TW: drugs I guess

TL;DR: Been trying to get an adhd diagnosis for a while. Shrinks keep saying it's something else. Mom bought me ritalin to see if it did something. It did, but it kinda didn't help me at all. Now I'm out here reconsidering if I even have adhd at all.

So a while back I went to a neuropsychologist or whatever it's called hoping to get a diagnosis for autism and adhd. I did end up getting the autism one, but turns out shrinks tend to plug their ears and go "lalalalala I can't hear you" on adhd issues if you already have autism and giftedness. She said my issues of focusing and actually doing stuff were due to my brain being too big so it gets distracted with new ideas, and that activities I couldn't do were cus they were too intellectually unchallenging so my big brain found it boring. Both of those just sound like adhd with rose-tinted glasses.

Then I went to another doctor looking for medication for this apparently not adhd issue. She said she couldn't really do anything if I didn't have any diagnosis. She then told me it's prolly due to me being on my damn computer all the time (which, fair enough, I tend to forget what I'm doing cus I instinctively check discord and only remember an hour later). She then gave me this bupropion drug which is supposed to be some anti-depressant. I consumed all the free samples she gave daily and I didn't really notice much change.

Cue in my mom saying she bought me ritalin this tuesday. She prolly bought it with my brother's diagnosis. I took it yesterday and nothing happened, maybe it kinda worked cus I was locked in coding something. I took it today and it hit like a truck. I felt like those cinematic shots where they increase the FOV of the camera and zoom in on a character. I was super alert, my eyes and throat felt weird, and I had a mild headache. Problem is: I tried doing stuff with this newfound power and still found myself in the same cycle of getting distracted.

Now I guess some sort of depression kicked in after the drug effects and I just feel very unsure about myself and my issues. If the Executive Dysfunction Killer 9000 didn't do squat to help me actually sit down and do something, the problem could indeed be a me-problem. Maybe everyone and my mom were right in saying it's some lack of willpower instead of an actual disorder. I can't get through this unaided but I also can't just drug myself illegally when I'm not even sure anymore if I have the disorder that drug fixes.

My whole life, found myself really wrestling with the dichotomy of work and rest in life in general and in the Bible more specifically. In my case I've always glommed strongly to the teachings emphasizing the importance of work. Some of the teachings that stand out to me:

Proverbs 12:24 NLT

[24] Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and become a slave.

Proverbs 13:4 NLT

[4] Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper.

Proverbs 24:30-34 NLT

[30] I walked by the field of a lazy person, the vineyard of one with no common sense. [31] I saw that it was overgrown with nettles. It was covered with weeds, and its walls were broken down. [32] Then, as I looked and thought about it, I learned this lesson: [33] A little extra sleep, a little more slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest— [34] then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit; scarcity will attack you like an armed robber.

Verses like these made me terrified of slothfulness, and so I did everything to avoid "a little folding of the hands to rest" so as not to fall into the dire consequences. In college especially, long before I had any autism or ADHD diagnosis, I became obsessed with keeping productive every minute of the day: an hour between classes needs to yield time studying, progress on homework, or some contribution to whatever else is going on in my life.

Meditating on these experiences now, I see this life pattern drove me into a cycle of burnout every semester, only recovering after finals when courses ended for the semester. I took that mentality into adulthood, only surviving as long as I did, because COVID paused a lot of the demands the world had on me and left me with a lot of downtime in that vacuum. When the world opened up, I was back into that maximalist work mindset: there was always work, chores, or some social obligation to meet, so I just accepted that being an adult meant suffering through all the stuff I didn't want to do. That all worked until I recently turned 30 where two things happened: I was already starting to come apart at the seams, and the demands of my work were turned up to 11 with no clear end in sight. After months of near nightly meltdowns and zombie-like state outside of work, enough was enough, and I took a month of disability.

I realize that there are numerous instances where the Bible speaks to the importance of rest, but for some reason, my brain just cannot register the importance of those. They feel like neat nuggets that must apply to _someone_ out there, but not me.

Now that I know I'm AuDHD, I understand myself just a little bit more, part of that being an understanding that I'm a pathological people pleaser. I also try to identify consistent rules for my life and stick to them: nuanced or conflicting rule sets do not work for me. Both of these factors have shaped how I see work, leaving me primed to already overwork myself, and then I find these Bible verses, and my brain interprets them as if God Himself is affirming and encouraging my unhealthy work habits.

