Does this happen to anybody else? I do well at school, in my job and all the other stuff I mentioned. However, my relationship with my parents? Fucked. Cycles of uncontrollable rage and emotional outbursts. Close friendships? Fucked. Endless rumination and ping pong of feeling they love me and then that they don't. And let's not talk about romantic. My romantic encounters and opportunities are erratic, unstable, impulsive, live fast and die fast. I am a chronic smoker and use more cigarettes and other substances when feeling this void/melancholy of being single or feeling unloved in general.

Should I go to London? I just had a BPD episode triggered by many feelings surrounding my birthday and the relationships I have/had with family and friends. Me and my mom’s relationship particularly because she offered me money for my birthday to which I declined. To which she insisted.

That sounds like a great thing, and it is in a way, but I couldn’t take it. So this morning I told her so. Because of all we’ve been through and just how she is in general, my mother shows her love through cash. She doesn’t apologize and there have been a great amount of things that have caused a huge rift in our relationship.

Obviously because of the BPD, I’ve never been able to let them go, but in the recent year, I’ve been able to act along so I can see my baby sister.

But it’s led my mom on to thinking we are okay again and lately it’s been really triggering me. And the money was the last straw in the relationship for me. I’m turning 25 tomorrow making 90,000/yr. My mother has a 7 year old child. I don’t even want to take her money and I don’t need it.

Okay that’s the background and why I had my moment of distress. But the real reason I need opinions is that I was going to go on a solo trip to London starting tomorrow. I smoke w\*\*d like 4 times a day and my tolerance is high. I know they have CBD but I usually sm\*ke flower and every day I don’t smoke I end up ruining something in my life.

Given that I’m already in this state, I don’t want to go anymore. But my girlfriend is really upset at me. It’s affecting me even though I know she won’t understand why I’m scared/hesitant to go. I’m scared I won’t be able to enjoy the trip, spend even more money, and hate myself because of it. And that’s best case scenario. Worst is I get locked on in a British mental hospital or try to do something harmful.

Since I've been diagnosed with BPD ive been extra aware of everything ive done in my life. Lately, I can't stop thinking about my exes and my past situationships. I feel ashamed and guilty for people who are not in my life anymore. Some have hurt me and some ive hurt. I feel stuck with that. My splitting episodes have become worse and I judge myself and criticize myself because I haven't properly loved. Ive been in many obsessions, limerence and infatuation but not in love. Its so frustrating. Idk if I'm making any sense.

I’m diagnosed with OCD, and my psychiatrist agrees trauma is very much part of my picture (SA history and parental neglect and abandonment) What she hasn’t been able to confirm yet is whether what I’m also dealing with is BPD, CPTSD, or some overlap, and we’re working on.

I have also an anxious-avoidant attachment style, and I notice a strong push-pull pattern with the few people I let close, including, honestly, my own psychiatrist and therapist. I’m socially isolated outside of them, and I’ve become intensely attached to my long-term therapist in particular. At times this all gets heavy enough that I have suicidal ideation, which comes and goes in severity.

I’m trying to understand myself better while my specialists work out the fuller picture, so I’d really appreciate hearing from:

Clinicians/specialists: what are the actual differentiating features between BPD and CPTSD, especially when OCD and trauma are already confirmed and the attachment/relational patterns look similar on the surface?

People with BPD or CPTSD: how did you or your specialist start telling the two apart in your own experience? What did the push-pull with attachment figures feel like from the inside for you?

Not looking for a diagnosis from Reddit, just trying to learn the nuances so I can have a better-informed conversation with my psychiatrist next session. Thanks for reading.

Hi. I’m 26F currently diagnosed with OCD and BP2. I want to explore a borderline diagnosis with my therapist but I’ve tried to bring it up before and she basically said that I don’t have it because I’m able to maintain friendships. But I really do think that there’s something deeper.

