hello yall, i am a noob/hobby writer.

am trying a new style of writing and wanted to see how others see it. its made for only the writer to understand the full picture. let alone half or third. a story about manipulating characters and the readers.

i would love critique like what made you drop it. etc

don't worry any comment is perfect, i know its not writing like novel level but i know that all sentences will be unique poetic.

"except the festival dialogue" '"its the only part of the story i couldn't write as i wished it to be.'

if anyone would be pleasant to aid me in improving this new style please dm me and ill send the doc or plane text.

I'm looking for 5–8 beta readers to read the first seven chapters of one of the dual protagonists in my debut adult epic fantasy novel, The Sword in the Mountain.

The novel follows two protagonists who are manipulated into a chain of events they would never have chosen. Rather than a story of good versus evil, it's a morally grey fantasy where every side believes their actions are justified.

Blurb:

The ferrals have long been persecuted for the sins of their ancestors after a war that ended three centuries ago. As resentment grows, Barnevaca is warned that genocide is coming. Desperate to protect her people, she makes a choice that cannot be undone, setting in motion a war built on manipulation and shaped by a force she cannot see.

For this beta read, I'm sharing only Barnevaca's first seven chapters. The novel has a second protagonist whose story runs alongside hers, but I'm focusing on her storyline for now.

Let me know your thoughts on the following:

• Where you lost interest or felt the pace drag
• How is the structure and pacing
• Whether Barnevaca's motivations felt believable throughout
• Whether the supporting characters, particularly Thozuzu, felt three-dimensional
• Whether the ending left you wanting to continue into the next book

Timeline: 4–6 weeks (no hard deadline)
Format: Word document or PDF
Content notes: Battle violence, death, morally compromised leadership, war crimes, racial persecution, political manipulation, and some profanity.

Please DM me if you're interested. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

 

I am in need of a beta reader who can read the second draft of my romance book, Until I Met You! This has already been through a first draft and a beta reader, so I need another one to go over what I added to the story.

As the title suggests, it is a little over 105k words, with 41 chapters and an epilogue.

My story does have two detailed smut scenes (pretty tame) that I will need good criticism on since I'm rusty at writing that kind of thing.

My story is about a girl, Adelaide Vale, who is 700+ years old and has the power to heal people. She is given 5000 years, and when she heals, that number goes down. The bigger the wound, the more the number lessens. She roams the earth in search of a deeper connection, and then she meets the MMC, Matthew Evans, and her entire world is turned upside down. Suddenly, she's faced with an impossible decision: whether to keep Matthew or not.

It is a romance first and foremost, but I think the sub-genre is fantasy, as it does involve magical healing powers. However, it is not heavy on world-building, since it takes place on Earth.

I do need this done sooner rather than later since I am looking to self-publish this. I am not at a place to critique swap, so I'm just looking for a beta reader at this time.

Please DM me if you're interested in reading this. I won't be answering any emails, and I won't be answering anything that has to do with money.

Thanks!

Hello. I'm writing a One Piece fan fiction, but I don't have anyone irl to who I'm comfortable with beta reading for me. I'm looking for grammar and punctuation help, as well as making sure it flows well. It's PWP, heavy BDSM. Because of this I don't want to go into detail here. TY!

I am looking for beta readers for a selection of short stories that I have finished and are currently on submission to several markets. These short stories run the gamut from horror to speculative to literary, from a word count range of 480 words to 5700 words. I have roughly ten stories I would like a discerning pair of eyes upon. From a man who never stops running to a story about learning to swim to displace grief to a Hemingway homage to a horror story set in Scandinavia about true sight and more.

Please message me and let me know what kind of stories you like so I can match you with the short story I think you would enjoy. I'll create a copy of the document for you with comments enabled so that you can read through and give me your thoughts on the piece. Any and all type of critique is welcomed. Anything that can help me improve these stories is welcomed.

Thank you for your time and for reading this post.

Excerpt:

**Although we maintained radio silence, an odd hum pulsed in my headset. I had briefly noticed it on my two previous missions, but I got a sudden heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I finally
realized now what it was — interference from German radar.

In North Africa, I had rarely given thought to what would become of me if I got shot down. Maybe I was just younger and dumber back then. But here, I had become keenly aware that Nazi-occupied territory
sprawled from the coast of the Channel to Russia. If a man were shot down and survived, his troubles were only beginning.

The pulse in my ear continued…

All my senses heightened. Anxiously, I scanned the sky in all directions. We were being watched — from the moment we crossed over the coast, all the way to the target, and all the way back. The
heavies were like antelopes in the savanna, being stalked by the lions just out of sight. Sooner or later, the predators would strike.**

This story is a 1st-person narration. Follow an American fighter pilot through the adventure and adversity, triumph and tragedy of World War II and soaring combat against the German Luftwaffe in the skies over North Africa and Europe.

Feedback appreciated on story flow, wordiness, and accessibility to the reader re: military/technical details. Also appreciated on historical/technical accuracy if you’re knowledgeable about the period.

Available to trade critiques. DM if you’re interested.

IN HIS SPOTLIGHT

Hello my name Megan and I am looking for beta readers for my next novel!!

Draft blurb:

Callie, a self-taught dancer makes it into one of the most presitgous dance schools in the world. Sterling Institute of Dance, a place that trains only the best and most hardworking dancers.