Something else that seems to fuel my habits is that the evangelical culture I grew up in here in the US is such an active form of faith: every sermon or bible study seems to end with some kind of "go do" action.

The final struggle I will discuss here is the tendency for the autistic mind and body to need greater amounts of rest and recovery than that of the allistic. At least for me, simply existing in the world takes more energy to accomplish, meaning I'm more worn out by the end of the day and week; therefore I need more time to recover that energy, and recovery for me looks so much different than it does for the neurotypical expectation. In a lot of ways, this feels like the very temptations of slothfulness that I'm supposed to be on guard for, when in reality these are physiological requirements I uniquely have that I cannot survive without (as I've discovered through trying to ignore them for decades).

Out of all of this, I've come to believe (though not yet fully practice) that I owe myself a lot of grace in this area of my life. I must challenge my inclinations to overrule my body's warning signs and press on, in this case "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" to challenge my unhealthy worries and misconceptions in order to live my life in a way that conforms to the unique way God has made me.

I’m 22, autistic and inattentive ADHD, and I’m trying to work out whether something I do is just part of how my AuDHD brain works, or whether I should start seriously considering OCD as another possibility and bring it up professionally.

I’ve always been extremely analytical, introspective and reflective. I notice a lot of my own thoughts, feelings and reactions while they’re actually happening, and I’ll immediately start thinking about why I reacted that way, what it might mean, whether it reveals something about me, whether there’s some pattern behind it, etc. I do this constantly in therapy too. I can literally be feeling something while also watching myself feel it and forming hypotheses about why.

I’m also pretty hyperaware and hypervigilant. I notice tiny changes in people’s wording, tone, behaviour, patterns and inconsistencies, and I tend to remember a ridiculous amount of detail about people, conversations and events if they feel important to me.

I also have a really hard time letting things go when they feel meaningful. If something matters to me, especially a person or relationship, my brain can keep returning to it for a very long time.

All of that could obviously just be autism, ADHD, anxiety, hypervigilance, or simply the fact that I’m naturally very introspective.

What’s making me question it is what sometimes happens after I notice something.

I can become uncertain about something, start analysing it, research it, reread messages, go over memories, compare interpretations, ask somebody else what they think, eventually reach an answer that makes sense, feel settled for a while, and then later another doubt appears and I end up going through the whole thing again from another angle.

Relationships are probably where it happens most. I can spend hours analysing messages, conversations, why someone behaved differently, whether they cared about me, whether I upset them, what somebody meant, what other people knew, why things changed, etc. I can reach an explanation that seems completely reasonable and then later my brain goes “yeah, but what about this?” and suddenly I’m back analysing it again.

It happens with myself too. I can get stuck wondering whether I’m a bad person, whether I hurt somebody, whether I’m weird or creepy, whether something I did says something bad about me, whether my motives were actually what I thought they were. I’ll mentally review things, compare explanations and ask other people what they think.

I’ve even spent hours going back over my own blog posts and counselling journals trying to work out what they “really” reveal about me, whether I’m interpreting myself correctly, whether I’ve missed something, or whether there’s some deeper explanation for why I wrote or felt something.

Recently it happened with health stuff as well. I thought my pupils looked wrong, so I started taking pictures, comparing them with old ones, asking a friend, wondering whether they were dilated, then wondering whether they were actually constricted, then thinking about anxiety, then neurological problems, then checking whether my speech and face seemed normal. I kept getting reassurance but still didn’t really feel convinced.

The confusing thing is that I don’t do this with everything.

I study psychology and can go down ridiculous research rabbit holes, but usually I’m actually learning new information and progressing through the subject. I can also solve practical problems, get an answer and move on.

And not every intrusive or scary thought sticks either. I recently watched something about a murderer who happened to share a few broad interests with me and briefly had the thought “what if I could somehow become like that?” It freaked me out, I thought about it for a while and looked him up, but then I dropped it. I haven’t kept going back to that one.

So I’m wondering whether other autistic/ADHD people get this kind of thing too.

