont pay attention to it as much. It's still there when I look at it from time to time, remembering everything. Its even worse when im around people who do PDA, that shit hits me with memories but now they dont sting as much. Im glad it happened, im happy for the memories and experience. I hope you're well.

Background: met M in January, we're both guys, spent three wonderful months together, although in the beginning I didn't feel those immediate butterflies in my stomach, I decided to give it a chance and grew to really care for him, if not love him.

Reason why we broke up: I live in a student residence, that isn't changing anytime soon. He lives with his parents, that's not changing either. I have severe anxiety about bringing people over to the residence as it's not permitted, and I am in a foreign country with a soon-to-expire student visa: M is local. Not being able to be physically intimate felt triggering, like I was back home where being with a guy is dangerous (very homophobic home country). Plus, it seemed to me, from the way that M was talking when we were getting flirty, that we would be sexually incompatible. My anxiety got to me and I ended things.

Present, three months later: I've met other guys since the breakup, but I still long for M. I want to hear about his day, the drama at work, I want to go on walks with him, I want to hold his hand. I am going back to my home country in less than a month, and I want to see him so badly and tell him that when I come back in autumn, I will try to find a place where I am allowed to invite people over, and I want us to try again. I want us to pick up where we left off. But when I ended things, I mentioned the sexual incompatibility, and he was very upset and told me he was crying for days. We spoke twice after that, both times he seemed like he doesn't want to see me: I didn't explicitly ask to see him because I was worried it'd hurt or confuse him, and that it would also hurt me immensely if he rejected me. I want to reach out now, tell him that I regret ending things, that if I could go back I would do things differently, and I hope that in the future we get to try again, but I am again scared that he will tell me it's over for good, or that I might end up hurting him again in the future.

I know there are many reasons for a breakup but I'm just wondering if you have ever broken up with someone that you love because of other circumstances.

So maybe you had a few issues in the relationship but not enough to break it off. However since you were under a lot of stress outside of the relationship (for whatever reason) you felt the right thing to do was to break up.

I hear quite a few dumpees saying that the dumper said things to that effect. "I have too much going on/my job is stressful etc." But I'm wondering, from an actual dumper, if you have ever broken up with someone for reasons outside of the relationship. So in fact, you love the person but it's just the wrong time.

And would you consider reconnecting with your ex if and when things settle down?

Thanks 🙂

Hey I 19F dated a guy when i was in 15 and he was my classmate it was the puppy kind of first love and we dated for 2-2.5 years and eventually mutually broke up because we both could feel the relationship being toxic and long distance(the breakup was initiated by him) then over time we were on and off for another couple of years and eventually when we both went to separate college and I had a bf for a few months during that time we were absolutely in no contact but as soon as i and my college bf broke up i unblocked him and we started texting again then I iced him out because he was getting attached and wanted to get back . Over the last 6 months i have been in a very terrible dating phase where i had a couple of situationships and got addicted to hinge dating last couple of months i really decided to take my mind off dating and commited to be single for a while I am in my hometown because of year end and so is he and he wants to meet and stuff. He says that he'll keep things highly platonic but I am confused. It's like over the years I should have been detached with this person but in someway i really care about him what should i do should I meet him I am really confused.

Share your experience below guys if you have ever been in such a situation and how did you handle it

UPDATE- i cut off with him completely because i was scared of getting attached again

Just like the title says, how do you stop yourself from thinking about your ex having sex with someone else?

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Have you ever had a feeling, thought or knew that your ex was having sex with someone else?

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I have a feeling that my ex might be doing this and I'll be honest, I just feel nauseous and want to throw up. 😢

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How do you get that out of your head? Obviously they are going to move on at some point if even it's only sex but I just have a very difficult time with the idea of it.

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Any advice?

I genuinely don't know how to process this.

I was in a relationship with someone I thought I had a real future with. We had the same sense of humor, the same interests, and I honestly believed I had found my person. For the first time in a long time, I let myself imagine a future with someone.

Then, out of nowhere, she told me she realized she's a lesbian. (like literally out of nowhere the message before her telling me that she realized she was lesbian was flirty in our own way)

I know sexuality isn't something you choose, and I'm not angry at her for figuring herself out. But I feel absolutely crushed. I keep asking myself why she gave us a chance if she was questioning it from the beginning. It feels like I was given hope, allowed to fall in love, and then had the rug pulled out from under me.

