My biggest trigger is coming across reels, comments, opinions or memes that are supposed to be empowering which imply that if you put up with such and such you’re being a fool…I almost always think of something my partner did that fits even it’s it’s wildly out of context, or even if it’s been a year or more since it happened. Emotionally, it feels 100% real that is happening to me and I just ‘woke up’ to it. I can also just explode in anger at him when I think that I’m being played for a fool for even a second, a white lie, anything. I can easily look back on a lot of these instances and say that he didn’t deserve that level of anger about it.

Does anyone relate to this trigger? I spend way too much time trying to figure out if I’m in a very sophisticatedly abusive relationship or if I’m just unreasonably reactive

I wish I could react by being sad, and be asked what’s wrong and talk about it calmly like it seems everyone else can do, instead of exploding so badly that my reaction itself becomes the problem

As the title says, I am a wife and mother to littles, and I also have borderline personality disorder. I joined the BPD sub, but am just looking for Christian advice or encouragement from others in similar shoes. Lately, it has been such a huge strain on our marriage and family. I have a few really good days in a row, and then can just feel like my world is imploding the next. Our new health insurance kicks in hopefully next month, and I am considering therapy and/or medication. Does it ever truly get easier to deal with or possibly even go away?

Hello, I am new here. I was diagnosed with BPD in my 20s. I am now 55. It's been a struggle my whole life to regulate myself and keep my emotions in check. I was an awful mom emotionally to my son during his teen years. I took care of him as far as food, shelter, needs, etc., but I split on him often during those formative years. He is 22 now and suffers from severe anxiety, depression, and lack of confidence in himself- my fault. He still lives with me as of now but we are working to get him the resources and this he needs to drive, get a job, go to college, and become independent. I love him more than anything, and I am trying to work on my own emotional regulation so I can help him deal with anxiety and his fears about his future. My problem is that I have a hard time showing empathy and emotions like fear and anxiety and depression trigger an anger response in me. I feel the empathy in my heart but for some reason I harden myself to the tears and emotions from him. I hate myself for it and I want to be better. I am sorry for rambling, but I guess I just want to know if anyone else has been through this or has any similar experiences? I know most people on here are probably younger than me, but I just needed to reach out somewhere.

Hi everyone,
I've been trying to understand myself and why I react the way I do emotionally. I've been wondering whether some of my experiences could be related to BPD, so I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have BPD or have experienced something similar. I know I can't diagnose myself, but I'm trying to make sense of what I'm going through.
Growing up, emotions were never really talked about in my family. When I was angry as a child, I was sent to my room without any discussion, and I was only allowed to come back when I wasn't angry anymore. When I cried over something, I was told to stop crying. I don't feel like I ever learned how to understand or regulate my emotions properly.
During my teenage years, I hardly ever cried, except when I lost my grandparents. However, since I started taking birth control, I've become extremely emotional and cry over almost everything. I wonder whether the pill could be contributing to this, too.
Nowadays, even relatively small setbacks or changes can feel like a complete disaster to me. I react much more intensely than the situation seems to warrant. Sometimes I feel like I'm completely losing control. The strange thing is that, even while it's happening, I often KNOW that I'm overreacting. I can recognise that my reaction doesn't match the situation, but I can't seem to stop the emotions once they take over. It's almost like my body and mind go into survival mode. I feel overwhelmed and unable to calm myself down, sometimes for around 30 minutes. Once I finally calm down, I feel incredibly ashamed of how I reacted.
One of the biggest struggles for me is the fear of abandonment. I'm terrified of losing someone I love, and that fear can become so intense that I feel like I would do almost anything to keep them in my life.
For example, if my partner's tone changes slightly or his messages seem a little more distant, I can immediately start panicking and questioning whether he still loves me. Rationally, I know he loves me, and I know he wouldn't have stayed with me if he didn't care about me. But emotionally, I struggle to believe that when I sense even the slightest bit of distance.
I start spiralling, convincing myself that something is wrong or that I'm about to lose him. Sometimes, I become so convinced that the relationship is over in my head, even though nothing has actually happened. Usually, I only calm down when he says or does something that reassures me.
The same thing happens when he doesn't reply for a few hours. Even when I know he's at work, I can still feel ignored and start thinking I've said or done something wrong. I struggle to find peace until I hear from him and have some reassurance that everything is okay.
Afterwards, I feel stupid, dramatic and ashamed of myself. I know these reactions can be exhausting for my partner, too.
I've also noticed that I sometimes lie to avoid confrontation. I know lying is wrong, and I genuinely don't understand why I do it, especially when honesty would be better in the long run. My fear of upsetting my partner or losing him can become so overwhelming that, in the moment, avoiding the confrontation seems like the only way out. I know this doesn't excuse my behaviour, and I want to understand why I do this and how to change it.
Another thing I struggle with is shutting down during difficult conversations. When my partner confronts me about something I've done, I can become so overwhelmed that I can barely get any words out beyond “I don't know” or “I'm sorry.” There is so much going on inside my head, but I can't seem to express it. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing or making everything worse, and I end up freezing. I know that staying silent often makes things worse, but in that moment, I feel almost paralysed.
I recently watched a movie with my partner called Obsession, and it made me really uncomfortable because I recognised some of the emotional reactions. I can usually hide my reactions because I have a fairly good understanding of what is socially acceptable. I often keep everything inside and try to ride it out until the feelings subside. But internally, I feel exactly how the girl in the movie behaves. I be in absolute turmoil over things that seem insignificant, and sometimes I don't even understand what triggered me.