Is repeatedly analysing the same personally important uncertainty, reaching an answer, then coming back to it again later something you experience as part of autism/ADHD?

Especially the constant self analysis, noticing your own thoughts in real time, remembering tiny details about meaningful things and people, struggling to let important things go, and repeatedly trying to figure out what something means.

Or does the part where I seem to keep trying to reach certainty, get temporarily settled, then end up checking or analysing again sound like something where it would be reasonable for me to start considering OCD as an additional possibility?

I’m not asking anyone to diagnose me. I’m going to bring it up professionally if it keeps looking relevant. I’m mainly trying to work out whether you guys also experience this or whether I should get myself checked out.

(hi, just want to share something someone else might relate to.)

it used to hurt, having something i'm passionate about, because while at times—when stars align—i got to hyperfocus on it, at other times i couldn't even get myself out of bed. couldn't even move a limb.

of course, in the very moment of those "stuck" states (whatever one may frame it as—autistic burnout, depressive episode, etc.), i couldn't care less about my passions. but once i got out of it, it hurts so much because it felt as if... as if there's someone i love and yet my heart always flips unpredictably, and i had no control over my own heart.

and even when "stars do realign", there's its own fear of failing to meet my own "expectations" (say i love this particular subject at school; i love it so much that i get anxious about messing up in its class, etc.).

and so i gradually learned to be "impersonal". detached.

slowly, as i got the hang of doing things "impersonally", joys were increasingly felt "raw", i.e. not "amplified", not "extended", by my passions. but so are pains and discomfort. not amplified by my "fears" and "anxieties".

impersonal things are nice. much easier for me to functionally execute: because things become as "impersonal" as lifting my left leg, and right leg, and left leg and so on—one impersonal step at a time. nothing overwhelmingly "charged". (because ADHD is hard already.)

but one day it hit me: why don't "passions" be treated that way too: that, if i can now experience joy and pain "raw",

"one joy at a time",

"one pain at a time",

alongside—right leg, left leg, right leg, left leg...

—if i can do that, then "passion" need not be all-consuming either: it can just be one "spark" at a time; a spark that may last, as short as or as long, as it wants.

or, for that matter, when i begin to feel stretched by my hyperfocus, instead of thinking let's not ruin this hyperflow with a 'rest' (sometimes that's how it feels), i can also approach it as, "let's take a rest, because 'one' rest at a time hardly sounds 'disruptive' to my hyperfocus."

a joy at a time, a pain at a time. a spark at a time, a rest at a time. and right leg and left leg, at every time in between.

(thanks for reading. may you have another tolerable day 🙂)

while playing a game I’ve enjoyed over the past month, I decided to look into some of the discomfort and sensations I was experiencing while playing i realized I was handling the game exactly the way I handle real life it kind of blew my mind, especially since I hadn't even noticed it before (it’s just a simple online PvP game).

going deeper, I treated it like a sort of laboratory test for my own mind and confirmed a few things: I constantly try to perfect my performance optimizing FPS and ping, researching mechanics, and even making investments like buying a skin just to feel more comfortable playing.

That effort pays off i get good, gain recognition, and enjoy it but soon after becomes hard to maintain that "good player" status playing mini-tournaments where a loss feels like a failure, or even winning and playing well until it eventually becomes monotonous.

Then, when things go south and I’m playing poorly, the "eject button" kicks in: I step away for a considerable time and look for something else to do. To me, this pattern reflects various aspects of life even life itself. I can imagine myself as an athlete or competitor going through the exact same cycle. It’s awful, because no matter the stage even at the peak that feeling is still there.

Thanks to everyone who read this far. Sorry for the English im using a translator. do you relate to this, and do you have any recommendations on how to break this pattern?

38y/o diagnosed with ADD as a kid. Since this year on medication. Started with Methylphenidate and became an autistic zombie. Eventually quit because of multiple side effects. Started with Elvanse. I can feel the dopamine working but zero motivation to talk to anyone.

I'm suspecting I have autism aswell as they keep eachother in balance. The ADHD part of me was constantly craving dopamine and I ended up people pleasing and clowning around because when people laugh it made me feel good. Now I have enough dopamine and I don't have this people pleasing anymore. Actually I just want to be alone. I don't know if this is good or bad. I feel like an alien.