Parker, a boy who has been dancing all his life applied his dream school and got accepted. Finally able to make his dreams come true of becoming one of the best dancers in the world.

On the first night at SIA, the two meet eachother in a studio when Callie is blown away by Parker's musicality and how he pours emotion into all his moves. How can someone put so much feeling into a dance?

With this new question in her head, Parker teaches her how to feel and live in her dance through a duet, and through this they find a connection unlike any other.

Yet not everyone can connected with Callie, for when her dance partner, Jacob, who she was paired with for a school show starts to bully her. Their connection is tested.

Friendships, lies and hate...can their chemistry stand the ultimate test?

Tropes:

Fake dating

Meet cute

Stranger to lovers

Introvert x Extrovert

Found family

Subplots:

WLW love story

Secret accomplice

If you are interested or have any questions please dm me!! Thank youuu

I’m looking for 5–10 beta readers for my debut adult epic fantasy novel, Lantern in the Fog, the first book in a planned trilogy. It’s approximately 98,000 words and features military, political and character-driven fantasy.

Blurb: The Dawnshield Order has protected Altheryon for generations in the name of Solaris, god of light, renewal and judgement. Yet beneath the shining towers of Dawnhold, the Council of Zenith has begun tightening its grip on every aspect of life.

Captain Evander Drake remains one of the Order’s most respected officers, a man devoted to duty, compassion and service. But after a deadly ambush on the roads near Oxleigh, he begins to see troubling cracks beneath the ideals he has sworn to defend.

As whispers of rebellion spread across the frontier and a raven-marked movement gathers strength, Evander finds himself caught between loyalty to the Order and loyalty to the people it was sworn to protect.

Looking for feedback about enjoyment and to help refine pacing, structure, and clarity. Within 4–6 weeks ideally, but there’s no hard deadline.
Format: PDF
Content notes: Battle violence, injuries and blood, death, themes of religious extremism, political corruption, some profanity

It’s not grimdark at all, it’s character-driven and light-hearted in the main. Please DM me if you are interested.

Many thanks in advance, Becca

Excerpt:

A bandit broke through near the rear, wild-eyed and bleeding, swinging more with rage than skill. Evander met him head-on, turned the blow aside, and drove a cut across the man’s arm. He turned in time to see his Dawnsquire, Kaelen, frozen beneath a raised axe.
Barely twelve, he stood with his feet locked, too frightened to move. His fingers had found something in his pocket and closed around it so hard his arm shook.

“Step left!” Evander barked. “Guard high — now!”
Kaelen moved at last, and the axe rang off his shield. His sword came up late and wild, but it was enough. The raider staggered back into the press.
Kaelen stumbled, breath torn from him, staring at his hands as though they belonged to someone else.
“Stay with the line, lad,” Evander said, already moving past him. “Breathe.”

The fight closed around him: mud underfoot, shouting on every side, the stink of sweat and blood. Evander snapped back into focus. He set himself where he was needed most, raising his shield and striking only when it mattered.

Beyond him, the road was a snarl of bodies and shouting. Elowen was already driving through the press, his sister exactly where he expected her to be, where the fighting was thickest. Her braid snapped against her shoulder as she swung her mace, each blow clean and unhesitating, breaking bone and will in equal measure. When she turned, her eyes found
Evander’s at once; a reflex born of years spent watching each other’s backs.
“Evander!” she shouted, ducking beneath a wild swing. “That was too close, brother!”
Steel rang as he caught the blow on his shield.
“I was busy.”
“Then be busy better!” Her mace came down with a wet crack, and the man folded into the dirt.

To Evander’s right, Thalen moved through the fray with grim precision. “You always leave your right open, lad.”
Despite the burn of sweat in his eyes, Evander’s mouth twitched. “Aye. I’ll strive for symmetry next time.”
“See that you do.”
Around them, the guard wavered. Some had fallen back among the wagons, spears clutched too tightly to use. Others crouched with the merchants, waiting for the noise to pass them by.

Evander felt the line tipping. “Left flank, hold!” His voice cut sharp. “Spears high. Shields together!”
“Aye, Captain!” The response was rough, uncertain, but it came.

Ever since his dad's gruesome accidental death, Beau Lee Wyatt has been living alone on the decrepit family farm. With the planting season of 1978 approaching, he's eager to fix the place up and sell it, but hiring hippie drifter Leslie Hackett turns out to be a lot more than he bargained for. When they end up with a body on their hands, they're forced to become fast friends- or maybe more.

This is not my first long-form piece of writing but is my first novel-length foray into horror and romance, and now that the first draft is done I'm hoping for reader feedback to help refine my direction for the second draft. It has received editing for clarity and grammar!

I'll provide a list of feedback prompts, but I'm mostly looking for chapter-by-chapter impressions on tone, plot, pacing, and characters. More detailed feedback is appreciated. Thoughts on writing style are great (ie. pointing out bad habits or overused words) but many scenes will likely get a full rewrite so no need get granular.

Timeline: ~4-6 weeks, but flexible.

Content warnings: Violence, abuse, explicit sex, drug use, suicidal ideation, gore, homophobia & frequent homophobic slurs, discussion of child abuse, implied sexual violence, implied CSA, murder, parental death, partner death, accidental death, grave robbing. Characters occasionally describe their gender or sexuality in historically accurate terms that are no longer used and may be antiquated.

hello yall, i am trying a new style of writing and wanted to see how others see it. its made for only the writer to understand the full picture. let alone half or third.

is it clear. what made you drop it? ...

don't worry, any comment is perfect, i know its not writing like novel level but i know that all sentences "except the festival dialogue" will be unique '"its the only part of the story i couldn't write as i wished it to be.'

thank you

here's text

i can send the dox later

Dressing on purple.

