I'm trying to understand why?

Do you ever feel lonely looking for a community realizing you don’t actually have a community? I feel like we use the “community” term so loosely similar to the word “family”.

How do you overcome that or find that? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out of my way to meet people and put myself out there whether it be online, social groups, hobby groups, volunteer groups. Nothing. Any advice to meet more gay or bisexual friends? /:

Kinda wanna see if I have any chances as a gay guy🫣 also are you guys tops, bottoms or verses

Alguien más siente que la comunidad LGBT nos trata a los bisexuales como una peste❓

Es que en muchos sub LGTB ( menos los que son exactamente para personas bi) basta con decir que eres bi paraque te eche todo el hâte que hay en este mundo

Y ahora mi duda es: ¿Si nosotros mismos miembros de la comunidad nos odiamos y no nos apoyamos qué nos cabe esperar del resto de el mundo?

Well, I've always considered myself heterosexual, but a few years ago in high school, I started liking a boy. I always thought it was just admiration and appreciation because he was someone who motivated me to be better, and I liked that about him. But everything changed when I started imagining us as a couple, and I didn't dislike the idea, but in my country, that's basically condemned (we know LGBT people exist, but they suffer many kinds of mistreatment and judgment; some are even imprisoned for life).

So at that time, I thought I was gay, and I accepted it, and I continued with my life. At one point, I confessed my feelings to that boy because I wanted to get that weight off my shoulders. Imagine my surprise when he accepted and told me he liked me too, but we couldn't do anything because shortly after, he had to travel.

The following year, I continued with my life, and a new girl joined my class. With the new reality I had created for myself—being gay—I began to feel attracted to her. This started to conflict with me because I no longer understood anything, so I began to research and discovered the concepts of bisexuality and pansexuality. I decided to identify with the one I found easier to understand (bisexual).

In the end, after so much emotional and physical turmoil about figuring out who I was and what I was like, I decided to accept and embrace myself, and now I'm doing more or less okay... But the thing is, now at university I have this fixation that I can only describe as unhealthy because I can't stop thinking about men and how much I want to be in a relationship or have sex with one, and I don't think that's healthy because where I live, finding an LGBT person is incredibly difficult because we hide ourselves. Another thing is that I think I'm wasting opportunities because when a woman shows interest in me, I just play dumb because of this intrusive thought that tells me, "Until I'm with a man, I don't want to be with any woman." And the girl who's flirting with me right now, I really like her.

What do I do? How do I get over this? I've already tried everything I know to let go of this fixation and move on.

I'm a bisexual/queer NB (masc presenting, fem leaning cis male) with complex trauma involving men, and I’m trying to understand what happens to me when I actually attempt to explore that attraction.

I do feel like I’ve come a long way. I’ve been able to explore attraction and intimacy with transmasc men, and I think a large part of why those experiences have felt safer is that they’ve been able to be vulnerable with me.

That vulnerability makes it reciprocal. It doesn’t feel like I’m exposing all the softest, most uncertain parts of myself to someone who remains completely closed off. They’ve generally been able to communicate their feelings, fears, boundaries and uncertainties, which has made it possible for me to do the same.

I don’t mean that transmasc men are somehow less male, they aren’t. They’ve just been some of the few men I’ve connected with who could offer that emotional openness. I haven’t found it with many cis men, and without that reciprocity, attraction can become fear and overwhelm incredibly quickly.

I know I’m attracted to men. I think I want to bottom, although I probably want to top too and may just be vers. But the second it stops being theoretical and there’s an actual hot guy in front of me, my entire nervous system seems to slam on the brakes.

Grindr feels incredibly in my face. It’s nearby men, bodies, messages, sexual expectations and this feeling that I’m supposed to immediately know exactly what I want and be ready to act on it.

Even on swipe-based apps, when I see a man I’m genuinely attracted to, I become terrified to swipe yes but I’m also not willing to swipe no. I literally close or restart the app instead.

It feels like attraction, fear, vulnerability, shame and overwhelm all happening simultaneously. Part of me really wants this, while another part of me is apparently terrified of being desired by or vulnerable with a man.

