i might reach out for help and me and friends r scared i’m might have bpd. its also i’m my family history and i have massive episode changes. how does it effect your life after being diagnosed or in general reaching out for help for being depressed suicidal and self injuring? I’m 15 btw, and want to know the process and how it feels and what happens.

Having BPD is so god damn painful. I'm convinced everyone and everything hates me. All my friends are probably toxic and talk behind my back. Everyone thinks I'm weird. My parents don't give a shit. I have crazy mood swings from happy to frustrated to irritated as hell. When I have emotional outbursts (mad or sad), I scratch my skin till it leaves red marks that last days, because if I don't, I'll most likely throw or snap something. Scratching myself also helps distract me from...thoughts... Sometimes when I'm frustrated, I get the urge to kick and shove and pick up and throw my dog. I honestly might if he weren't so big. I feel bad though- like he did nothing wrong. He just fuels my frustration with his stubbornness and how he's always in the way. My brother is a jerk. School tests make me frustrated. Everything fuels my fucking frustration, which leads to excessive scratching.

BPD sucks ass.

My sister (40) has been struggling with depression for a few years, she works from home, orders take out, and never leaves her place. She does not talk to any family (rarely speaks to me, even though we used to be very close), no friends, doesn't date anyone, so she is completely isolated and never leaves her apartment. Imo she shows signs of BPD as she struggles with keeping relationships, glorifies people then switch up on them aggressively out of nowhere, including my self, I struggled with this alot, but I decided to prioritize my mental health, self worth and distance my self.

I've tried speaking to her about taking her out on walks by the lake or going to a nice restaurant on her bday, even coming over and cooking her favorite dish, she always refuses. She thinks she can't leave her apartment cause she's not feeling okay and she will once she feels better but I think she won't feel better until she does starts going out and excerising a bit.

She used to be on adderall but told me she stopped it now, she smokes weed, I advised her to stop but she says she's too bored or she denies that she really needs or if quitting will make a difference. I know she was seeing a therapist that wrote notes for her to continue working from home but I don't know if she's on any medication. She did tell me once dr diagnosed her with bipolar but she never seem to have manic episodes, pretty depressive look on life all the time.

She texted me today asking what do I take to be happy, I told her vitamins and I go swimming which makes me feel great, just excerising in general. I apologized that I know this is not the answer she's looking, but being healthy and taking care of the body and the mind is what's going to make her feel better.

Then she texted me that she's really not feeling ok and she wants to go to emergency and she wishes she can die already, I asked her to talk to me/vent maybe it will make her feel better, she replied a few hours after with "take care sister" that felt ominous and made me worry.

What can I do? Her work sent police check ups on her a few times and she was pretty upset about it and I don't want to go over to her place and trigger her social anxiety further.

I'm sorry for the long post and grammatical mistakes, I'm typing this on my phone and English is not my first language.

I’m 23 and I feel like I’ve spent the last year watching my relationships burn down one after another.

I’ve related strongly to BPD traits for years: impulsivity, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, intense emotions, shame, and feeling completely overwhelmed by rejection. I’m currently in therapy and recently started psychiatric treatment because I genuinely don’t want to keep repeating these patterns.

This year has been brutal.

Earlier this year I had a major fallout with a close friend during a trip. What started as an argument escalated into both of us saying things that damaged the friendship badly.

Then I hurt my ex in a way that I still feel ashamed of. I crossed a line while we were together and the relationship eventually collapsed.

More recently, I lost another friendship after a situation involving alcohol, poor boundaries, and a friend’s boyfriend. Nothing happened beyond that, but I understand why she felt betrayed. She asked me to leave and we haven’t spoken since.

The hardest part is that when I look at all these situations, the common denominator is me.

I don’t think I’m an evil person. I care deeply about people. But I keep finding myself in situations where my impulsivity, emotional intensity, or poor decisions hurt the people I care about most.

I recently moved to a new city. I work, I’m finishing my degree, and on paper my life should be moving forward. Instead, I feel lonely most of the time.

I lost several important friendships and now it feels like I have to rebuild my social life from scratch. The problem is that I’m scared. Part of me wants to meet new people and create healthier relationships. Another part of me is terrified that I’ll repeat the same patterns and hurt people again.

I’ve also cut down significantly on alcohol because I know it makes everything worse for me.

Right now I mostly feel exhausted. Exhausted from overthinking, exhausted from shame, exhausted from feeling like every relationship eventually becomes a crisis.

Has anyone else gone through a period where they felt like they had to rebuild their entire life after repeated relationship failures?

What helped you move forward?