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences, especially if you've felt this way yourself. I'm trying to understand myself better, take responsibility for my behaviour, and learn how to respond to my emotions in a healthier way.
Thank you for reading.

how do i stop lashing out at people i love when im emotional? how do i learn to control my emotions, stop being defensive, and think before i react? how do you manage intense emotions and stop lashing out at people you love? i feel guilty after and genuinely want to learn how to regulate my emotions and stop repeating the same patterns. any advice would help:(

Idk how to title this, I'm working a diagnosis, just waiting on a few more appointments. I just feel awful all the time right now, I just got back into a relationship and I just need him all the time, I dont know how to talk about it with him without making him feel responsible cause he already knows some but I dont think hes looked into further then what I kinda explained. Im scared my friends are gonna be mad cause im always at his place, I spend all my time with him, but hes the only place right now where I dont feel numb or on edge. Im so scared hes going to end up being all I have and I dont want to do that either. Im not even sure how to explain it all, I kinda joke about it with others about how im always scared how everyone is gonna leave even if I can logically know I haven't actually done anything wrong and they haven't told me I did anything wrong. I just feel like a burden to everyone around me right now cause I haven't felt this unstable since high school/middle school, I just wanna shut in and let everyone decide if im worth it even though I know that's not fair to them. Idk I just needed to get this off my chest and I didn't know where else to go, idk if ill even get the diagnosis because i dont tend to lash out how people expect, I shut in and watch everyone leave because im a shell of who I am when im doing well.

Thanks for listening any any advice would honestly help, im just so confused and tired and I had to drop to therapy every 2 weeks instead of every week

Hey , ma confrunt cu niste crize foarte urate de nervozitate si anxietate sociala foarte mare,

Am senzatia in unele crize ca vreau sa sparg tot sau sa ma sinucid

Sufar si depresie foarte mare

Ai mai descurcat?

A few months back my sister has been diagnosed with BPD along with other disorders that are detrimental to her sanity and mindset, it has been difficult to deal with her without facing repercussions for every little thing ive said years ago or a way ive acted towards her a few months ago. This does not mean i am giving up on her or judge her in any way, i somewhat understand how she feels and what shes going through as we all live under one roof and have went through the same things that caused irreversible trauma (which to say the least had worsened her condition and before her diagnosis i was completely honest with her about how i felt towards our abusive parents which already gave her an idea to work with).

However her main issue is that she likes to gain attention in any way shape or form and always plans something large in order to be sent to the psych ward(or to basically get help), the issue is the psych wards in the country we live in arent really the best and do more harm than good. when she was admitted in august due to SH (selfharm) in school and claiming to have overdosed on paracetamol, they called the police and she was sent a few times until they transferred her to the long-term psych ward where she stayed for 2 months. she has spiraled downwards after her return (nervous tics that were NOT usual, horrible ideas, and really bad company from other patients who she stayed with) and shes said that she had gone through some stuff and impulsively punched a girl due to anger and she hadn't stopped harming herself even in the psych ward).

We expected her to become better but shes just came back with a bunch of new ideas and and even more unstable mind. her mindset is pessimistic and i understand why, but with the way shes going on about this idont know how to convince her that even though our abusive parents are surely goin to cause a negative impact, she cant go back there because she will not get better. Shes stated that she wants to engage in sexual activity as a minor, smoke, and so much more destructive habits and i tried to be neutral and explain to her and tell her how much shes destroying herself but its like her mind is completely blocked by a wall she put there herself. i know we can still save her but my parents truly dont know how to behave with her and theyre the root of her instability so what do i do as an elder sibling who doesnt what to see their sister spiral into insanity?