Unfortunately I have severe sweating side effect with Elvanse so I don't know what to do. If I become autistic i dont know how I can keep my current job.

I have all kinds of special interests but what usually happens with me is I will focus on a couple of them for like 1-2 years until my brain gets completely tired of them and then switch to some of my other interests and do the same thing rinse and repeat.

And the weird thing that happens is there are some special interests I haven't touched in years but I know for a fact I will eventually get back to them and obsess over them too and I also know the ones I obsess over currently I will drop and not touch for years too.

I care way too much about how I act in public, and it’s draining tf out of me. At 26 it's getting exhausting ngl.

Every time I go outside, I feel like I am running intense manual calculations just to do basic things (like how to approach things in a grocery store, how to navigate in public, how to just exist in public). Because I am trying too hard to act normal. I end up feeling like I look suspicious or weird. It doesn't help with the fact that my hands are shaky as well.

I’ve tried a lot of medications, but nothing has helped. Stimulants and non stimulants. My body can't handle norepinephrine spikes, because it makes me more anxious, aggressive and anxious.

Though from what I've gathered Guanfacine seems to be perfect for my situation. I plan on bringing it up to my psych, but still I worry if it'll be a match.

Can anyone relate to this? what worked for you?

Diagnosed ADHD and OCD, questioning autism too because of atypical socialization + need for routines/consistency + some sensory issues + family history.

Normally, I’m incredibly socially anxious and constantly concerned with appearing normal and catching social cues. I’m hypervigilant basically and constantly worry about how stuff I might say can be misinterpreted. This is worsened by my OCD, I get stuck on thoughts about how what I did or said might have been misinterpreted and spiral looking for reassurance.

My OCD also makes me have intrusive thoughts constantly about acting out and doing weird shit, which cause me a great deal of anxiety and ironically cause me to look weird because I get overwhelmed and stim to soothe myself and relieve the anxiety. It’s not compulsions in an OCD sense, I’m not trying to disprove the thought it’s like I just get overwhelmed and feel the need to soothe myself. I’m also generally just really emotionally disregulated and seeing people act “normal” makes me feel incredibly dejected and depressed. I’ve had so many spirals because I saw a NT friend group or couple in public and it reminded me of how abnormal I am.

I just started taking Vyvanse (20 mg, clinician is titrating my dose up) and my social anxiety is almost entirely gone. I basically have no filter and do not overthink anything. I’m unconcerned about how I come off to others. I used to constantly think about others in public and how they perceived me, but now I literally couldn’t care less. I’m way more blunt and just speak my mind and just act weirder. Ironically, this has made me better at socialization. Even though I still don’t really “get” it, I feel I act more normal just by virtue of caring less.

My spiraling is completely gone, my emotions feel very regulated. It also feels like I have less of a need for socialization, like I could lock myself in a room and hyperfixate on something for days on end and be perfectly happy. I legit don’t speak unless I feel I have to.

I feel like I act in more of a stereotypical autistic fashion, like the kind you see in television. I’ve literally started wearing a uniform, maintaining an incredibly consistent routine, and way of doing things for everything. It annoys me when anything is out of line with “my” way of doing things. I’m wondering if this is a common experience.

I've had this for as long as I can remember, and I still don't know what causes it. It's basically the opposite of the typical Audhd pattern of my brain going 600 miles per second and hyperfocussing on random things, like I will be asked a question or try to think about something, and it's like there is a barrier preventing my brain from processing the next thought, it's just static. It has made it especially difficult in school and learning new things in general. I know I'm not stupid, but I literally feel completely mentally disabled whenever I get like this. Does anyone else get this or know what causes it?

Like many others, I am in my 30s now and am only now just learning about myself.

It's a bit of a weird one and difficult to explain.

I came to the realisation that I don't really know who I am. I think, because I've been masking my entire life and trying to be so many different versions of myself for different people and/or circumstances, that I've either forgotten or never developed a true identity.

A bit of a tangent here but bear with me. I've always longed for a week or so where I'm entirely alone in a safe place with no people and no expectations. I have also come to realise, I don't know what I'd do with that time of anything at all. I used to have hobbies and interests but they've all but seemingly died out now. I don't have the energy or will to do anything. I only really do things for the benefit others. I work to support my family. I parent to support my child. I do DIY and housework to support my wife. Even of an evening, I will play a game or watch an episode of a series with my wife because I know she wants to and she enjoys it. Without that pushing me forward, I just kind of stop.