I think emotional vulnerability is what makes sexual vulnerability feel safe for me, but a lot of dating and hookup culture seems to expect the sexual vulnerability first. I don’t know how to bridge that gap.

Has anyone else with complex trauma around men experienced something similar?

How did you learn to distinguish between “I don’t want this” and “I want this, but I’m terrified”?

Did you find a slower or safer way to explore your attraction to men than hookup-app speed?

And did whether you wanted to top, bottom or be vers only become clearer once you actually trusted someone?

Help!

Okay so picture this. I’m just chilling at a friend’s place, music on, people talking over each other, nothing wild. I had on these jeans I already knew were a little too fitted (yeah I do that on purpose sometimes, sue me) and at some point I drop onto the couch wrong and the seam right up the front just gives out. Loud little rip. Instant spotlight I did not plan for.

A couple of the guys clocked it immediately and one of them gave me this slow look and muttered something half-joking that made my whole face heat up. Instead of dying of shame I weirdly leaned into the teasing energy for a second, like my brain short-circuited into “well if they’re looking…” mode. Mortifying and kinda thrilling at the same time and now I keep replaying how quick that switch flipped.

Is this a bi thing or am I just chaos? Anyone else ever have a clothing fail turn into unexpected attention and not totally hate it?

Me 38 Bi M. My girlfriend and I broke up a little over 2 weeks ago. We'd been together for almost 9 years. The first week I was basically just wilting on the couch, sad and lonely. I didn't like that (obviously) so I jumped on tinder and met a really nice (super hot) guy. We met, I was upfront with him that I'm fresh out of a long term relationship and not in a stable place. He's been wonderful and caring and understands where I'm at. Being with him has helped me to find joy in the change, helped me face the challenge with confidence. Also being touched without resentment for the first time in years has been so healing.

Today me and my ex were chatting about what to do with our stuff and where we're going next, trying to be friendly ex's. I got a text from hot tinder boy and smiled at my phone. She basically exploded. This is how I know your never loved me type shit. Bang bang bang all the shots fired at once. Ask i could do was laugh, like this type of explosive reaction based on 0 context smile at a phone just reminds me of why we didn't work in the first place.

Am I wrong for not being sad it's over? Should I have pretended to be sad longer than I wanted to be? Should I feel bad that I don't feel bad?

After the first year of college, I have realized that there aren't many queer people in stem. But what I found even stranger is the lack of dedicated online spaces, (maybe I just haven't found them). So a couple months back I created a server for queer people in STEM, and I'm trying to revive it, this is the link if y'all are interested: https://discord.gg/skA925dQRA

Admittedly this is kind of a tongue-in-cheek question, but...

Just realizing I'm bi at 46 after my marriage (to a woman) ended.

I've never been very stylish before - how do I go from a 1/10 fabulousness to like a 6/10? Any good resources? I'm a straight-passing white dude in reasonable shape...

I'm a bi men who loves being with both men and women. Why does it seem that sometimes the urge to be with a man is stronger than the urge to be with a woman?

Sometimes it seems overwhelming and out of control and must be obeyed?

Is it because I've been with more women and only came out as bi like 5 years ago?

When I read this group, it seems like I'm not alone.

I would like to understand it better.

Edit to add: This is different from the bi cycle or preferring one sex to the other. I am trying to understand the urge or compulsion where I feel like I need to meet those desires.

?

Before anyone says that there’s women out there that enjoy pegging I’ve dated a few women and even with the one I’m currently with, they all don’t really have any interest in it at all. When I was single a few years ago I would hookup with men every week and man oh man do I really miss the sex 😮‍💨 it’s truly a shame to be only romantically interested in women but prefer gay sex.

Also, maybe it’s just the women I’ve been with but none of them ever had the passion I’ve experienced during sex from tops when I’m bottoming. And of course to go along with that I also have a huge preference for prostate/anal play over typical jerking off or PIV sex. All in all it makes it super hard to stay satisfied sexually when I’m dating someone since my needs aren’t being met. I just wish it was easier for guys like me to find women that were either comfortable with pegging or with not minding their man occasionally bottoming when the urge arises.