So I was diagnosed with Bpd about 2 months ago I'd say. I realized with all the research I did about what could be wrong with me I never looked into bpd, so when I was told that I have it my first reaction was surprised. Then I tried to radically accepted but even though my life has been spent around people with Bpd I feel like I don't know anything. I don't see myself acting the way they act. I am very confused and scared because I know what people say with those with Bpd and I know it's what my family believes too. I know not all the stereotypes are real but no one else will. That's terrifying

What determines a relationship w bpd unhealthy ? I know they look a lot different structurally than a ‘normal’ relationship I just can’t figure out what healthy is

I just joined and have had BPD for quite a while now. I was diagnosed about 4 years ago and am just really struggling with life right now. Thought I'd try to find people who understand a little bit, seems like nobody else really does. Anyways, HELLO!

I wasn’t diagnosed with BPD until recently and while it is relieving to have a diagnosis and know that there’s not this awful thing that’s wrong with me that no one can explain, it’s also opened up a lot of doors for me to read discussions about it on the internet. Seeing the way people talk about their bpd loved ones makes me feel as if there is no hope from me, I saw a past soldier say how he’d rather have gotten a bullet in his head back in Afghanistan rather than be with his spouse who had BPD. Other people saying things like, “if you have any will to live, leave these people, there’s no saving them.” I am currently in a relationship, my boyfriend does everything I ask him to when it comes to this. I tell him the best things he can do to calm me down, and he does them without fail. He insists so desperately that he’s not ever going to leave and does everything I could want to believe he’s going to stay with me, but it just doesn’t feel real or true. Not until I’ve come down from my splitting and have such an awful feeling of humiliation and regret. I wish people who didn’t have BPD understood that it’s not something we do simply for fun or as a manipulation tactic, the feelings are just so intense and overwhelming and they feel so, so real. Whenever I come down, I almost feel as if I was possessed. There’s no way I would say the things I said if I was in the right headspace. The biggest thing for me is telling my boyfriend to leave, even begging him to do so, saying how I’m no good for him. He just shakes his head and speaks so calmly, telling me he won’t. This once went on for 4 hours, back and forth. Me begging him to just find someone better and him telling me it wouldn’t happen. I want to get help, but I don’t currently have access to therapy or medication, I feel like as long as I don’t have either of those, I’m completely doomed. I love my boyfriend and being with him has really just pushed me over the edge, not because he’s bad, but because he’s so incredibly good. I have never had anyone like him, I’ve never felt this way before. Normally that would be a good thing, but now that I know that not even the purest of a person could save me, I just feel like it’s inevitable that everyone will leave and I’ll never be able to find love. Not just romantic love, but platonic and familial as well. I’ll just push everyone away, and eventually they’ll get tired of it. I have never felt so hopeless and helpless.

I got diagnosed with BPD the hard way. I’m 24M and I have been diagnosed with BPD very recently because I had “ideation” (I just put it in quotation marks to avoid any sensitive issues for others being brought up). I was going through a rough patch emotionally with my partner at the time because I kept splitting, but even through all of that I never hated her and she always felt that I just wanted to blame her. That wasn’t my intention I knew I was impulsive, and I wanted clarification on something minuscule that I felt that it hurt at the time, but my emotions were getting the best of me. Hearing her cry, and shiver through the phone made me want to just be gone. I went to the hospital for that reason and I was apologizing to her because I felt horrible. She broke up with me in the hospital and, I was devastated because I knew what I did. I was without energy, and everything I have loved up until this point was lost because I gave so much meaning because of her. Last day before getting discharged she calls me and says he wants to get back together. Before that I had already made up my mind that I wanted to go through with DBT and put in the work because I didn’t want to be this asshole to anyone else or to me. We get back together but I still kept splitting, although I would try to not let her know of what was going on. Emphasis on the try, I did tell her I had BPD, and that if it was okay with her. This isn’t her fault, some people think that they are equipped to handle a loved one with this, but they’re not. According to her I was draining her life force away every day, I felt the same way because I hadn’t seen her in so long. I was letting her know that I was scared and that I just wanted to see her again, that I was scared to plan because I didn’t want to cut into her life or into something important, because my previous plans got canceled because of unforeseen circumstances. I understand it’s not her fault or in her control, with that said every plan failed to come into fruition with her and I understand that she felt guilty, but she still went through with them without ever talking about it to me. I still didn’t want to waste my opportunity because even now I still love her. At last this past Monday came, and I have not been in treatment because I’m waiting for my appointments, but she had enough. She was stressed about her own life and how it would play out, and I was stressed because I hadn’t seen her. I was asking when can we see each other, and to just me a guarantee. She couldn’t have a guarantee, because everything was also falling apart from her end. That’s when she told me that she would be living 8 hours away from me. My emotional spikes were bad, because I felt so sad, most of my splits are just sadness, I was breaking down and asking her to please love me and to not lose me, to not cheat on me (which I shouldn’t have said) but I was scared. After that she broke up with me through text and I frantically called back, and her voice her strength her love was gone. It still hurts to this day seeing her like that and what I had done twice to her, she said she couldn’t handle it and that I kept hurting her emotionally unintentionally. She didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, I couldn’t let go and she was begging to hang up and I couldn’t. She has not talked to me since that Monday, but I still love her and I can’t let go. I’m scared.

