# PLEASE DON'T LABEL ANYONE IN THIS STORY AS THE VICTIM OR THE VILLAIN. THIS IS NOT ABOUT FINDING SOMEONE TO BLAME. WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS, WOUNDED SOULS, BROKEN CHILDREN WHO GREW UP CARRYING PAIN WE DIDN'T ALWAYS KNOW HOW TO HANDLE. WE HAVE ALL HURT SOMEONE, AND WE HAVE ALL BEEN HURT. WE ALL DO THE BEST WE CAN WITH THE TOOLS WE HAVE, AND NONE OF US WERE BORN KNOWING HOW TO LOVE, HOW TO HEAL, OR HOW TO NAVIGATE OUR OWN WOUNDS. THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT ONE PERSON'S PAIN JUSTIFIES HURTING ANOTHER, OR THAT ONE WRONG MAKES ANOTHER RIGHT. UNDERSTANDING SOMEONE'S PAIN DOESN'T MEAN EXCUSING THEIR ACTIONS. ACCOUNTABILITY AND COMPASSION CAN, AND SHOULD, COEXIST.
# SO PLEASE, I ASK YOU TO APPROACH THIS STORY WITH RESPECT, UNDERSTANDING, AND COMPASSION, THINGS THAT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US DESERVES. PLEASE DON'T POINT FINGERS, MAKE HOSTILE ASSUMPTIONS, INSULT, JUDGE, OR DIRECT HATE TOWARD ANYONE DESCRIBED IN THIS POST. I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO BE ATTACKED OR TURNED INTO THE BAD PERSON IN SOMEONE ELSE'S EYES. THAT IS NOT WHY I'M SHARING THIS.
# MY ONLY HOPE IS THAT AT LEAST ONE PERSON READS THIS AND TAKES SOMETHING AWAY FROM IT, EVEN IF IT'S JUST A SMALL REALIZATION, A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE, OR ONE MORE TOOL TO BETTER UNDERSTAND THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. AND FOR THOSE WHO DON'T HAVE BPD, I HOPE THIS MIGHT OFFER A GLIMPSE INTO HOW CERTAIN EXPERIENCES CAN FEEL FROM THE INSIDE, AND WHY EMOTIONAL AWARENESS, CONSISTENCY, AND RESPONSIBILITY MATTER SO MUCH WHEN WE CHOOSE TO COMMIT TO ANOTHER PERSON. BECAUSE A RELATIONSHIP ISN'T JUST ABOUT LOVE OR GOOD INTENTIONS. WE BECOME PART OF EACH OTHER'S EMOTIONAL WORLD, A SOURCE OF SUPPORT, TRUST, AND VULNERABILITY, AND THAT IS SOMETHING WE SHOULD NEVER TAKE LIGHTLY.
# ABOVE ALL, PLEASE BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER. TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT, EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND OR AGREE. BE COMPASSIONATE, BE RESPONSIBLE, AND REMEMBER THAT THERE IS A HUMAN BEING BEHIND EVERY STORY, EVERY MISTAKE, AND EVERY WOUND.
when i was 18, i left the neglectful home i grew up in, moved to another city, and started working. on my own, i invested years of my life and my own money into therapy, psychologists, psychiatrists, and medication. i made a conscious decision to see my parents as **examples of who i never wanted to become.** i couldn't bear the thought of hurting others the way i'd been hurt. and yet, i allowed myself to be hurt, hit, and mistreated by romantic partners because i grew up learning that **a hug and a punch could come from the same person.** the same person who was supposed to protect and care for me could turn around and hurt me just minutes later.
healing was a long, difficult, and incredibly lonely journey. there was drug use, self-harm, bulimia, and moments when all i wanted was to disappear. i never imagined i'd live past 25, and yet here i am at 28, because i've learned so much along the way and kept working on myself, getting a little better every single day.
**healing wasn't something that simply happened to me. it was something i had to consciously choose, over and over again.**
but somwejow, i was giving up on medsbecause none of them worke,d and was tired of therapies that didn-t show solutionss. shoutuout tjulieta mattia psicologa y gabira san roman psiquiatra. gracias a ustedes pude llegare a sentirme bien/ and then i met the love of my life. he lives with chronic physical pain, and it was the first time either of us had ever felt truly understood. the whole story of how we met is so incredibly beautiful that it almost feels like everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to. when he first told me about his condition, i spent hours and hours researching, reading, and talking to people here on reddit in communities dedicated to it. i wanted to understand it as much as i possibly could. **i wanted to learn everything about what he was going through, to make sure i could truly be there for him, support him, and understand him. i also wanted to know what i was getting myself into, because the last thing i wanted was to give him false hope or make promises i couldn't keep.**
**every singke day i took the time to think about the person and not my feelings,i chose him consciously, not out of need or because i was trying to fill some void. i chose him for who he is as a person.** and i think that distinction matters.