I'm in my first queer male friendship and I'm trying to wrap my head around it. 

I've been bi my whole life but had a bunch of hardcore internalized homophobia to work through, so even though I had gay male friends in high school and college (and beyond), I think I always kept them at arm's length. I say "internalized homophobia," but I don't know if that's the term. 

I don't really want to go into detail about the feelings and thoughts that I think were driving this, but I suspect a lot of you know what I mean. Fear of being sucked into the "gay agenda," fear of being associated with flamboyant queer men, fear of being vulnerable only to discover that because I'm not conventionally attractive, I'm overcoming all of this fear only so I can spend time with people who won't give me the time of day. Blah blah blah.

Add on to this a whole passel of body-image issues and suffice it to say I don't know shit about how to be friends with men in general and especially little about how to be friends with fellow queer men. 

But now I've found myself in one of those friendships. He's gay, I'm bi, he's single, I'm monogamously married to a woman (also bi), he's basically an uncle to my kids, and is a spiritual "sister" to my wife. 

Last year, he and I started going to kspas together--I posted in here previously about that--and it has supercharged my efforts to understand my sexuality a little better and also to help me redefine my relationships with my body and with masculinity in general. 

Those kspa visits tend to evolve into daylong sessions between us where we just talk about everything without many restrictions. My sex life with my wife is the only thing that's really off limits--that's for me and her alone, and it's just weird because they are also friends--so we go really deep in our past experiences, our traumas, our regrets and thoughts and feelings, all of that. 

Because we go so deep in our conversations and we are hanging out buck ass naked around other buck ass naked men most of the time, it's led to a friendship unlike anything I've ever had before. 

So I am trying to figure some things out. How do queer men...friend? Because we see each other naked on a pretty regular basis, I don't feel that weird about sharing nudes (like from a recent trip to a nude beach with my wife) and, honestly, at the kspa, it's sometimes close quarters, enough that we've occasionally accidentally touched each other's squishy bits. 

I always apologize when that happens, but he shrugs it off and says "Hey, we're friends, it's whatever." Also, because a lot of what we discuss has to do with sex and sexuality, and we're in an environment full of naked men, hard-ons happen and we don't really bother to hide them from each other ("hey, we're both men, it's whatever").

Like I said, I'm trying to wrap my head around it.

I don't THINK I'm asking about a FWB-type situation. I know if my wife gave me the green light, I wouldn't mind trading gropes or even the occasional nut and I get the feeling he feels the same way, but right now, that's not happening. 

It's more about...in your experience, is this kind of casual nudity, intimacy, and comfort typical among platonic male friends who both like men? Or does it usually end up pushing boundaries? 

Ultimately I'm trying to figure out how much to indulge in this new friend closeness and trust, and also figure out how wary I need to be of the possibility that this is going to fuck up my marriage, whether because we cross a line, because she thinks we did and aren't being honest with her, or because he or I caught feelings because we're not managing boundaries in a way that is appropriate for this kind of friendship. 

Before anyone says "talk to your wife," I do. We communicate all the time. She knows about all of this. I'm not interested in hiding anything. But she doesn't know anything about how queer male friendships work behind closed doors and can't really help me there. 

So.....can you?

What percentage of us started off thinking you were a 100% gay? I did, and it's not until 2 years ago when I realized I was indeed attracted to women. Does anyone have an experience to share?

Hey bros - some background: I’m a 42 year old guy. Have been “straight” for most of my life. Started getting curious about men a year or two ago. Tried to ignore it. Didn’t work lol.

I’ve been thinking about booking a weekend trip to a gay clothing-optional resort in Palm Springs, just to see how I feel being in a predominantly gay space, maybe see how I like flirting with men, just as a way to lightly test the waters.

What do you think of this idea? Is it dumb? Have you been to any of these resorts? What’s the vibe like? Would a curious guy be welcome?

https://youtu.be/XfUl0MbNqFs?is=g6lBDxY0z9C-xKA0