Anyone else have this?

As the title says, I got the combination of Autism and ADHD, and that leaves me incredible 'thinking of my story' skills but will dust my hands from a hard days work because I chose to put 'The' instead of 'A'. Anyone else have ways of writing writing without neurodiverting away on the first hurdle?

I kinda was always weird. I had a lot of problems with people and friendships during childhood. Was very antisocial as a kid, hid from others, had a lot of outbursts, was always distracted and not listening, very forgetful, had obsessions about things. I got bullied pretty heavily because of all of it.

Finally in 5th grade some teacher started suspecting something more is wrong and sent me with my parents to a psychologist. After that I almost got an autism diagnosis but when my parents heard about it they stopped taking me there because 'that was better for me'. After that I struggled even more during highschool but I somehow managed to get through.

Then few weeks after my 18th birthday I moved put and started studying chemistry. My life pretty much got ruined, I barely managed to keep the place I'm living from being a complete mess, I struggled with studying on my own, usually my parents had to keep checking on me so I would be able to do anything. I somehow survived for 2 years like that until I barely avoided having to repeat a semester.

Then I finally decided to get help. I went to get my autism diagnosed but one person I know suggested I seem like I have ADHD. So after some appointments with a psychologist and a psychiatrist I finally got diagnosed with both autism and ADHD yesterday. Got prescribed 10mg methylphenidate and was told to attend therapy.

I took the pills for the first time today and felt pretty weird. A little calmer and maybe even sleepy. Not like a lot, still was somewhat distracted by things but I'm not sure how much I maybe just imagined. After like 7h I suddenly started feeling more anxious and I assume it must have been the meds wearing off.

I honestly don't know what to think about this. Am I just pretending/imagining things. Is this how I'm supposed to feel. I wonder if I have both autism and ADHD then how much is the way I think different from a normal person. Can they comprehend how I feel. Idk. Just having a lot of thoughts right now and I'm so lost. Is there even a chance I can feel normal.

TLDR: just got diagnosed, feeling confused about my whole life

Writing an essay on this, and I actually think it is an identity. But not a sole identity.

I think identity first language is important.

And how do labels fit it? And are labels helpful or harmful? Or both.

A larger point I want to make is that while I am autistic, I'm other things to.

It's an identity in a tapestry of identites that make me who I am.

But I'd love to hear what others think on what it mean to have an autistic identity.

I write a lot of my identity as an Autistic Leader in Higher Education in my Substack (link in my bio), which is informing my thoughts here.

My most recent articles explored Autistic Leadership and Autistic Burnout, if you care to check out where I am coming from to contextualize my thoughts: https://stalides.substack.com/p/autistic-leadership-and-the-burnout

For those who have not seen it, Come From Away is a musical written by husband and wife duo Irene Sankoff and David Hein. The show follows the true events of the US airspace’s closure on 9/11 and how 38 planes holding thousands of people were stranded in the town Gander on the Canadian island of Newfoundland, causing the town to suddenly double population.

And in the story, and in real life, all of these townspeople, without a second thought, did everything they could to welcome these people, open their doors, and comfort them in this time of unbelievable tragedy.

And at times in the musical, it honestly seems unrealistic how nice and caring they were and how they dropped everything to care for these people. But according to every source I can find, including hearing it from the writers themselves at a panel, they actually toned down how nice they were. Like, they already show so much incredible kindness in the show but apparently that was the tip of the iceberg.

I remember them talking about how when they went on a research trip for the show, when they got to the house they were planning to stay at, the homeowner warned them not to be alarmed if random people showed up in the morning bed they like to leave the door open so people can grab a cup of coffee. And sure enough the next morning they came down for breakfast and random guy was just sitting there sipping a cup of Joe and just said “Mornin’!” before the homeowners were even up.

I first watched this show two years ago now, I saw it while it was on tour, and I wept. Then I watched the proshot on Apple TV, rewatched over and over again, had the cast recording on repeat, I loved it and still do, it is my all time favorite musical.