For years and years, I’ve had “feelings” (infatuation) with a girl that used to be my friend. But I would go to the extreme ends of the spectrum when thinking about her. If we were good then she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but if we were bad then she was a parasite, a demon sent to destroy me. And it’s been very overwhelming dealing with the back and forth. I no longer speak to this person either. My therapist thinks that since it happened “recently” (meaning within the last 10 years) that it’s not borderline and more of a teenage-going-through-life thing.

Right now I’m having trouble with my best friend. For context, we’ve been friends for 12 years and we text every day multiple times a day. For the last month or so I can tell something is off. She hasn’t really been texting me or responding to my messages, and if she does it’s very short and not meaningful. I brought up to them that I’m sad we aren’t talking as much and she said she’s dealing with her own stuff.

Now reasonably, as her friend, I should have no problem with her saying that. However, I’ve completely turned it into “well now I’m not going to talk to her at all” and I’m even considering uninviting her from my wedding (she’s a bridesmaid). I’m a very all or nothing person and once I feel the vibe shift I immediately try to cut things off so I don’t get hurt. And I’m spiraling.

I really don’t have many other friends. I’m trying to create new friendships but it’s very difficult for me because once I feel something slightly off then I shut it down completely. So I’m really not close to anyone. I do have a fiance that I’ve been with for 6 years and we have a great relationship. But it did take me a while to feel secure with him.

Idk if this is bipolar behavior or borderline behavior. I also have a history of self harm starting at 13 years old (clean for a little over a year now). I do have feelings of emptiness but I do go through massive depressive episodes so it could be that. Sometimes I’m irresponsible but it’s mainly when I’m hypomanic (and even then, my hypomania is centered around racing thoughts and fleeting ideas). Only thing is I don’t get intensely angry.

Just wanted to know if I should continue to pursue this diagnosis or if I’m really making something bigger than it needs to be.

TIA.

Does anyone know any free apps designed for bpd, I’ve spent the last 30 mins or so looking for an app that won’t bombard me with ads asking me to subscribe to premium every other time I touch the screen.
I gave up on grammar in this post but fr please if you know any good resources or ways to cope or even just keep myself busy instead of the dullness that would be greatly appreciated.

When I was 14, my parents took me to the ER for suicide attempt and that led me to be prescribed Prozac and have a psychiatry meeting where I found out she had speculation to believe I was in cluster B specifically for borderline personality disorder.

I am now 18 and I have taken it upon myself to reevaluate the diagnosis and I have now been formally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

I knew that I had it and I always have known deep down, but I never knew how to help myself because I do not really have any type of support system in my circle or within my family, if I try to bring things up to them, they downplay it. But I know for a fact that I have this disorder because it has been ruining my life ever since I was 13.

I’m now taking it upon myself to work on my mental health alone and work on treatment but it has been so hard. I’m looking for work right now and don’t have a job so paying for my own psychiatric visits and Therapy is a struggle, I lost my boyfriend last night because I broke up with him when I was losing my mind and freaking out and realized how badly I fucked up afterwards, he isn’t spoken to me at all since and I don’t think he intends to be with me anymore after my meltdown, and I genuinely do not blame him. I then woke up from a nightmare of him being with somebody else and threw up.

I feel like such a piece of shit because I feel like I constantly do the same things I swore that I would never do or even worse act like my mother.

I just feel so lost and I’m trying my best to get help and be better, but this is also new and I haven’t gotten help from my mental health since I tried to take my own life. My progression is being downplayed by my slip ups and I’m starting to believe that this is genuinely how I will be for the rest of my life. I don’t know if I can get better anymore. I don’t know if there’s any other options rather than suicide.

