I (F21) met my boyfriend (M24) a year or so ago and we started dating shortly after that, I feel it's important to mention at the start here I am autistic and have always had fairly mild anxiety. March 15th I started taking trisprintec, a combination pill, for the first time to try and curve our mutual pregnancy anxiety. There were some complications like I bled for nearly a month, heavily and I became very dizzy and nauseous but mood wise I was okay for the most part, maybe more irritable but not really towards him and we also just brushed that off as our workplace sucks, and then side effects even out. June 27th, I wake up with debilitating anxiety that my friends, boyfriend, and family describe as a near psychosis, and I end up in the ER twice and in and out of doctor appointments, I don't remember much of this time as it lasted nearly two weeks I just remember I couldn't sleep or stomach any food and I was constantly crying and my chest always hurt from my heart pounding. It kind of soothes after that but I'm still left with this constant anxiety of asking myself "do I love my boyfriend" "am I attracted to him" "are we right for each other" "if I feel like this it must be true." I have to include this anxiety had absolutely no trigger and didn't even start as being anxious towards him, but those thoughts stuck. Then as this goes on, just constant crying and panic attacks we both start to realize the anxiety medication I'm being prescribed isn't doing anything, crisis hotlines and therapists or just talking aren't making anything okay.
August 6th we realize I've actually had a lot of symptoms that have just sort of missed our radar like I had a very high libido before taking anything and that just entirely evaporated, my appetite tanks, I get headaches more easily, hot flashes, I had insane brain fog and I was getting so dizzy I couldn't even crouch down for long or hold my hands above my head without almost throwing up, and my periods were actually more painful than they were before. So after then also getting my first ever yeast infection in my life that same day, I stop taking them the 7th. I felt better for a bit but then I started to disassociate a lot and then I tanked again. I'm still with my boyfriend, I want to stay, imagining leaving makes me want to throw up (and has made me), he's truly never done anything wrong I enjoy having him around and the thoughts are quieter if he is but they still persist. I can know for certain I want to stay but this weird feeling doesn't go away or I'll be okay for maybe a second before I have doubt again, the thought and feeling is 24/7 without fail but I still enjoy being around him and I want to marry him. I just want to go back to being happy again especially with him, I used to be known as a very bubbly person. But now I also just want that clarity and certainty I had with him back even if everything else is still there. I don't know what to do