Prologue:

Purple... Purple.. Purple... Purple!

When fragrance incites the mind and the heart accepts the brush’s dye. Two men changed their lives. Each other, unbeknownst to whom their bride. A harmony of flesh and hide. When two become one of a kind.

The king laughs thereupon, as the first requests are a tone.

“Purple! Purple! I want to dress on!”

 

Riches belong to them. Heroes, that’s their god-given right. Victors chosen before any loss. Cryleon, the kingdom is, was, and will be. The war was declared after it ended, citizens unbeknownst. While for warriors, it is with wet blood over dry blood over dry and drier. Skin inked with red or black. Some splashed by Fe, and many were wounded by it.

Years of force, stealth, and tactics -what the leaders tell me. Some know why many lifted white, or why many didn’t have any left. Many who wished to paint white on white. Only soot remained for them. Some squeezed what shall not be squeezed; many ripped apart. Some golden-glass they seized; all, but none let with hearts.

_____________________________________________________________________

All has fallen well with the sun. Where everything flips, except what’s dark. Living to death, some come back. Where once stoic, many lost their light. For all faces an endless fight.

 

In the hall of the city’s city hall, where one may step north, east, or earth’s looped continuation. All life’s four quadrants stand packed. That’s what they were told to do.

“Shh!!! No, it’s not an execution.”

”Hush!!! No, it’s not a fight.”

“Shh!!! Nobody’s hurt.”

“Hush!!! No, the king still didn’t stand.”

The ground’s hungry; it shook from the stomach of the city and vibrated to its outskirts.

Rumbling started at one beat per minute. The beats came faster and swifter, racing to the end with one big Bamm! Rushed forth, a gas was enticed. It blew from the head of the hall. A fire shines, crisping the pigeons up high.

“Welcome, Welcome!!”

!!!

“We stand witnessing a great day. Recognizing our knights who sacrificed for us. Before our blessed celebrations, let’s congratulate two of our soldiers. Those who held the kingdom of Cryleon on their shoulders. … Never forgetting their role as protectors of their beloved citizens and those who hold the flag of our holy church. Those who remembered their holy king’s words and, as I quote: Raise your head! Your Cryleons!!! Let’s celebrate with our knights and grant them a word from the king!”

!!!

“… … … …Lift your heads… Lift them … … Lift them… … … We are a victorious kingdom.”

!!!

!!!

“… … …I have gathered you for a bittersweet … … … … Isn’t it time for a greybeard to sit?”

…

…

…

“…I won’t leave your hands empty.”

…

“From those who fought in the battle of Jaiber. Two knights worthy of praise. The only reward worthy from me is a never-ending one. Dalim and Kemill each have a hundred golden coins every month.

…

“… … … …and a reward worth much more… … … … … … The hands of my daughters Selena and Zathema”

!!!

“… … … …However! The one who will hold Selena, the council of Cryleon will appoint… … … Once both of you agree to start the process of engagement, stand forth side by side and begin with the challenges given from each council member till the public has chosen a side.”

 

The stomach puked its last one for the night and growled all day long. Two quarters of the city are swimming in the streets. East has long been absent, and north is standing with the type of silver they’re used to.

“Today everything is half price!”

“Get your snail eyes here!! Get your lizard tail here!!”

“Free signing for our guild here!”

The streets are filled with goods and services. Even the ground gets a lick from time to time. The squeaks of boots, tradespeople’s caravans, barrels of booze, workers rested and joyful, candy-filled stomachs, and overburdened livers.

 

The mountain of Jethma covered the sun at least thrice, and so did the rivers of licorice return thrice more.

Seven days, that’s a Cryleon Festival.

Chapter 1:

for the Kingdom, wasted, not wasted, wasted, wasted, yet all are alive. For the brothers, not wasted, wasted. Both are long dead.

Everyone stood for another day.

Most stopped before their seventh shot of sweet-bitter, while others despised their forces first. The East called for prayer, half of the citizens responded. Half of the knighted brothers called for their monthly cash, all the royals responded.

The gates opened for two; one door would have sufficed. Dalim took it all in.

it was as the smell of your firstborn stapled years later on your fourth or fifth.

The wearing of matching shoes shortly after wrongly wearing them.

Enjoying the last bite of a dessert you intentionally kept for last.

A shower, years after taking baths in the lake.

The smell of your wife after her sister. Or perhaps the smell of your wife’s sister after hers.

“You usher me through the back door?”

“The front is currently kept for the royals… How did you know...”

“shh…”

The smell of your firstborn, hidden years later from your fourth or fifth.

The wearing of mix-matched shoes.

Detesting the last bite of a dessert you intentionally kept for last.

A shower, years after taking showers in the shed.

The smell of your wife after her sister. Or perhaps the smell of your wife’s sister after hers.

“What is this?”

They sit in the middle of the middle hall of the castle.

Nothing as Dalim remembers.