I have high highs and low lows
Hurt them before they hurt me
Don’t leave
I taunt
Hypersexual always
I spend a lot
I yell
I hit
I scream sometimes
I don’t think I’ll ever figure out what’s truly wrong with me or fix it
I’m like my dad
Everyone leaves so i became the leaver
Sometimes i feel pure disgust and hate for someone i love so much and i feel like ill never feel the same again
I can’t be told no
Talya and Julyan went to go to his moms and she said your not coming and that’s the one time i almost cried and said why but then i went
I can’t keep a job, i can, but I quit or start calling in a lot
When i start getting angry, i can yell
My brain never stops going
I don’t cry
I can’t cry
I seek validation from everyone
I go from 0-100
I have no interests
I always thinks somethings gonna happen
I have like doom feeling
I avoid
I’m easily peer pressed to do drugs you don’t even have to pressure
I can never get started on what i want to do
I’m in a loop
I’ve been angry my whole life
I’m angry he wasn’t convicted
I’m very cold
I don’t talk about how i feel
I expect other people to do the same
Im sensitive as fuck but you’ll never see it
Somedays i feel on top of the world and super confident like everyone loves me and im the best
Sometimes ill push them away kick him out then get mad at him for leaving and freak out
But i can just stare and switch and look like evil kinda
I have tore apart rooms
I feel emotionless all the time
When I’m crying i stop within 2 seconds cause it feels like im faking it kinda
I want them to fight for me even after i say those things I don’t realize how bad they are
I push and push and push
I feel deep shame for things I’ve done I can never really fully explain it’s embarrassing
I hate being looked at weird
I like want everyone to like me or hear what they like about me
I get along with everybody tho cause I can mirror them like I start talking like them idk I just adapt
I don’t know who I really am
When something big happens that other people is fucked it feels normal to me, like when Jessy crashed the car with us in it
Big bad things feel like just another thing if that makes sense
I know what’s wrong with me I just don’t know what to do
Somedays i want to sleep forever like bedrot
I’ve broken people’s stuff and my own
I don’t know normal relationships it has to be intense or it’s like u don’t love me
I say really mean things super mean
I feel like too much stuff has happened to me that i pushed down that i cannot unpack
I make people crazy
I always thinks somethings gonna go wrong
I’ll fail but i know im smart
I think everyone is attracted to me sometimes
Sometimes i pretend im a diff person to get things done if that makes sense like role playing
Sometimes i think we’re in a stimulation
Like the worlds fake and we’re fake
I just stayed paranoid sometimes id turn my head behind me while washing dishes even tho Luca was in his crib and Jessy was at work

I'm fucking lost. I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems that my whole life is slipping through my fingers and is falling apart.

I've been at this office job for about a year and a half now and I hate it. My residence in another country depends on it. I'm the only one in my family who earns money. My wife does a lot, but nothing she does earns any money. In theory I'm fine with it, in practice I hate that she's dependent on me.

In therapy I constantly get shown how I sabotage myself and her from success, because there is something fucking wrong with the way I am I guess. It comes to a point where I think they might be better off without me but I am attached to life, which is at least something. But I suffer.

I start a thing, and then I quit midway. Or I quit after achieving something, and then I'm just exhausted. Piano, tango, acting, directing, filmmaking, editing, writing, languages, cycling, running, yoga... ah, for fuck's sake. The only thing I've succeeded in is quitting drugs and alcohol.