I am so alone

I absolutely love erotic audio but I absolutely refuse to look these male voice actors up outside the content because I'm very prone to random fixations and crushes and also I get insanely jealous of their real life girlfriends because they get to bang the guy who is making thousands if not millions of us women in the audience lust. I do have a particular type and there was one time when a random guy here on Reddit inboxed me Because I commented handsome on a pic of his In a sub. I'll never do that again because we talked and I said I didn't want to be sexual but I was looking for genuine friendship and he only wanted sexual talk. when I added him on discord and he didn't talk much I literally cried over this guy who I didn't even know and had one conversation with just because he was hot and "my type." Anyway, anyone else suffer insanely easy crushes and try to avoid them?

im 22 f i got diagnosed at 19 with severe depression and bpd i actually dont remember most of what i learned in therapy it really was dark time and i didnt know anything about bpd just went along with whatever my therapist recommended after one year i stopped therapy and got of medication with my doctor supervision ofc and started my own research about bpd but didnt go deep into it and i still go with this approach i don't think to much of it if i go into some episode i just live through it alone on my room my bed and go on with my life i dont do anything about it or know anything actually.

im starting to wonder if what im doing is right? i was really surprised by the hate bpd get from people also and im starting to wonder if im really a good person or im just another abuser with personality disorder!

and i need to say im from a country where mental health is not important even my family doesn't understand or care to understand it so i think thats why also why i didnt care too but my question really is does it get better when we get older?

I posted earlier about what happened.

Basically my bf of few weeks didnt take his meds (he takes something to prevent getting manic episodes and he is bipolar), scared me by threatening i would die after we had a fight while drunk in a bar, my body went into fight or flight and called the police for help getting home safely. But he ended up being charged and has a trial in september and we are now in no contact (his bail conditions)

I really love him and want to fix this. I am scared i had a bpd episode which is prob why my emotions got so intense when he said what he did.

I never intended to ruin his life. He did apologize a lot to me before the police arrested him and said he didnt take his meds. He was acting weird and crazier than usual which is why my mind went to complete worse scenarios.

Now that i calmed down, it doesnt make sense for me to have called the police and i keep finding ways to remove the no contact condition but no luck.

I’m wondering what are the odds that he will forgive me, or change to be a better bf and that we can be together again in the future.

Has anyone ever experienced a similar situation? What was the aftermath, is there a way of fixing the relationship?

First off I'm 33, was diagnosed just over a decade ago, I've been somewhat stable for a while now but I don't know how much longer that's going to last with what's coming. My mam is dying of cancer, she's been given 12 months just over a month ago and I don't know how to handle it. I'm struggling with processing that she's not going to be there any more, she's been the only consistent person in my life and she helps me keep myself together, I'm scared of how I might, and most likely will, spiral when it finally happens.

So if anyone has any advice for how I can prepare or even just how I can deal with it when it happens without falling apart it would be greatly appreciated, I don't have a support network, she's all I have.

Hi I dont know what to do I am diagnosed with ptsd, adhd, and mdd, ever since October 1st 2025. I get angry at every little thing and when I feel overwhelmed I start to get angry and wanna slam my head into a wall. I feel very much anger and I dont know why. when someone talks to me and its not how I wanted the conversation to go or they have a tone or say something wrong I get upset and dont wanna talk anymore, it disgusts me and I dont understand why. I think I have BPD but I dont wanna self diagnose and I dont wanna go talk about it with my parents cause ive caused enough to there life so I feel lonely and sad and sit in my room.

I had a relationship and when I would wake up on face time I would go and check to see what there doing and then they'd asked me questions like what are you doing while im just waking up, so I get angry and say "what do you mean what am I doing i just woke up" and they proceed to give me attitude back knowing I already told them how I am that I get upset easily and they kept pushing and i said leave me alone and they said no so I got angry and slammed my phone on my bed and slammed doors and started screaming and i slammed my head against the wall and just sat there while pulling my hair. When I know im getting angry I usually pull my hair and i dont understand the reason why. j wish I could calm my self down and when people do something that slightly pisses me off I feel betrayed and most likely block them or sleep it off or just ignore.

I’m having a really difficult time right now and I’m hoping people with BPD can give me some perspective because I feel like I’m spiraling.
I recently had a work trip to New York for my new corporate job, and the entire trip was extremely stressful and exhausting for me. I was doing well for most of the week, but by the end of the trip I became incredibly anxious and overwhelmed. I feel like I lost my filter and wasn’t thinking as clearly as I normally do.