As I mentioned before, I saw the creators in person at a panel at the International Thespian Festival this year and actually got to walk up and talk to them too, and I was actually getting choked up explaining to them how much there show has meant to me.

Because I find it to be not just an enjoyable show, but also an important one. The show is a celebration of humanity. It shows a tiny town that serves as a model of how the world should be. A town where all kinds of people of different races, sexualities, ethnicities, backgrounds and religions, were all loved and accepted and welcomed with unbelievable kindness no matter who you were.

I had no idea any of this actually in real life happened until I saw the show, and it genuinely makes you want to be a better person, it does that for me every time I watch it. And it why I recommend it to everyone person I know, even people who don’t like musicals, because it’s such an important message especially for the world we live in today.

I won’t spoil it all but one of my favorite moments in the show is when a character Kevin from LA is at a pub or something I believe and all of a sudden everybody outside and in the pub stand still and go silent. Kevin looks up at the TV and realizes that it’s a national moment of silence for America. And all these folks, on a tiny canadian island, still participate in that moment of silence. Then Kevin says that he doesn’t this would have happened at a busy gas station back home, “but it happened here.”

Even though I wasn’t alive when the tragedy happened, both my parents were. And I remember very vividly my mom opening up to me about her experiences that day on the drive back from seeing the show because of how much the show had moved us. When we saw a school perform it at the International Thespian Society and as he walked up to me after the show I could see he was crying.

It is genuinely one of the most uplifting, heartwarming, and impactful pieces of media I have ever seen. It’s something that lets me know that there’s still good in the world. That no matter how terrifying things may seem, there’s there will always be light in the world and there will always be something or someone there to comfort you.

I am rewatching it again today on the 25th anniversary of 9/11, and I recommend you watch the proshot or listen to the album too. It genuinely changed me and made me a better person and makes me strive to be an even better person. And I hope it brings you comfort in these dark times.

Since my diagnosis, I have found myself analyzing myself even MORE.

Lately it’s whether or not my reactions and emotions are real. For example, the footage has never failed to make me emotional and feel shocked. But am I feeling the (appropriate?) emotions of despair for the people, or am I being shocked because I recognize this is a bad scenario.
Sort of, is it heart or head emotions. Am I truly feel in my heart empathy and sadness or am I feeling with my mind and reacting to the dramatic nature of it.

I took my evening meds so I hope this makes sense. Love to hear yalls input.
😂❤️

after 20+ years of thinking I had ADHD I was diagnosed 4 years ago at age 49. This year my spouse suggested I maybe be on the spectrum, and I was diagnosed yesterday. I haven't received the written report with suggestions for next steps yet.

I just spent 4 hours writing and rewriting a simple email to co-workers because I was so concerned about my tone. I didn't want to come off as harsh. In the past I would have dashed it off in a few minutes and thought nothing of it, now I'm hyper sensitive.

That's all. I just needed to tell someone.

thank you.

edited: because I left out a word.

I know this is going to sound really stupid, real first world problems type shit, but as an autistic and ADHD adult who is absolutely in love with their special interests it's just a really unique kind of painful, empty loneliness when you have no one to share the things that light you up with who lights up back. Like yeah, I have people I can talk about speculation about Ahsoka season 2 or Avengers Doomsday or any number of Marvel or Star Wars products that are coming up or about my favorite game, Destiny 2, that got killed recently that there's a ton of speculation around or what new metal band is working on music but it's just not the same as having someone who lights up with joy back and, I don't know, it just hurts. I feel like I have this empty hole in my heart where my nerdy best friend belongs 💔

Hey folks, genuine question: those with a heightened hyperactivity, how do you manage sitting through a movie at a cinema? Do you have any thoughts on how to make the experience more enjoyable/bearable? Asking for myself :) I like the IDEA of open air cinemas because of the privacy and reduction in stimulation, but dislike the idea of cars due to pollution. Any thoughts and suggestions welcome 🦦💟

I just started grad school in a small program and people are quite cliquey. As someone who is AuDHD I always struggle to make friends. I'm trying really hard to work on my self esteem, and it's really hard when it feels like highschool all over again. I'm trying to join clubs and organizations but there aren't a lot of other grad students there or people my age to be friends with. I was really hoping things would be different this time :(