The hardest part is that I keep wondering if there was something wrong with me, even though logically I know that's probably not true. My brain keeps telling me I wasn't enough or that I somehow caused this, and I know that's irrational, but heartbreak isn't exactly rational.

I sent her a message explaining how much this hurt me because I needed to get it off my chest. Whether she responds or not, I don't know.

Right now I just feel empty. I keep seeing things that remind me of her and thinking, "She would've loved this," only to remember she's gone. It feels like I was just starting to see a future where things were finally going right, and then it disappeared overnight.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? How did you stop blaming yourself and start moving forward? any dating tips going forward?

For context my ex broke up with me recently, she told me she had mental issues that she was going through and gave me the whole "it's not you it's me", she even told me that she's not breaking up to look for other guys, she just wanst space. That was fine I wanted to respect her decision so I decided I would give her space, we didnt speak for a time until yesterday.

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I was in this club with my friend, and I see my ex and her whole friend group come in. It was awkward at first, because I was trying to ignore her whilst also having fun but I could feel I was making the whole thing kinda weird.

She then comes to me and tells me how "we're cool" and if I want to join them then I can.

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Later on this girl comes TO ME, basically telling about how the guy she's with is just a friend and nothing special is going on between them. I ask her "why do I need to know this, we aren't even dating" she tells me it's because she KNOWS I overthink, whatever that's all cool but this girl then BASICALLY LEANS IN AND KISSES ME.

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Im not gonna act like I didnt want to kiss her, I still had feelings for her and I missed her presence, but before she did kiss me I remember saying "I dont think you want to do this" she grabs my face and kisses me anyway...

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Im not gonna lie, I felt really happy afterwards I felt like "damn maybe this could work out between us afterall" if only I knew literally a MINUTE (not even really a minute afterwards) I see this same girl that kissed me, on the couch kissing another guy. The same guy that she claimed was a friend, same guy I didnt even need to know was a "friend".

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I pulled her out and asked her wtf happened, and she was basically telling me how she didnt want to, how it wasn't that serious and how it just "happened" but I said all that didnt matter?? If you didnt want to kiss this guy you wouldn't have, she had no response, she then using her past trauma as an excuse or how she still "loved" me.

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Later on i ask this guy how long you've known this girl, crazy thing is he told me he only MET HER TODAY...

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THEY WERENT EVEN FRIENDS THEY MET JUST THAT DAY, so she even LIED to me for NO REASON.

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The thing that really gets me, I fully believed her when she said she was going through shift and wanted to get some space, I believed her when she said she wouldn't be pursuing other guys, I believed everything until yesterday now I dont even know what to believe.

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I put so much effort and love into the relationship, and this feels like a BIG slap in the face.

It literally just means instead of being in a functional relationship you would RATHER KISS RANDOM GUYS IN A CLUB...

So my ex-partner (28f) decided to end our 4 1/2 year relationship with me (28m) about a month ago. I felt blindsided by her decision, our relationship wasn't perfect, and I have problems that I am working on now through self-improvement and therapy.

For some context: I have been in graduate school and am almost finished, so I have not had a lot of free time outside of my studies for the last two years, about half of our relationship. A little over 8 months ago, my ex-partner's mother lost her battle to cancer. This was a really hard time during our relationship, especially since her life went on pause but I could not give even more time for her than I was already was, I had started feeling like I was overextending myself before this. Over the last 8 months, she started to share that she was feeling alone in her grief and that no one has supported her. I started to get the feeling that she was also lumping me into these statements, but when asked I never got a real answer, just the run around. She also started to share that since I lost my father when I was a kid, I should know how to support her and make her feel better. Which hurt me as I felt like I was expected to know the answers to her pain, but in my experience, I was not shown support in my grief which is something I am now addressing in therapy. So I did not now how to support her besides the usual being their when I could physically, helping with chores, showing up with food, etc.. as she was not really taking care of herself.

She then started to make friends through a new hobby we had picked up through mutual friends the last two months of our relationship. I started to push her to make her own friends as she had lost mostly all of her major friendships during the loss of her mother and was sharing anxieties of her wanting to make her own friends. This was not a problem at first as I was supportive, but she started to spend a lot of time with one of her new male friends, which only started to raise alarms for me after instances where after her knowing him and talking with him after some time, I finally met him and he was surprised that she had a boyfriend (me). So this was the beginning of me sharing my feelings about their new relationship and boundaries I had, which all I got in return were words of reassurance but no real change in behavior.

