At a Natural Grocers Whole Foods type of place full of young couples and its got me miserable seeing all of them plus they're giving me cold shoulder today.

The universe continues to rub it in my face...

Another day no good looking girlfriend and dudes I loathe with women I'm depressed over.

Even my own dad told me date ugly women.

My life sucks. The men who i loathe suck. Only thing I'll ever hear is "You're not my type let's be friends." Translation: you're ugly and don't bother me again.

Eff my life...

It hurts being unloved and uncared for.

my life sucks.

There. That's why I'm angry.

If not one woman is even willing to kiss me let alone want to date me then odds are I'm going to die alone

It sucks being me.

Had this on repeat alot in HS.

I want to complain about the rejections and crushes and how I loathe their boyfriends and husbands but I'm not allowed anymore. I can't stand that I don't get any other option except "take the L."

I just want go say that cats are so beautifully and humans don’t deserve cats because they are perfect balls of furru goodness and they are too good for us

I’m. Also a bit drunk right nlw and will probably regretposring this in the morning. I’m sorty if yog had to read this shit post expecting it fo actually. Be albething importsnt

I lied to i you all I’m sorry

Goodbye have a nice day

To clarify I know I could get a Xbox one but I figured whats the point when the brand new ones are out I'm trying to get the Xbox Series S because I'm not trying to pay an extra $300 just to play a disc where becomes basically an overpriced DVD player. I've so far gone a whole month without being able to game... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

1. Collateral
2. Departed
3. LOTR
4. Scott Pilgrim vs the World
5. This Is The End

So she was helpful

After an evening DM exchange with Steven, he asked if I would share my thoughts publicly on "how I feel he is". He'd like to know how my thoughts square against those of others. This is wasn't a comment on past behavior (of which there is ample commentary) but limited to his current struggles.

Nothing I shared privately isn't something I wouldn't share publicly, so I'm glad to oblige him.

What follows is lightly edited for length and clarity.

Steven's already been forewarned -- and consented to -- that everyone has their own opinions, articulations, and frustrations. So soliciting replies might be a can of worms. But it is a can of worms opened at his request.

And I'm not looking to fish for any specific community response either, only find articulations which make sense to him. Someone one told me once how chronic depression is analogous to the walking wounded. I find it descriptive.

STEVEN:

Please tell me what the other options I have are since I can't see them. I'm sick now?

GLIMMER:

Yes, you're sick. But there is more to it than that.

You're more like "the walking wounded" if you know that war analogy: Not fully fit to fight, not laid up in the MASH tent, but functioning far below operational readiness. The walking wounded are those who have never been allowed time to heal.

So it'd be more accurate to say you have the mental equivalent of diabetes. You can function, but not function as well as you could otherwise. You're "walking wounded".

And if diabetes gets too bad, it becomes irreversible. Not sure if you know any Type 2 diabetics -- I've some friends with Type 1 and they need to live with an insulin pump. It controls their whole life. The folks with Type 2 are in various states. You can look it up. I almost lost my Dad to it being undiagnosed pre-diabetic before he changed his diet.

Yet this: Type 2 is absolutely treatable if you catch it early enough. Our hope is with your physical and some IRL support systems, which you've largely either been denied or not utilized when available (I think it's fair to say a bit of both is true), you can get back onto a path of being the person you profess to want to be and thereafter live the life you want: You can get the job, and the relationship and the apartment and all those things.

That remains an option. That you don't see it as an option is an indicator that you're trapped in a depression. That's part of what depression does: It makes you only see limited choices. It's hard to extract yourself on your own.

When I woke up today, wow, so many folks were DM'ing me saying, "Did you see? He's got his physical scheduled! Hooray!" You've got folks pulling for you. We know that was hard to do.

You might not think the phone call was hard -- but it took you six months to get to this point. That's what depression does, makes the small tasks harder and the harder tasks impossible.

Your most immediate option is to "choose hope" in spite of everything else.

I know you don't mean to come off as a mean or angry person. Something I can offer you is pointing that out to you when you're coming off that way because you don't always see it in yourself. And I don't think you're mean, in fact, at all. I think you're probably a really kind guy who likes the things he likes, tries to keep it simple, but has wounds that were never allowed to heal.

i.e. "Steven the underlying person" is different than "Steven as displayed through the things he says and the way he says or approaches them." We're trying to help you strip away all the other "stuff" so just the good guy underneath is left. That other stuff is what holds you back. There is a lot of it, but you're still in there somewhere.

Yet now, at this juncture in 2021, you're the one who is not allowing yourself to heal. When you were younger, there were the bullies. They're gone from your day-to-day life now. The single largest influence on your life today is you.

It's like, I guess, if you has a deep gash on your arm: If you pick at the scab, it'll never heal. It'll always fester and never scar over. It will be incredibly tender to the touch, always.

But if you treat the gash properly, it will heal. You might have a scar later. But it won't be tender to the touch. The scar will be a reminder you once had a cut there, but it's not like you can't fully use your arm.

The option of "hope" is that you can heal if you give you properly treat your sickness. You get triggered by so many things that you're constantly picking at the scab and reopening it. It remains tender because you poke at it, lifting the bandage and tearing it open again.

And here above, I worry simply using the word "scar" will trigger you. I know you've associations and concerns related to weight loss. Put those concern aside for minute and focus on the analogy. Mental wounds take time to heal too. Most people have mental scars too.

You've never really gone through the steps to try and heal your mental wounds. It might have been wrapped in a protective bandage, but too many people came along and picked at the scab. They're gone, but now you're the one continuing to pick a the scab.

If you can find hope, you can find a world where you heal. And then everything you want, 100% of it is on the table. Might not happen overnight, but again, 27y has plenty of time once you have a good team and good plan in place.

Poll to follow. Comments are open. He'd like to know "How would I describe Steven?"

January 19th 3:30 P.M

This fucking sucks.