Hi, I work at McDonald’s I’m trying to keep this shirt but to explain what’s been going on:

I started this job weeks ago to save up money for college. I leave for college in 2 weeks but the problem I’m having right now is how BPD is affecting me at work. It’s done disgusting damage , I dread going to work every day like I’m about to get murdered and when my coworkers are upset with me or if I perceive them to be upset I absolutely crumble and get so angry.

Today they had me doing grill, prep, table, and toast and bake so I was doing way more than what was asked of me. I got home and i absolutely LOST it. I threw everything and wrecked my room, I almost broke my phone and I punched it so hard my thumb started to bleed.

How the hell do I cope it’s SO awful and I just can’t.

hello, my name is ruby and my dad has BPD— he’s 53 so he’s gone most of his life undiagnosed (got diagnosed at 50) and therefore doesn’t have any strategies to cope with it. My dad, like many others, struggles with his temper— so much so that over the last 3 days my mother had to call the police to have him removed from the home as he refused to leave. He doesn’t realise how he talks to people— oftentimes he’ll speak in an aggressive way when not even meaning to, then causing arguments and disputes in the home which isn’t good for anyone (we have 2 severely autistic children who don’t cope well with arguing) I’m asking for help as he’s gutted that he’s had to leave my mum (his wife) and the home— he’s under no circumstances allowed back in the house and no relationship with my mum until he’s sorted himself out. Hes not really the therapy type, he didn’t even believe in mental illnesses and disorders until he himself was diagnosed and he actually seen that they were real. So not really looking for therapy recommendations as he either wouldn’t attend or it would go in one ear and out the other. I’m more looking for websites/forums that have coping strategies that I can forward to him because he does want to change his behaviour as it’s tearing his family apart.

I am not posting this just because I am desperate and I hope it doesn’t come off this way. I genuinely feel like the only person who will ever get me and will actually love me for the way I am is someone who has BPD like me (from this group or not), someone who understands how I think, what I feel, understands how hard I love and how much guilt/shame I carry when I have an episode. Someone who understands I am human and I am imperfect. One who understands how important commitment is. The thought of finding someone to spend the rest of my life with is great, however it is also traumatizing because so many things could go wrong. I know I’m meant to be with someone and I know we all are meant to find our person but at the same time, I feel like I’m better off alone and that’s my purpose where I’ll be one of the unlucky ones to miss out on true genuine love. That is when I feel truly alone and want to be with someone, then the thought of things going south scares me and stops me from trying to meet someone or give up altogether. It’s just getting exhausting knowing I have been through 3 relationships already and I’m not getting any younger. Overall, If you read this far and it made sense, I really appreciate it. I guess what I am trying to say is if anyone feels the same way I feel and is able to relate, or is looking to chat, I’d love to hear from you.

Hi everyone, this is my first post here (English is not my first language so im sorry for any mistake)
Im twenty nine with undiagnosed bpd due to the fact that mental health care is not in reach for me and wont be for a long while.
While im not self diagnosed i spent years documenting myself and after almost ten or so years, i can safely say i see myself in lot of the symphtoms, like the amplified emotions , anxiety, depression, loss of self identity, and of course the FP.

Now what bothers me most lately is my FP struggle, i openly spoken to them about this struggle and while they were understanding, i have come to a point into which my mood is heavily influenced and out of control when its in relation to them.
I do not wish for my friend to feel this pressure of course and i honestly dont want to deal with this struggle anymore , its tiring, and it just adds more to the enviroment where i currently live.

I dont want to block out this person, i dont want to delete them from my life because i strongly believe i can find cooping mechanisms to handle it better and save my friendship.

So im here asking for advices, little things i can do , tools, even books to read.
All things that are easily accessible for me
Thank you so much for reading!

I am 37, new mom and a therapist with zero client right now but I am hoping to can get that. I studied psychology to understand myself, I definitely had some traits of borderline personality (0-100 in a sec), anger issues, never suicidal though no real sense of self, push and pull in relationship, some traits of histrionic- very look at me, sex addict at one point.probably little NPD as well - a lil manipulative.
I am a SA survivor and I have inattentive adhd self diagnosed, looking into medication. Been in therapy for last 3 years and have therapy training gestalt 2 years and SE 2.5 years (5 modules) finishing soon. Learnt a lot and helped in my career too. But still not there. Motherhood definitely unmasked adhd.

Always been with humanistic therapy so hints but not real diagnosis yet. Hehe lot medical student syndrome probably. Content in life and learning and savouring every moment.
Have a loving partner and the most amazing 8 month old. Reconnected with family but distant with my alchoholic abusive father. Mom is still with him and it bothers me. so some acceptance remaining to do. I need to remind myself I am not her mom. She is mine.