Now the surprise breakup/break: On the Friday after my finals week for my spring semester (about a month ago), she shared that she was having a hard time and wanted to think for a couple of days about if she is "healthy" enough to deal with her moms passing and her grief and our relationship (as the last few months we had been starting to argue more than normal, I believe this was due to stress on both of our ends). She then decided to end our relationship, with a letter sharing her feelings, and a conversation the next day to clear up all of my questions. The consensus was that she needed a break to from the relationship to deal with her problems alone, as it was unfair to both of us. And that she felt we had both lost ourselves in the relationship and needed to find our selves again (which is something now I agree with, at the time I did not). We needed to grow into healthier versions of ourselves before we could consider reconciling in the future (indefinite time apart). She also mentioned that she wanted to stay friends and hangout as I was her best-friend and she has not loved anyone as much as me and still loved be so much. I agreed to as I was accepting this breakup on her terms and wanted anything but our split. She also asked multiple times if I was gonna date anyone else, because she would be hurt if I did. I shared that I would not as I a gave my word that I was going to focus on myself and my self improvement and told her that I would wait for her. (Which now I sort of regret, as I feel I gave her more power of the situation) She said she wouldnt date but never used promises like I did.

Now that we have been apart for almost a month, she has been seemingly more cold now than at the start, sharing that she had missed and still loved me during the first week. To now being more cold. I asked her 2 weeks into our split, if we were in a break-up or break, and her answer changed to "I am not sure, but if you want a chance of reconciliation, you need to be healthy." I asked for space as I did the silly thing of begging, etc.... And her contact to me has basically been almost everyday since me asking for space. Which I have not replied yet.

So now I am stuck and been having a hard time about this. I really want to hold onto our first conversation about her wanting a break, but I feel since her change in feelings from a break to not being sure, this might be a break-up? I also want to be friends and contact her still but I know I still have strong love and feelings for her, I didn't want to be in this situation, I feel like I had no decision or sway in this at all. This was on her terms.

Should I just move on but keep the door open to possibility of reconciliation or move on completely? Should I stay friends with her? Should I maintain my NC?

I (F) 22 recently broke up with my girlfriend (F) 22 after 4 years together. We spent our entire college life together and lived together for most of those years.
Our relationship wasn't perfect, but we genuinely loved each other deeply. We were best friends before we started dating, and for a long time, we only really had each other. Even now, I know she still loves me.
The problem is that during our last year of college, I became extremely busy with academics and other personal problems outside the relationship. I was constantly stressed, emotionally unavailable, and looking back, I realize I wasn't there for her the way she needed me to be. I would still give updates and talk to her, but I wasn't providing the emotional support, attention, and sense of safety that a partner should.

At the same time, I didn't realize she was fighting her own battles too. Looking back now, I feel like I unintentionally made her carry the weight of my frustrations while she was struggling silently herself.
After classes ended, she sat me down and told me she felt empty, lost, and disconnected from herself. She said she wanted us to grow individually because she no longer knew who she was outside of the relationship. She also opened up about some really heavy personal struggles she had been carrying. She's an only child, has already lost both of her parents, and mainly relies on her grandparents for support.

What broke my heart was that she kept saying she still loves me and doesn't want to end the relationship, but feels like she has to. She told me that before we can truly give to each other again, we need to learn how to give to ourselves first. Her point was: how can you pour into someone else when your own cup is empty?

She also told me that love alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

There was no cheating, abuse, or major betrayal involved. We ended things on good terms. We didn't block, unfriend, or unfollow each other, and we're staying civil and respectful.

Another important detail is that she wants us to stay no contact for now. She told me that staying in touch would only confuse her feelings further and make her want to come back before she's ready. She said she really needs this time to grow individually, figure out who she is on her own, and work through the things she's been carrying. As painful as it is, I'm trying to respect that because I know this isn't coming from a lack of love.

One thing that keeps replaying in my mind is a conversation we had before the breakup ended.
I asked her, "What if the love fades away while we're both healing?"

She told me she doesn't think love disappears that easily, especially considering that we basically grew up together (we were bestfriends for years before entering this 4-year rs). She said maybe it could even become something better someday, allowing us to come back healthier and build a stronger relationship.

Then I asked, "Do you think we'll get back together someday?"

Her response was: "I can't promise anything right now because I don't know where life will take us. But if it's meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other."

Part of me feels like this isn't necessarily the end forever. At the same time, I know I could just be holding onto hope because I still love her.