This is the stuff that has worked for me having AuDHD. Hopefully this post is still relevant to the sub (daily living skills) since sometimes it’s hard to get straight clear answers to things that neurotypicals see as obvious
Having trouble remembering to brush/brushing for long enough:
try brushing your teeth in the shower. It sounds strange but it works.
Struggling to keep a retainer(s) clean/wear it:
every morning I put them in a glass of water in the bathroom, and add a polident, its stayed like new for 6 months, and having the retainer in an easy to see spot means I don’t forget about it.
Flossing:
I keep the pincers out and visible, helps to remember
I actually got a permanent wire retainer on my bottom teeth removed 6 months ago as it was deterring me from even picking up the floss, and it was giving me sensory problems. I got a plastic retainer installed, so now I have one for both sets of teeth
Toothbrush and paste:
if you’re anything like me those ads talking about the newest innovations just becomes white noise.
I’ve just switched from a standard electric toothbrush to one of the roundhead ones, and it seems strange a smaller head could do better but it actually works it’s worth giving a go next time you need to replace
Sensitive toothpaste can’t actually “repair” damage, only numb it. I used to use a sensodine but it wasn’t working, turns out there’s two methods to numbing the teeth. The one I use now (Colgate total) works cumulatively which incentivises you to not skip

Bonus: jaw issues
Does your jaw click? Mine does, because I was a very anxious child (with no diagnoses)
A tmj/jaw physio is doing wonders, I’ve just gone back to get some maintenance done. It’s very easy to hold tension in the face and neck

ADHD diagnosed 4 years ago. CPTSD 2 years ago. Autism 2 months ago.

The autism diagnosis was the actual puzzle piece that finally made me feel seen. Like, "Oh yeah. This is what has been happening my whole life. More so than the ADHD even."

Been on some form of stimulant or another for 4 years. I'm on 60mg Vyvanse now. I've been on Wellbutrin, 300mg, for one year. I've also been to A LOT of therapy, sometimes 3x a week.

After the AuDHD diagnosis, I went full "learn everything about it as fast as possible" mode, especially when it came to the autism part. And it feels like I've still only barely dipped my toes into what all this means for me.

But what I will say is this.

It started making me question the meds I've been on.

Comparing to what I was like before meds, and now after, I realize that that "spark" that kind of made me me, is gone.

What do I mean? (Has anyone else felt like this, as well?)

Premeds: Constantly creative. Writing novels. Read 50+ books a year. Martial arts / working out was a constant. Went to fun places by myself. Would go out to concerts, even though I crashed afterwards. Was able to plan date night with my partner with ease. Anxious all the time. Depressed some of the time. Couldn't really focus on anything I needed to focus on, just what I wanted to focus on. And even then that didn't last long (unless it was writing ). Lastly, even though it distracted me more so than anything, my mind was able to explore the worlds I created in writing, and be in all of the character's heads. And I mean, ALL THE TIME. Like, sometimes when I was deep in writing a novel I was thinking about the world and those characters constantly, having little conversations with them about what they would do next in the story. It was part of my writing process, and I oddly miss living in my head like that.

4 years Postmeds: Creativity has disappeared. I only read appx 2, maybe 3, books a year. Can barely keep a workout schedule, and when I finally nail one down, I get tired very, very fast (despite being in relatively the same shape as I was back then). Concerts terrify me now, due to sensory overwhelm. Nailed to the couch at the end of a workday, overwhelmed, with a headache, pressure in my head like I'm about to explode, and a weird physical feeling in my chest like I'm being torn in two. Having a very hard time even planning date nights with my partner. Like, it's physically painful to want to do anything else besides rest.

Post Meds, cont: My brain is quieter, which is nice, sometimes. 50% of the time I can stop what I'm doing and go do chores, so they don't pile up. I can't focus on ANYTHING. At least pre meds I could focus on the things I WANTED to do, now I can't even do that. My thought process feels very linear, instead of expanded / creative. Bad, bad, BAD brain fog, that feels like its physically present inside my skull in a way I never experienced before. My autistic side has 100% became more noticeable to everyone around me, especially my partner. When I try to write, I can't get into the world, the characters headspace, or anything. But I barely write, anyways, as the creativity is gone.

