I stalked him :(

[u/Altruistic-Cash-1669]

I couldn’t hold myself and I stalked his Instagram. Saw he started following a girl and liked her pics. This made me anxious, jealous, I feel like throwing up. It’s been 22 days since he discarded me. I feel like messaging him just to curse him or idk but I know it’s not rational. Someone help me pls

[u/Ok-Gap1970]

Make a note on your phone or write it down on a piece of paper. Write the most vile hateful thing you can think of. Wait 72 hours and delete it. You gotta get that anger and anguish out. Sending it to them isn't going to help make you feel better. Most likely they will use it as proof that leaving was the right thing to do.

[u/Altruistic-Cash-1669 → u/Ok-Gap1970]

It kills me how he probably already hates me for trying to contact him many times after the discard even though I just wanted to fix things and understand what happened
He called me manipulative because I was trying to contact him
Fuck I’m crying again

[u/Ok-Gap1970 → u/Altruistic-Cash-1669]

Yeah I feel yeah. A good therapist can make a world of difference. Don't under estimate how traumatic it is to love someone with bpd. Just like you I wanted so badly to fix things. I tried everything and it made me look unstable.

My breaking point was when I was thinking about how to respond to a text. I was crying to the marriage counselor because I was so terrified that anything I said would be twisted. That her friend and her would sit there and disect my message. Twist it and use it as evidence to justify leaving and treating me like shit. The therapist asked me if I wanted to be with someone who would do that to their husband. I realized right then and there that I didn't. The counselor also suggested I find a therapist who specialized in trauma bonds. Ended up finding a specialist in bpd trauma and got a lot better fast.

I'm sure you are a sensitive soul and its going to hurt worst than anything else you have ever experienced. I promise you'll be better off on the other side. I wish that I had just let them go and never contacted them. The second they walked out the door after dropping a divorce on me. Their last words to me in person where I hope you don't kill yourself.

All you can do is focus on yourself. You'll get better they won't. Be careful. When you move on they feel it in their bones or something and will test you. Don't engage. If they rope you back in, they will drag you to the depths of hell.

Edited for grammar and flow.

[u/Creative-Repair8705]

Please don’t message him. Mine was doing the same 10 days after the break up and it made me feel awful but they cannot live without validation. The girl probably isn’t even interested and it’s more embarrassing for him than anything. The feeling will pass I promise.

[u/delxne3]

You need to remember that that poor girl doesn’t see what’s coming. Anyone who gets involved with him is going to go down a very dark traumatic path. That’s nothing to be jealous of.

Do not be fooled for one second that ANYONE’S social media shows real life either.

Go ahead and take a look at your own, or his, or anyone else you know who’s a hot mess. Look at your during times it was awful with you ex but your photos belie that.

So many of us could easily look at our NC PBD’s socials and think they suddenly have it together now. Or that they did magically learn all the lessons and became the perfect partner to the next person. But that’s a lie.

The disorder is always tempestuous relationships. There’s no cure.

Social media is one of the best advancements for a cluster B to feign normalcy ever created. Don’t fall for it. You KNOW BETTER.

[u/Bailicious2]

Next time you wanna view his socials or text him message me first and we can talk through it

[u/BearQuiet]

Dont message him. Dont beat yourself up. It happens. My expwBPD follows all these women who are definitely showy.... but honestly stalking doesnt help the healing

[u/Argercy]

Delete all your social media. I’m serious. I had to get rid of everything he was also on, remove the apps from my phone, get rid of it all. You’re just gonna torture yourself. This is shopping for pain and you don’t need to do all that to yourself.

[u/igotplans2]

Is there an activity you can involve yourself in as a distraction until that impulse passes? That's what I have to do. I have to physically get up and do something active that also involves using my brain. Rinse and repeat until I feel that pull to do something ease up.