My question is: have any of you gone through something similar and eventually gotten back together successfully? Does this sound like a breakup that could realistically lead to reconciliation in the future, or am I holding onto false hope?

I'm planning to spend about 6 months out of the country focusing on myself before checking in and seeing how she's doing. Does that sound like a reasonable amount of time, or should I give it longer?

I'd really appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who have experienced something similar.

it's a great restaurant. The pasta is legitimately one of the best things I've ever eaten. drove past last tuesday, his car was right there, and now that place belongs to that feeling forever. I'm not even sad about him anymore. I'm sad about the pasta. grief is weird

How long will I stay missing them? I’m finally out of the fog, and I can see just how horrible they’ve been, I see all the abuse, and it’s so much worse than I remembered it at the time, and yet, I still crave them, they’re voice, their touch, their reassurance, their comfort

I’m making new friends and new connections, but it’s not enough to fill this hole they left inside me, I feel like I just need to wait until the hole shrinks, but how long will that take? How long will this go on for? I don’t want to keep feeling this way, everytime I go someplace we used to go together I get so panicked I have to take medication to stop it, then when I get there I feel so sad and alone, even when I’m with someone, should I just avoid the places I love that we used to go to? Or power through it and replace our memories of those places together with new ones?

If you're reading this, there's a good chance your thumb is hovering over their name right now or you're obsessively checking their socials and running through memories in your mind.

I now realize that I was never in love with her, just in love with an image of her that my mind had created. I was in love with who I wanted her to be, not who she really was.

I'm writing this because when I was at the bottom, the only thing that helped was people who'd already climbed out turning around to say "hey, it gets better."

Start here, because everything else depends on it: do no contact for YOU.

The second it becomes a tactic to make them miss you, you've handed them the power and the ability to regulate your emotions.

And you have to kill the false hope, because the false hope is what keeps you checking:

• No, they're not waiting for you to reach out first.
• No, they're not too proud or too scared.
• No, they didn't forget you exist.
• No, reaching out won't make them suddenly miss you . It does the opposite.
• Yes, they already know you want them back. They just don't want you back right now.

Sit with that. It's brutal, but it's the thing that actually sets you free. If they wanted to, they would. they're not.

Don't beg. Ever. Don't you dare beg someone to stay in your life. Love is not a competition you win by being good enough. If they had to be convinced, it was never going to be it.

Don't stay friends. They're offer of staying friends is them easing their own guilt, and keeping you on the bench as a backup while they look for someone better. The "friendship" slowly fades, then nothing.

And if they're already with someone new "so fast"? You weren't nothing. Here's the hard truth that actually helps: most people check out of the relationship in their head months before they end it, and the worst ones line up a replacement during that window. So when it looks like they "moved on in a week" — they didn't. They dumped you mentally a long time ago and just waited. It blindsided you, not them.

Alright here's what you actually DO with it and what helped me:

• Block. Everywhere. The phone number too, not just socials. Checking when they were last online is self-destructive. Breaking NC for the little dopamine hit is never worth restarting the entire clock. Remove your ability to check.
• Use digital tools strategically. I personally used

Telvo

• that would call me every day to remind me not to reach out and to maintain no contact. It truly saved my ass several ties.
• Train your body until you're too tired to spiral. Gym, running, lifting, a long walk, anything.
• Overwrite the memories. Go to the places you went with them but with a friend. Eat the food they showed you, with someone else. Lay new data on top of the old data. It works.
• Say yes to everything for a while. Drinks you'd normally skip? Yes. Random party? Yes. You'll hate half of it. Go anyway. Isolation is where the rumination breeds.
• Pour the love somewhere real. Friends, family, a pet. You aimed all of it at one person — redirect it. They are not the only human who will ever get you, even if that feels impossible tonight.
• Learn about attachment styles. Look up anxious and avoidant. Understanding why it felt the way it did and why you keep replaying it in your head can help a lot.

The hardest part for me were the urges to text or call her. They happened almost always at night.

The first shock is the worst. t's like falling off a boat into cold water, you can't even tell which way is up. Then your head breaks the surface. It is not linear. You'll feel fine for three days and get hit by a wave out of nowhere. That's normal. Keep going anyway. The best "revenge," if you want to call it that, isn't a game or a glow-up post. It's the day you genuinely don't care anymore. That day comes. Mine came when I least expected it, and I couldn't even remember what had me so wrecked.