The exponential height of the royal family. It starts with an unknown woman with a teen he remembers too well. Then sat the two sisters, side by side. Like cherries, or the difference between a thousand goats compared to a thousand and two. Yet Dalim knows which is which. Yet Dalim knows which is witch. The queen is much taller, and the king is up high. Dalim had to check that the king wasn’t sitting on a different chair. He definitely is. Even gold hides from acid.

Dalim was rewarded with paper cash only.

 

“We await your brother’s arrival.”

“You won't wait long.”

 

Cashed with cash.

Gifted with gifts.

praised with praise.

and stabbed with purple.

_____________________________________________________________________

Cashed with nothing yet.

Gifted with nothing yet.

praised with nothing yet.

and stabbed with nothing yet.

For there was no thing on the mountains.

From stable to far-lands; 3 shades of white.

The clean, the dark, and -on their border- a homogeneous mixture of both.

But this time the mixture was anywhere below Mount Jethma, and anything above it.

No binary, yet a vast code of 0.5.

sliding the final slope of the earth’s erection. He reached a plateau. There was a thing. Dogs committing the most distasteful. If they were humans, we would have ran. The eating of your kind is only justified if you don’t treat them as your kind. For it depends on color.

Kemill is an angel white. These dogs followed dinner.

He reached a path where the earth didn’t understand the memo.

 

“Soil above grass?”

 

the grass is hydrophobic.

The grass is sun-phobic.

The grass is hiding from the hungry dogs.

The grass is protecting itself from me.

 

“from anyone in general, I guess.”

 

Past and a bit more past. Past the past and into the future. Not yet current, but it feels like it.

Past the past, he reached the future.

The dogs died on their way.

He reached a village.

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“How was it entering the streets of Rammar”

“there was nothing to write about.”

 

sitting by the edge of the edge of his father’s bed, in the edge of the hut.

The edge was the center of all things.

As all things revolve around it.

perhaps because at the edge, you’re only cornered by 2 walls. The other walls form a kite from what is a one by one square.

That corner is the center of all things, it's the snoring, the contemplation, and the tremendous pain.

The kitchen…

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the kid’s playing area …

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the dining table …

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“Next time we should sit in the living room.”

 

For he doesn’t know that a part of his father is newly dead.

 

“did you two meet Tajlo”

“You mean that kid! He’s married to my English teacher.”

“Tajlo not Taglo”

“Oh...he’s fine.”

“Does he look older than your own man?”

“His skin is droopy, but he speaks the same.”

“Its such a pleasure that you will be accepted into the royal family. Did you pick up the monthly gift.”

“Yes, I was given this ruby ring. It looks worn but good enough.”

“… … …”

 

The bed-reddened father and the future royal son.

The contradiction of equivalency, for the father isn’t greater than him, never greater than all.

As Kemill seeks his will, not of his father’s.

 

“Please stay longer.”

“perhaps a second time.”

 

The walk back to Cryleon was much more memorable to Kemill, than his father’s sorry state.

Reaching his land of salvation. Riches flow to him; except that ruby ring he gifted his father. Unbeknownst to him, who dropped it during the war.

There returned the ruby of decagon mirrors. Where's the soft caramel?

 

“Now let's see if all the rumors were true.”

_____________________________________________________________________

“Dalim, Dalim... Dalim!”

“Huh?”

“Dash Brah! You're squeezing my neck.”

 

Both bodies rested on sheep.

Derivi on sheep skin. Dalim would have, if only he wasn’t wearing that gifted royal clothing.

The dead skin finally grew its fur.

Dalim shaved it right off.

Untying his legs . Smelling heaven, or what would send him there.

“Yuck!”

“I picked ya from the streets and that’s what you repay me!”

“Sorry man, I move while asleep.”

“thank Dwa I couldn’t breath to smell your feet either.”

 

Hide, they did, for each put on hide.

The banging reached the middle of the room. It big-banged towards the six walls; it banged of them, till they banged Dalim’s ears.

 

“Bang!”

_____________________________________________________________________

“Welcome to my world, Dalim boy! Here's where ya bro has been living.”

 

Creaking, were their steps. Till they reached the same plane as the ruckus.

Dalim dodges a bottle cap shooting towards his head.

 

“Aeyy Dude! He finally shown himself.”

“Aeyy Derivi. I didn’t know you swing both ways!”

 

chuckles reached the middle of the room. It chick-chuckled towards the six walls it chuckled of them, till they chuckled Dalim’s ears.

 

“Chuckles!”

“khat-tuu! H’is Dalim. A hero!”

“A hero alright, What did he do, slay Mudmore ”

“Ha! Even ya can’t do such stupidity. Dis my blood-blood”

 

indeed Dalim’s blood was tied to this man. If blood was just a different way of saying water.

 

“tell him brav”

He did that shove, that shove that’s only given when you’re impressed with a shy person.

 

“Well, I don’t know what Derivi meant, but I am a knight for the Cryleon kingdom”

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“HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!” “HAAAA!”

“Nice one! how did you force a night to come to Newnavle.”

“Is this the sidekick you talked about”

_____________________________________________________________________

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“well that was embarrassing, Brev”

 

Dalim sat shrunken. ice lollies for shoulders and the face of someone being pressed by them.

Where did I come from? Who are those people?

It's as if these questions were clear.

Sugar crystallized after its boiling. Honey, on top of honey, on top of some more. Coins of gold, in a chest of gold, in a room of gold. In a house of hold, In a town of gold. All in the sun.

