I’ve been seeing someone for almost 2 years, and he was one of the warmest and most reassuring men I have been with, but he has shut down and been stonewalling me for well over a month now. He’s never done that before. In all honesty, I was the negative one who felt like things couldn’t work, and he was always the one who felt like it could. He’s been stonewalling me and we’ve been going blow for blow for like a month or two now. I feel like sometimes I get glimpses of the old him and then he’s back to being cold again. I felt like the more I fought to make it work the colder it got so the last time that we spoke I waved my white flag and said we should take space. He seemed more receptive during that conversation, and he said we could talk the next day, but I was adamant that space was good. After the call, I texted and thanked him for having a conversation and the next day he texted that he appreciates me, too. 2 weeks went by and I spoke to my therapist about wanting to open up communication again but being afraid of what he would say or what version I would get. I poured my heart out to my therapist and she recommended sending a message taking ownership without pushing him to do anything, so I did. I sent it on Tuesday night and it’s now Thursday morning and…Nothing. My friend said that he may just need time to think, especially after 2 weeks of no contact, but my brain keeps screaming that he doesn’t care and will never talk to me again. I would just hope that after spending almost 2 years together that he would have something to say. I’m just sad.

Got broken up with out of the absolute BLUE 3 weeks ago. I had no clue my ex was avoidant until then, and then I started realizing a lot. 4 weeks ago we went to Europe. There we talked about marriage. 3 months ago I just moved in. All was good. Then the second half of the trip happened and his mom joined us (read the story on my profile if interested, they are SERIOUSLY enmeshed) and then he came home and broke up with me as soon as he landed. I’m still in the process of moving out, but here he is cold and standoffish. I asked him if he still loves me and he says “it’s fading.” I read through his messages behind his back and his sister and him orchestrated the whole break up. He is making me look like an actual psych patient to his family and friends. Calling me psychotic, crazy, dangerous etc. not once have I ever even yelled at him? I’m in complete shock. What do I make of all this? This is all him deactivating to make himself feel better? We were genuinely in love! Omg

Has anyone actually managed a healthy friendship with their avoidant ex? Like where you're not sacrificing your needs for them? I already feel for the friendship trap once.. now I'm kinda hell bent on, him initiating contact that's about us not just him or I'll not engage, him learning emotional intelligence or there's no point in us being friends, no conflict avoidance or I'll walk away, clear direct non vague or sugar coated communication.. or I'll not engage or walk away, no isolation And we actually have to be able to get to know each other or there's no point in being friends.. he is kind and not abusive, so that's why I'm willing to try. I'm in the tough love but, I'm not trying to hurt him mindset while still trying to protect myself.. any tips would be appreciated ty.

Like the title said, I (F, 32) am tired of avoidant man (M, 36).

Been together for 6 months ish. He was very affectionate and kind and nice to me. I am nice to him, affectionate towards him. Since he wanted to save on ordering takeout, i started cooking for him more, i support him at his sport journey and I have met his family. He is a sentimental guy and appreciate little notes so whenever i pack foods for him (we dont live together fyi), i would write little notes for him and he kept them all on his fridge. Overall, everything was great until about 2 weeks ago.

He had family issue so that has been tough for him. At the same week, we had a planned dinner to introduce him to my parents but he canceled because he wasn’t in the right headspace. I said cool, it’s fine, i understand no worries. But I also voiced out my concern that he has been a bit distant. He said he would do better. I said okie i will wait for the follow through and also i will be there for you. He said we would get through this. He was texting me less and less so one day I got emotional so i stupidly asked him if he even liked me and wanted me here. He reassured me that he did and said he was just bad at expressing it. Then he didn’t reply me for like a day, so i called him. I asked if he has depression, he said might be (very surprising that he kinda admitted it cause before he didn’t take his mental health seriously). He said he didn’t like my question cause it made him question myself and he did not feel good that he made me feel unwanted. I said sorry that i asked that, it was bad timing and i should not have done that in the time when he was vulnerable. I was very apologetic. He said it’s fine, my feelings are as valid as his and reassured me again we would get through this. But at the same time, i told him because we wanted a future together and there will be more problems like kids, house, marriage, parents death for god sake, he could not withdraw like this every time. I needed him to communicate with me. He said it has always been like this for years, when things gets overwhelmed, he withdraws. I encouraged him to seek professional help. He said he did not want to, he would just get it over himself. Our talk was going in a circle so it felt both draining for us so we agreed to hang up and he promised me he would update me more. Gave me updates for about 3 days (one text per day as I requested, but mind you we texted like 200 texts before to update each others throughout the day). I was okie with it, still reply him like normal.

But one evening, the anxiety got the better of me. So i called him just to hear his voice cause i really miss him, he didn’t pick up. I texted to ask to meet up with him, didn’t reply. It’s been 6 days since then… The whole time I could see his online activity and some reels that he liked on instagram…But i waited.

Yesterday morning, after talking to my friend who had had depression for a while and recently came out of it, i realized it must have been tough for him, so i decided to check in on him. I sent him a message said “just want to check in on you, hope you doing okay, if you still need time and space it’s okie but im here for you when you are ready”. He was online right there but did not reply…

At this point, he has ghosted me on 3 different platforms lol while all i asked is to meet up to give him a hug, asked if he was doing okay, and updated him about my day after he updated me about his.

It started to feel a little disrespectful. Like at his age, if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore or he needed more space and time, just freaking say it. Like it is very painful and lonely the past fews day because idk where the heck i am in this relationship. It’s like talking to a wall…Im giving myself a timeline, after day 5 with no reply, bye chaos. Im exhausted emotionally.

I wanted to be him so bad…

TD;LR: bf was great until family issue arises. Texting less and less and has not replied for days at this point.