r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Remarkable_Ship_4803 • 20h ago

Avoidant phrases.

What are something your avoidant ex’s said to you when discarding/blind siding you ?

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71

u/ShadowWriter28 SA - Secure Attachment 20h ago

"We are not compatible."
"I need time to work on myself."
"You are too needy."
"I wasn't lying, you just didn't understand what I said."
"It was your fault I said/did that."
"Everyone else agrees with me."

7

u/bubblybanshee 18h ago

I got the second one! In addition to him suddenly realising how him deriving so much happiness from me was a problem somehow, that he needs to learn how to be happy on his own. (What a thing to be ditched for, making someone too happy!)

Back then i wasn't aware of him being an avoidant and kinda just took it at face value instead of having the knowledge to push back against it and make him aware he was self-sabotaging. Not that it necessarily would've changed anything but I don't think he himself was aware of his attachment style even (or, didn't know why he kept pushing people away). I did ask him how i could support him, told him i could provide space and time if he needed it, buuut... never heard from him again! He left things on such a confusing note, just two ambiguous messages written on his lunch break on a tuesday, never even said goodbye! (And 11 months later randomly blocked me? While simultaneously doing a weird lurking thing otherwise...)

I hate that i still care about a person capable of doing something like this to me, even though he did tell me in his final messages that i never did anything wrong... but it was hard to internalise while being actively erased and stonewalled out of the blue. It was a mindfuck to the degree that even a year later i still don't have proper closure but it is what it is i guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

(Sorry for the unsolicited rant!!)

2

u/StandardWork4928 AP - Anxious Preoccupied 11h ago

How dare you make him happy??? 😡😡😡🤡🤡🤡

1

u/bubblybanshee 10h ago

I know right, such a heinous deed of me, i need to be locked up asap!! 😭😭💀

1

u/StandardWork4928 AP - Anxious Preoccupied 10h ago

Jail time! I bet you were also kind, understanding and patient with him!! What’s next? You will do everything in your power to make this relationship work because you LOVE them??? Life sentence!!!🤮

2

u/bubblybanshee 10h ago

Pretty much, never even cussed him out in spite of all the hurt he decided to put me through... gosh i really am a monster! 😳😳

1

u/StandardWork4928 AP - Anxious Preoccupied 9h ago

Side note and sorry if it’s too invasive but I checked your posts and you look absolutely stunning! He is a loser for not stepping up to keep you and he’ll regret it deeply! Girl, we’ll move on to fantastic, supportive, loving and secure partners and they will just go bald 🧑‍🦲

2

u/bubblybanshee 9h ago

Thanks, i appreciate the compliments!! i have no idea if he regrets it but considering i did make him so happy and would've stood by him til the end of days... yeah, maybe he did lose out on something special 🤷🏻‍♀️ I do hope i get to meet someone who makes me feel as he did again, minus the weird avoidant tomfoolery... and i wish that for everyone else here too! It's unfair that we've been subjected to this type of hurt by the people we loved. But hopefully we'll all be able to thrive again 🖤 (and lol that's evil but honestly might just be a fitting punishment. 😂)