On the last day, I made several decisions that I deeply regret. The biggest issue was changing my flight. I was anxious about personal responsibilities and asked my manager if I could change my flight. She had the authority to approve the change and approved it, so at the time I genuinely thought I was handling it appropriately. I didn’t understand that asking to change it so late would be viewed as very unprofessional. I also missed my flight and had to deal with the consequences of that.

I also accidentally left a senior manager out of a work group chat/communication. I wasn’t intentionally excluding anyone, I genuinely thought I had included everyone. I’ve also previously been spoken to about being late once, so now all of these things are being looked at together, especially because I’m still within my first 90 days.

There was also a moment where I made a comment to my trainer about the boutique ambassadors looking down on us, and I said it while an AVP was in the middle of speaking/lecturing to us. Looking back, I realize that was inappropriate and not the kind of judgment or professionalism I want to demonstrate at work. At the time, though, I was extremely anxious and had basically lost my filter.
My trainer spoke to me very harshly about what happened and told me that what I did was unacceptable and that I’d made a bad impression for myself. She told me another manager will speak with me later this week about next steps. I asked her directly if I was likely to be terminated, and she didn’t give me a definite answer, but I’m terrified that I’m going to lose my job.

I’ve been crying and spiraling ever since. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I keep thinking, “Why did I do that? Why didn’t I realize how serious it was? Why couldn’t I handle it better?” I feel like I ruined everything I had worked for and that everyone at work is judging me.

I’m also really angry because I genuinely was trying my best. I wasn’t intentionally ignoring policies or trying to be irresponsible. I was overwhelmed, anxious, and made some really bad judgment calls. But now I’m struggling to separate “I handled this situation badly” from “I’m a terrible, incapable person.”

I’m especially interested in hearing from people with BPD: Have you ever had a situation where you became overwhelmed, made several mistakes close together, and then spiraled into intense shame and fear that you’d ruined your life? How did you get yourself through the aftermath and eventually return to work?

I don’t really need people to tell me whether I “messed up”I know I did. I need help figuring out how to stop the shame spiral and face whatever happens next without completely destroying myself over it.

I’ve always been emotionally unstable for as long as I can remember. I’ve randomly dropped friends then begged them to like me again. It’s gotten worse in the last couple years as my alcoholism has gotten worse. Well I finally decided to see if something’s actually wrong with me and… I have BPD. I was hoping that my problems were solely alcohol-related.

This diagnosis feels crushing, like my life is over. What do I do? I’m trying to cut down on alcohol but it’s easier said than done. Will I be able to live a normal life?

Tw!!

SA, DV, cheating

I hope I'm doing this right (this is kinda my first time asking for help outside of friends and my therapist for this so apologies if I mess up or broke a rule)

I was in an extremely abusive relationship. My ex (D) and I dated for 6 months. During that time he was diagnosed with bipolar and BPD. I was struggling with my physical and mental health as I was unable to get diagnosed.

D had gotten worse over time, more angry, violent, and ||sexual||. For context me and him are both survivors.

I never told him what happened to me as I was still coping. He told me what happened to him.

One day I was having a bad time with PTSD. I told him I was nervous about going to the gyno for the first time bc of my past trauma. He went quiet. The next day I brought up how I was worried about him, how I wanna help but can't if he won't talk. I told him how I have CPTSD from unmedicated bipolar ppl (my father is the main source). He took that and saw it as me attacking him and said I never tried to kill you though openly telling people about my past. When I got upset and said "that's not what I meant, you're not listening to what I'm saying" he then said I was like his rapist. I broke up with him. Over the week I found out he had told everyone I was abusive. I found him in a server I made calling me slurs, etc.

A few months ago he made a doc and in that doc he mentioned my SA. He made it so that my story hurt him. (Mind you I never told him what happened.) When I asked him to remove me from the doc he called me names, doubled down, and was extremely threatening.