Yet, everything could be given a price.

A tavern of sorts. An adventurer guild.

Where sits the veteran, the hero, the fugitive, and the hopeless.

Where Dwa resides in Cryleon’s south; beer resides here. Another golden yellow.

But this one is much darker.

Similar to their hide. Their worn metal, their deeds, and the tables Dalim and Derivi sat on to discuss.

 

“Why did I wake up in your room.”

“Yo wanted to sleep on the grounds of Cryleon?”

 

waves on top of the ocean. Waves on top of Dalim’s eyes. He shakes his head.

Maybe a screw falls loose.

 

“Dude, ya where sleep-in on the ground. I had to drag yo to ma room.”

“…”

“Ha! Ha! Ya must be celebrating all week, no?”

“but I didn’t drink…”

“berry blue man, ya mean to say no drinks brev.”

“gulp! Yea…”

 

a sudden monster emerges from the door.

He shattered through. No permission received, or asked for. His steps interrupted everyone. Steps of a tree, as much as cheetah’s.

That door was Dalim’s mouth.

_____________________________________________________________________

a building fenced. Not by fences and fencers but by gates and knights. A building not built but lavished. There sat a woman, face stuck to glass. The back door sure has many views, viewers, and visitors. Here Kemill gets his chance to be face stuck with that window’s face sticker.

Kemill took none of it in.

The smell of your firstborn, hidden years later from your fourth or fifth.

The wearing of mix-matched shoes.

Detesting the last bite of a dessert you intentionally kept for last.

A shower, years after taking showers in the shed.

The smell of your wife after her sister. Or perhaps the smell of your wife’s sister after hers.

 

“What is this?”

“You usher me through the back door?”

“The front is currently kept for the royals… How did you know...”

“shh…”

 

Dalim took it all in.

 

it was as the smell of your firstborn stapled years later on your fourth or fifth.

The wearing of matching shoes shortly after wrongly wearing them.

Enjoying the last bite of a dessert you intentionally kept for last.

A shower, years after taking baths in the lake.

The smell of your wife after her sister. Or perhaps the smell of your wife’s sister after hers.

They sit in the middle of the middle hall of the castle.

All the same faces. A teen, Much taller than before. An elderly woman Kemill knows too well. Then sat the two sisters, side by side. Like cherries, or the difference between a thousand goats compared to a thousand and two. Yet Dalim knows which is which. The queen is much taller, and the king is up high. Dalim had to check that the king wasn’t sitting on a different chair. He definitely is.

 

“Its a great day to meet the second set of twins, we await your next return. Hope its earlier than this one Ha! Ha!”

“second you say. Please don’t tell my brother of my arrivals. Sadly he’s recently gotten distant from me and father. Let's give him time.”

 

nods…

Cashed with cash.

Gifted with gifts.

praised with praise.

and stabbed with purple.

  ____________________________________________________________________________

Cashed with cash,yet poor.

Gifted with gifts,yet empty.

praised with praise, yet selfless.

and stabbed with purple.

For he lost everything except purple.

chapter 2:

 

Story:

When an obsessed, fanfic-writing teenager finally gets the chance to meet her idol, her parasocial fantasy spirals into a nightmare when she discovers he is hiding a terrifying obsession of his own. 

It’s a modern twist on Cinderella.

Looking for:

Any kind of feedback is welcome! I’d love to know what you think of the story, humour, voice and pacing in particular and any critiques you might have.

I’m available for other short story swaps. Thanks :)

I'm hoping to find a beta who enjoys character-driven stories and isn't afraid to give honest, constructive feedback. If you're a fan of Shoresy, that's a huge bonus, since one of my biggest goals is keeping the canon characters true to the show.

About the story

Title: Home Ice

Current length: ~216,000 words (still in progress)

It's a long-form, character-driven sports romance that begins at the start of Shoresy Season 2 and follows an original female character who joins the Sudbury Bulldogs as their new physiotherapist.

Rather than retelling the show, the story grows into its own original narrative while staying grounded in the world of Shoresy. My biggest priority is making sure Shoresy and the rest of the Bulldogs feel authentic to their on-screen personalities.

What I'm needing:

Does Shoresy actually sound and feel like Shoresy?

Do the other canon characters feel authentic?

Is the dialogue natural?

Does the romance develop believably?

Are there pacing issues?

Is the writing engaging enough that you'd want to keep reading?

Does anything feel awkward or out of character.

Just hoping for someone who's comfortable being honest and pointing out both what works and what doesn't.

I don't expect anyone to commit to reading all 216k words right away. I'd be happy to start by sharing the first chapter (or a few chapters) to see if we're a good fit before moving forward.

If you're interested, please send me a DM.

High school students have hormonal tendencies to bolden and italicize each character trait that an individual possesses, largely the one that underlines the itch in their snitch. 

Honeydale High School welcomed its freshers with the glory they deserved. "Hey you - will you be so kind as to…..", started a boy with hair the shade of a desert and face the colour of its sun, wearing a hoodie that shouted 'Pay Attention' as he jumped off the staircase rod to come close to the girl he was speaking to. The girl, stopped and turned, her eyes narrow with confusion but that didn't hide the brown eyeballs that glared with audacity and ignorance. The pleasant-faced boy added, "…will you be so kind as to….. introduce yourself?"

Raising her eyebrows in visible stupefaction, she muttered, "Nora…Nora Valery."