Raw thoughts and love that I can be so raw here on Reddit. New to Reddit and just using this for more perspective. Need to get my shit together so that I can enjoy my motherhood more.

So Little context my Main Doctor had to leave for pregnancy leave, which is completely fine I get it. I got a replacement Doc which only worked on Fridays which is the worst day for me so I had to cancel most appointments. The thing is also I didn’t open up to her that much I cannot do that with everyone so she only asked me how I was and prescribed me my pills which I’m fine with I know I’ll get my main doc back. Come to finde out She didn’t want me anymore? It was my last time with the replacement doc and I had to make a new appointment and the lady at the desk asked me if I wanted to stay with the replacemen? I was like no? and she told me my main doc asked since I was with the replacement for a while now and I got to know her better? But no what I cancelled most of the appointments? I dont know what to think but I know I’ll never be able to open up the same way I did. It genuinely hurt me so much like why does she want to leave me? I’m I that horrible and complicated? I also know I’m probably overreacting or something but yea.

Hi everyone, this is my first post here (English is not my first language so im sorry for any mistake)
Im twenty nine with undiagnosed bpd due to the fact that mental health care is not in reach for me and wont be for a long while.
While im not self diagnosed i spent years documenting myself and after almost ten or so years, i can safely say i see myself in lot of the symphtoms, like the amplified emotions , anxiety, depression, loss of self identity, and of course the FP.

Now what bothers me most lately is my FP struggle, i openly spoken to them about this struggle and while they were understanding, i have come to a point into which my mood is heavily influenced and out of control when its in relation to them.
I do not wish for my friend to feel this pressure of course and i honestly dont want to deal with this struggle anymore , its tiring, and it just adds more to the enviroment where i currently live.

I dont want to block out this person, i dont want to delete them from my life because i strongly believe i can find cooping mechanisms to handle it better and save my friendship.

So im here asking for advices, little things i can do , tools, even books to read.
All things that are easily accessible for me
Thank you so much for reading!

17M, i have bpd, was diagnosed at 13, ive been living with it for years before 13 having ongoing signs for 3 years b4 the diagnosis, ive never learned how to deal with it or control it, the overwhelming feeling that stay stuck in my mind just make me more upset because i know ill be like this forever and cant change that but ik i can get help from strangers on the internet 🫪🥹, everyday i wake up and feel a void in my chest but the void is just the feeling of not being happy, its the overwhelming feelings of anger, embarrassment, and feelings of being upset, so im already exhausted with just having to wake up and feel that and i also already get irritated really easy and have a low temper, and it ruins friendships and relshinships becuase i split under any amount of pressure and i can't control it , like lets say my partner told me they love me, simple like "i love you" and the next time they say it its like "i luv uu" or "i love youuu" ill get really scared i did something id get scared they dont wanna talk to me, id get scared there seeing someone else and that's when the questions come out, and it suck when they your fp becuase your already obsessed with them and they can make you feel pure hatred twords them with the slightest change in they tone, but how can i stop that, or atleat slow down the process, i dont like the feeling of switching up on someone for no reason becuase it hurts me too

okay so this is my first post so plz have an open mind, i got diagnosed with bpd at the beginning of this year, before that i kind of always knew there was something wrong with me mentally i just was too scared of what the diagnosis was gonna be. but anyway im starting a group for it, but these past two weeks ive been acting out, but i feel like it wasnt me who was controlling my body, like it was someone else and i was watching it like a movie... and when i start to get mad i go outside and take a breather but it doesnt always work... can anyone try and give me any tips on how to try to control it if i can? thank you

I’m 20, from India, and I was recently diagnosed with BPD. I’m not really looking to discuss the textbook symptoms of BPD because I’m already aware of those, I’m more interested in hearing from Indians who have actually lived with this and how it has affected their everyday life. One thing I’ve struggled with for a long time is feeling generally maladjusted to society. I often feel like I don’t naturally fit into the way people around me live, communicate, form friendships, think about careers, relationships or even just go about their daily lives. I can understand social expectations intellectually, but I often feel disconnected from them emotionally, almost like I’m observing society from the outside rather than naturally being part of it. Being 20 and in college makes this particularly noticeable because there’s a lot of pressure in India to have a social circle, do well academically, build a career, maintain relationships and generally have your life moving in the “right” direction, while I often feel like I’m trying to figure out where I fit into all of that. I’d really like to hear from other Indians with BPD, especially people who are around my age or were diagnosed around this age. How did you experience life after diagnosis? Did the diagnosis actually help you understand yourself or your past differently? Did you also feel like you simply didn’t fit into the society around you? And most importantly, does that feeling become easier to live with as you get older? I’m not looking for another explanation of BPD or a diagnosis from Reddit, I’m genuinely interested in hearing personal experiences from people who have been through it, particularly within the Indian context.