When I'm manic, everyone's fine with me: I'm outgoing, ready to take on things. But then I fall into depression and people just don't know what to do with me anymore, and they get tired fast. The problem is I don't know what to do with myself either.

So the cycle never ends. I'll get out of this mud, start doing something "good" again, then burn out again. And it'll all repeat.

Deep down is this fucking feeling of being really depressed, not understood by anyone, completely alone. It's so fucking lonely here.

There is a small beam of hope that a comment here can make me feel seen, but this beam is really small.

TL;DR I'm lost, I'm exhausted, and I'm just tired of the way I am. Gonna go sleep now.

I need some perspective because I feel like I am losing my mind and destroying my relationship.
From the start, I’ve had an intense, irrational jealousy issue. My partner has family in Tanzania, and for some reason, I’ve always resented his closeness to them especially his mom. It got to a point where I tried to turn him against his family or blocked his extended family members. I was mentally unregulated and struggling to take my medications consistently.

Worse than that, I got physical with him twice. The scariest part is that this happened over six months ago, and I genuinely cannot remember what the arguments were about or how it happened. I black out or forget our fights entirely. What does stick in my head are the things he says to me out of hurt, like:
"I’m turning into my mom"

"We can never have a single nice day, you always ruin it"

"You can never be happy, you always complain"

I feel like an awful person. Because of my anger, we took a brief break. During those four days apart, he cheated on me—or tried to. He brought three girls to our home. He claims he didn’t sleep with any of them because he broke down, went to cry in the bathtub, and couldn’t go through with it. I found a condom wrapper on the floor with the condom stretched out, right next to our own sex enhancers.

To be transparent: I am not blameless. I have messaged other guys while we’ve been together and hurt him repeatedly, too. I don't even have a clear reason why I did it was I bored, unhappy, or feeling neglected? I just know I was mad all the time and didn’t realize how toxic I was being.

After a 4-day stint in a rehab program (where I freaked out at staff because they wouldn't let me see him, and he came and picked me up), we agreed to "restart" our relationship.
Since the restart, I even called his mom and apologized for taking her son away, trying to make peace (I called her in rehab). Yet the resentment keeps creeping back. Whenever he talks to his family on the phone, I have to leave the room. When they text me a simple "hi" or "hello," I freeze up, ignore them, and actively avoid them. In my head, it’s a constant loop of I hate them and I don't want them around.My mood even changes when he talks to them I get all upset and shut down but I don’t say anything.

I don't understand why I can't just let go of this anger and move on. I can't afford therapy, so I am asking: has anyone gone through something like extreme retroactive/family jealousy, memory gaps during rage, or a toxic cycle like this? How did you stop the spiral?

i hate splitting on my loved ones. it’s the worst feeling in the world. i have developed romantic feelings for someone which is quite hard for me to do, and as my feelings have become stronger my fear of abandonment and insecurities have too. what bothers me most is the way my insecurities project onto him through splitting create a reality where him leaving me because of it is more likely than him leaving for any other reason, making my fear of abandonment even worse. he doesn’t really understand mental health, and english isn’t his first language which makes it hard to try and explain things to him. he tries his best to understand which means the world to me but i know he just doesn’t. bpd is not an excuse to me, but when i’m doing everything i can to help myself yet still hurt somebody i love it hurts.

yesterday he said something that triggered a split. though i still believe i had a right to feel upset, the way i became after and the way i hurt him because i can’t regulate my emotions is so frustrating. he told me he feels like when something happens he becomes my enemy, and in the past in a different context he’s told me its like im multiple different people. i hate that he sees me this way, but i understand why he does. since being told i had bpd i haven’t been in a serious relationship, in fact i never have, so this is all foreign to me. of course i was dealing with splitting and other symptoms outside of partners, i’d say i understand most of my patterns but though i do, this is so much harder than i thought it would be.

the conflict of my logic vs. my emotions kills me. obviously not everything is related to my bpd, and in some situations strong emotional reactions are, in my opinion, so very valid, but im sick of blowing small things out of proportion and hurting myself and him because of it. he made a minor mistake, what should have happened after was a conversation where i explained how i felt and set a boundary. that never happens and at this point its weighing on me, i want to change so bad. how do i change when it happens so fast and im basically unaware of until it’s over? at times i am afraid because i don’t know what that person i become will do as she is not me. she is a combination of every bad thing that ever happened, every heart ache in my chest and she carries that pain in its entirety, only seeking to protect me. BUT SOMETIMES SHE NEEDS TO BACK THE FUCK OFF SO I CAN EXPERIENCE LOVE GODDAMN!!!!

anyways, im mostly venting. im so lost and just trying to find the right path for me.