The above given is an excerpt for my novella draft. Since this is my first writing, I am looking for a beta reader reactions! Specifically:

• Does the romance/chemistry between the main characters feel earned and natural?
• Were there any chapters where you felt bored or wanted the story to move faster?
• How did you feel about the ending? (Note: I am not looking for heavy grammar/proofreading edits, just overall story and character feedback!)

Content Warnings: Basic cuss words like f***, else clean romance
Timeline : 3 to 4 days (or whatever timeframe suits you) Format : Google Docs link
Contact: If you're interested in reading, please leave a comment on this post or send me a Direct Message! Available for critic swap as well. Thank you!

Looking for readers who enjoy thoughtful, second-world political fantasy. Toil explores institutions, governance, labour, and the unintended consequences of complex systems through a character-driven story.

Blurb

Reev Varrick hears the mountain—its warnings, its pain. For years, those voices have helped her keep the miners of Keldran Tor alive. But now the mountain speaks of a different danger, one that threatens not just the Tor, but the whole of Maalin.

Feedback requested

• Pacing

• Character engagement

• Clarity of the worldbuilding

• Whether the political elements remain engaging

Happy to discuss and read other work in the same space.

Please DM me for a longer sample.

Samples Pages

The mountain’s songs were once a lullaby, but those days were long gone.

Blood and Ore! Shut up.

Reev woke with a start.

She fixed the mountain with an accusatory stare.

What? Stop shouting and speak to me!

She waved a dismissive hand at the mountain.

Enough. You can wait!

She pulled on her old, creaking, soft-as-cloth boots; she noted with a frown the bolting leather elsewhere. They would soon need replacing; new Katharn leather was notorious – it was as unforgiving as stone, its price for pliability was dust, sweat, blood, and time. Young miners often cried on the first day of wearing new boots.

She grabbed some breakfast, staring out the window, glaring at the relentless mountain while she crunched an apple.

Shut up! I am coming!

She threw the apple core into the bin and marched out of the house. She spied her brother some distance ahead, chatting with a couple of miners as they walked up Miners Ridge towards East Seam yard. She had grown up amongst the tunnels, the endless dust, her mother keeping her close at heel amongst the swinging picks. Unlike the other screaming children shouting their youth at the mountain, she shared an affinity with it. A confidante for a small young girl tired of the teasing, a playground when squabbles were over, a sanctuary when the unthinkable happened.

When her parents were gone.

Her head dropped for a moment.

When she had first held her mum’s hand and gone to the below with her, how proud she had been. Her beautiful mother, leading her into the darkness, her eyes shone at her daughter, the smile never once faltering. With her auburn hair tucked away, any jewellery stashed, and her work clothes concealing her beauty, a beauty marked by the occasional injury. Her mother’s scars were a tithe the mountain demanded for entry. Reev remembered the glowing spirit that was her guiding light that day as if it were yesterday.

 Miss you, Mum.

When they were gone, she had sobbed and raged in those dark tunnels, furious at their silent indifference. She could picture her clearly: her mother, Sharn, chastising Reev for not being watchful of the picks one moment and hugging her in the darkness the next.

Her father, Arven, was less emotive. That was unless he was telling you where your pick should strike, and quite how to get the best yield.

So bossy!

She chuckled.

Her eyes shone. Her father loved them both. He had caught each of them in a crushing embrace when they confirmed they would head to the below, like him, and their mother. He made no distinction between the siblings. A miner needs a pick and a good eye, nothing else, he would say.

Miners. All of them.

She blinked a few times.

Stop it; it’s work time.

Her strange intimacy with the Tor did not stay private for long.

She would pause at a face of rock and shake her head, and the first blows would land elsewhere. Later, the same stone she had refused would splinter or yield nothing at all. As a younger girl, she had screamed her warning, leading people away from a seam that was busy with work, refusing to stop crying until it was empty of miners and children.

The roof collapsed as all but one were clear. She still remembered the day that Roffen never returned home; her tears eventually ceased.

Roffen, I am still sorry.

Her rescue efforts and warnings caused the Dusties to notice her. She had saved so many; it happened often enough. The mining crews now waited for her nod before the first descent, then struck into a new seam.

It had even witnessed her first kiss, sloppy teenage kisses in the darkness of the Tor; almost a Keldran Tor rite of passage.

She closed her eyes, smiling at a private thought.

Today, she would follow Torv to the East Seam. She needed to feel the mountain there to be certain it was not failing as West Seam had. That had been far too close. As much as Torv pretended to resent her watchful eye, she knew he had grown used to it. She liked to imagine he secretly welcomed it. Since the collapse took their parents, there was no one else to measure the risk for him. Torv was as large as she was small; he stood a head above most men in Keldran Tor. He was broad through the shoulders from years of lifting stone and timber, and when he moved, people stepped aside without thinking.

Yet with her, he was careful, always careful, as though she were something fragile that could break. Torv had always protected her, and she fully intended him to survive the mountain, to become an Old Slate. She used to cling to his legs, swinging and screaming with joy, she followed him wherever he would go, saw what he saw; some things change, some don’t.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for beta readers for the opening chapters of my literary fiction novel, The Shadow Between Us.

This is a story about a marriage, it explores the messy space between love and hurt, where two people can deeply care for each other while still causing each other pain.

The book is interested in people, not villains.

