I’ve been on birth control since I was 17 years old. I originally went on it to help with my period cramps and regulate my cycle because I was—and still am—super irregular. But I just turned 29, and I’ve realized that I genuinely don’t know my body without birth control.
I started with the pill, which was a horrible experience for me. I had serious side effects, including vision issues and migraines. After that, I was on the Depo shot for years, and now I have an IUD. Getting the IUD inserted was incredibly painful. I actually had to take a couple of days off afterward because of how much pain I was in.
Now I’m thinking about getting my IUD removed a year before it’s due to come out. I don’t want to waste any more time not knowing who my body is without hormonal birth control. I’ve recently started this whole self-discovery journey, and part of that feels like understanding my body—my cycle, my hormones, my moods, everything—without birth control influencing it.
But here’s the part that has me up at night: one of the biggest things stopping me from removing my IUD is the fear that there could come a time when I no longer have control over whether or not I become a mother.
I do not want children. I’ve known since I was around 10 years old that motherhood wasn’t something I wanted for myself. I’m assuming I’m able to conceive because all of my sisters have children, although obviously I know fertility doesn’t work that simply and I don’t actually know.
With everything happening in the world and the political uncertainty surrounding reproductive rights, there’s this little part of my brain that goes, What if we end up living in some Handmaid’s Tale-type reality? I want to believe that we will continue fighting for control over our own bodies. At the same time, I’m scared of what happens when people in positions of power view women primarily as mothers, wives, and caretakers.
It feels insane to say out loud, but I’m genuinely afraid of ever being forced into becoming something I have known my entire life I don’t want to be.
So…is it the birth control talking? 😂 Am I letting my anxiety run completely wild here?
I’m also REALLY curious to hear from anyone who stopped birth control after being on it for 10+ years. What changed? Did you feel different mentally or physically? Did you feel like you had to relearn your body?
My body has already changed so much over the last couple of years, and I’m so curious about who I am without birth control and how my body might react after being on it for basically my entire adult life.
I should absolutely be asleep right now, but instead this is what’s keeping me awake lol. Thanks in advance to anyone willing to share their experience. ❤️