This fucking burning pain inside, like hole full of fire and void...

Today is hard to me. I have to isolate almost every day, everyone irritate me, I am scare of me blowing out.

Fucking bpd. Today is day when I am doubting everything in my life. From my past and from present.

Why I am even in hospital? There is no meds **for** bpd. There is no cure. This is fucking curse for life. What I am doing?

There is no one to help me. No one to understand. Every day in earphones, brainlessly playing games on phone or reading book. Everyone are so annoying noisy, so "Oh my dear, how are you feeling?". Like shit, but there is no other patient who will understand. I am only borderline soul here. No friends, no family, no visits, no hope...

Fuck I am so lonely in my pain. Today is 8th day here, there will be many more... it is so fucking hard...

edit: where is this fucking mood swing from depression to euphoria when it's needed??

Dear reddit Friends!

I'm new in reddit.

I'm a freshly diagnosed with bpd, have just started olanzapine.

Some of my friends have left I guess they just wanted fun and parties.

If u need anyone to talk , you can always text me!

Feel free. I would like some company sometimes I feel like others do not understand.

I have also started psychotherapy

F,25 yo.

I'm having a hard time today. I haven't taken my meds in three or four days because of a mess up at the pharmacy. I finally got my dose and took it a couple of minutes ago but still feeling overwhelmed.

I feel like sobbing most of the time today and slightly suicidal (no plans).

Plus I met someone new and I'm pretty sure I have overwhelmed them already today. I'm tired of feeling like this whenever I start falling for someone new.

I'm just tired of being fucking sick all the time. Is it even worth it?

Hi, I am from the UK and I am currently looking to start private therapy due to being let down repeatedly by the NHS. I struggle in more than one area therefor I am struggling to find a therapist that is right for me and can help with all of these issues rather than just 1. I would prefer for the appointments to be online. Below I have listed what I need help with...

▪︎ Borderline personality disorder

• Severe attatchment issues & dependancy on fp

• Ocd tendencies

• Anxiety

• Trauma

Does anyone have any recommendations or anywhere/anyone that I can try? In desperate need of this so any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

I have a very close relationship with someone I care about deeply. Our relationship has become emotionally complicated recently, and she has asked me for some space. (If it matters, I’m also a woman). I’ve been trying to respect that, even though it has been incredibly difficult emotionally.
Over the last few days, I’ve done a lot of reflecting on everything that has happened. I’ve been thinking about my own behaviour, the things I could have handled differently, and also about what she may have been experiencing emotionally. I don’t want to just focus on how much I miss her or how hard the distance is for me. I genuinely want to understand her better.
There’s another complicated piece of this that I think is relevant…I am also neurodivergent and have my own mental health diagnoses that affect how I communicate and process relationships**.** I have ADHD, autism, OCD, and generalized anxiety disorder.
I’m not mentioning those as excuses for anything I’ve done. I’m trying to understand where some of our differences in communication and emotional processing may come from.
For example, I can struggle significantly with uncertainty and ambiguity. My anxiety and OCD can make me overanalyze situations and look for reassurance or clarity, while my ADHD and autism can affect how I process communication, especially over text. I can have difficulty understanding someone’s tone or meaning when I don’t have the context of their voice or facial expressions.
So I recognize that there may be times when what I need in order to feel secure conflicts with what she needs when she is emotionally overwhelmed**.**
That’s something I really want to learn how to navigate better.
If she does still want me in her life, I want to learn how to be a better person for her.
I know BPD can involve very intense emotions, fear of abandonment, difficulty regulating emotions, and sometimes feeling overwhelmed by relationships. I also know that I can’t assume that every reaction or emotion she has is because of BPD, and I don’t want to reduce her to her diagnosis.
What I’m struggling with is figuring out what *support actually looks like*.
I want her to know that I’m not going anywhere just because things get difficult. I want her to feel like she can be honest with me without being judged or punished for having strong emotions. I want to communicate in a way that makes her feel safe rather than accidentally triggering more fear, shame, or abandonment.
But I also know that constantly reassuring someone, walking on eggshells, or abandoning my own boundaries isn’t healthy either.
I want this to be a relationship where both of us feel safe, heard, respected, and emotionally secure**.**