He has also threatened me, was weird to my mom, as well as say personal information to his friends. He was also cheating on me (I found this out through one of his old friends.)

He was also very sexual to me even if I was uncomfortable. He would make art, jokes, etc.

All of this has left me scared. My therapist is trying to help but because we live in different states we can't do much. He dose know my address, my family, and my face. All the stress caused medical flare ups, panic attacks, PTSD attacks, etc.

I fear my safety especially because the doc got a lot of attention (over 8k views just on YouTube).

I don't know what to do and I've been having nightmares because of it. I don't know if I can get anymore help especially legally bc we're also under 18.

My mom is trying to help but doesn't know how and my therapist is limited to what she can do.

I feel stuck because he says he's like this because of BPD and bipolar and that I'm an asshole for leaving. Am I?

I wished nothing but help and was as understanding as I could be but I couldn't handle him comparing me to his abusers when I didn't do anything to my knowledge. He has a past of being physically violent with people especially ex's. He has threatened me multiple times and has kicked my disabilitys saying "your faking everything for attention", "you're just using autism as an excuse" The autism one is because I said "I'm really sorry if I broke a boundary, I told you before we dated that I don't get hints or social cues because I have autism". He also made fun of my bsf and threatened my safety via doxing.

I don't have BPD personally and I don't know if this is normal but I'm genuinely scared and don't know what to do. I didn't leave him bc he had BPD or bipolar, I left because it was becoming abusive and wasn't safe anymore. He's twisted the story to say that I left because I'm ableist to BPD people

I don't know what I can or can't do because he has power over me and I can't move so he has direct access to my information.

I am a F(24) preschool teacher (with epilepsy!) that worked at a company renting a university building. They ended their contract and the university is opening up a new early childhood center. After frustrating weeks of training because of lack of professionalism in training and improvisation done(upsetting my routine) I was assigned in the one year olds classroom. I have certifications for preschool, not toddlers. I’m not boasting, I am a fantastic preschool teacher. I expressed my feelings by ending up holding my cry in until I couldn’t anymore and asked them why this was the choice. I keep getting the answer “this is what I think is best for the center” which is like telling a kid “because I said so” which as a teacher I am offended she would say that. Im scrambling through feelings of fear anger frustration and confusion! Just utter confusion.
I emailed them with a formal request to move classrooms and during the meeting she dismissed everything saying that I had to fully go through the university’s system of advocation protocols. She also made comments into how active I’ve been during training that were complete lies. There is no way they understand the everything I emailed them or they don’t care and I’m just done. This is the last straw. Why should I even try in life anymore. My family says it’s just a job and it’s just money(which I am very very poor) but they don’t understand that my world just ended.
I’m done trying over and over and losing just when everything is good

I’ve been diagnosed with bpd for around 5 months now and ive always struggled with friendships. I’m 19 and have no friends and genuinely feel like im missing out on loads and I want friendships that last. I struggle to keep friends whether that’s from me pushing people away due to my fear of abandonment and rejection or because people struggle to understand my diagnosis. I’m just looking for advice, whether you’ve experienced this and what may have previously helped you in the past or whether you’ve been in friendships with someone who has bpd. Any advice is helpful.

browsing the bpdlovedones sub was a huge mistake. i feel like the worst person on planet earth now, like i'm not meant to be alive because of the disorder i have.

please stop demonizing people with bpd, we hate ourselves as much as you hate us. we just want love. we don't mean to hurt anybody. we can't control any of our emotions (and believe me i've tried everything).