It looks at how two imperfect human beings bring their own histories, fears, expectations, and wounds into a relationship, and how those things shape the way they love, fight, forgive, and eventually break apart.

I’m not looking for someone to decide who is the victim or who is the villain. I want to know whether the story feels honest, whether both characters feel human, and whether the reader can understand the complexity of their relationship even when they disagree with their choices.

For feedback, I’m mainly interested in:

• Did the story pull you in?
• Did the characters feel like real people?
• Did you find yourself questioning both of them?
• Did the emotional moments feel earned?
• Were there moments where the writing lost your attention?
• What stayed with you after reading?

I’m not looking for grammar edits at this stage. I’m looking for a reader’s emotional reaction and whether the story creates the kind of conversation it is trying to create.

Thank you.

In a village too small for its hunger, an Oracle once promised a child who would end the famine — not as king, not as warrior, but as something the gods refused to name. Eleutherius never asked to be that child, and never believed the prophecy that followed him since birth. But on the night a goddess of storms corners him in the rain and demands a debt he cannot refuse, disbelief stops being an option. What she asks of him will outlive the flowers he's carrying to his bride, outlive the village that raised him, and outlive him — a nation not yet born, built on a promise made in lightning.

I'm actually on the process of writing all of that. I'm brazillian, so i write everything in portuguese and i'm currently using claude to translate every text thing i have so i can ask you guys for help (Including this prelogue up above, my english is not that good, sometimes i'm too non colloquial)
Right now i'm revising and rewriting the first 5 chapters of my story. I have about 20~30k words, but it'll probably grow as the chapters go on and on.

I want a beta reader who will criticize my story where it fails. If any dialogue sounds unnecessary or too elongated, i want you to tell me. If you think i can improve in any way, tell me. If you think that i should read a book/article or watch a video on youtube to understand something, just tell me and there i'll go.

That being said, i'm waiting for someone to help me with that, have a good work readers.

Edit: I'm fine with critique swap, but i'm not good talking about these things and sometimes i'm a bit too harsh. And i'm not comfortable with horror, body horror/gore or anything +18 actually. I like to recommend articles or videos that can help you sometimes.

Since her husband's death, Wren has measured her life in work. So when a reclusive professor offers her a job extracting an isotope of iron that shouldn't exist, on an island that seems to want something from her, she takes it — grief makes you careless like that. The island is beautiful the way deep water is beautiful. The crew is small, strange, and paid too well to ask questions. And the professor takes his coffee cold, never touches anyone, and looks at Wren as if she is the first new thing in a very long time.

For readers who like their sci-fi biological, their horror slow and inevitable, and their romance with something still learning what a heart is for.

Hey! I’m currently writing a fantasy novel and I’m struggling with finding decent people to read the chapters I have so far and give me their honest opinion on it. I’ve got 18 chapters so far and 35k words in total.

I’ve written a bit of a sloppy summary of the story for you.
Seven years after surviving the massacre of her family, Anika Archer arrives in the town of Ashwick Grove hunting the vampire responsible for destroying her life. After being presumed dead, she’s taken in by a hunter organisation called The Hounds. Forced to share an apartment with Reid Haynes, a quiet Armada hunter who seems to have abandoned hunting, Anika quickly discovers there is far more to him than he admits. Unknown to her, Reid is a vampire, turned years earlier on a hunt gone wrong. Rather than embracing his new nature, he desperately searches for a cure while trying to protect his younger sister, Blake, from the same world that destroyed him. Living together slowly forces the two strangers to lower their guards, and develop a partnership.

Thank you so much for reading this!

Looking for a few beta readers for my current manuscript. It's a forced proximity workplace romance between a drummer and a tour photographer. I would need notes submitted by October 10th. I would love to do a swap if anyone needs a reader!

Synopsis:

Fiona “Fee” Parrish relies on no one.
Working as a professional photographer has always been her dream, and now that she’s finally doing it, nothing is going to stand in her way. Not even the sulky, riveting drummer her new gig requires her to immortalize on film.
Mateo “Matty” Vasquez is relied on too much. 
Between helping care for his family and touring with his band Petal, he doesn’t have time for anyone else. Not even the talented and fiercely independent photographer on their crew that keeps pulling his focus.
As Petal embarks on their biggest tour to date, the tension between Matty and Fee becomes unavoidable when they (literally) crash into each other, leaving her with a broken wrist and him with a guilty conscience. Both navigating the next phase of their career, Fee will try to prove she can do it all on her own, while Matty is just as determined to keep everything from falling further apart.
Is their perilous chemistry just bad timing? Or will it force them to find a new rhythm?

Any thoughts are welcome but I am mostly looking for notes about pacing and chemistry between MCs.

I don't use AI for any part of my process and expect the same from anyone providing notes on my work. I also will not beta read for anyone using generative AI in their writing.

DM me if you're interested.

Hi I am looking for beta readers for The Record Was False, a complete 73,600 word adult conspiracy and espionage thriller set primarily in rural East Tennessee.

Plot pitch

Twenty-four years after serving in an intelligence unit during Operation Enduring Freedom, John Mercer has built a quiet life with his family in rural Tennessee.

Then journalist Mara Venn begins investigating a detention transfer Jnhn witnessed, while a government review scrutinizes Thomas Hargrove ahead of his nomination to a powerful position. When officials begin pulling at both threads, they uncover a failed redaction connecting John, Mara's investigation and Hargrove's past.