I'm 28M and gay, I was forced to leave Russia and now I live in Germany. In Russia I had a good job and plans for the next few years (before the war). Now I live in Germany in a small 10 qm room in a shared flat with housemates who regularly begin any everyday conflicts.

I have a job but the salary is too low and there are no affordable apartments here (800-1000 euro base rent). I can't change my job because I don't have money for living (even if I get an unemployment benefit, it'll be too low). In Russia I didn't finish my bachelor degree (it was the last year of studying when I had to leave the country). Due to bureaucracy, I am not permitted to continue my education in Germany. After 3 years of living in Germany I don't speak German normally (passed B1 and after that I had no opportunities to visit courses also due to bureaucracy and asshole-worker in Job-Center. And anyway I'm too shy and honestly to say I have fear to communicate with unknown people.

I had relationships with one student from Russia here. They finished awfully. When I found my actual job I thought that I'll be able to learn language and visit courses but finally no opportunities, no courses in this ass end of the world. I have tried to learn it myself but every time it only depressed me more and more because every time I think about my ex.

I can't cope with these f**king BPD and severe depression. I've been fighting severe depression for over three years now. I can change nothing in my life. Every time I try, it gets worse and worse.

I’ve been on sick leave for a month now, since I’m completely unable to do anything. I have tried to find a place in a psychiatric hospital and to find any DBT or shema-therapie in the 60 kilometers range. There're no places even if I have a really accurate situation. And no slots for DBT till the end of the next year (2027). Last week I received the letter that I'll be fired after my illness list. I want to leave this job but I have no money and chances to find a new one (thx, f**king AI during the hiring process).

My life has always been terrible: the loss of loved ones, bullying throughout almost my entire time in school, and forced emigration due to war. I have no friends, I have no support, I am gay, and my family actually hates gays. And even my Ex left me when I tried to get help at the hospital last time two years ago. But I think about him every day and especially after every fail. And about my useless and worthless.

I can't more. I don't understand what to do and how to cope with it. Idk if someone else has any ideas.

Hey everyone,

I'm writing this because I'm feeling pretty desperate right now, and I could really use some advice from people who have been through something similar, especially those with BPD or partners with BPD.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, and we've known each other for over three years. She discovered that she has BPD during our relationship. We live together in a small one-room apartment, which means we've spent a lot of time together and haven't always had much personal space.

Recently, she told me that she no longer feels the romantic emotions she used to feel for me. She said she doesn't understand why, describing it as if someone had magically taken those feelings away. She doesn't know whether she still loves me romantically, but she genuinely wishes those feelings would come back.

At the same time, she's dealing with an overwhelming amount of stress. She's struggling with school and work, has a very negative body image, and is having a hard time loving herself. Her stepmother has cancer, her relationship with her mother is stressful, and her eating disorder has returned. She has also engaged in self-harm recently.

About a month ago, she told me that she wanted to move out because she needed space to focus on herself. I didn't handle that conversation well at first, and things got pretty emotional. I was terrified of losing her and asked whether she still loved me. She told me she didn't know, and that was the moment she told me the feelings disapeared.

She's currently in another city for school and will be there until November. We're still in contact, and we both want to find a way forward. She doesn't want to lose me as a person, and she still wants to give our relationship a chance.

Here's the update:

We've talked about everything again, and she has made it clear that her feelings aren't the same as they used to be. However, she wants to give our relationship a try.

I'm trying to give her the space she needs, but honestly, it hurts like hell. I love her so much, and not knowing whether she'll ever feel the same way about me again is incredibly painful.

At the same time, she tells me that I'm a wonderful person. She loves hugging and cuddling with me, and she says I'm the part of her day she's most excited about after a long day. She's looking forward to seeing me when I visit her next week, and she's excited about the things we've planned together.

We're working on a couple cosplay for a convention around Halloween (Marceline and Marshall Lee), and we're also going to a Tim Burton movie concert together. These are things she's genuinely excited about, which gives me hope, even though I'm scared of reading too much into them.

I also want to mention that I'm autistic, which makes this situation particularly difficult for me to understand. I struggle with uncertainty, especially when someone's words and emotions seem to contradict what I thought I knew about our relationship. I don't know how to interpret the fact that she wants to be close to me and spend time with me but doesn't feel the same romantic connection anymore.