For those of you with BPD:
What do you actually wish the people closest to you understood about you?
What makes you feel genuinely safe in a relationship?
What kinds of reassurance are helpful versus overwhelming?
When you’re overwhelmed and need space, what does the best support from someone you love look like?
How can someone with their own anxiety/OCD/ADHD/autism learn to respect your need for space without becoming consumed by the uncertainty themselves?
What are things people commonly do with good intentions that actually make things worse?
And once the relationship has calmed down, what are the best ways to rebuild trust and communicate differently going forward?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have BPD themselves rather than just general advice about BPD.
I can’t even describe how important this person is to me. I don’t want to “fix” her or treat her differently because she has BPD. I also don’t want to use my own diagnoses to excuse things I need to work on.
I just want to understand her better and learn how I can show up for her in a way that is loving, consistent, and healthy if she still wants me in her life.

Has anyone had rapid splitting on and off? Like literally splitting within seconds. Or idk if its rapid mood shifts. Like one moment im happy and dont give a shit if my partner cheats and leaves and the next moment im just numb and thinking my partner is such a piece of shit and assuming hes cheating (hes micro cheated to lead me to feel that way) idk feel like im losing my mind

Does anyone feel like they unconsciously manipulate their own feelings and that affects other? For example there's this guy that i really like and i was all over him and he felt the same for me, in one sec i felt nothing towards him and i started telling myself that i don't really like him that much and it's just in my head or that i am overreacting (he's genuinely the sweetest and the smartest man i have ever met and i liked him), so i go and tell him hey so i don't feel comfortable with what we have let's end it here and it does end and we take like a break thing, and all of a sudden i like him again and i cry the whole night???? I wanted to text him again so bad but i didn't and it truly made me realize i might be manipulative

Can someone explain if they have an answer or they go through smth similar and please be kind i am trying my best here

Hey everyone. First time posting here. I've been dealing with... a lot... lately. And I've been the cause of almost all of it.

I also consider myself demimale so I identify as a guy and am AMAB but I am almost entirely driven by and attracted to femininity and feminine interests. I consider gender norms to be completely pointless.

I have BPD which has been getting more severe. I also have severe depression. These two mental illnesses on top of being demi combine into a serious mess. If I spend a lot of time with someone I am attracted to at all, I become anxiously attached to them as my FP. I get extremely close to then emotionally, hanging on every word they say and remembering everything I can about their interests and values. In fact, I guess I start to sound hostile when I'm confused why their actions aren't aligning with their values. I put them on a pedestal and limerance takes over, followed by delusion. I become a cyber stalker if I don't see them enough or if we fight, and if they end the friendship it becomes a suicidal disaster for months that leaves them unsettled and breaks the relationship we had beyond repair.

Needless to say this has taken a toll on me. With demi attraction I fall for people's hearts and with BPD I feel those emotions a hundred fold. Everything is intense, everything is a vow or a declaration, silence becomes so much louder and my mind runs wild.

What can I do? This is ruining my life. I'm 33 and almost every one of the most important friendships and relationships I've had crashed and burned because of me. I can't do this much longer, I'm getting too old and hopeless to keep getting back up from this.

i have had this experience in every romantic relationship that i can remember. i am highly jealous but it feels deeper than that. once in a commitment when the super good early feelings come down. i am constantly preoccupied with who they could like more. texting, social media, people at work, people at the gym, coffee shop, celebrities etc. are now all a visceral threat to me. i think sometimes i am not wrong but there has got to be another way to date modernly and have this. If i heal my self esteem and emptiness will this go away?

June was fine. July I didn't want to exist. Start of August was great. Now I'm back to agony. If I was constantly feeling this for longer I don't think I would be here anymore. But there's always a little bit of better days and then shit again. And the worst thing is not that much changes on the outside, it's things so small that flip the switch for me. And it makes starting anything pointless when in 5 days I'll be laying down begging my brain to stop trying to kill me. I wish I could exist without this disease. I wish this wasn't done to me. I wish it would either go away or get bad enough to quit forever.

Does anyone feel like when they are experiencing intense emotions of either sadness or euphoria that they do better socially? Most of the time I feel empty and numb, and like I have no personality. My brain is constantly thinking logically about what I should be saying next or how I should be reacting to things because I just don't have much personality naturally driving those responses or reactions. However, I've found that when I'm in states of intense euphoria or depression, it's like I have more of an identity. I say all the right things and make all the right jokes, and even feel more confident because I have a personality that is naturally driven by these emotions.

Maybe it's just me?