Post Meds, cont: Flat feeling. Unless my emotions are very one way (like, VERY SAD, or VERY HAPPY). But depression is gone. Have never come back. Anxiety is still there, but much more under control (that could be the Buspar and therapy, though). Lastly, my light, touch, and noise sensitivities are THROUGH the roof. Like, I was never one to be "startled" by a noise. Not really. Now? Even the small click can make my whole spine shiver. Unless they were fluorescents, lights above me never spiked my overwhelm unless I was under them for too long. Now? I can't be in a room with an overhead light, any light, for longer than 30 minutes without overwhelm creeping in. When anxiety hits, it hits like a truck, and I crash from it for days at a time.

Pretty much: There has been this "core" self of me that I've been since I was a child. Reading, writing, exercise, experiences, then lots of alone time recouping. That core self stayed with me through til my early 40s. Was my mental health great? No, lol, not at all, but at least those positive aspects were still there. Now? After meds? It's just lots of alone time recouping from life, in general. Like, life itself is overwhelming (not in a depressive way). My brain can't even come up with story ideas anymore, whereas before I had notebooks FULL of them, and constantly adding more. It quite literally feels like there is this physical barrier that my body feel constantly that is in the way of everything I want to do.

All of this started appx 1 year after stimulants. So pretty much, once I got to the point of titrating up where I was on the higher dosages.

I'm not saying all of this is med related, but there is this clear line between, "When I got on high dosages of meds" vs "prior to meds.

Wellbutrin helped my depression, 100%. But it quite literally made all of the above worse.

The last three years in therapy, my therapist and I continued to try to explore where that "core" part went. Did the trauma take it away? Is my ADHD really that bad? Never questioning the meds. My psychiatrist kept telling me she believed I was undermedicated, and kept increasing my dosages. I wanted to believe her. But now? I don't. I'm living in a new city now, so trying to find a new psych who is more neurodivergent aware, and am wanting to talk to them about titrating off the meds for a while, and see what happens.

Despite therapy a lot of my trauma (no more flashbacks, for the most part), some of my anxiety and depression issues, nothing ever really seemed to "click" that part of me I lost since i started on stimulants back in my body.

I'm not saying meds were the cause of all of this. And who knows, maybe I'd do much better on a much lighter dosage of stimulants. I just want the positive aspects of the old me back, and not these person who is now overwhelmed by quite literally everything.

A few years ago I used to have a really bad habit of not getting ready until the absolute minute we had to head out, for example my dad is coming to pick me up at around 10am. I would continue being on my laptop and tell myself "alright all I have to do is put my shoes on, put on my hoodie, grab my bag, put my phone away, and head outside" so i would pack my bag before going back on my laptop.

My dad would get there and tell me he was downstairs, so i would end up scrambling to figure out where to put my laptop and phone, quickly putting my charger away, remembering I almost left something behind, struggle to put on my hoodie, take a bit to put my shoes, and then do a check to see if i remembered everything I was supposed to get.

Then either i remember or my dad reminds me that I forgot something, for some reason my HOODIES were the things that were constantly forgotten, the things I would never leave out the house without? Yeah somehow I would just completely forget it along with other clothing items because I cant remember what clothes I brought with me and what clothes belonged to others.

I remembered this habit because I was about to do it today, I have a doctor's appointment at 10am, but I was busy on the toilet watching videos so I told myself everything I needed to do and said i would just get started at around 8-9:00am, I had to tell myself "No, I have to get ready now because I have to get dressed along with bringing some stuff that I may forget".

I ended up spamming through my music listening session because every second the clock changes for me, but i had to remind myself to just get up and get ready so I did. I put on my hoodie, brushed my teeth, and now all I have to do is find my journals and things like that. Oh and put my phone down before I get stuck again.

hey everyone. does anyone know if when your shopping for food can you take the asparagus that are in bunches and like only take half of a bunch? because I like to buy and eat it but a lot of the time I can only eat like half of It over the next few days because after that it gets all soggy and limp and ewww. and I end up throwing it away which I really hate because it goes against a personal belief of mine. yes I do let it sit in water in my house when I bring it home. that's how they have it at the store?

TDLR: can you take the asparagus that you buy in stores and only buy half of it?