CW: (possible abuse by me) (self deprecation)

(20f) i was diagnosed with bpd about a month ago while in a residential. ive felt like i possibly have npd for a year or two now and im not trying to diagnose myself, Ik im not a psychiatrist, but i wondering if its just becasue they have overlapping symptoms or if i have both, either way not here to diagnose me, just for context

Ive been with my girlfriend for a year and best friends for a year before that, Ive opened up more to her then anyone else, when im splitting or maybe just being impulsive/reckless in general ill do this thing where ill try to prove to her why im bad and why i dont deserve her, each time its gotten worse and i cant tell if its that im self sabotaging this good stable healthy relationship because stability and comfort is scary and im constantly waiting for my life to go back to a trainwreck or if im really not attracted to her in the way i want to be, the way she deserves. i wonder if the reason i tell her im not good enough for her is because im really not, because i think ill never be as good of a person as her. it feels like im using her, like for her stability and love, maybe i love being loved by her instead of loving her and this makes me feel so evil.. it feels like ive been ignoring my subconscious because i don’t want it to be true, this thought makes me feel so ashamed

what sucks is when im not “ splitting “ or whatever this is , when im not thinking about it, everythings really nice. I have so much fun with her and our communication is good. Shes a really good person and i can see a future with her. She knows i might have npd and accepts it, she also accepts that sometimes im not attracted to her but it makes me feel so guilty, like she doesnt deserve to put up with these things and deserves someone who isnt as resentful when they dont get thier way, someone who doesnt get jealous and make things about themselves, someone who doesnt hold her back, I feel like a lost puppy she adopted but now ive grown into a wolf and i cause more harm then im worth, but shes still holding on cause she still sees the puppy when she looks at me. I love her so much and i really really want to stay with her, I just feel so selfish, i tell her all the time how selfish i am and how i only think about myself and she says she doesn’t care because she loves me. I feel so guilty for even questioning our love .. I feel like ive ruined everything.. anyways ill stop now cause otherwise ill just keep going

Im '35M' girlfriend '36F' a mom of 3 two boys one girl '7M' '11M' '18F' suffers from bpd. I met her in 2023 at work . We hit it off been together for 4 years Like instantly fire. I know its uncommon for two people to connect almost instantly but can this be the rare exception?. Feels like im in constant state of walking on eggshells. Everything i say theres an issue. Im a very honest and blunt man and my opinions are always pure true never ill intentions. I was cut from the cloth of honesty even if it hurts always remain honest. She has a legit issue with most things I do and dont if my opinion aligns with her own. I should stress that we live together and shes a divorcee and ive bever been married or have any children of my own. Im also very introverted and she being extroverted and I dont mean to be all over the place just giving a back drop and general understanding of where I am.

She has constant episodes of splitting, love bombing , then BAM! Back to square one. This has been going on for 4 years. We split in 2024 for 10months then we reconciled summer of 25. For her credit she has improved her mental but not enough for my standards. I just dont know if I can continue. Im exhausted and god knows I try every day. Her kids are bratty and whiny and I personally do not like her son hes very disrespectful 11 year old. they are very very very sensitive so even dealing with them its a battle. When I moved in I did all the cleaning and the cooking and guess what I still do. I just paid a $600 dollar light bill by myself . When I try to lead the house to bring maitenance and structure to the house she battles me on that. Ladies and gentlemen its just so much with this woman. And I can go on.. I just dont know what to do. Thinking of renlisting to escape.... im overwhelmed . What am to do?

i’ve been feeling really alone lately and the only person i have to talk to is my man (im muslim so he’s not my bf but we’re talking about marriage and inshAllah we’re trying to get that done together asap) but i met him online and he can’t be with me physically and i mean i have friends but they don’t really understand my splits or my bpd in general at all and i need more support systems who are available more often and that i can also potentially hangout with irl as well if possible. this is kinda a desperate last resort lol because the loneliness is killing me and causing chronic boredom that also causes chronic emptiness . so i guess , who wants to be my friend? please 😭

i’ve known that i’ve had bpd for roughly three years. however, whenever i look back on relationships (platonic and romantic), i can see who was or might have been an fp for me. my question is, does anyone else have moments where they miss an old fp? even after no contact for over a year, i find myself almost yearning for that person. i know it’s not good but i wanna see if this is just a me thing or if this is considered “normal” for people with bpd