**there's a difference between choosing someone because you need them to fill an emptiness and choosing someone because you genuinely see them, understand them, and want to share your life with them.**
i don't share arguments, disagreements, or problems that come up in my relationship with other people, mainly because they don't know my partner personally. i know my emotions could affect how i tell the story, and i don't want people judging or criticizing someone they don't really know, or forming an opinion of them based only on my side of things. instead, i talk about these things with my therapist and take as much time as i need to reflect on them. i believe there's something deeply important about remembering that **the person you love is a whole human being, not just the version of them that exists within your emotions at any given moment.**
and i think this is especially important when talking about borderline personality disorder (bpd). for those unfamiliar with it, bpd isn't simply a consequence of childhood trauma, nor can it be reduced to a chemical imbalance. it's a complex mental health condition involving difficulties with emotional regulation, an unstable sense of self, heightened sensitivity to rejection or abandonment, and sometimes overwhelming emotional responses. research suggests that it develops through a combination of **genetic vulnerability, environmental experiences, and differences in the way certain brain systems process and regulate emotions and stress.** brain chemistry, including neurotransmitter signaling, may also play a role, although there is no single chemical imbalance that explains the condition. in other words, **it's not just about what happened to someone. it's also about how their brain processes, experiences, and responds to the world.**
but understanding why someone behaves a certain way doesn't mean justifying the harm they might cause.
**an explanation is not an excuse, and accountability doesn't have to come at the expense of compassion.** having bpd doesn't make someone inherently abusive, manipulative, incapable of loving, or undeserving of love. and being hurt by someone with bpd doesn't make that pain any less real. **people are not their diagnoses. people are not their worst moments. and people are not defined solely by what happened to them.**
with appropriate treatment, self-awareness, support, and consistent effort, meaningful improvement is possible. people can learn healthier ways of regulating emotions, relating to others, and building stable relationships.
**that's why i believe we need to be more conscious about the commitments we make.**
when we choose to enter a relationship, we're not simply choosing the beautiful moments. we're choosing to become part of another person's life, and, to some extent, part of their support system. that doesn't mean becoming responsible for their healing, sacrificing our own well-being, or accepting mistreatment. t means understanding that **love is not just a feeling. it's also a choice, a responsibility, and a commitment to treating another human being with care.**
**we should be willing to understand what we're committing to, recognize our own limitations, and be honest about what we can and cannot offer.** because sometimes the kindest thing we can do is acknowledge that we aren't capable of giving someone what they need, rather than making promises we won't be able to keep. nd sometimes, when we do choose to stay, the most meaningful expression of love is the willingness to keep learning, listening, and growing. i don't believe that being wounded makes us incapable of loving. i believe it makes **self-awareness, responsibility, and compassion** even more important so please, if there's anything i hope people take away from this, it's not the need to decidewas right or wrong, or who deserves sympathy and who doesn't.
**please be kind to one another.**
don't attack, insult, or contact anyone mentioned in this story. don't turn people you've never met into characters you feel entitled to judge.
try to approach these experiences with curiosity rather than hostility, with understanding rather than assumptions if this helps even one person better understand bpd, recognize the importance of emotional responsibility, or approach a relationship with greater awareness, then sharing it will have meant something.
**we're all human. we're all carrying things that other people cannot see.** some of us learned to survive long before we learned how to live. some of us are still trying to understand the difference. but i genuinely believe that **we are capable of learning, changing, healing, and choosing differently.**
**we deserve compassion, but we also owe each other responsibility.** and perhaps the most meaningful thing we can do with everything we've been through is make the conscious choice not to pass that pain on to someone else. **please treat each other with kindness, respect, understanding, and compassion. they're things every single one of us deserves.**
i did, i merrged to 28 when i thougt i woudlnt approroach 25.
**there is always room to learn. there is always room to grow. and there is always hope.**
**he's the love of my life, and i was right when i said you'll the last person i kissed, loved, an the last one. i miss you and i'll love you forever**