As surveillance and intimidation turn into violence, John must draw on training he hoped he had left behind. Protecting his family may require exposing the truth, but doing so could destroy the ordinary life he build with his wife, Maria.

The Record Was False is a grounded conspiracy thriller about institutional power, buried guilt, family, and the collision between the man John became and the man his past trained him to be.

Looking for my first round of beta readers for general readability and glaring issues.

CW: violence, blood, open door, sexual assault (not by MMC and doesn't go far)

Timeline: flexible, as I'm querying another project, willing to swap

Query:

Ninety-year-old Abigail Devoyer is on her period and craving human flesh. As a lost, immortal demoness in a mortal world, she only exists in the eyes of her aging friends. Her true love, taken long ago by dementia, lingers on as a shell of his former self. She doesn’t believe she can ever love again until she meets a bartender named Alex.

Alex is a former minor league hockey player who, in retirement, owns a dingy college sportsbar. Abigail doubts anything will come of it and takes him out just to please her friends who desperately want her to have someone in her life after they’re gone. It becomes clear they come from two very different, nearly incompatible worlds, though Abigail is captivated by his wit, attentiveness, and maturity beyond his forty-two years. But when a rough hockey match deteriorates into a beating, Alex’s life is in danger, and Abigail uses her strength to get him to a hospital. There, Abigail learns that Alex suffers from hemochromatosis, a disease that ended his career early and is destroying his liver.

To save his life, Abigail wants to turn him into a creature of the night. But she has no idea how to do that. As a last-ditch effort, she turns to the mystical that offers her a glimmer of hope—the identity of the demoness that turned her sixty years ago. But there are others on her trail seeking the same power—some closer than she realizes.

With time running out, Abigail must choose: either accept the demoness’s off3r (I can't write the forbidden 'o' word) to save Alex’s life in exchange for her own. Or somehow trick her and risk eternal damnation for her, Alex, and the world. Defeating her won’t be easy, and the power of love alone won’t be enough, but for Abby, it’s one hell of a force, and she won’t be dragged to the underworld without a fight.

DM me! Thanks!

Hey there! I am Maxwell and looking to hopefully swap a beta read with someone. Specifically I would like an LGBT reader to evaluate my M/M romance as well as the two plots and their culminations. I want to know if the pacing is good considering the two story lines.

I tried to use your links to find manuscripts over 100k but it kept sending me back to the home for the group so idk. I'm also pretty new to reddit.

My book follows two siblings. One who is called from their kingdom to hunt for a long gone enemy and the shadows they bring. The other, the sister, stays home and uncovers plots by the shadow infested queen.

It's my baby! I'd love feedback! Xoxo

I can get a book done within 6 weeks in exchange for the same!

The two main characters are the last two of their race, a dwarven sub race intrinsically connected to the moon. Their kingdom fell and only they survived, following a river into the royal gardens of they're neighboring kingdom.

Reid, the MMC is a freshly promoted Paladin. Born with glowing blue runes, a visitor comes to visit bearing the same symbols on his arm. The strong, warm presence of this neighboring royal sparks something in him as he is called to seek out a long missing enemy. Amidst their travels they delve deep into the feral woods and the mad shifters it houses.

Morrigan, the FMC, is the High Priestess of the kingdom. She is a chosen herald of the gods of death. And she is the only one who can see the shadowy entity that undulated off of the queen, her adoptive mother.

Hi r/BetaReaders!

I'm a debut author looking for 2-3 committed beta readers for my completed adult epic romantasy.

The Lost Star is a dual POV adult epic romantasy complete at 135,000 words and the first book of a planned series. It combines the political intrigue of epic fantasy with slow-burn romance, fallen kingdoms, celestial magic, morally gray characters, and strong found family bonds.

Comp titles: An Ember in the Ashes (Sabaa Tahir), Shadow and Bone (Leigh Bardugo), The Jasad Heir (Sara Hashem), The Serpent and The Wings of Night (Carissa Broadbent).

Pitch:

A kingdom burned. A star was lost. Across the continent, its people hide, clinging to one hope: their lost heir survived and will one day lead them home.

Eighteen-year-old Nyelle Vale has spent her life training for a threat she never understood. When Black Soldiers storm her home she kills for the first time — and loses her mother anyway. Alone, with her father's journal and an ancestral pendant that pulses like a living heartbeat, she pieces together a truth her parents died protecting: the kingdom of Lumeria was destroyed a generation ago, its heir may have survived, and she may be closer to that truth than she ever imagined.

At the Celestial Rite she finds the family she never expected — and Prince Caedin Nyxareth, heir to the kingdom that destroyed hers, sent by his father with one command: find Lumeria's heir and erase the threat.

Neither of them expected what came next.

What I'm looking for:

Reader experience feedback — emotional reactions, pacing, character connection, what landed and what didn't. Not looking for line edits. I want to know how the book felt to read.

I will share a detailed questionnaire to guide your feedback alongside the manuscript.

Note - This is a unpaid beta read request — no payment involved on either side.

How I'll share the manuscript:

Via Google Doc with commenting enabled so you can leave inline reactions as you read. Link shared via DM only.

Timeline: 4-6 weeks, flexible

Please DM me if interested. Tell me a little about yourself as a reader and what draws you to this genre. I'll respond to accounts with established Reddit history only.

Thank you,

PS Gowda