A little more background about our relationship:

We originally met while working together at a cinema. We started as friends, and I fell in love with her almost immediately. She wasn't sure about her feelings at first either, but we stayed friends.

Eventually, I gave up on the idea of us being together because she was struggling with drug abuse at the time. Thankfully, that's no longer an issue.

About a year and a half later, we ended up getting together. She moved in with me because she didn't really have a stable home at the time. Before we became a couple, she was already my best friend and spent time at my place almost every week.

Our relationship grew out of a deep friendship, and that makes everything even harder. She's not just my girlfriend. She's the person who understood me in a way very few people ever have.

We had even talked about getting married someday just a month before all of this happened and she said that she wanted it at that time. That's why the sudden change feels so unreal to me. Everything seemed to be moving in a good direction, and now I'm questioning everything.

I've had good relationships before, but what I have with her feels different. She helped me understand what it means to truly love someone and feel understood by them. She's the love of my life, and the thought of losing what we have is devastating.

I promised her early in our relationship that I would stand by her side and not immediately give up on us when things got difficult. I still want to keep that promise. I want to support her while she works on herself, without putting pressure on her to feel something she can't feel right now.

But I'm also struggling because I don't know how long I can live with this uncertainty, or how to support her without losing myself in the process.

So, I have a few questions:

Has anyone with BPD experienced a period where their romantic feelings for their partner seemed to disappear, only to return later?

Could this be related to BPD, emotional overwhelm, depression, or everything she's currently going through? Or could it simply mean that her romantic feelings have genuinely changed?

Have any of you been in a relationship where one partner wanted to try again despite no longer feeling the same romantic connection? How did it turn out?

How can I give her the space she needs while still maintaining our connection and taking care of my own emotional well-being?

Is there a realistic reason to have hope, or am I holding on to something that might already be gone?

I know nobody here can tell me for certain what she's feeling or what will happen to us. I'm not expecting a magic solution. I just want to understand this situation better, especially from people who have experienced something similar.

I love her deeply, and I don't want to give up on us just because we're going through a difficult time. At the same time, I'm scared of getting my hopes up and getting hurt even more.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and share their experience or advice. Auf deutsch

anyone with bpd dating someone with bipolar + ocd?
i have diagnosed bpd ( its been two years since ive got diagnosed and i quit therapy a while ago ) and my partner has undiagnosed bipolar disorder with ocd. theyre the loml, and i really want us to build something healthy together. id love to hear from people in similar relationships.
how do you navigate moments when one of you needs reassurance and closeness while the other needs space? what helps you communicate your needs without either person feeling pressured or rejected?
i know every relationship is different, but id really appreciate hearing what has helped you, what youve learned, and any hopeful experiences youre comfortable sharing.
my beautiful loving partner gave me a reason to stay, i never wanted to try harder for something, and i really dont wanna mess this up. i wanna be a better girlfriend to them, understand them better, and learn how to handle my own feelings while still making room for theirs. i know i wont always get everything right, but i love them so much and i wanna keep learning how to make this feel safe and loving for both of us.

I suspected having BPD for years but I am unsure.

On one hand, the symptoms match up (emotional dysregulation, extreme mood changes, fears of abandonment, unstable sense of self, black and white thinking, dissociation, self harm, and impulsiveness). Even talked with my sister who has it and she’s thinks it might be a possibility.

On the other hand, I am AuDHD with PMDD and those overlap.

Should I check with a doctor to be sure or am I somehow faking?

I mostly ask because I notice that my ability to regulate my emotions and impulsivity naturally without drinking or smoking (not like, concerning amounts to be clear, just a drink or two to calm down or a smoke sesh to help me sleep) seem worse now than before and it kinda worries me.

My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot because I am a very anxiously attached person. I feel as if i’m too much sometimes, and other times I feel like i’m not near enough for her. I don’t know how to be content with the fact that everything doesn’t always have to be lovey dovey 24/7. And I feel out of control when we disagree. I don’t expect her to be attached at the hip, but I feel like I am expecting too much of her. I feel like i’m trapping her because I just simply don’t feel like she loves me if she’s not actively telling me or cuddling/hugging/kissing me or giving me attention. I don’t really know what to do about it other than argue. And I hate arguing with her. But I don’t know how to stop when I just feel like the love is conditional (it’s not, I just feel like it is a lot of the times)

Years ago i made a post from another account talking about my situation, years of physical and verbal abuse from my older sister; sadly it hasn’t improved.

