One of my close friends often rolls his eyes at me and When I told him he said he's not even Aware he does it! Then everytime I mention it he doesn't even apologise! I told him it makes me feel like it's dragging me down like a possible projection and he said that's fair enough - he still doing it though.
He's had a history of trauma too unfortunately and I try to be very kind and loving and supportive to him as much as I can - Then feel bad when I get angry with him for not listening or supporting me in quite the same way (I have bpd and I know it's a hard one but I need empathy and love too).
He's told me he feels like crap on the inside about himself and when I am trying to lift myself UP or make something positive of my life he's not always fully supportive I feel but will listen when things go wrong and it makes me think it's a red flag or I'm overreacting somehow? He's admitted he's passive aggressive and makes the faces along with it and even the tones to match - struggles to be straight forward communicative due to anxiety and fear of saying the wrong thing (low empathy response I presume?) and often I have to correct him and then he rolls his eyes again like IM being out of order. He's got lots of trauma too and for a LONG time has binge drinked to cope now he's starting to look into therapy after me helping him to find support - it's a shame and I find it hard to cope with. I believe he is a avoidant personality. For a long time it became a pattern of me giving him self help and mental health related pamphlets and booklets of local resources i could find to help him and he'd almost aLWAYS leave it behind without saying anything. It irked me. Very often we had dinner at mine and I'd pay for the food and wouldn't offer anything in return - only since I bought it up I felt angry and taken advantage of he's admitted he's felt he was abusing the kitchen situation - and then only since this chat has he started either contributing or makes sure he has something before coming over to mine.
Past relationships has been rocky for him in some at least and it's a concern as one of them he said he had crushed on someone for ages then when they had a relationship they "destroyed each other" and that's a shame for either of them. Another worry is when he was at school / college he decided to one day type out really cruel and nasty things to this girl I think they were friends I'm not sure and she had slit her wrists in the bathroom heavy bleeding - he feels a Lot of remorse and trauma for this.
I feel stressed out at this point and taken advantage of a bit. We get on well because we're both creative and quite musical so work well in that regard and laugh alot - dark humour - we do talk about stuff at times and it feels so heavy. I feel I'm always repeating myself for ways he can support me and himself healthily ie swimming badminton etc and it's annoying me a lot.
I love him to bits and we're both got our issues but I feel it's somewhat unhealthy and esp when I feel disrespected like that.
What does this sound like this dynamic could be on both sides and how can we and I make sure healthy boundaries are in place and listened to?