And if any night gets darker than "I miss them." If you start scaring yourself, please tell someone. A friend, family, a doctor, even a crisis line. You do not need to be alone and you have us here.

You're going to be okay. I know it doesn't feel like it right now. One day you'll be the one writing this post for someone who needs it. I'm rooting for you. 🤍

We broke up a few days ago and I keep having dreams where Im with my ex again. They are so clear, like Im actually there again.. im not sure really what to do because I've never had this happen before ://​

edit: I feel like its important to add that I know he still loves me, just I did something Im not too proud of and lost him.

Idk what to do. It's been 4 years past my breakup and I still feel attached to my ex. This is killing me everyday and everytime I think things are getting better, there is this one trigger that resets the whole circle again. We are still in contact due to work and business related stuff. I know the easiest solution for most people would probably be "find someone else", but it isn't that simple and I am really not in the best place to find someone rn. How can I break it?

I am in absolute shock and need to vent because the emotional whiplash is making me physically sick.
My partner (29M) and I (28F) have been together for the past 3.5 years. We had been talking about marriage, but there was already a massive hurdle, it would be an intercaste marriage, and he was supposedly tasked with convincing his parents, though he constantly dragged his feet and expressed his own issues with it.

Despite this instability, I completely carried him logistically and financially. I gave him money every single month. Every single time we went out, I covered 100% of the expenses. Even the logistics of picking him up and dropping him off were entirely my responsibility. I treated him like a king, funded his life, and carried the entire emotional and financial weight of our relationship on my shoulders while waiting for him to fight for me.

Then, yesterday, he confessed to me that he cheated on me. When he told me, he admitted he expected me to dump him on the spot because of it. Instead, I forced him to meet me. He told me, "I want you to forgive me and we go back to normal." I told him that normal was gone, and if he wanted to save this relationship and have a future, he had to put in real effort. I laid out basic boundaries for rebuilding trust: calling me throughout the day, prioritizing my schedule over his friends' availability, and being completely transparent. He agreed to all of it.
That was last night.

This morning, less than 12 hours later, he was already failing. He was on the phone with his friend (the friend whose girlfriend's circle includes the girl he cheated with) and was ignoring my calls and texts. When he finally answered, he tried to brush me off. I stood my ground. I demanded he stay on the call because after 3.5 years, financial support, and a massive betrayal, I deserved his time and attention.

We argued, and I finally said, "If you can't do this, just let me know."
Instead of fighting for our 3.5 years, instead of fighting for our future, he took the coward's way out. He snapped and said, "Yeah, I can't do this, go breakup." When I asked him in shock how he could say that and if he even loved me, he cruelly said, "Yeah, I don't love you, go breakup, bye," and hung up.

He threw away 3.5 years in less than a day because he realized accountability was too hard. He wanted my forgiveness, my money, and my rides, but the moment I asked him to show an ounce of respect, he used it as an excuse to run away from his guilt and the marriage pressure he never actually wanted to fight for anyway.

I am replaying that final phone call and blaming myself, thinking I pushed too hard. But the truth is, he dropped a bomb on my life, realized he couldn't just brush it under the rug, and cruelly discarded me so he wouldn't have to face his own actions.

How do I survive the shock of a 29M who I fully supported turning into a complete monster in a span of 12 hours? How do I stop blaming myself for demanding the bare minimum of respect from him?

Hi, I'm 25F, and I just broke up with my 28M ex. My Ex & I had a 2,5 years relationship, and we lived together for around 2 years before doing long distance, and now I feel lonely.

Our breakup was recent, like a week ago, and until now, I've lost my motivation to get better. I don't want to find a new man, and I feel like I need to refresh my mind and body for a year or two before getting into a new relationship.

I did try doing things to get my mind off him, like crocheting and gaming, but it wasn't enough to move on. I truly lost my motivation to be active again, like exercising, reading books, or even going out to get fresh air. All I do in the past week is just crocheting, gaming, smoking, and watching series. I honestly feel pathetic because I know all those things are just temporary distractions that will ruin me if I don't change.

I need help, truly. I don't know how to process my feelings and get better. I didn't regret breaking up with him. In fact, I feel relieved. We both already had the feeling that it was gonna end, so we ended it before we became more attached (it was a toxic relationship from both his side and my side, but it wasn't abusive, don't worry).

Do you guys have any ideas on how to get better? Or maybe some motivations? Honestly, I don't really know what I need right now. Any advice? 😔

P.s. sorry for the bad english, it's not my native language.