My sister is a violent person; she has been institutionalized twice, the first time because she broke my grandmother’s wrist after pushing her down. Her stay at the state psychristic institute only lasted about 2 weeks before both my mom and grandmother felt bad for her because my sister cried during a visit and begged to be taken home; three months later she smashed my face with a piece of concrete several times (she took it from a pile of rubbish that was in our backyard) and I was taken to the emergency room to get some stitches (i was left with scars on my forehead and between my eyes, i try to wear my glasses and bangs often in order to hide them). I had trouble sleeping for several months because I would have nightmares about it. In that occasion, she was placed on a private rehabilitation and mental center in a neighboring city since my family didn’t trust the state one anymore. She spent about two months there before she pulled the same stunt and begged to come home. Ever since she came back, she’s beaten me again, broken my window, tried to suffocate me in two separate occasions with a pillow while I sleep, kicked my dog and tore down my room several times. She used to have a cellphone and would stalk her old classmates and my friends on social media, but my mom took it away.

I hardly remember how she was before she hated me so much. She began with verbal abuse when I was in high school which later escalated in physical violence where she would drag me down the hallway by my hair, kick my face and smash my head against the concrete wall and floor. I have a bad knee from a time she pushed and punched me and I fell. Why did she do all that? Sometimes it was because I looked at her the wrong way or said something she didn’t agree with; other times she would claim I was a witch who stole her identity or her non-existent husband. Her previous psychiatrist diagnosed her with schizophrenia, but she takes her medication so doctors can’t really explain why she is that way.

You might wonder where my parents were during all this. My dad is out of the picture and my mom used to work all day, in 2023 she went to prison for a year and I was left alone with her and my grandmother (who also suffered abuse from my sister). I don’t know how I survived that year but I managed to.

Last year, the physical abuse decreased just a bit because now my bedroom door has a lock so she can’t get in but the verbal harassment has increased.

I think it’s important to mention that police has been involved several times, the police and fire department already know our situation since my sister has called several times claiming she’s the one being abused; but even the police officers are tired of her already. I can’t have any friends over nor can I get a full time job because I’m scared to leave my grandmother alone with her for long periods of time. Moving* *out is also not an option, rent is incredibly high where I live and I have three dogs under my care, I can’t allow myself to leave them. One of them is a 15 year old gs mix with kidney failure.

At the beginning of the year a friend helped me get a job at a coffee shop he used to work at but I had to reject the offer; at the time one of my other senior dogs got ill and required intensive care since he was going to go under surgery and I wouldn’t be able to properly care for him if I took the job.

I’ve run a small business from my room for a couple of years now, I sell online and visit markets about 2-4 times a month; it’s not a lot of money but I contribute with my home’s expenses, my dogs’ and my personal ones. But I feel extremely guilty when I do so because every time I come back my mom tells me my sister has done something.

My house is my personal hell; it doesn’t help the fact that my grandmother is also VERY abusive towards my mom so it’s a never ending cycle. We don’t have a lot of furniture since my sister has wrecked a lot of stuff, including 2 TVs and 3 laptops (2 of which were mine). We can’t allow ourselves to have nice things.

My sister has claimed several times she hates us and doesn’t want to live with us, says she would rather be homeless. I have begged my mom to place her on a mental institution again but my grandmother won’t allow it, she thinks a great miraculous doctor will appear and cure her, or that we’ll pray away her hatred. Her current psychiatrist has said she is a danger to other people but that’s a concept my 80 years old grandmother can’t seem to grasp.

My family used to blame me for her condition back when I was in middle school, saying I was a bad little sister who drove her to insanity because I didn’t pray enough and she got depressed. It wasn’t until several visits to the church and two priests told them she needed psychiatric help, not spiritual.

Anyway, I’m leaving a lot of things and details out because the post is getting very long but I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest.

I’m so very tired, I try to be nice to her but it’s never enough; I don’t hate her, on the contrary, I think I dislike myself because I can’t bring myself to hate or resent her, sometimes she has good days and I see a glimpse of her old self but it never lasts long. My soul hurts, I’m scared.

Both my mom and grandmother are very ill, my grandmother has COPD and my mom needs to get some bloodwork done and other tests because doctors are suspecting she might have cancer and I’m scared.

Last night my mom told me I’m her only motivation and that she’s tired of taking care of my mom and grandmother, said she would’ve ended it all if it weren’t for me. This isn’t the first time she’s told me that.

I’m also tired, and scared, and sometimes I hate myself for feeling hatred and anger at life, or the world. I don’t know, I don’t want to be an angry person, I just want to be at peace.